by Kendall Ryan
Except, of course, it wasn’t bad.
It would have been better—ideal, even—if it had been bad.
Instead, it was perfect. Jackson had worked my body like a fine-tuned machine, and again I was left with another memory to haunt me as I tried to work side by side with him. How would I be able to look at his hands without remembering the way he’d held my hips, hard and commanding? Without the searing memory of his hips slapping against my ass, mingling the pain with my pleasure and heightening both in the process.
I couldn’t. Just like I couldn’t look at his lips without remembering the way they burned against my mouth, the way his tongue stroked mine and coaxed out every begging moan in my body.
Another ache rose between my thighs, and I squeezed them together, fighting the urge to call him and ask for round two—or was it three now?
No matter the number, it couldn’t happen again, no matter what kind of promises he made. When things like that happened in an office, it was only an amount of time before others in the office found out. I wasn’t willing to be the gossip around the water cooler, not for him and not for anyone.
My dignity was simply too important to me.
Breathing deep, I closed my eyes, grabbed a pillow, and shoved it over my face. I couldn’t undo what had been done. I couldn’t go back and force myself not to be swept away by his filthy, tantalizing promises. But I could promise myself that it wouldn’t happen again.
And that was exactly what I was going to do. On Monday, I was going to march into his office and own up to the mistake I’d made. I’d tell him I was sorry if he thought I’d led him on by sleeping with him, but it had been a moment of weakness. I’d tell him what happened had meant nothing to me.
Which it did, of course. It had meant nothing to me. Nothing at all.
If he fired me? Well, I’d faced the challenge of joblessness before, hadn’t I?
And if he didn’t…
I’d find a way to live with the memory of his warm, muscled body pressing into mine and spurring me toward release.
I shoved the pillow harder against my face and debated screaming into it, but before I got the chance, the muffled sounds of something jangly and bright sounded from the floor beside me.
My phone.
Maybe it was Jackson, calling to tell me he didn’t want to go through with his proposition. That he’d thought it through, and now that he’d had me again, he had decided against it.
Lord knows I hadn’t given him a chance to say much when I’d run out of the office like it was on fire after we’d made love.
I snatched my purse from the floor, dug out my phone, and pressed it to my ear, not bothering to check the ID before answering.
“Hello?” I said, realizing with a wince that my voice was breathy and anything but casual.
“Hey, are you okay? You sound like I caught you in the middle of…something.” There was a note of amusement in Hailey’s voice, and I shook my head before realizing she obviously couldn’t see me.
“Um, no, no, I’m fine. What’s up?”
“Not a whole lot. Just calling to see how work has been this past week? I’ve barely heard from you.”
“Oh, right, yeah. It’s fine.”
“Fine? That’s it? You’re the only person I know who can talk about their job for more than five minutes without wanting to hang themselves. Do you hate it or something?”
“No, no.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek, but when I didn’t say anything else, Hailey pressed on.
“You didn’t tell me how your date went either, you know. I’m starting to think you’re cutting me out of your life.”
“No, uh, it was fine.”
“Fine again, huh?” Hailey accused. “All right, what gives?”
“Nothing. What’s with the third degree?”
“I know you better than this, that’s all. I’m not buying the act. I don’t know who you are, but my sister would be shouting at me from here to high heaven about setting her up on a date instead of a casual friend meetup like she asked.”
A note of anger flared in my chest at the memory. “I never said I was happy about what you did, but if I yelled at you for every time you didn’t listen to me, I would have shouted myself hoarse a long time ago.”
“Ah, that sounds a little more familiar,” she said with a snort. “Now spill. What’s going on that you aren’t telling me?”
I could have—and probably should have—lied. She never would have known the truth. But still, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“Just things at work are a little more complicated than I’d planned.”
“For you?” Hailey practically choked. “Between all your organizational systems? What could possibly be getting in the way?”
“That date you set me up on, actually,” I replied waspishly.
“He sent something to you at work or something?” she asked, sounding perplexed but interested.
“No, uh…he’s my boss.” I tried to play it off as chill as possible, but there was a long pause on the line, and then Hailey spoke again, slowly and carefully.
“Well, that shouldn’t be such a big deal either. You went on one date with the guy. I don’t see what’s—”
“I slept with him.” I forced the words out, and then, weighing my options, I added, “Plus, I just slept with him again about ten minutes ago.”
“Oh. Em. Gee. Finally. I’ve been waiting for this day to come,” she squealed with glee. “Pop the champagne; you broke a rule.”
“Not technically. He’s the one who makes the rules, and he said…” I shook my head, trying to think of what he’d said that I was willing to repeat aloud. “He said since he’s the boss, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for us to be casual lovers.”
“Casual lovers?” Hailey repeated. There was no disguising the excitement in her voice now. I hung my head, waiting for her to settle down before I continued.
“So, he doesn’t want to date; he just wants to screw your brains out,” she added matter-of-factly.
I winced. “He didn’t exactly put it that way, but that was the general idea.”
“Well, what did you say?” Hailey pressed.
“I said no.”
“Except you also slept with him, so…sort of still up in the air, isn’t it?”
“You don’t understand. The way the guy looks at me… I can’t even form words. My heart starts going, and then before I know it he’s pulling off my clothes and—” I stopped short, catching myself.
“And what!” Hailey squeaked.
“Maybe you’re the one who needs a boyfriend. I’m not telling you the sordid details of my affair with my boss.”
“Be that as it may, it looks like you have a choice to make.”
“And I’ve made it. He’s not going to fire me if I say no. We’ll just have to find a way to work together.”
“So the sex was bad?” Hailey asked.
“No, the sex was…” I shook my head. “The sex was none of your business.”
“I’m just trying to understand.”
“He’s my boss. What else is there to understand?”
“Well, if you’re not the girl getting the flowers, you’re going to be the one sending them, right?”
I paused. “What do you mean?”
“Guys like that don’t pine. He’s not going to sit around. High-powered businessmen are going to get what they want, and if he’s not going to get it from you, he’s going to get it somewhere else. So tell me, are you going to be okay as the woman scheduling his dates with other women?”
“Yeah, I…” I started, but I couldn’t say it.
In my mind, I could convince myself the sex had been exactly that—a frantic, urgent need we’d both raced to satisfy. But in truth? Knowing another woman would feel the callouses on his hands and hear the filthy things he said…the words that should have been directed at me?
“But what if people find out about us and talk about us around the office?”
> “The important man who has a beautiful secretary? Wake up, kid, they’re going to talk about you regardless of what you do,” Hailey said.
“What if… What if I start to care about him, though? He’s not the kind of guy who’s going to stick around. I could be setting myself up for heartbreak.”
“Every time you get involved with someone, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak. So tell me, isn’t walking away now still going to set yourself up for disappointment?” she asked flatly.
Her words rang in my ears, and I let out a deep breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.
“I guess I have a lot to think about,” I said.
“Sounds like it. But you do have the benefit of knowing that you can handle anything, and I’ll always be here.”
“Thanks, Hail.” We said goodbye shortly after that, though I couldn’t remember whatever else we talked about. Instead, my brain was reeling with scenarios of what I might do on Monday when I walked into the office.
Jackson would want his answer, and I’d need to have one for him.
Still, even after everything, it felt like I was sliding down the track to disaster. On one hand, I ordered flowers for other women and lived a life without ever knowing Jackson’s touch again. On the other, I had Jackson, with no guarantee that his decisive, dark eyes wouldn’t burn a deep, unhealable hole in my heart.
But then, I’d come to the city to start my life over. To try fresh, new things.
Taking a chance on the city’s most devious playboy… What could be more exciting?
Or more painful…
Chapter Ten
Jackson
It was too damn early, even for my standards.
As I walked through the dark hall toward my office, the automatic lights flickered to life. I rubbed my eyes, stifling the yawn I’d been holding since I woke up that morning. I’d slept like shit, just like I had on Friday and Saturday, and if I didn’t get a cup of coffee soon, I was sure I’d collapse right here on the drab beige carpet.
Stepping into my office, I made quick work of setting up my one-cup coffee maker and booting up my laptop. Through my windows, the lavender-salmon dawn was starting to light the spring sky, and a deep tinge of red ran through the clouds like blood.
But then, ever since Friday night, it felt like I saw the same shade of red everywhere I went. It was on my dishes and in street signs. The color of stoplights and even my car. All of it matched the damn tiny skirt Piper had been wearing on Friday night—the skirt I’d yanked up to her waist and used as an anchor as I thrust into her over and over again.
My groin throbbed at the memory, and I took another step toward my brewer, where I grabbed my mug and took a long sip. Every time I’d closed my eyes all weekend long, I’d been assaulted by the memory of what Piper and I had done—the way her pliable little body had submitted to my will.
A few times, I’d even been tempted to call her and demand an answer to my proposition. But I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, show that kind of weakness.
The truth was she was going to give me one of two answers—either she would agree to casually screw me on the side or she wouldn’t. Her choice ought to have made no difference to me. After all, it wasn’t like there was a shortage of women who wouldn’t jump at that arrangement.
But fuck, it just did. It mattered to me—immensely.
Still, that didn’t change the fact that when I tried to close my eyes at night, it was with the mental image of Piper climbing on top of me and riding me hard and rough while her breasts bounced and her wild hair fell loose around her shoulders.
Pushing the thought away, I took another sip of my coffee, settled at my computer, and tried to focus on work. The merger was getting closer every day, and God only knew I had plenty to do before then. Everyone else in the office building would start pouring in in an hour or so, and it would help to get a head start on things before the administrative meeting that was to take place first thing this morning.
I glanced at the variety of boards Piper had laid out for me and then opened my email and scanned for her name. Nothing. I checked my phone, but there were no new messages. Not one.
At least that would make it easier to concentrate.
I opened the first email and scanned it quickly, but before I could tap out my reply, I glanced at the corner of my desk and stopped. The picture frame that normally sat there was gone. I blinked, wondering what might have happened, but then, in another flash, I remembered the clatter of it falling to the ground as Piper gripped the end of the desk, her body bumping against the lacquered top.
It would be on the floor. Wheeling over, I bent to pick it up and set it right, and then shook my head and tried to focus again on the message opened in front of me. In the corner of my eye, I could see a few people already starting to shuffle in as more lights flickered into existence.
I swallowed hard.
Okay, back to work.
A notification popped up in the corner of my monitor, and I clicked on it to find a reminder about the administrative meeting. Piper had linked her calendar with my own, and I could see that she would be there as well.
The rest of her day, like mine, was busy, and I spotted a small window of time between the administrative meeting and her lunch break that looked tantalizingly free. Clicking on the empty space, I typed instructions to her to meet me in the lounge of the hotel around the corner.
It was presumptuous, I knew that, and it was more than enough for her to sue me for sexual harassment if things didn’t go my way…
But damn if I could focus on that when every time I looked at my own desk, it was with the memory of her breasts pressed against the counter as I worked her from behind. No, when it came to Piper, I had to take risks, and today I was going to take the biggest one of all.
I snatched up my laptop, made my way to the conference room, and waited until one by one, the other assistants from around the office building filed in. Each of them glanced at me curiously as they entered with their coffee and tea, but other than the odd good morning, none of them bothered to question me.
Not that I could blame them for their wondering expressions. In all the years since I’d opened this branch of the company, I’d never once bothered to show up to these meetings. But today was different—for more reasons than one.
Sally, my HR nemesis, entered the room and offered me a warm smile for once, probably because I hadn’t fired my new assistant yet. But as she greeted me, my peripheral vision snagged on the one person I’d been waiting to see.
Piper was walking into the room, her shoulders hitched high around her ears as she fidgeted with the papers in her arms. Today she was wearing one of her usual staid outfits—a white button-down shirt with a sensible olive skirt—and her wild hair was pulled into a tight bun at the nape of her neck.
It didn’t bode well for what I was hoping she had to tell me, but after I extended a cheerful “good morning” to Judy from Human Resources, I opened my computer and got down to business.
With the clearing of her throat, Judy started the meeting, and I listened quietly and intently until someone from the finance department got up and launched into a diatribe at the end of the table.
Then, opening the messenger on my computer, I typed out:
J Dane: Good morning
For a long moment there was no answer, and then three little dots appeared, letting me know someone had seen my message and was responding to it. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye, studying as she typed and deleted and then typed and deleted again before finally sending:
P Daniels: Good morning.
J Dane: Are these meetings always so boring?
P Daniels: Wouldn’t you have to be paying attention to know they were boring?
I smirked.
J Dane: Good point
P Daniels: What are you doing here?
J Dane: It was on my calendar. You ought to check yours, by the by.
P Daniels: I saw it.
I b
linked at my screen and then glanced over to see her adjusting her screen nervously. The girl from finance sat down, and when Judy began to speak again, I dived back into my mission.
J Dane: And what do you think?
P Daniels: People can see my computer, you know.
J Dane: And seeing what I have to say to you would be the most exciting thing that’s happened to any of them all week.
P Daniels: Are you always so cocky?
J Dane: Yes. Are you always going to avoid my questions?
I glanced over and caught sight of a pretty pink blush spreading over her cheeks.
P Daniels: This isn’t the time or place.
J Dane: I like that blush. It reminds me of the way you look after I’ve finished fucking you.
I shot a surreptitious glance her way and nearly grinned as she fumbled frantically at her keyboard.
P Daniels signed off.
I cleared my throat to choke back my chuckle, and Judy looked over at me, startled.
“Mr. Dane?” she asked.
“I’m so sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if I might borrow my assistant? Something very important has just come up.”
“Always.” Judy nodded, and I gave Piper a significant look as I rose from my seat.
“You’re sure this can’t wait?” Piper asked pointedly, but I gave her a single shake of the head. “I hate to waste everyone’s time.”
“It can’t.”
Without so much as another glance in her direction, I stepped from the room and led the way to my office, holding my door open and motioning for her to step inside.
When she followed, I clicked the door closed behind us and drew the blinds to ensure nobody would be able to see what happened next—and I had a few ideas of how I was hoping it might go.