“I thought you said we weren’t going to go there.”
“I can’t have sex with you. But I want to touch you. I could take my clothes off, let you finish what you started. You know…help you.”
Looking up at the ceiling, I shook my head. “You have no fucking clue, do you?”
“What do you mean?”
“How crazy you make me. There’s no halfway with you. Jerking off with your naked body right in front of me…not being able to do what I really want to you…would be torture. I don’t have that kind of willpower, not with you, not anymore. Even when I kiss you, all I can think about is burying myself inside of you. But you naked in front of me? Too much, Kendall. When you strip down for me, I want it to be when you’re ready to let me have you. Otherwise, it’s better if I don’t know what I’m missing out on.”
Looking filled with remorse, she waved her hands. “Okay. I get it. I’m sorry…for interrupting.”
“Go back to bed. I’ll be right there.”
After Kendall left, I closed my eyes in regret. Was I crazy for turning her away like that?
Now that she knew what I was up to in here, I couldn’t relax. Still needing release like a motherfucker, I turned on the shower and got in. Ironically, I jerked myself to thoughts of her naked body against the bathroom door and imagined she was watching me.
Fuck my life.
WHEN I OPENED MY EYES the next morning, Carter was gone from the room. He was probably getting breakfast. I had no clue what time it even was.
God, I felt so stupid.
What the hell was I thinking interrupting him like that last night, offering him nothing but another giant cock tease? Hearing him panting like that, knowing what he was doing behind that door, was making me crazy.
Shit or get off the pot, Kendall.
Carter had no clue how badly I wanted to give everything to him. I just couldn’t allow myself to go there until my head was on straight, because there was no way I could compartmentalize sex with him, no way I could keep my emotions out of it. I had to be sure not only of his intentions, but my own before taking a step like that.
I heard a thump against the window.
What the hell?
Then came another thump.
After sliding the curtain to the side, I literally jumped at the sight of what met me. It was the face of an animal that I quickly realized was a camel. On top of said animal was Carter, who was smiling and waving like a lunatic.
“Open the window,” he mouthed.
I lifted the windowsill. “What the hell is going on?”
“Get dressed and get your beautiful ass out here. We’re riding this guy. Long pants would be best.”
“I’m not hopping on that thing.”
“Sadly, it’s not the first time you’ve said that to me,” he joked. “But this time, you’re not getting out of it. Come on! We only have him for an hour.”
Carter flashed his beautiful smile and one look at that chin dimple was the push I needed to get out of bed.
The desert heat was already scorching for so early in the day. Carter was off of the camel and standing next to Amari.
Our host smiled at me. “Good morning.” He petted the camel. “You guys have fun on Fouad here. After you’re done, I have a nice traditional Arabic breakfast waiting.”
“Thank you, Amari. That sounds great.”
“Amari’s gonna help us get on,” Carter said.
Amari got the animal to sit, then said, “Getting on is the hardest part. After that, it’s smooth sailing.” After he helped both of us onto the animal, he said, “Carter’s a pro at this. You’re in good hands.”
I whispered behind Carter’s back. “You seem to be a pro at everything.”
He turned around. “Except getting the one thing I really want.” He winked. “Just kidding, beautiful.”
“No, you’re not.”
“You’re right. I’m not.” Carter placed a tender kiss on my lips that was interrupted when the camel started moving forward.
“Off we go, I guess! How exactly does one direct a camel?” I asked.
“Actually, I have no idea. Camels don’t really respond if you try to steer them. But I’ve always had luck just going with the flow. The main thing is just not doing anything erratic to spook them out.”
Blinking to rid my eyes of sand that was blowing in the desert breeze, I leaned into Carter, relaxing my cheek onto his back. As always, I felt safe whenever he was in control.
We rode in silence for a while before I was the first to speak.
“I’m sorry about last night. It was stupid of me to do something like that if I had no intention of taking it all the way with you.”
“Don’t worry about it. I hope you understand where I was coming from, though.”
“I do.”
“When I finally take you, there’s not going to be any holding back. That’s why you need to be completely ready for it.”
“I know you’re not used to women thinking twice before opening their legs to you.”
“Do you not remember me telling you that I liked a challenge?”
“I remember.”
“I’m up for it, Perky. Don’t worry. I’ll wait as long you need me to.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead. Anything. You know that.”
“All of the women…never letting anyone in…even your career which assures you’re never in one place for too long…is it all because of Lucy?”
Silence.
God, I was such an idiot. Again.
After a few minutes, I finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Carter. I shouldn’t have asked that. It seems I just keep sticking my nose in places it doesn’t belong the last twelve hours. First the bathroom, now this. I was out of line. I hope you’re not upset.”
His voice was low. “I am upset, but it has nothing to do with you.”
Carter steered the camel down a small hill. It was nothing but sand for miles. And us. The few buildings that sporadically dotted the desert were no longer in sight. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
“That’s the thing. I’ve never talked about Lucy. Not with anyone. My parents tried for a while, but they quickly realized they weren’t going to get anywhere and gave up. As horrible as it sounds, I just moved on. It’s been years since I let myself stop and think about everything that happened. Pretty sure I’ve thought about my life more in the last forty-eight hours than I have in the last fifteen years. Didn’t realize how much I was still holding onto.”
“Sometimes the things we hold onto the tightest are the things we most need to set free.”
Carter sighed. “Yeah.”
“It sort of makes sense. The lifestyle you lead. Always moving around and blowing through women. You can’t get hurt if you never get attached.”
“And I can’t hurt them if they never get too close.”
“It’s a protective mechanism. We all do it to some extent. I’ve been doing it the last year myself. In the back of my mind, I knew what I was going to eventually have to do, and I started pushing people away. My friends, the little family I have left…I didn’t want them to judge me when the time came.”
Somehow, Carter reigned in Fouad, and we came to a stop. He managed to swing one leg over the camel and turned so we were facing each other completely. Pushing a lock of hair behind my ear, he said, “I won’t judge you, Perky. Not ever. I give you my word.”
His eyes were filled with sincerity. I truly believed he meant it.
“And I’m here for you if you want to talk about Lucy. Anytime, anywhere. Even when this trip is over.” My heart squeezed thinking it wasn’t long now, the end of the road was coming near.
Carter kissed my forehead and then wrapped me in a tight embrace. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
Apparently, Fouad decided we were done with our little heart to heart. He started walking again, forcing Carter to swing back around and face forward. For the rest of the ride, I kept my
arms wrapped around him from behind and did what I’d done since the first time I followed this man—held on tight.
“YEAH, WELL, THERE’S A FIRST time for everything.” Carter was talking on the phone when I walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel after my shower. We’d spent the entire day alternating between sitting outside in the desert, eating traditional Arabic meals, and listening to Carter’s friend Amari tell stories of the changes in Dubai over the last twenty years. In between, we snuck in snuggle time in our room. Now the sun had set, and I’d just scrubbed an inch of sand from my scalp. “Give me fifteen, and let me talk to my woman.” Carter hung up and tossed his phone on the bed.
“Your woman?” I looked over my shoulder to the right and then to the left and teased, “You have a woman you own around here somewhere?”
Even though he was standing on the other side of the room, the way Carter was looking at me made my body warm. The towels weren’t very long, and my smallish breasts were pushed up and popping out the top. “I’d like to own you. You keep standing there much longer in that little rinky-dink towel, and you’re going to feel how much you own me in about two seconds.”
I hid my blush by burying my head in my suitcase searching for some clean clothes to change into. “Who was that on the phone you were talking to?”
He walked up behind me and kissed my bare shoulder. “A pilot friend. He asked me to cover a flight for him tomorrow morning. He’s here in Dubai and has a rapid turn trip.”
“Is he sick or something?”
Carter ran his nose along my neck, his warm breath sending goosebumps down my skin, most of which was already exposed.
“Cold?” The smile in his voice was unmistakable. He knew the affect he had on me.
I ignored him. “Are you going to take his flight?”
“That depends.”
“Oh what?”
“If you’re up for another adventure.”
I turned, and he didn’t back up. “You want me to go with you?”
“I’m only taking it if you go with me. If you want to stay here for another two days, I’m fine with that, too.”
“Where do you go in two days?”
Carter’s eyes looked back and forth between mine. “Home. I have five down days after this. I fly from here back to the states and then pick up a connection as a passenger to get back home to Florida.”
Wow. Our little trip really is coming to an end. The thought made me sick to my stomach. Carter must have sensed what I was thinking. He tipped my chin up so our eyes met. “Let’s not go there yet. Stay with me. Whether it’s here or on another adventure, we still have time. I don’t want this to end yet either. Stay in the moment with me, Kendall.”
“Where would we go?”
He smiled, and it was all I could do not to drop my towel in response. “That’s a surprise.”
“Give me a hint.”
Carter scratched his chin for a minute. “Okay. If you want to continue our little adventure, you’ll give me the green light, but you might wind up getting stopped at the red light along the way.”
“What the heck is that supposed to mean? I said a hint, not a riddle.”
He laughed. “What do you say, Perky? You up for one more adventure with me?”
“Can I get arrested for dancing, cursing, showing skin, or touching you, wherever it is we would go?”
“Definitely not.” He kissed the top of my nose. “In fact, those things are strongly encouraged at the next stop on our tour.” Carter smiled and that damn chin dimple joined in. God, I’m a sucker for that thing. Who knew?
I rolled my eyes. “Alright. I’m in. But if I wind up in jail again, I’m holding your dimpled self responsible.”
OUR FLIGHT THE NEXT MORNING was at an ungodly hour. We had to leave Amari by three-thirty in order for Carter to check in. It was going to be what he called a rapid turn, meaning we would get to wherever we were going by late this afternoon and be back in Dubai within twenty-four hours. Then, we’d meet up with his regular crew and fly back to the states. It was after that I didn’t want to think about. I’d probably go back home for a few days before heading to Germany. On the way to the airport, I stared out the window watching Dubai pass by, but not really seeing anything. Melancholy had swept my mood thinking how soon things were coming to an end.
“You okay?” The taxi had pulled off the highway following the signs to the airport.
“Just tired.”
“I got you a seat in first class, so hopefully you can get some sleep on the flight.”
“How long is the flight?”
“About seven hours.”
“What do you do up there in the cockpit the whole time? I mean, I know you fly the plane…but seven hours is a long time staring out at the sky.”
He shrugged. “I like it. It’s the only place I’ve ever really felt relaxed.”
“You must do a lot of thinking.”
“Sometimes. It depends on who I’m flying with. Some co-pilots are like me and keep it quiet. Others talk non-stop. When I get one of those, I usually take a nap.”
My eyes bulged. “You nap while flying the plane?”
Carter chuckled. “I do. But don’t worry. We take turns. The airline frowns upon both pilots sleeping at the same time.”
“Can I see the cockpit?”
“There’s nothing more that I would rather do than show you my cockpit. I thought you’d never ask.”
Carter had my boarding pass on his iPhone along with his orders, so we didn’t need to stop for check-in. We breezed through the employee security line and stopped at the food court for some coffee and breakfast. I gave Carter my order and went to the ladies room.
When I came back, I found Carter sitting at a table with a tray. Only he wasn’t alone. A gorgeous brunette was sitting across from him. Figures. She was wearing the same navy colors as he was, another flight attendant groupie I assumed.
She looked me up and down when I arrived at the table, blatantly sizing me up. Carter stood and pulled out my chair. “Kendall, this is Alexa Purdy. We work at International Airlines together.”
The woman showed me her perfect teeth. Considering my parents had also spent a fortune in endodontic care; I smiled bigger. “Nice to meet you, Alexa. Are you on Carter’s flight today?”
“I am. But it’s actually my flight Carter’s on, not the other way around.”
Carter explained. “I’ll be the co-pilot today. Alexa is captain, the pilot in charge. It’s her route I’m filling in on today.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t crazy about the woman when I thought she was a gorgeous flight attendant. Knowing that she was smart and going to be locked in a small room with Carter today, I immediately disliked her.
Carter was watching me. “I didn’t know Alexa had relocated and moved out of the states. We haven’t flown together in years.”
He might have been trying to reassure me, but Captain Purdy clearly had other ideas. She batted her eyelashes at Carter. “It’s been too long. We have a lot to catch up on. Remember how much fun we used to have on long flights together when we were reserve pilots?”
Carter coughed. “Alexa and I started out as reserve pilots, taking whatever flights we could get. So did her husband, Trent. How is Trent? Been a long time since I ran into him.”
“He’s great. Last I heard he was doing the Milan route and sleeping with a ninety-pound model he met on a flight.”
“You’re separated?”
“Divorced.”
“Sorry to hear that,” Carter said.
Alexa touched his arm and cooed, “Don’t be. The divorce was my idea. I like my freedom. Being tied down made flying the friendly skies drastically unfriendly.”
Luckily, we didn’t have too much time to waste over breakfast, because if I had to witness one more flirtation, or hear one more story of their good old times, I might have lost it. I wasn’t generally a jealous person by nature. I always felt like it was a waste of time and energy to worry about
what others had and I didn’t. But for the first time, I was thinking maybe the reason for my lack of jealousy before was there was nothing I really wanted enough to be jealous of.
We didn’t shake off Alexa until we were almost at the gate. Luckily, she got a call and told Carter she’d meet him on board before excusing herself. Still being careful to discreetly touch me in public, Carter steered me down a hallway near the bathroom for some privacy.
He raked his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry about that. I had no idea she was my co-pilot. I haven’t seen her in years.”
It was masochistic for me to ask the question, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Did you two, used to…”
Carter blew out a loud breath. “Yes. But it was a long time ago.”
“Did you two ever…fool around in the cockpit?”
“Kendall…” Carter warned. No answer was necessary because my brain had already conjured up a vivid picture of Miss Perfect Teeth with her head underneath the jet steering wheel. Ugh.
I put up my hand. “It’s fine. We’re both adults. And it’s not like we’re fucking or anything.”
“That’s not by my choice, and you know it.”
“Whatever.”
“You’re not being fair here, Kendall. I’ve been honest with you from the day I met you. Would you prefer I lied to you and told you that nothing had happened between us ever?”
“I’d prefer to not be here anymore.” I was trying to hurt him, to make him feel the hurt I was feeling. His face told me I’d succeeded.
He leaned in, lowering his face to mine. “Is that what you really want? You want to leave? Then go ahead. I can’t change who I was. I like you Kendall. A lot. Probably a fuck of a lot more than I’m supposed to at this point. But know this. I have no interest in Alexa or any other woman. You want to know why? Because the only woman I have any damn interest in is you. So if you can’t even trust me to fly a plane, then there’s no point anyway.”
We stared at each other, neither one of us giving an inch. “I gotta go. I hope you join me. But even if you don’t, nothing is going to change. The life I led wasn’t worthy of a woman like you, and all I can do is try to change going forward. The past is exactly what it is, the past.” And just like that, Carter walked away.
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