You Are My Sunshine

by Angie Merriam

  “We were young, Matt. We still are young but we've grown and we've learned from our mistakes. It took me a long time to get past the hurt and the betrayal. It took me until this moment to understand. We were both focused on our work, Elijah, friends, and any other fucking distraction that caught our eye. We lost each other and no matter how much love we shared we were lost. We didn't know what the fuck we were doing. We were fumbling through life and sometimes love just isn't enough. It wasn't enough for us. I know that now. You aren't entirely to blame for your affair.”

  “Don't do that, Sunny. You did nothing wrong. It was my dick that couldn't stay in my pants.”

  “Shhh, listen. I'm not trying to carry any of your guilt. That’s all you, baby, and you've deserved that burden but it's time to let it go. There were things I could have done differently. I let myself go after Elijah, I know that. I was unavailable in bed unless we had been drinking and that was because I was ashamed of myself. I should have trusted your love in me but I didn't. I'm not taking away from the fact that you fucked up. You did but so did I. The point is, Matt, without all of that fucked up shit we wouldn't be where we are right now. If I stayed with you back then I would have never been able to trust you. I would have never trusted myself. I think we can start over now. I think we are grown and healed and maybe now love will be enough. Well, love and lessons learned. I love you, Matt, with my whole heart. This is us, scary and fucking magical and I wouldn't change us for anything in the world.” I offered him a weak smile, but his tears were free flowing as were mine. He smiled at me through the tears, and the look broke my heart into a million pieces then put it back together. It wasn't perfect or chip free, but it was whole again.

  “I only have one complaint,” I said through the tears.

  “What's that, babe? Tell me and I will fix it,” he said, his hand never leaving my heart, his eyes never straying from mine.

  “Your body,” I said seriously.

  “What's wrong with my body?” He asked concerned.

  “It's too fucking perfect. I mean look at you all six pack abs and rippling muscles. What the fuck, Matt? You're hot, you know that? How am I supposed to keep up with your Greek like body?” I asked only half-jokingly. He laughed as he wiped the tears from his face.

  “Greek like, huh? Well, babe, this ripped body is all yours to do with as you please,” he said, laughing just before he grabbed my face and pushed me back onto the bed.

  “I can do anything I please, huh?” I asked teasingly, laughing.

  “Anything, you just have to promise me one thing,” he said, his breathing sped up.

  “What's that?” I said, my own breathing threatening to lose control.

  “Don't ever think you're not good enough for me. That your body isn't beautiful to me. I love your body, every part of your body. Your body fits perfectly into mine, like puzzle pieces. Together we are perfect, don't ever forget that.”

  “I promise,” I said before catching him off guard and flipping him off of me, so I was on top. I mounted him before I bent down to kiss his neck.

  “My turn,” I said and felt my body quiver when his icy blue eyes gazed into mine, and his entire face smiled.

  “Jesus Christ, Sunny, you're going to be the death of me.”

  “I hope so,” I said and began my sexual assault on his body. Once we finally joined again, I rode him into oblivion before falling off of him, exhausted and sated.

  “I love you, Matt.”

  “I love you too, Sunshine. Night, babe.”

  “Night.”

  Chapter Twelve

  I woke to the smell of coffee and bacon. Yep, Matt was up. I lazily showered and dressed before following the scent of heaven. There he was, freshly showered and dressed in his uniform pants, wearing my pink frilly apron, cooking. His pants hung slightly from his hips, cupping his ass and his t-shirt hugged every one of his smooth muscles. He really was a beauty.

  “Hey, baby, nice apron,” I teased and felt my heart melt when he turned to me and smiled. I felt a stirring deep in my belly and silently reprimanded myself. I felt like a heroin addict. I craved his touch so badly. It was crazy. He was my best friend for the last few years, and I was able to control myself but something inside me was different. I saw him differently now. I'd given my heart back to him. He better not break it.

  “Good morning, Sunshine,” he said, his mouth smiling but his eyes looked troubled.

  “What's wrong, Matt?” I asked.

  “Get some coffee and let me finish breakfast okay?” He asked, and I could hear the strain in his voice.

  “Umm, okay.”

  “Hey, baby.”

  “Yeah,” I said as I turned to grab a mug. “I think this apron says 'kiss the cook', and it appears I am the cook right now.” He was pointing the words across the apron and the kissy lips. I smiled up at him before wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him slow and deep. “I could get used to this,” he said when we broke away. “I'll cook every fucking meal wearing this girly apron if you kiss me like that every time.”

  “We'll see,” I teased and turned from him to grab my mug. He gave my ass a hard slap and giggled when I gasped before turning his attention back to the bacon. When the food was finally ready, we sat at my table, and he served me. “I could get used to this. Being cooked for, served, and I get to kiss the help. That's fucking amazing,” I told him as he scooped eggs onto my plate. “I'll do anything for my, Sunshine,” he replied and gave my head a quick kiss before serving himself and sitting down.

  The playfulness was gone from his face, replaced by what? I couldn't tell. Regret, remorse, sorrow, fear? I couldn't tell, and it made me antsy. “What the hell is going on, Matt? Do you regret last night?” I asked and judging by his morning antics, I doubted it, but my inner cynic had to ask.

  “Are you insane? Of course not. Last night was the best night I've had since our divorce. I don't regret a second of it. Get the thought out of your mind, Sunny. I'm here to stay whether you fucking like it or not.” His clear eyes were intense and his face hard. He was being honest.

  “What's going on then? I know you, Matt and your eyes are worried about something. Your smile can't hide what your eyes are telling me.” He sighed deeply and took a bite of his bacon. Before sitting back in his chair, coffee mug in hand. His entire body was tense.

  “They found her body,” he finally said. “Shannon is no longer missing.”

  “What?” I said and dropped my fork. I shouldn't have been surprised really. Everyone had assumed she was another victim of the bleach killer, but I'd hoped she'd just run away. I hoped she figured out Nick was an asshole and took off. I was wrong. She was dead. Nick was a suspect, and he'd been at my house just the day before. I felt sick. If Matt hadn't shown up I might be dead too. Tears threatened to fall, but I held them back. I needed to hear the rest.

  “Yeah, she was found near the spot where we found Keely and Amanda. The only difference is the way her body was left.”

  “What do you mean?” My stomach lurched. I pushed my plate away.

  “Well, we can't be sure until the Medical Examiners report, but from what I'm told she doesn't look like she was bleached like the others.”

  “Oh my God, Matt. What's happening? Are you okay?” I asked before reaching across and covering his hand with my own. “I know you cared about her.”

  “Yeah, I'm okay. I just want to find the bastard that did this before he does it again. I'm sorry but I have to go, baby. I needed to get to the station like an hour ago.” He stood and took his plate to the sink.

  “Of course, why didn't you wake me?”

  “I wanted to hold on to this moment just a little longer before I have to walk into hell,” he said. “I don't want you left alone at all, Sunny.”

  “Matt, I'll be fine.”

  “That's what you said yesterday. Look what happened.” He had a point.

  “Have they found Nick yet?”

  “Not that I've heard but I'll know more
when I get to the station. I have to go home and change before heading in so I have to get going. Are you ready for the day?” He asked.

  “Yeah, I guess so. Why?”

  “I'll take you over to your parents. Stay there until I get off tonight, please.”

  “Yeah, okay. I have the day off anyway. I'll help my mom knit or bake or some other equally boring thing.” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

  “You've never been very domesticated have you?”

  “Is that a problem?”

  “Fuck no, I don't want Betty Crocker. I want Sunshine Everly.” He smiled genuinely, and I saw happiness hidden behind the worry on his face.

  “Come on, I have to get to the station,” he announced.

  We pulled up to my parents’ house minutes later. “Do we tell the kids or your parents about us?” He asked hopefully. “We will, but not like this. Let's plan a dinner or something. We can announce it then,” I suggested. “That sounds good,” he replied. “Tonight. I'll leave the planning to you but don't go anywhere by yourself”

  “I promise,” I assured him just as Elijah came running towards Matt's truck.

  “Mommy, Daddy,” he exclaimed excitedly. We got out of the truck and our son jumped into Matt's arms. “Hey, buddy. Did you have a good time last night with your granny and papa?” He asked.

  “Yep, we ate popcorn and ice cream and watched Madagascar!” Elijah exclaimed excitedly. “Wow, cool. I have to go to work, buddy. I'll see you later tonight okay? Kiss Dani for me.”

  “Okay, Daddy.” Matt set our son down, and I could tell he wanted to kiss me goodbye but refrained. Instead, he gave me a wink and said, “Tonight.”

  “Tonight,” I replied and waved him goodbye with Elijah.

  “Come on, little man. Let's go see granny and papa. Is your sister sleeping still?”

  “No, she woke me up,” he replied, and I could hear the annoyance in his little voice. I laughed a little and grabbed his hand, leading him inside.

  “Mom, Dad! I'm here,” I announced before hanging my purse on the coat rack and going deeper into the house. I found my mom in the kitchen with Danica feeding her breakfast. My chubby little girl's face lit up when she saw me, and her little feet started kicking in excitement. “Hi, sweetheart,” I said and kissed her little head. “Hi, Mom,” I said kissing my mother on the cheek before pouring myself some coffee.

  “Were the kids good?”

  “Oh, they were little angels as always,” she replied with a smile.

  “Well, thanks for keeping them. Hope you don't mind if I hang out here today. Matt is paranoid and doesn't want me to be left alone,” I said trying to sound unphased but my mother is an observant woman, especially when it comes to me.

  “Elijah honey, can you go get Granny her reading glasses from the bedroom,” she asked, and he obliged. He loved my mother. As soon as he was out of ear shot she shot me a look that was all knowing, yet inquisitive at the same time.

  “What?” I asked, innocently. I didn't know if I wanted to tell her about Shannon. I knew the whole town would know soon enough, but I wasn't sure I was ready to talk about it. I also wasn't ready to talk about Matt, and I knew those were the two things on her mind. I also knew she wouldn't let me out of it that easily.

  “Don't act all innocent, Sunshine Bright! I can see it all over your face!” I hated it when she used my whole name. Really, who names their kid Sunshine Bright, especially one being raised in a small town where everyone is named Ashley, Jennifer, or Natalie or whatever? Common names. Nope, not my parents. They had to be different. She stared intensely at me, and I knew she wouldn't let this go. It would be a long day with her if I didn't tell her, so I took a deep breath and let it out, “Yes, Matt and I are working it out. I am going to plan a dinner for tonight where we will announce it officially.” I watched a slow smile spread across her minimally wrinkled face. She was still beautiful at fifty five.

  “That's wonderful, dear. Your father and I will be there. And?” She said.

  “Oh fuck, okay,” I began and shrank back slightly at her reprimanding look. “Sorry, Mom, but this is serious shit and calls for a few cuss words. They found another body. It's Shannon. Apparently, when Nick was attacking me and going on about Shannon's disappearance, he was being truthful. They found her this morning. Matt got the call and is on his way to the station now. That's all I know,” I said and threw my hands up in surrender.

  “Well shit,” my perfect mother said and I couldn't help but laugh. “Mom, did you just say shit?”

  “You're right, Sunny. This calls for a few cuss words,” she replied as Elijah ran back into the room with her glasses. “Come on, little Miss Dani, let's get you dressed and then we have some baking to do,” my mother announced without missing a beat. Baking? I fucking knew it! Baking fixed everything for my mother.

  “Hey, Mom, would you mind keeping an eye on the kids while I run to the store? I need to get a few things for the dinner tonight,” I said following her into the front room where Dani's things were. “Here Ma, I got it,” I said and grabbed my baby girl. I started wiping food from her face and changing her clothes while my mother watched, eyeing me with suspicion. “Well, can you? If not I can take them, it's not a problem. It's just faster if I go without them.”

  “You're not supposed to be alone today, Sunny,” she said carefully.

  “Ahh, so Matt called you?” I asked and laughed at the look of guilt on her face. Like talking to Matt about me was some kind of mother/daughter betrayal.

  “Yeah, he just wants to keep you and the kids safe,” she began explaining. I put my hand up for her to stop.

  “It's okay, Mom. I'm not mad and I'm not surprised. Why do you think I'm hanging out here all day, at least until he gets home? Don't get me wrong, I love spending time here and do so often but I don't typically spend the entire day, Mom. I agreed to though, to give him piece of mind, and also because I don't want to be alone. So, it's okay. You didn't break some kind of rule between us. No betrayal here so stop looking so guilty, Mom.” I laughed a little to show her I wasn't lying. My beautiful mother's hazel eyes were relieved, and her body relaxed. My mother was proud of our close and honest relationship and tried hard to maintain it. Sometimes I felt bad and wondered if I did things that made her think she had to try so hard. I knew she was worried so I hugged her again, a little harder than before. I heard her let out a deep breath and felt her strong arms squeeze me.

  “Oh good. I'm sorry, Sunny. I'm just so on edge. I mean, what if Matt hadn't shown up yesterday? I can't imagine what would've happened to you. You may be a grown woman with babies of your own and the mouth of a trucker but you're still my baby girl, Sunny,” she said as a sob caught her last few words. I couldn't believe what an insensitive jerk I was being. I hadn't even considered how she felt.

  “Oh, Mom. I'm such an asshole. I'm sorry. I know how worried you must be,” I began while pulling Dani's shirt over her head. The moment her little head popped through I quickly put her arms through the sleeves and set her in her playpen and went to my mother. “I'm okay, Mom. I promise,” I said and hugged her tight. I rarely saw my mother emotional. She was a tough lady. The old fashioned type. She was a stay at home mom that cooked dinner for us every night while I was growing up and baked at least three times a week. She kept a spotless home, and she kept my dad and me in line. Knowing what she went through with my dad all those years ago made her all the more strong in my eyes.

  I felt my mother's body tremble in my arms, and her arms tightened around my waist. There were no words to take away what she was feeling so I just let her cry and hold me. After a few moments, she pulled back and looked at me, brushing the hair from my face with her fingers. “I don't want to lose you. Those babies can't lose you, Sunny.”

  “I know, Mom. I promise I won't go anywhere alone. I'll be careful. I promise. Nothing is going to happen to me. Don't forget I'm dating a police officer and there's also Dade and together they will find Nick and the son of a bitch th
at's killing all these women. I will call Trish to shop with me. I want a new dress anyway and no one loves shopping more than Trish.” I smiled reassuringly at my mom. She loved Trish, and she seemed content with her being my babysitter.

  “Of course I don't mind keeping the kids. Danica is going to help me bake cookies today. Aren't you, sweetie,” she said to Dani and in reply got a giggle and a squeal. “And Dad has plans for little Elijah so go have a little fun, honey,” she said and kissed my cheek.