You Are My Sunshine

by Angie Merriam

  “Well, I left that night and went back to Dana's hell bent on kicking Nick's ass. I mean what the hell was he thinking anyway, he had Shannon at home? Why the fuck was he touching my wife?” I could hear the anger in his voice at having to talk about another man touching me. I never gave it much thought. Men came in, got drunk, and some of them would try to cop a feel. I always thought it was harmless and brushed it off but listening to Matt it clearly means something more to a man.

  “Anyway, he wasn't there when I got there but Keely was. It was like she was waiting for me. She invited me to join her at her table and I did. After about five whiskey shots I agreed to walk her home. I was drunk and angry, which I know is not an excuse but it's true. She invited me in and again I agreed. It wasn't long before she was kissing me and I pushed her away at first. I wasn't even attracted to her. But she kept saying things like our marriage was loveless, over, that she would treat me the way a man should be treated. That she'd never allow another man to touch her if she was my girl. By the time I kissed her back I was convinced that I didn't love you anymore and you didn't love me. We hadn't made love in what, at least a month? My body reacted to her. My heart was breaking and my mind conflicted but my body wanted it. It wasn't love making by any means. It was rough and fast and when we were done I felt sick. I got dressed and drove around until morning when I came home.” I stopped him. Hearing that was like having a knife driven into my chest then having it twisted until the pain overtook me, and I was numb.

  “I need another drink,” I said and got up to make my own. I needed a stiff one. “Okay, go on.”

  “Well, there is not a lot more to tell. I came home that morning and showered. I scrubbed my skin red trying to wash off any trace of her and I left for work. I was disgusted with myself and promised that I would tell you when I got home that night. Then I came home and you looked so beautiful, Sunny. You had this wonderful night planned for us and I destroyed it. But after we made love I thought you had forgiven me. When you kicked me out the next day I was shocked and hurt but I understood. I made a promise to myself that day, I would make you trust me again. If I couldn't be your husband I would at least be your friend.”

  “What about Shannon?” I asked. “You seemed to go straight from me to her.”

  “I was still pissed off at Nick for touching you and thought Shannon had the right to know that her husband is a douche. When I went to her house to tell her she was upset and told me they had split up weeks earlier because he cheated. I told her about you and me, and we just kind of fell into a rebound relationship. I never had sex with her though,” he said honestly.

  “What? You dated her for like six months,” I replied, shocked but secretly pleased.

  “I couldn't. I was and still am in love with you. I told her that and she understood. She still loved Nick. When the two of you started dating it was hard for both of us to see but it was obvious you were trying to make me jealous and Nick, well, he's just an asshole. It wasn't long before Nick came crawling back to Shannon and she loved him more than she loved herself so she forgave him. That's it, babe. It’s the whole story. I love you and only you.” He turned to me and wiped my tears away with his thumb.

  His touch made my skin tingle. It always had. His eyes met mine and matched my tears. I reached up to wipe his cheeks and felt a jolt when I touched his skin. It had been so long since I touched him like this. It had been even longer since I'd had sex. “I never slept with Nick either,” I blurted out, and he smiled that smile that always made me hot for him. “So, are you saying the last time either of us has had sex is the night we conceived Danica?” He asked and kissed me softly.

  “Yeah, that's what I'm saying,” I replied and kissed him back.

  “Can you forgive me now?”

  “I don't know yet but I want to. We have to take things slow, Matt. I can't live through that pain again.” His mouth met mine again and lingered there a little longer this time.

  “I will never hurt you again. You are my Sunshine. No one can take my Sunshine away.”

  “Oh, Matt, I don't know.” He stopped my sentence by covering my mouth with his and wrapping his hand through my long hair, pulling my head close to his. His free arm wrapped around my back and scooped me up and then down so I was on my back below him. He never broke the kiss. My hands instinctively roamed his body until they were pulling his shirt over his head.

  “I want you so badly right now. I've waited so long for you to come back to me. Please tell me this is real. I don't know if I could stop if we go much further,” he breathed.

  “It's real, Matt. I want you too.” And it was real.

  His hands were all over me, touching me as though I would disappear. One hand ran the length of my torso over and over, stopping to cup my breast before exploring again. His other hand rubbed and squeezed my legs and inner thigh before finding its way up my skirt. He groaned into my mouth when he felt the heat of my own desire, and I gasped when he ripped my panties off.

  “I need you, Sunny. I need to feel you around me. I don't know if I can go slow.”

  “Oh God, Matt. I have missed you so much. I can't take slow right now. Please, I just need you, inside of me. Right now.”

  He kissed the tip of my nose before he lifted himself off of me enough to free himself of his pants. He slowly lowered himself back down on top of me, and my legs wrapped around his waist. I felt him between my legs, naked and waiting. I trembled with anticipation.

  “You're shaking, baby. Do you want me to stop?”

  “No, God no, don't stop.” I pulled him down to my mouth and held him there. Our mouths melted into one another but slowed when he entered me. Our lovemaking was fast, frenzied. We were hungry for each other. Starved. Deprived. We couldn't feel each other enough. I felt him deep inside of me and with every thrust, I felt my soul reconnect. Our hands were everywhere, yet nowhere. Our breathing was labored. Our bodies were sweaty. Most of our clothes were still a barrier between us. I squeezed him with my legs, fearing he would change his mind if I let go. His hands wrapped through my hair, holding me to him. I felt his body shake and felt him pulse inside of me. His bright eyes met mine, and I swear they bore into my soul. They were lazy from lust. They were full of need that mirrored my own. We found our release at the same time, and when he collapsed onto me, we both cried.

  “Come to bed with me, Sunny. Let me make love to you the right way. I couldn't control myself this time but I will next time. Let me love you like you deserve to be loved,” he whispered in my ear.

  “There is no wrong way to love me, Matt.”

  “Yes, there is, not loving you at all is the wrong way. I've been wrong long enough. It's time I show you how you should be loved.”

  After that he carried me to his bed. We made love three more times that night before I fell into a fitful sleep in his arms. I'd been having nightmares a lot recently and that night was no exception. It was a different feeling waking up with Matt's arms around me though.

  “Are you okay? Bad dream?” He asked sleepily.

  “Yeah, I've been having them a lot lately,” I replied while I tried to slow my breathing.

  “Come here, babe,” he said as he pulled me close to him. “I'm here. You have nothing to be afraid of. I'll always be here, Sunshine.” I snuggled in close to him and hoped he was right before I fell back to sleep.

  Chapter Six

  I woke to the sun rays penetrating the cloth that covered the window. I lazily yawned and stretched before I remembered where I was. “Oh shit,” I sputtered as I hurried to get out of Matt's bed. As I scrambled around for my clothes, I heard him yawn loudly. “Where you running off to?” He asked sleepily.

  “I have to get out of here before the kids wake up. They can't find me here.” I was pulling up my skirt and fumbling with the button. “Dammit,” I muttered when I caught my finger in the zipper.

  “What's wrong with the kids finding their parents in bed together? Isn't that how it's supposed to be?”

 
; “No, not yet. It's too soon. This is too soon, Matt.” He hauled himself out of bed and stood stark naked in front of me. I could smell a mixture of our sex and manliness on him. His well maintained body was causing my brain to short circuit. His smooth muscles made me think about the nasty things I wanted to do to him. He was playing dirty.

  “Babe, it's okay. You don't have to run,” he whispered in my ear. Boy was he wrong. I did have to run and fast. What the fuck did I do? I promised myself I would never put myself in a position to be hurt again and yet there I was front and center in heartbreak town. His close proximity wasn't helping me think clearly. I wanted to push him back on the bed and stay there forever, but I couldn't. I had to think practically.

  “Look, Matt. I'm not sure what's going on here but I know that I have to take this slow. We are not just jumping back into family mode.”

  “So, what do we do?” He asked sincerely.

  “I don't know, Matt. Maybe date, and not this,” I said and pointed to the bed. “Not for awhile.” He refused to move knowing he was taking my breath away. He wasn't cocky by nature, but he took care of himself, and he knew he was a good looking man. He knew I found him incredibly sexy. That wasn't a secret. Most women found him sexy, and though he didn't carry himself like a man who knew it, he did. He fucking knew he was sexy and was using it against me. So out of character for him. He was sinking to a new low, and I liked it.

  “Dating, huh? This might be fun.” He kissed my cheek, and I felt his naked flesh through my thin clothes causing goosebumps to erupt and my body to shiver. He smiled slyly at me, having felt my body's response to him.

  “Yeah, yeah. I have to go now,” and no sooner did the words leave my mouth did Danica start crying.

  “Shit!” I grabbed my things and headed to the window. I heard Matt's laugh behind me.

  “What are you doing?” He asked between giggles.

  “I can't let the kids see me come out of your room, so I'm leaving through the window. Do you have a better idea?” I asked annoyed. He continued laughing but came over to lift the window open for me. I was just on the other side when he grabbed my arm. I turned to face him.

  “I kind of like seeing you climb out of my window. Reminds me of when we were young, only it was me climbing out of your window. Yeah, this could be fun! I love you, Sunny, and we will take this as slow as possible if that's what you need.”

  “Thanks, Matt.” I looked up and finally gave him a smile and kiss on the cheek.

  “See you in a minute,” I said before disappearing around the side of the house.

  Thankfully, none of Matt's neighbors were up and out yet so there was no one to witness my teenage behavior. We would be the talk of the town for sure. I'm sure someone saw my car parked in his driveway all night, but that could be explained. I slept on the couch. It was late when I got home to get the kids. That was reasonable. Everyone knew Matt and I were friends so it wouldn't be hard to believe we platonically spent the night together.

  I finger combed my hair and straightened my clothes before I walked through Matt's door. “Mommy!” Screamed Elijah. He ran to my arms, and I decided there was no better feeling in the world than having your child run to you in excitement, like you're the best person in the world. “Hi punkin. Did you have fun with Daddy?” I kissed his little head before scooping him up on to my hip. “Yeah, we played Candy Land five times and I won every time!” He exclaimed happily.

  “Well, Daddy was never very good at Candy Land. Where’s your daddy and Danica?” I asked as I walked further into the house. Luckily, he didn't notice my purse and coat hanging by the door. Shit, details, I thought to myself. It was easy enough to hide from the kids, but we'd have to be more careful around adults. I wasn't ready to share our new arrangement yet, whatever it was.

  “Daddy's changing Dani's diaper. Gross!” He said and wrinkled his little nose. I laughed and found my way to Danica's bedroom. “Morning,” I said cheerfully and had to laugh when I saw Matt's face. He was a fantastic dad but poopy diapers were never his thing. However, he changed them like a trooper with minimal complaint. I waited by the door, not giving him the chance to pass the dirty chore onto me.

  “Oh, I see how it is. You're leaving me alone with the stinky little thing?”

  “You're not alone, Elijah and I are right here. We just are not coming in there!” I said and wrinkled my nose, mimicking both my boys, big and small.

  “Whatever. We are just about done anyway, aren't we, baby girl. We need to get you a potty chair, huh? Yes, Princess Dani needs to use a potty chair,” Matt said to our sweet, stinky girl who just giggled and squirmed. I set Elijah down. “You're getting heavy, little guy.” He smiled up at me before flexing his arms. “I'm getting big like Daddy,” he said proudly. “Yes, you are,” I agreed.

  When Danica was changed and clean Matt handed her to me, and my heart melted when she wrapped her little arms around my neck, resting her head on my shoulder. “I missed you too, princess.”

  “Would you like some coffee?” Matt offered as he sanitized his hands, and I was immediately grateful that he didn't do anything to give away our previous night's indiscretion.

  “Sure.”

  “Who wants pancakes?” He asked to a chorus of “Me, me, me,” from Elijah and a smile from our little Dani.

  We sat and chatted casually while the kids ate their breakfast, and I sipped my coffee. The tension was thick, and I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, but I didn't. I wouldn't see him for a few days. I was off work the next two days, so he wouldn't need to keep the kids. I kept them on my days off, and he kept them on his. It worked well for us. The kids were done eating, and I knew he had to get to work, but I kept stalling. Just a few more minutes.

  “Hey, would you mind if I stop by tonight after work. Maybe a family game night? I didn't lose my ass enough in Candy Land last night,” Matt directed the question to me, and Elijah, of course, was giddy with excitement. “Sure, that would be fun,” I said and stood up, getting ready to leave.

  “Thanks for the coffee. I'll see you tonight then?”

  “Wouldn't miss it,” he responded.

  “What time? Maybe I can make some dinner.”

  “Six-ish and I'd love dinner,” he said smiling making my heart race.

  “See you tonight then.”

  “See ya,” he replied and hugged both the kids as we walked out the door. Once both kids were safely buckled in I looked back and saw him standing there, a big, goofy smile spread across his face. I waved and got in the car. I hope I'm doing the right thing because he could really hurt me this time, I thought to myself. I cranked up the radio and left him standing in the doorway.

  Chapter Seven

  I stopped by Trish's on the way home. I was in the mood for some coffee and girl talk. “Want to go see Aunt Trish?” I asked the kids who squealed and giggled before Elijah yelled, “Yay, Auntie Trish!” She’s spoiled the kids rotten since the day they were born. She swore she'd never have her own kids. Therefore, she'd stake a claim in mine by spoiling them rotten. I didn't mind it really I just hoped she'd change her mind one day and give me kids to spoil rotten and send home.

  We pulled up in front of her little, pink cottage house. Trish loved pink. It was a pretty shade though, not the pepto shade that made you want to vomit. The house was surrounded by beautiful flowers of various colors and a white picket fence. It reminded me of a storybook house, and Trish was the Queen. I knocked on the white door and waited. Her face broke into a smile when she saw us.

  “Well, if it isn't my favorite royal family. Hello, Prince Elijah and Princess Danica. Hi, baby girl,” she said to me as she took Dani in one arm and Elijah's hand with the other.

  “Hey, Trish. Hope it's cool we stopped by. Thought we both could both use some girl talk and coffee.”

  “Yay, girl talk and coffee for us and cookies for you,” she squealed and pointed at the kids. Laughing, I followed her into her little kitchen where she made Elijah some chocolate milk
and handed him a cookie. He sat in the kids' corner she'd made for them and started thumbing through a book. She held onto a drooling Danica while she gummed the soft cookie.

  “You're out and about early today,” she said, sipping her coffee with her free hand.

  “Just picked up the kids from their dads and didn't want to go home yet,” I offered.

  “Well, I'm glad you stopped by.”

  “Me too. Now, tell me….what's up with the mystery guy you mentioned last night?” I asked, giggling but really hoping she had a story for me. I lived vicariously through her dating life.

  “I don't know yet. I wanted to make sure what I'm feeling isn't a dream before I talk about him. I don't want to jinx it or anything.”