Heartbeat

by Danielle Steel

  He told them he'd be back in a little while, and he went to tell Adam that, too, and then he got a ride back to their campsite, and he stood trembling as he looked around, thinking that only that morning, life had seemed so carefree and so simple. And now suddenly two of the people he loved had almost lost their lives …three, if he counted the baby. He had a sense of reverence and gratitude, and he was relieved when everything was packed and he drove to the hotel. They had set aside a beautiful two-bedroom suite, and he had already decided to sleep on the couch. He wanted to keep an eye on her at night, and be sure that he heard her if she called him. He would have preferred sleeping in the same room, but he was afraid it might upset the children.

  And as soon as he dropped off their things, he went back to the hospital, and was startled to discover that it was six o'clock and the boys were eating dinner.

  “Where've you been?” Tommy asked. They had taken out the IV, and he looked like his old self, as Adam told him to stop eating his mashed potatoes with his fingers. The children's ward was almost empty. There was a broken leg, a broken arm, a minor car accident that had required some stitches and observation for a concussion, and Tommy, having survived his dousing in the river. And most of the other children were older, and they were talking among themselves during dinner.

  “I went to get a hotel room for all of us,” Bill explained. “I checked on you all afternoon, but you were asleep all the time.” He leaned over and kissed him and as he did he realized he was hungry. He hadn't eaten anything since the breakfast Adrian had fixed early that morning.

  “Is Adrian okay?” Tommy's face clouded up with worry, but Bill nodded quickly.

  “She's going to be fine. She was worried about you. She took kind of a beating trying to rescue you. Which reminds me, young man, what were you doing out of the swimming hole without the others?” The boy's eyes got huge in his face and brimmed over with tears. He knew exactly what part he had played in it, and he was old enough to know that it was his fault that he and Adrian had almost drowned, and he felt deeply remorseful.

  “I'm sorry, Daddy …honest …”

  “I know you are, son.”

  “Can I see her yet?”

  “Maybe tomorrow. She's pooped. Hopefully they'll let her out and we can take her back to the hotel with us.”

  “Can I go tonight?”

  “We'll see.” He would have liked to spend the night with Adrian, but he didn't want to leave the boys alone in the hotel, and even in the hospital, Tommy would have expected his father to sleep with him. And they had already said that Adam couldn't spend the night since he wasn't a patient. So Bill had no choice but to take them to the hotel, and come back for Adrian in the morning.

  But she didn't seem to mind when he went back to see her. She was so exhausted from the perils of the day that she had barely woken up to talk to him before she was asleep again, and the nurse suggested that he leave her.

  “She won't even know that you've gone, and I'll explain it to her when she wakes up,” the nurse promised, “and if she wants to, she can always call you.” He left the number of the hotel, and the hotel room, and he went back to get the boys, and an hour later they were jumping on the beds, and watching TV, and Tommy wanted to order chocolate ice cream from room service. It was difficult to believe that he had almost not survived the morning.

  Bill gave him a bath and put them both to bed, and then he stretched out in the room that was to be hers, feeling completely exhausted. He couldn't remember a day in his entire life that had been as traumatic. And all he could think of was the hideous vision of their two bodies with the rangers and the paramedics struggling over them …the sirens …the sounds …the looks on their faces. He knew he would have nightmares about it for years, and as he thought of her, he found himself missing Adrian, and wanting to hold her close. There was so much he wanted to say to her now, so much for them to find out, to do together, to discover …and then there was the baby. He didn't even know exactly how pregnant she was. All he knew was what the doctor had guessed, but he had no idea when it was to be born. It was remarkable how suddenly a whole new being had come into his life … a whole new prospect of happiness for the future. He had loved her before, but now he knew that he loved her doubly. And as he thought about it, lying on her bed, the phone rang.

  “Hello?” His voice was hoarse from just lying there, thinking of the emotions of the day, but he smiled as soon as he heard her voice. It was Adrian, calling from the hospital. She had woken up, and wondered where he was, and she was missing him, just as he was missing her. A whole new bond had formed between them since that morning.

  “Where are you?”

  “Here in your bed,” he said, smiling, “wishing you were here with me.” Given the chastity of their relationship, it seemed a rather forward thing to say, but he suspected she wouldn't mind after everything they'd been through. He almost felt as though they were married and she had just told him they were having a baby.

  “Can you hear any bears?” she teased, she still sounded croaky, but a lot stronger.

  “No bears and no coyotes.” Given the price he had paid for the suite, with the view they had of the lake, there should only have been the sounds of minks and Rolls-Royces. “But it's lonely without you,” he told her.

  “It's lonely here too.” She hated being in the hospital and she really missed him. “How are the boys?”

  “Asleep, I hope. I put them to bed an hour ago. And if they aren't asleep, I don't want to know it.” He was almost as tired as she was. And then, with a tender smile, “How's the baby?”

  “Okay, I guess.” It embarrassed her a little bit talking to him about it. It was all so new to her. For all these months, she had pointedly ignored it, and now it was suddenly the focus of their attention. “It's all so strange. I'm not used to it yet.”

  “You will be eventually. When's it due, by the way?”

  “The beginning of January. The tenth.”

  “Just in time for my fortieth birthday. My birthday is actually New Year's Day.”

  “That sounds like fun.”

  “So does the baby,” he said softly. “It's been so long since I've even thought of little ones. It makes me think of when Adam and Tommy were small. They were so cute. And this one will be, too, if it looks like you.” She couldn't believe what she was hearing. The man who had fathered it had left her in a fury, and this man, this almost total stranger, whom she had known for a mere three months, was excited about her baby. It made her feel so protected suddenly, and so happy and so much less lonely.

  “Why are you being so good to me?” What did he want? And when was he going to hurt her? It just wasn't possible that he was this kind. Or was it?

  “Because you deserve it.”

  And then suddenly, she laughed. “You're just using me as research for the show.” And she laughed, too, remembering the absurdity of the parallel between the illegitimate pregnancy on the show, and her own baby.

  “You certainly do keep things lively, Mrs. Town-send. Or should I call you by a different name?” He wasn't sure if she was going to change it.

  “My maiden name is Adrian Thompson.” And eventually she would have to go back to that, since the baby couldn't use Townsend anyway, but that was all a long way off. “I can't wait until tomorrow. It's so depressing here.”

  “Wait till you see our hotel room.”

  “I can't wait.” She felt as though she were about to leave on her honeymoon, except that she still had an IV tube in her arm, and they were still giving her oxygen through two tiny tubes just beneath her nose, and her face and hands and arms looked as though she had been in a cat fight, and she still remembered that some of the scratches had been inflicted by Tommy. It had been an incredible day, a miracle that had touched all of them, and they all felt more than a little awed by the happy outcome. And some good had come of it after all. Bill had found out about the baby.And he hadn't sent her away …and …she smiled to herself … he had even told her
he loved her.

  “I'll see you tomorrow. Now get some rest,” he told her in a gentle whisper. It was late, and it seemed as though the whole world had gone quiet. “I'll miss you….”

  “I'll miss you too, darling, good night,” she whispered from her hospital room in Truckee.

  “And don't forget,” he reminded her with a smile, “how much I love you.”

  BILL PICKED ADRIAN UP AT THE HOSPITAL THE NEXT day, and he brought the boys with him. They brought flowers and balloons and a big THANK YOU sign that Tommy insisted on carrying himself, and as they helped her to the car, it looked like a jackpot at the casino. She was still pretty shaky when she was discharged, and they went straight to the hotel so she could rest. And Bill set her up with pillows in a chaise longue on their terrace. She was impressed by how fancy their quarters were, and she admitted to Bill confidentially that it was a lot nicer than camping. He laughed in answer and told her that some people would do anything to avoid sleeping in a tent, and she certainly had. In one day, she had managed to almost lose her life, save Tommy's, and admit to the fact that she was pregnant.

  They ordered room service for lunch, and then Bill went out fishing with the boys. And they caught three and brought them back to the hotel kitchen to have them cleaned and cooked. It was the perfect arrangement.

  “I love this kind of camping,” Adrian announced as the trays came up eventually, supposedly with their fish, in delicate lemon butter sauces. Bill and the boys were convinced that they really were their fish, even though Adrian suspected that they weren't. They watched old movies on TV after that, and they all went to bed early. And all through the night, Adrian would wake up, thinking she heard sounds in her room, and it was always Bill, peering down at her, making sure she was all right and asking her if she needed anything. And she thanked him for it the next morning over breakfast.

  “You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine.”

  “I just want to be sure. You just got out of the hospital yesterday.” He was like a mother hen, but she thought it was terrific and she loved it.

  “I feel great.” But he noticed that when she wandered around the room, she still didn't have her old zip, and she didn't seem anxious to go out. In the end, it took four days for her to seem like herself again, and by then the vacation was almost over. But they had a lovely time, going for walks around the lake. They stayed away from the river, and the rapids, and the boys never repeated their request to go rafting.

  They visited the state park at Sugar Pine Point instead, and were fascinated by it. And they went for a drive to Squaw Valley and took the ski lift to the top and then back again. And it was beautiful, and by the last night, Adrian and the boys were fast friends. It was as though they had always known her. They had called their mother long since, and told her all about Tommy's accident, and Adrian's heroics. And she had insisted on speaking to her and thanking Adrian herself. She sounded nice on the phone and she had cried copiously, just thinking of what might have happened.

  “She sounds like a sweet person,” Adrian said to Bill later. “And she sounds like she still likes you.”

  “I think she still does. I like her, too, even though we irritate the hell out of each other sometimes, when we don't agree about the boys. And her husband is kind of an uptight pain in the ass. He thinks that California is uncivilized, and devoid of culture, and he thinks pretty much the same thing about me because of the show. But I don't think Leslie lets him say much about it. At least that's what the boys say. But apparently the other two children are very, very proper. They're both girls and they're four and five and he has them playing concert piano and violin. I figure that can wait a few years.” He grinned. “What do you think?”

  “I agree with you.” She smiled. “But Leslie sounds nice anyway.”

  “I think she was looking for someone completely different from me … or from what I was then …she wanted someone who spent a lot of time at home, who was very controlled, and not so compulsive, and maybe not so exuberant. And I think she got it.”

  “That's too bad,” Adrian said without thinking, and then laughed. “I just meant that your way sounds better.”

  “Thank you.” And with that, he leaned over where he was sitting and kissed her. And out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tommy giggle from across the room.And then he turned to Adrian again. For the past few days, his mind had been full of questions. “What happens when we go back, Adrian? To us, I mean?”

  “I don't know.” She looked him in the eye. She wanted to know, too, and she wasn't sure yet. “What do you want to happen?” She thought she knew, but she needed to take her clues from him, and then she needed to think about what she was going to do about Steven, if he ever turned up again. It wasn't fair to launch herself into a relationship with anyone, knowing full well that if he returned, she would go back to him. But she felt that she had an obligation to him, and the baby. But on the other hand, she couldn't sit around waiting for him for the rest of her life either. For the moment, he wouldn't even talk to her, and he was showing every possible sign of having deserted her permanently, and if that was the case, she had to go on living.

  “What do I want to happen?” Bill thought about it for a minute. And then he smiled. “I want a happy ending, preceded by a happy beginning. I think we're off to a good start, don't you?” She nodded. “And I want time with you, to go places and be together and do things, when we're not working. And I want to get to know you. I think I already do, but I want to know more. I want you to know me. I want us to be …well,” he said, groping for the words as he looked at her, “something very special.” And then he smiled. “And in January, I want,” he almost gulped as he said the words, “to share the baby with you. It's a miracle, Adrian …and I'd like to share that with you, if I'm lucky enough, and you still need me.”

  “You're not the one who would be lucky,” she said with tears in her eyes. “I would be. Why do you want to do all this for me?” she asked, still a little bit afraid, still puzzled. After all Steven had done to abandon her, it was so hard to believe she had found someone who wanted to stand by her.

  “I want to do 'all this' because I love you,” he said simply. “And I want you to know that this is a real departure for me. I haven't been seriously involved with anyone in years. Probably not since the demise of my marriage. And I also swore to myself that I'd never have any more kids again … I don't want to fall in love with your child …and then lose it, if you leave me. But I'm willing to take that chance, if you're honest with me. And if that honesty is that you're reserving yourself for the possibility that Steven could come back when you have this kid, I've decided that I'm willing to take that chance for now. That's as straightforward as I know. I'm telling you that I'm willing to take the risk, and be there for you. Just don't forget to tell me what's going on, like you forgot to mention the pregnancy.”

  “I didn't forget,” she explained, and he grinned.

  “Yeah, I know. You just didn't mention it. A minor oversight. And how were you going to explain that one in a few months, after you'd eaten me out of house and home?” He loved teasing her, as she threw a napkin at him.

  “I do not eat that much!”

  “Yes, you do, but you should. The baby needs it.”

  But she grew serious then. “You're not scared to take the risk? What if he comes back? I owe him a life with his child, and I owe it to the baby.”

  “I disagree with you. I don't think you owe him anything, after the way he treated you, but if you do, I have to respect that. I just don't happen to think he'll come back. Anyone who'd go to the lengths of renouncing his parental rights, in a state where you can practically commit mass murder and still keep them, isn't planning to come back and be a daddy. But I could be wrong. I told you. I'm willing to take the risk. Because I love you.” And as he said it, she got up from where she sat, and went to kiss him. She had been feeling better for the past two days, and there had been mounting passion in their occasional stolen kisses. S
he wondered what else was waiting for them once they got back to L.A., but as long as the boys were there, it was not an issue.

  They spent their last night there quietly, chatting on the terrace and looking up at the stars and holding hands, and suddenly he laughed and he looked at her, feeling ridiculously happy. “Do you realize how crazy this is?” He grinned. “I'm in love with a woman who is four months pregnant. Do you have any idea how funny this is going to be when you can no longer see your feet? Talk about modern romance!” She started to laugh, too, and they just sat there and laughed about the absurdity of their situation. “I mean you could almost do this in the movies …guy meets girl in supermarket, falls madly in love with her, and they keep meeting. Girl is married, but husband walks out on her when he discovers that she is pregnant—with his baby. Guy from supermarket reappears, and they fall madly in love. Girl then staggers around with big belly, doing Fred Astaire-Ginger Rogers type dances with our hero. They get married. They have baby. And live happily ever after. Cute, isn't it? Maybe I should do it for the show. But it's much too simple. To do it for daytime TV, you would have to kill Steven, and the baby would really have to be someone else's, and then it would turn out that I was already married to your sister, or maybe I could turn out to be your father. That's a nice touch. I'll have to try to work that in somewhere.” She was laughing at him then. And he was right. It was a ridiculous situation. But he had reminded himself of a more serious question. “When does your divorce become final, by the way? Before or after the baby?”

  “Around the same time, I think. I'm not sure of the exact date.”

  “It might be nice if we could give Junior a name, other than Thompson,” her maiden name, and she was touched by the way he said it. He was offering to marry her, if only to legitimize the baby, and she leaned over and kissed him for what he had just said.