Sculduggery Pleasant

by Derek Landy

  Skulduggery waved at the Hollow Men and they hurtled backward; then Stephanie felt his gloved hand close around her wrist and she was dragged out of the cavern. Skulduggery sprinted so fast that she just allowed herself to be carried along in his wake.

  He knew exactly where he was going, and within minutes they were at the stone steps, hurrying up out of the caves. They reached the cellar, and the key flew from the lock into his hand. The floor groaned and rumbled and closed up.

  "Will that hold him?" Stephanie asked.

  "He's got the Scepter," Skulduggery said. "Nothing will hold him."

  As if to prove his point, the floor started to crack.

  "Move!" Skulduggery shouted. They bolted up the stairs, and Stephanie glanced back just as the floor vanished in a soft whump of dust and air.

  They plunged out of the house, the Hollow Men right behind. Stephanie was three steps from the Canary Car when one of the Hollow Men grabbed her.

  Stephanie lashed out. Her fingers tore into its face, and she ripped downward and a blast of foul air escaped. The Hollow Man stumbled back, clutching at its head. Its entire body deflated, until it was nothing more than papery skin being trodden on by its brethren.

  Another lunged at her and Skulduggery tackled it, rammed an elbow into the side of its neck, and flipped it over his shoulder. There was movement to their right, and Tanith Low ran toward them, her sword clearing its scabbard. She came in fast, the blade twirling and glinting in the sun, sending pieces of Hollow Men fluttering into the air like confetti.

  Black lightning streaked from the doorway and the Canary Car crumbled to nothing, and Serpine stalked out of the house. Stephanie felt heat flare beside her face as Skulduggery started hurling fireballs. Serpine waved the first one away and dodged back to avoid the others.

  Stephanie was aware of the other car only when it screeched to a stop behind her. The door opened and Tanith sheathed her sword, pushed Stephanie into the car, and jumped in after her, and the car was moving again.

  Stephanie sat up in time to see Skulduggery hurl one last ball of fire and then turn and dive straight through the open car window. He landed on top of her as the car swerved, and she felt his elbow against her head. The car swerved again and they separated. Trees zipped past outside, and she knew they were out of Serpine's line of fire.

  They passed the huge gates that led out of Gordon's estate, and Skulduggery righted himself.

  "Well," he said, "that was bracing."

  A familiar voice came from the front seat. "One of these days I won't be around to get you out of trouble, you know."

  Stephanie turned her head, saw the man in the bow-tie behind the wheel and, beside him, in the passenger seat, China Sorrows, poised and perfect.

  "I don't know what you'd do without me, Skulduggery," China said. "I really don't."

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Thoughts on Dying Horribly the Elders were not happy.

  Eachan Meritorious and Sagacious Tome spoke in hushed voices at the other end of the Sanctuary meeting room. Meritorious was calm but solemn. Tome was livid and panicking.

  Stephanie sat beside Skulduggery. Across the table, Tanith was cleaning her sword. She had something in her hair.

  "Tanith?" Stephanie whispered. Tanith looked up. "You have something . . ." She pointed to her own head as a hint. "It's a leaf, or something."

  "Oh, thanks," Tanith said, and put her hand to her hair. She felt around until she found it and pulled it out. She examined it and frowned, looking closer; then her face contorted in disgust and she dropped it onto the table. "Oh my God."

  "What is it?"

  "It's a piece of Hollow Man skin."

  Stephanie blanched. "Oh, that's disgusting."

  "It was in my hair," Tanith moaned, flicking the skin across the table.

  Stephanie recoiled and flicked it back and Tanith started to laugh, but Skulduggery's hand came down, trapping it. He looked at them both.

  "Four-year-olds," he said. "We're facing an unimaginable crisis and I'm dealing with four-year-olds."

  "Sorry," said Stephanie.

  "Sorry," said Tanith.

  Morwenna Crow and China Sorrows walked in, followed seconds later by Ghastly Bespoke.

  "Did they find anything?" Skulduggery asked, standing.

  Morwenna answered. "The Cleavers have stormed every hideout and haunt we know of, and they haven't found one trace of Serpine."

  "The news about the Scepter is spreading,"

  China said. "There are rumors that he is bringing his old allies in from the cold."

  Meritorious and Tome joined them.

  "If even one of the exiles returns," Meritorious said, "the balance of power will have shifted too much. We'll be overrun."

  "We need to get that Scepter from him," Tanith said, "see how he likes it."

  "It wouldn't work," China said. "Even if we could get close to it without the crystal warning him that we're near, he owns it now, and no one else can use it while he's alive."

  "Then we kill him," Tome said.

  Meritorious looked to Skulduggery, who nodded and spoke up. "Unfortunately, killing Serpine is not as easy as it may appear. He should be dead right now. I don't mean wounded, I don't mean dying, I mean dead. But he healed himself."

  Stephanie frowned. "He can't be killed?"

  "Everyone can be killed," Skulduggery said, turning his head to her slightly. "That's the one great assurance. I haven't encountered one thing on this planet that I haven't been able to kill, and I'm not going to let him be the exception to the rule."

  "We need to strike now," Morwenna said, "before he can consolidate his power."

  "How can we do that if we don't even know where he is?" Sagacious Tome asked impatiently.

  "But we might know where he was," Skulduggery said. "Last night I received a call from a gentleman who supplies me with information from time to time. A distinctive silver car was seen on Denholm Street, near the docks. I made a call or two, established that almost every building on that street is being leased by a reputable firm. The one exception is a warehouse that has been leased to an individual, Mr. Howard L. Craft."

  Tome frowned. "So?"

  "L. Craft. Lovecraft. Howard Philip Lovecraft wrote a series of stories commonly referred to as the Cthulhu Mythos, about dark gods who wanted to rule the Earth. Some historians claim that Mr. Lovecraft based his creations, in part, on legends he had heard about the Faceless Ones."

  Tome grimaced. "That's your only lead? A trick name Serpine may have used? We don't have time to be wasting on such vague half clues; we've got to act on what we know!"

  "Well, what exactly do we know?" Morwenna asked. "We know he has a lunatic scheme to bring back the Faceless Ones, but we don't know how he intends to do it."

  "Mr. Bliss said the Scepter was nothing more than a stepping-stone," Stephanie offered.

  "This is a grown-up conversation," Tome said, exasperated. "We don't need input from you, child."

  Tanith and China spoke as one. "Don't call her 'child.'"

  Clearly unused to admonitions from anyone who wasn't an Elder, Tome spluttered a bit, and his face grew redder. Stephanie did her best to hide her grin behind a mask of serene indifference.

  Tanith caught her eye and winked.

  "If the Scepter is a stepping-stone," Skulduggery said, ignoring Tome's indignation, "then he's going to use it to somehow retrieve the ritual he needs."

  "Then it's our job to make sure that doesn't happen," Meritorious said. "Skulduggery, on behalf of the Council of Elders, I apologize for not involving you in this when we found Serpine's surveillance team dead. I also apologize for not listening to your warnings."

  "Serpine would have had a backup plan,"

  Skulduggery said. "That's what makes him so dangerous."

  "Maybe. I'm afraid it's up to you and Miss Cain, and whoever else you might need, to try to find out what his next move is. I'm sorry for saddling you with that responsibility, but my fellow Elders and I
are needed to prepare for all-out war."

  Skulduggery bowed slightly. "In that case, we'll get right on it."

  "Thank you."

  Skulduggery wrapped the scarf around his face and put on his hat, then looked at the serious faces around him. "Cheer up, everyone," he said, a new brightness to his voice. "Since we're all going to die horribly anyway, what's there to be worried about?"

  Stephanie very much feared she was going ever so slightly insane, because she found herself agreeing wholeheartedly with the living skeleton she was now following out of the room.

  The Bentley was waiting for them when they left the Sanctuary. It gleamed like it was glad to be back to its former beauty. Stephanie got in and sank into the seat. The Bentley smelled nice. It smelled how beautiful cars ought to smell. The Canary Car hadn't smelled nice.

  It had just smelled yellow.

  "It's good to have it back," Stephanie said when Skulduggery got in. "They worked miracles on it, they really did. Two days, and it looks brand-new."

  Skulduggery nodded. "Cost me a fortune."

  "It's worth it."

  "Glad you think so. Also glad that I don't have to eat anytime soon. Or at all."

  She smiled and looked at him. He was looking out the windshield. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds.

  "What is it?" she asked.

  "I'm sorry?"

  "You're thinking about something."

  "I'm always thinking about something. Thinking is what I do. I'm very good at it."

  "But you've just figured something out."

  "And how did you know that?"

  "You hold your head differently when you've just figured something out. So what is it?"

  "It just occurred to me," he said. "In the cave, the Scepter's crystal warned Serpine that I was close — but it didn't warn him that you were right there beside him."

  She shrugged. "Maybe it didn't see me as a threat. It's not like I could have hurt him or anything."

  "That's hardly the point," Skulduggery said. "We may have found a weakness in the ultimate weapon."

  Stephanie frowned. "What?"

  "Remember what Oisin, the nice man in the Echo Stone, said?" Skulduggery asked. "The black crystal sang to the gods whenever an enemy neared, but it was silent when the Ancients took it."

  "So, what, it thinks I'm an Ancient?"

  "Technically, according to your father at least, you might well be."

  "Does that mean you're starting to believe that they were more than just legends and myths?"

  "I'm . . . keeping an open mind about it. The thing I still don't understand, however, is why Gordon didn't tell me about your family history. We were friends for years, we had conversations about the Ancients and the Faceless Ones that went on for days, so why didn't he tell me?"

  "Does it mean anything else? Being descended from the Ancients, I mean. What does it, what..."

  "What does it signify?"

  "Yes."

  "It means you're special. It means you're meant to do this, you're meant to be involved in this world, in this life."

  "I am?"

  "You are."

  "Then maybe that's why he didn't tell you. He wanted to write about it from the outside, not be stuck in the middle of it all."

  He cocked his head. "You're wise beyond your years, Valkyrie."

  "Yes," she said. "Yes I am."

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Planning for Murder

  Mr. Bliss stood in the palm of the Grasping Rock and watched Serpine approach. The Grasping Rock was shaped like a massive upturned hand, jutting from the peak of the mountain, fingers curled, as if reaching for the sun in the blood-red sky.

  Serpine climbed into the palm with ease, and Bliss bowed slightly. Serpine, for his part, merely smiled.

  "Do you have it?" Bliss asked.

  "Luckily for you, yes."

  "Luckily for me?"

  "My dear Mr. Bliss, if I had gone down to those caves and emerged without the Scepter, where would that have left you? You would be standing in one of those cages in the Sanctuary's jail, powerless, awaiting judgment. Instead you are here, standing with me, on the verge of a new world. Be thankful."

  "You seem to forget that if you had emerged with nothing, you'd be in the cage next to me — "

  Serpine looked at him. A short time ago they would have been equals. But not now.

  " — my master," Bliss finished respectfully, inclining his head.

  Serpine smiled again and turned his back to him, looking out through the curled fingers of the rock and down at the valley below them.

  "Is it as powerful as the scholars have imagined?" Bliss asked.

  "What the scholars have imagined pales in comparison to the reality. No one can stop us now."

  "The Elders," Bliss said.

  Serpine turned his head. "I have a plan to deal with the Elders. They are nothing if not predictable, and they will die because of it. Meritorious himself will crumble to dust. Nothing can stand in our way."

  "The Elders may be predictable," Bliss responded, "but that is not a trait Skulduggery Pleasant shares with them.

  He's cunning, powerful, and very, very dangerous."

  "Do not concern yourself with the detective. I also have a plan to deal with him."

  "Oh?"

  "Skulduggery Pleasant has always had one weakness — he forms attachments to people who are very easily killed. In the past it was his wife and child. Now it is this girl who is with him, this Valkyrie Cain. He is a threat to us only if he is thinking clearly. You know as well as I do that once he becomes angry, his judgment is clouded."

  "So what an you going to do?"

  "I have already done it, Bliss. I have sent someone to . . . cloud his judgment. In less than an hour, Valkyrie Cain will be dead, and Skulduggery Pleasant will trouble us no longer."

  Chapter Twenty-five

  The White Cleaver

  By the time they got to Denholm Street, day had been beaten back and the night was soaking through the city. It was a long street, dirty and quiet. The Bentley pulled up outside the warehouse. Ghastly and Tanith were waiting for them when they got out.

  "Anyone inside?" Skulduggery asked, checking that his gun was loaded.

  "Not as far as we can tell," Ghastly said, "but they could be masking their presence. If Serpine is in there, or Bliss, we're going to need backup."

  "They aren't here," Skulduggery said.

  "How do you know?" Stephanie asked.

  "Serpine used this place for something, something big and strange enough to raise a few eyebrows. He'd know eyebrows were being raised, he'd know I'd hear about it, so he's already moved on."

  "Then why are we here?"

  "You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know exactly what that someone has just done."

  They approached the single door, and Tanith put her ear against it and listened. After a moment, she put her hand over the lock, but instead of the lock breaking, this time Stephanie heard it click.

  "How come you can't do that?" Stephanie whispered to Skulduggery. "It's faster than picking a lock, and quieter than blasting the door down."

  He shook his head sadly. "A living skeleton isn't enough for you, is it? What does it take to impress young people these days?"

  Stephanie grinned. Tanith pushed the door open, and they went inside.

  The door led straight into the warehouse office, a dark, poky room with a desk and an empty cork-board. The place obviously hadn't been used by any reputable company for quite some time. The office had a door that opened out to the warehouse proper, and beside it a grime-covered window that Stephanie peered through.

  "Seems quiet enough," she said.

  Skulduggery hit a few switches on the wall, and lights flickered on. They walked out onto the warehouse floor. There were pigeons in the rafters high above them, cooing and hooting and fluttering from one perch to the next, startled by the sudden light. They walked to the middle of the warehouse, where
an array of what appeared to be medical machinery was collected around an operating table. Stephanie looked at Skulduggery.

  "Any ideas?" she asked.

  He hesitated. "Let's get the obvious out of the way. A lot of these machines would suggest that some kind of transfusion took place here."

  Tanith held up a tube, examining the residue within. "I'm not a doctor, but I don't think this is the result of medical research."

  "Magic, then," Ghastly said.

  "You can inject magic?" Stephanie asked, frowning.

  "You can inject fluids with magical properties,"

  Skulduggery told her as he took the tube from Tanith. "Before we had wonderful machines like this, it was a far messier process, but the result was the same."

  "And what was the result?"

  "The patient came out of the operation a changed man. Or woman. Or . . . thing. The question here is, What was the object of the game? What changes was Serpine seeking?"

  "And who was the patient?"

  "Patients, actually."

  "Sorry?"

  "There are two sets of needles, two IV bags, two of everything — enough to take care of two separate operations. We'll take a sample back to the Sanctuary, break it down, and try to find out what it does. But for right now, everyone take a look around."

  "What are we looking for?" Stephanie asked.

  "Clues."

  Stephanie glanced at Tanith, saw her raise an eyebrow skeptically, and managed to restrain her grin.

  Skulduggery and Ghastly walked slowly, passing their gaze over every surface, examining every inch of the machines, the table, and the surrounding area. Stephanie and Tanith found themselves side by side, looking straight down at the floor.

  "What does a clue look like?" Tanith whispered.

  Stephanie fought the giggle down and whispered back, "I'm not sure. I'm looking for a footprint or something."

  "Have you found one yet?"

  "No. But that's probably because I haven't moved from this spot."