Playboy Pilot

by Penelope Ward

  “I’m hoping I gain some up top eventually. My boobs are so small, and this little guy’s daddy is a boob man.” My mind wandered to my own body. Would my breasts be big when I was pregnant? Carter had always said he liked my perky B cups, but something told me he wouldn’t be upset if I had a little boob gain myself.

  After the flight took off and leveled out, Cass, which I found out was short for Cassandra, took out a pair of Beats headphones and instead of putting them over her ears, slipped them over her small baby bump. She was playing music to her stomach. When she caught me looking, she said, “I read somewhere that babies might be able to hear in the womb, so I started to play him classical music.”

  “Him? It’s a boy?”

  “I’m not sure yet.” She rubbed her belly. “But I really think it is.”

  There was so much I was going to have to learn. Since I didn’t know this woman, I decided to let her in on my little secret. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

  “Sure. Go ahead.”

  “Did it take you a long time to conceive? I mean were you trying for long? I’m asking because my boyfriend and I…” I hesitated before admitting it out loud for the first time. “We decided we’re going to try to get pregnant.”

  The woman gave me a genuine smile. “That’s great. Congratulations.” It was the first time anyone had seen anything positive about my plan to have a baby. And it felt good. Everything was starting to fall into place.

  “Thank you.”

  “Actually…it didn’t take us long at all. I got pregnant the second time we were intimate.”

  “Wow. That’s amazing.”

  “It is, isn’t it? This little guy was definitely not planned. But I think he was meant to be. He’s the glue that is going to bind the three of us together forever.”

  “Will you be able to work much longer? The airlines have rules against flying too far along into a pregnancy, don’t they?”

  “Yep. Another twelve weeks or so, and then I’m going to be grounded. Most of the airlines won’t even let passengers fly after twenty-eight weeks, no less their flight attendants. Too much risk for early labor. They’ll give me a desk job. Probably checking people in and out or working the gate. I’m hoping I can transfer to Florida anyway, so the change will be good timing.”

  “You live in Texas now?”

  She nodded. “I live in Allen. But I’m originally from Florida, and most of my family is still down there. Plus, the baby’s dad lives in Florida, so I’m probably going to relocate.”

  “Do you think you’ll go back to work after the baby’s born?”

  “I hope not. All I ever wanted to do was get married, have a bunch of kids and stay home. It’s not easy these days to make it on one salary. Gotta make sure you snag yourself a good one like I did.”

  Her intonation soured me a bit. Snagging a good gravy train. It was probably because it was something my mother would say.

  After my second glass of wine, I started to come down from my adrenaline high, and exhaustion was beginning to creep in. Knowing Carter was going to be insatiable when we reunited, I figured I would get some sleep while I still could. I didn’t wake up again until the captain was speaking overhead telling us that we were going to be landing in just a few minutes.

  I stretched in my seat. “Wow. I was really out.”

  “You were. Had to take the headphones from the baby to drown out the little snore you had going on.”

  I covered my mouth. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.”

  She uncapped her water bottle and finished the little bit left. “I’m just teasing you. You were snoring, but it didn’t bother me any. I think I’m too nervous to sleep, or we would have been doing a duet together”

  “Nervous about the baby?”

  “No. I’m seeing the baby’s dad tomorrow. We haven’t seen each other in a while.”

  “I know how you feel. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in a week, and I’m a nervous wreck. If I hadn’t inhaled those glasses of wine, I would never have slept. I’m so excited.”

  “It’s been a little longer than a week for us.”

  “Oh? How long?”

  “Three months.”

  “Wow. That’s a long time. He hasn’t even seen your new pregnancy body yet.”

  “Yes, that’s true. Although that’s the least of my worries.”

  My brows drew down so she explained. “He doesn’t even know I’m pregnant yet.”

  “Oh. Wow. Oh my.”

  “Yep. Now you can understand why I wanted to guzzle that wine.”

  “I certainly can.”

  “Do you…do you think he’s not going to be happy about becoming a father?”

  “I have no idea how he’s going to react. He’s a bit of a wild one. Not sure he planned to ever be tamed. But down deep, I think he’s a stand-up man, and he’ll do the right thing.”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what the right thing even was. The entire conversation was beginning to turn my stomach. What kind of a woman doesn’t tell a man she’s pregnant for months? Although I suppose there could be a lot of reasons for that. Maybe he’s not the greatest guy, and she considered not even having the baby or something. It really wasn’t my place to judge. Especially with all the crazy stuff I had been planning on doing. You never really know anyone’s true story unless you’re standing in their shoes.

  Landing was bumpy, but I was thrilled to have arrived a few minutes early. I wanted to use the airport restroom to freshen up before I met Carter at the bar we were going to meet at.

  As we taxied to the gate, I began to clean up my magazines and tossed my garbage into my bag. Smiling, I turned to Cass. “Good luck. Are you going to get to see your boyfriend soon?”

  “Tomorrow,” she said. “He’s got a flight in the morning that I’m going to join him on. Although he doesn’t know that yet either.”

  The plane came to a stop, and a ding came over the loudspeaker indicating it was safe to get out of our seats. I began to unbuckle. “Does he travel a lot for work or something?”

  “He does. All the time, actually. He’s a pilot.”

  I stood and opened the overhead, grabbing my bag. “Oh, that’s funny. So is my boyfriend.”

  The cabin door opened quicker than any flight I was ever on before. The gods just seemed to be smiling down on me today—a smooth flight, pregnant traveling companion, on time arrival. Stepping into the aisle, I said, “It was nice meeting you. Best of luck with your pregnancy and everything.”

  “Thanks. You too. I hope you get pregnant as easily as I did.”

  I was just about to walk off the plane when I heard the flight attendant saying goodbye to Cass who was right behind me. “Good luck, sweetie. Give me a call later, and let me know how Trip takes the news.”

  I froze mid-step. My mind had to be playing tricks on me. Turning around, I asked. “Did she just say Trip…how Trip takes the news?”

  Cass smiled, thinking nothing of it. “Yes. It’s a nickname for my baby daddy. His name has three of the same letter so they call him trip for triple.”

  I felt the blood rush from my face. “What three letters?”

  “C. His name is Captain Carter Clynes.”

  MY LUGGAGE WAS THE LAST left on the conveyor belt. How long had it travelled around in circles before I finally noticed it? How long had I even been standing here?

  The joy I’d felt over the past twenty-four hours had completely transformed into a mixture of shock, panic and sadness. I couldn’t remember the last time deep sadness completely consumed me like this. My emotions had left me a frozen shell of myself as I stood in baggage claim.

  I’d lost track of Cass sometime after she revealed the name of her baby’s father. To be honest, I barely remembered exiting the plane and arriving at this spot.

  Finally lifting my suitcase off of the belt, I looked around at the crowds of people making their way through the airport. A part of me wanted to just run, but a bigger part knew that I had to hear it from
him—that he knew her, that he was the father of this baby.

  Was there a chance she could’ve been making it up? I quickly banished the thought from my brain, refusing to give myself false hope.

  My head felt like it was going to implode between the intermittent intercom announcements, the sounds of the people rushing around me, and the fearful thoughts in my head. Everything seemed loud. Looking down at my phone, I realized I was late in meeting Carter at the airport lounge.

  One foot in front of the other.

  Go.

  You have to face him.

  The escalator slowly descended into what I was pretty sure was going to be my own personal hell.

  When I got to the lounge, I closed my eyes to grab my bearings before entering. When I opened them, I spotted him in the corner. He was all decked out in his pilot’s uniform and looking up at a sports channel that was playing on the television. Just inside the entrance, I stood there with my heart pounding and admired his tall stature without him noticing me, for the sheer reason that it might have been the last time I could do it.

  He suddenly turned around. My heart dropped when I noticed he was holding a large bouquet of flowers. When our eyes met, Carter’s mouth curved into the biggest smile. My heart was breaking with every step he took toward me. And with each step, his smile slowly faded once he realized that I was crying and that they weren’t tears of happiness.

  He mindlessly threw the flowers onto a nearby table. “Perky? What’s wrong? What’s happening?”

  Unable to speak, I gripped his shirt for balance.

  “Did something happen on the flight?”

  Still unable to form words, I nodded.

  He pulled me into a hug, and I was too weak to resist. Crying into the crook of his arm, I could feel his heart beating a mile a minute against my cheek.

  When he pulled back and examined my eyes again, he said, “Tell me what’s going on.” When I continued to remain silent, he begged, “Please.”

  Closing my eyes, I prayed for the strength to get through this, then finally spoke.

  My voice was shaky. “I sat next to a woman on the plane. She was four months pregnant.”

  “Okay. It freaked you out?”

  “No.”

  “Did something happen to her?”

  Grabbing a chair for balance, I sat down and looked up at him.

  He didn’t move. “Tell me what happened, Kendall.”

  “She was an off-duty flight attendant.”

  “Alright. I’m not following.”

  “Her name is Cass. Do you know her?”

  He started to open his mouth to say something then froze when realization hit. “I do know her, yes.”

  “You dated her.”

  “Yes. How many times have we gone over this? It didn’t mean anything. It was before we met and…” His eyes widened, and a look of panic flashed across his face as he put two and two together. “Wait. You don’t think that I got her pregnant?”

  “It’s not that I thought it. It’s that she told me that in her own words. She says you’re the father of her baby, Carter. She was flying to Florida to come tell you in person. She’s supposed to be on your flight tomorrow.”

  He shook his head in disbelief then yelled, “What? No!” He knelt down to where I was seated in order to look me in the eyes. “No, Kendall. No.”

  “Can you look me in the face and tell me with absolute certainty that it’s not possible that you are the father of her baby?”

  His eyeballs moved from side to side as he struggled to make sense of this. He ran his hand through his hair. This news was out of left field for him too, and I had no doubt that he was in total shock.

  I repeated, “Is it a possibility?”

  He finally stood up and took a seat across the table from me, seemingly still too stunned to speak.

  I rephrased my question. “Did you, or did you not sleep with her four months ago?”

  “Yes,” he whispered. “I did.”

  “So, it’s technically possible.”

  The light drained from his eyes as it truly hit him. It was possible.

  He couldn’t deny it.

  Leaning his head into his hands, he asked, “We don’t know anything. What if she’s lying about the pregnancy?”

  “She didn’t know who I was, Carter. She had no reason to lie to me.”

  Still holding the sides of his head with both hands, he just continued to look up at me. The fear within me was expanding with each second that I witnessed the fear in his eyes growing. I had wanted him to tell me Cass was delusional. I had wanted him to tell me it was all a lie. I had wanted him to make me feel safe, and he couldn’t. He simply couldn’t prove anything one way or the other.

  My mother’s voice rang out in my head. “You’re gonna end up with no one, and we’re gonna end up destitute!”

  Carter’s own words from the past also came back to haunt me. “I would never turn my back on my kid. There is nothing more important than a child or their best interests.”

  My head was spinning. “I’m sorry, Carter.”

  “Sorry? What are you saying?”

  “I have to leave.”

  He grabbed my hands. “Perky, no. Don’t do this. Whatever happens, we can get through it. I prom—”

  “I can’t.” Shaking my head with tears streaming down my cheeks, I repeated, “I can’t. I’m so sorry.”

  “Can’t what?”

  “I can’t be with you.”

  Something I never expected from him happened as he continued to stare at me. His eyes began to glisten. Being the man that he was, he fought back the tears as he stared at me incredulously.

  Unable to stand seeing him so hurt, I forged a lie. “I was going to tell you that I decided to go ahead with the insemination anyway. So, I suppose this timing is just as well.”

  His eyes were red. “That’s bullshit.”

  “No.”

  “Don’t lie to me,” he spewed.

  I needed to rip the Band-Aid off. My eyes were still filled with tears as I suddenly got up and walked over to my suitcase.

  “I have to leave.”

  He followed closely behind me. “Kendall, don’t do this.”

  “I have no choice.”

  “What if this is a lie, or if it’s not…what if the baby isn’t mine? We don’t know anything yet,” he pleaded.

  “What if it is?” I screamed.

  “Then, it won’t matter. I belong to you. This doesn’t change anything.”

  “It changes everything, Carter! Everything. I’ve never felt more pain in my life than I do in this moment. I can’t handle it. If you ever really loved me, please just let me go.” My tears were now blinding me when I whispered one last time, “Let me go.”

  My words seemed to have gotten through to him. He stood there frozen as he watched me walk away. I focused on the rolling sound of my suitcase, fighting the urge to turn back around to look at him one last time.

  I didn’t.

  I needed to get out of the International Airlines gate as fast as possible.

  Fifteen minutes later, I found myself at the Lufthansa Airlines ticket desk.

  “When is your next flight to Munich?”

  After searching the computer, the attendant said, “We have one that leaves in an hour with a stopover in New York.”

  I closed my eyes to shun off the immense sadness creeping in as I realized what I was about to do. Everything was flashing before my eyes: Rio, Dubai, Amsterdam, Boca. The love that grew more and more with each step of our journey. I still loved him, and I knew I always would, but I couldn’t risk losing everything. More so, I couldn’t handle the pain. Carter fathering another woman’s baby was just too hard to accept. I loved him too much and couldn’t witness him living out a part of our dream with someone else. I had been looking for signs to help me make a decision. I would say landing that seat next to Cass was just about the biggest sign I could’ve gotten.

  Before I had a chance to cha
nge my mind, I let out a long breath and finally answered the attendant. “I’ll take it.”

  “LAST WEEK, WE EXPLORED your past, what happened with Lucy. We didn’t have enough time to revisit the situation you alluded to, that brought you here to seek help. So, I think we should delve into that today, if that’s okay with you. I’d like you to tell me about her,” Dr. Lemmon said.

  “Alright.”

  “Take your time.”

  Suddenly, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. The words just wouldn’t come out.

  “Sorry. This is just not easy for me. I haven’t spoken about her with anyone. I’ve spent the past several months basically running, spending even less time at home than before because, even though she was only there with me a short time, it’s the place that now reminds me of her the most because it’s where we…” I hesitated, “Consummated our relationship.”

  “Tell me about her,” she repeated.

  “Her name was Kendall. Uh, is Kendall. I mean she’s not dead. She’s still out there somewhere.”

  “How did you meet?”

  “At the airport.”

  “Not too unusual for a pilot, I suppose.”

  “Yeah, but our story was anything but usual.”

  The next twenty minutes was spent describing the weeks that Kendall and I fell in love. The words flowed freely until I came upon the hard part.

  “So, she called you and said she was meeting you at the airport. It sounded good. You assumed that she was going to take you up on your offer to father her baby. You felt ready to be a father…”

  I closed my eyes. “Yes. Yes, I did. With her…I did.”

  “What happened that day?”

  I continued my story, painfully recalling the last moments with Kendall inside the airport lounge before she revealed her run-in with Cass and walked out of my life for good.

  Dr. Lemmon took off her glasses, seeming affected by my story. “That must have been a very difficult moment.”

  “I still can’t wrap my head around it, how everything just crumbled so fast.”

  “Do you blame her for leaving so abruptly?”

  “No. No, I don’t. I might’ve done the same thing in her shoes.”