Heart of Gold

by J. R. Ward

  “Not yet. Another couple hundred yards. Does your father ever try to get in touch with you?”

  “Coming about,” she announced, and wrenched the wheel around. The boat swung hard, and Nick was thrown off balance. He recovered quickly and leapt to reel in the mainsail. When they were settled on their new course, Carter regarded him coolly.

  “That’s enough conversation about my past. I live in the here and now. That’s all I’ve got and it’s all I need.”

  She remained quiet as they traveled down the lake, but at least they fell into a good pattern. Carter would call the directional change and work the helm while he handled the sails. The easy rhythm went a long way to relaxing the tension that had sprung up during their conversation.

  A while later, Nick pointed ahead.

  “Head over to that island. The bay’s behind it.”

  She piloted the sailboat easterly. The island was a quarter mile offshore and about the size of a football field. As they passed by it, they saw that none of the campsites dotting the shore was inhabited. After the Fourth of July, the official start of summer, they’d be in high demand, but not now, not quite yet.

  “It’s so peaceful here,” she remarked.

  Nick nodded, pleased she was talking to him. He’d pressed her too far on the topic of her family, but he’d learned some valuable information. The raw strength of her emotions about her father made him rethink the chance of a successful reunion between them.

  “Did you ever camp on any of the islands?” she asked as they drifted by another empty dock, tent platform, and hearth.

  “When I was young, it was high living to me. Taking a bedroll, a knapsack full of food, and heading out onto the lake with no particular direction. It was a great adventure.”

  When they cleared the island and breached the entrance to the bay, the sailboat’s mainsail began to flutter. Nick took it down and secured it as Carter fired up the engine.

  As she steered the boat deeper inside the secluded paradise, Carter was awed by the bay’s beauty. The lofty mountain overhead charged down to the lakeshore in a series of jagged cliffs, but it wasn’t all steep rocks and plunging vistas. In the far corner, there was an alcove that offered gentler slopes and a level place that would be perfect for sunbathing and picnicking.

  Shutting down the engine, she let them drift silently. The water was calm and clear, the breeze soft and welcoming. Wood ducks, clustered in pairs, skimmed over the placid water, and somewhere in the background she could hear the call of a loon.

  “This is spectacular,” she murmured.

  “One of my favorite places in the world,” Nick said, reaching into a hold and taking out an anchor. “I’ve been to more five-star hotels than most travel writers, but I’d take this over any of them.”

  He tossed the anchor overboard in a single, powerful movement. It landed with a splash, kicking water up into the sunlight.

  As she looked down into the lake and watched the ripples he’d created spread over the smooth surface, she regretted her revelations. She hadn’t spoken of her father to anyone in a long time, and it had been hard to relive her feelings. Mixing her confusing emotions for Nick with her shadowy past was particularly disturbing.

  And she’d have much preferred that the two men didn’t know each other at all.

  In the quiet that surrounded them, she felt pressured to make conversation, to bury what she’d told him about her family under mundane chatter. Subjects like the weather or interest rates seemed appealing, but she settled for tourism. It was less obvious and something she could fib her way through, which was more than she could say for Alan Greenspan’s lot.

  “Do you come here often?” She hoped her tone passed for casual.

  Nick was standing on the bow, looking at the mountains, and he turned to talk with her.

  “Only in the off-season. In July and August, this place is standing room only. It gets choked with tourists in powerboats. Ironically, they come to enjoy nature but instead end up in nautical gridlock, choking on exhaust fumes and drowning in noise pollution. It’s a damn shame.”

  He paused and then took off his sweatshirt.

  Carter didn’t hear anything else he said.

  Trying to appear as if she wasn’t staring, she forced herself to murmur in appropriate places and hoped she nailed the right pauses. Seeing him naked to the waist had wiped out any coherent thought. His chest was wide and well muscled, his arms carved, his stomach a washboard of planes and angles. Lightly tan, his skin was smooth, with only a little hair marking his pecs and disappearing in a line under the waistband of his trunks.

  “Hello?” he said in a sexy drawl.

  “I’m sorry—what?”

  Nick’s smile was slow and full of promise. “Do you like what you see?”

  Carter tried to swallow. “I told you, the bay is beautiful.”

  “I didn’t think you were looking at the landscape.”

  He approached her with unmistakable purpose, and she took an involuntary step back.

  “Of course, I was. The water, those ducks over there…the water…”

  Carter panicked, overwhelmed by how good he looked and the fact that they were alone. That she wanted him badly and might actually have him.

  “I have to go change now,” she said quickly, skirting around the helm.

  His laughter, deep and very male, followed her down into the cabin.

  Hands shaking, Carter shut the door and collapsed against the wood.

  Trying to pull herself together, she grabbed her backpack and fumbled with its zipper. When she finally got the thing open, she wrenched Ellie’s towel free with more force than necessary and it unraveled wildly, throwing something to the floor in a flash of color.

  Carter stared, dumbfounded, at what had popped out.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said aloud.

  “What’s that?” Nick asked from outside.

  “Nothing.”

  Which was exactly what she was looking at. Two tiny pieces of pink fabric joined by a string and a larger piece the size of a handkerchief. She picked them up, wondering where the rest of the bikini was.

  “Ellie, you’re only fifteen,” she said with exasperation.

  “What?” he called out.

  “It’s so pristine down here.”

  “Thanks. I like to keep a neat boat.”

  Rolling her eyes, she sank down onto one of the bunks and looked around the cabin for a better option.

  It was pristine, from the galley kitchen to the two sleeping compartments to the sitting area. Everywhere, wood and brass glowed with age and attention. It was luxurious and elegant, perfectly appointed.

  But it sure as hell didn’t offer up anything else she could swim in.

  Carter glanced down at the pink slashes of fabric and then over to the kitchenette, wondering if she could make do with a dish towel or two. Hell, if he had any Band-Aids around, she’d use them. A box of those would cover more surface area. Stay in place better, too.

  “You okay down there?”

  “Fine,” she called out and then muttered, “Just damn ducky.”

  She’d feel foolish reappearing on deck in her clothes but would feel like an exhibitionist wearing the bikini. The trouble was, she really wanted to go swimming. And besides, she had nothing to be ashamed about. Years of hard labor had honed her body into top condition. She was perfectly fit and, after all, she didn’t have anything that he hadn’t seen before.

  Oh, that was a big help, she thought, imagining all of the women he must have seen naked.

  Grimacing, she stripped and put on the bikini. With some artful arranging, she was able to cover the parts that would have gotten her arrested for indecent exposure, but she was far from feeling clothed.

  Wrapping the towel around herself tightly, she emerged from the cabin, trying to look calm and composed.

  Nick’s sensuous smile greeted her. He’d taken off the sunglasses, and she watched his eyes go over her legs and l
inger on her thighs. “You want to swim first or have lunch?”

  “Lunch.”

  “Picnic it is. Can you just reach down into that hold and grab the hamper? I didn’t have time to put all the food in the fridge.”

  “Sure. No problem.”

  But the reality of bending over, picking up the basket, and keeping herself covered proved to be more than she could handle. Gravity won over coordination and the towel slid down to the deck.

  She heard Nick hiss through his teeth.

  When she looked up at him, he was staring at her with a look that took her breath away. In response, her breasts strained the bounds of the bikini, pulling against the fragile strings. As her nipples peaked, his face tightened with need.

  “You are…” He didn’t finish, just whispered, “Come here.”

  He held his hand out to her and, before she could think about what she was doing, she took it. As he drew her toward him, she felt his other hand slowly slide around her waist and settle onto the small of her back. His skin was warm on hers and her breasts brushed up against the faint hair on his chest.

  “I’ve been imagining what it would feel like to have you naked, in my arms.” His voice was very deep.

  Carter felt his hands drift lower until they were on her hips. They gripped her body urgently, and he pulled her all the way against him. When she felt the rigid length of him, her mouth opened with a gasp.

  That was when he kissed her.

  The contact was shockingly soft. Even though she could sense the urgency in his body, his lips were gentle against hers. Persuasive, cajoling, light. Teasing her with a patience that spoke to the depth of his self-control. She could feel herself relaxing, giving herself up to the sensation of his tongue in her mouth, sliding wet and warm inside of her, wrapping around her own.

  Caught in the maelstrom, she forgot about everything.

  When his fingers sought out the hard tips of her breasts, his touch as gentle as the sunlight that was warming them, she moaned into his mouth. Electrical shocks surged through her and she gripped hard onto his shoulders.

  “Carter,” he said against her mouth, roughly. “Will you let me make love to you?”

  She knew the choice was up to her. He was giving her the power of their future.

  Carter met his glittering eyes. They were nothing like the lucid ones he usually looked out onto the world with. Now they reflected a storm raging inside of him, an incandescent, swirling need that she knew she was responsible for igniting.

  She took a step back from him and his face contracted in pain. But she wasn’t turning away. Slowly, she reached behind and freed the strings of the bikini top, letting it fall to the deck. She watched as a shudder went through him, wracking his body. When she put her hand on his bare chest, he let out a groan.

  This time when he kissed her, there was nothing soft about it. Desperation sent them careening into the cabin where he pressed her down onto one of the bunks and covered her with the weight of his body. As he removed the bottom to the bikini and his own trunks, her hands traveled the broad expanse of his back, feeling his muscles under smooth skin.

  When he settled in between her thighs, she knew an erotic sensation so powerful that she felt as if she had left her body behind. She arched her back and his head came down to her. He kissed the skin of her neck, trailing small bites downward until he took the tip of a breast into his mouth, rolling it with his tongue.

  Crying out, she thrust her hips into his, feeling him come up against her very core. But he didn’t enter her, not yet. His hands and his mouth explored her body, learning the most intimate parts of her. Only when she could take no more did he come up over her and capture her lips in a kiss that was reverent. Slowly, he slid inside of her.

  As he entered her, Carter moaned deeply. They began to move together, a rhythm that quickly grew to a frantic dance of sensuality. As they rose higher and higher, she was breathing heavily, hanging on to his surging body, her heart racing and her hips absorbing his thrusts, until she was bathed in white heat. His name left her lips, sailing up into the air, a hoarse cry, and she felt his powerful body shudder into her, his arms contracting around her.

  After the tempest, Carter felt his head drop onto her shoulder, his breath coming in gasps. The sweat that covered his forehead was a delicious wetness against her skin. When he finally lifted his head, she was shocked by his expression. Gone were any traces of cynicism and hardness. It was a stunning transformation. He looked younger. Happy. Satisfied.

  She smiled at him.

  And the expression that came back at her was of such tenderness, she felt her heart ache.

  He stroked away a lock of hair that had gotten tangled around her neck, and it seemed as if he was on the verge of a revelation. But instead of giving her words, he kissed her.

  And the heat rose again.

  After a fortifying lunch, they settled down on the deck in the sun. Nick positioned himself against the mast and Carter put her head in his lap, promptly falling asleep while he watched over her.

  Underneath the scant triangles of the bikini, her chest rose and fell with her delicate, even breaths. She looked vulnerable as she slept in his arms, and a strange feeling came over him. It was so powerful that he could decipher neither its cause nor its content, and his first thought was to run from whatever it was.

  Except, as he looked down into her face, he didn’t want to leave. Slowly, he tried to figure out what was bothering him.

  After they’d made love that first time, and he’d fallen against her, utterly spent, he’d recognized that something dramatic had taken place. Something unparalleled in his life, something that had stripped him bare, exposed him in a way he’d never been before to anyone. And he’d wanted to tell her what he was feeling.

  When he’d tried to marshal words, however, they’d refused to form cogent lines. His thoughts had splintered and fragmented in his mind until they didn’t make sense, even to himself. That was when he’d kissed her again and tried to show her with his hands and mouth what he couldn’t tell her.

  But something had changed. As she lay sleeping, he now felt only panic. An urgent need to retreat from her and the closeness she represented.

  Dimly, Nick noticed the breeze had caught a tendril of her black hair, whisking it over her nose. He carefully moved the errant strand away, not wanting her sleep disturbed. In response, she stirred in his lap, curling over on her side and tucking her arms around herself. The graceful curve of her cheek and her lips captured and held his eyes.

  Love.

  The word came to him like a ghost and, as it bounced around his brain, he thought of the past. There had been so few women he’d felt love for, and his own mother wasn’t even one of them. When he considered it, he realized that Gertie and his sister were the only possible exceptions to the emotional distance he kept from the fairer sex. Both of them had loved him for who he was and had never looked for anything more.

  Which sure as hell set them apart from most of the women he’d come across.

  Would such simplicity and acceptance be Carter’s way?

  Yes, an insistent voice told him.

  Except even as the thought occurred to him, he rebelled against its implications.

  He wasn’t ready to fall in love. Besides, he wasn’t sure he knew how to love someone. He hadn’t been close to his parents. Hadn’t done enough for his sister when she’d been alive. And Cort? God knew that relationship was a complicated mess.

  So what the hell did he have to offer Carter?

  The answer that came back to him was painfully sparse. Almost every relationship he’d ever had with a woman had been merely physical. Looking back on it, his love life had been punctuated by scenes like the one he’d just been through with Candace. A long string of good-byes that had been easy for him to initiate.

  He had quite a run going, Nick thought with disdain.

  But now this beautiful, smart woman whom he’d just made love to, this woman he suspected he
might be able to love, now she had come into his life and he felt at a loss. Instead of being grateful for the gift, he seemed incapable of accepting what she had to offer. He was a successful businessman, in his late thirties, who had no clue how to handle a serious, adult relationship with a woman. With an equal.

  A wholly unfamiliar chill went through him. It was followed by a surge of irrational anger.

  As if she’d felt the shift in his emotions, Carter opened her eyes and looked up at him.

  In that instant, Nick went into hiding. He shifted his cold mask into place and watched from a distance as her expression lost its warmth and happiness.

  “Where have you gone while I was sleeping?” she said softly.

  “I’m right here.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “So your head’s in someone else’s lap?” His voice was sharp, close to combative.

  As Carter sat up, he knew he’d ruined the afternoon. The sun was still washing over them, the bay was beautiful, but her eyes were dark.

  “What’s wrong?” Anxiety replaced the relaxation that had been on her face.

  “Nothing.”

  “You’re lying to me.”

  “Don’t behave like a girlfriend. I don’t do well with that kind of thing.” Nick avoided her eyes, unable to stomach the dawning pain in them.

  There was a wealth of confusion in her voice. “How does my asking you what’s wrong equate to—”

  “You see? Now you want to talk about what’s wrong with my telling you nothing is wrong. These kind of conversations are pointless.”

  “I don’t…understand.” She shook her head, her hair flashing black in the sun. There was a telltale shine in her eyes that told him she was close to tears.

  Seeing her hurt and knowing he’d caused it only made him more angry.

  He lashed out. “With Candace gone, I was looking forward to a respite from getting poked and prodded by someone in a skirt. I guess the optimism was premature.”

  Carter gasped. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  Frankly, neither could Nick.

  “Talk to me,” she implored.

  “What do you want me to say?”