Built for Lust

by Alice Gaines

  “All right.” She put her palm against the side of his face. “We’ll tell them. Just not right now.”

  He took her hand and kissed the palm. “I love you, mate.”

  Chapter Four

  The pounding rattled the window of the cabin door. “Cara? Gray?”

  Cara sat up in the small bed she shared with her mate and glanced at the clock. Almost two am. “Coming.”

  “Cara?” Ilse’s voice called, even louder. More pounding followed.

  “All right. I’m coming.” Cara grabbed a robe just as Gray sat up in bed.

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t know. Ilse sounds upset.”

  “I’ll come, too.”

  Cara left the bedroom and went to the door. Her sister stood on the other side, and when she opened it, Ilse pushed inside, a huge flashlight in her hand.

  “It’s Tommy,” Ilse said. “He’s missing. Hasn’t been in his bed for hours.”

  Gray entered, still settling his robe into place. “Any clue where he’s gone?”

  “Ricky says he kept talking about Grayland and how he wanted to kill one of those birds and bring it home,” Ilse answered.

  “Shit,” Gray cursed. “I’m sorry.”

  “Not your fault,” Ilse answered. “He’s a good kid but headstrong. Hard to control.”

  “We’ll get him back,” Gray said.

  “You bet we will,” Cara added.

  “Not you, Cara,” Gray ordered. “You’re staying here.”

  Cara glared at him. “I will not.”

  “I won’t have you risking the baby,” he said.

  “Baby?” Ilse repeated.

  “Cara’s pregnant, and she’s going to stay here and be safe,” he said.

  “This is why I built a mechanical mate,” she said. “I am not taking orders from you.”

  Ilse glanced from Cara to Gray and back. “Maybe he’s right.”

  “Like hell. Tommy’s my nephew. No one can keep me from helping to find him.”

  “Cara…” Gray’s voice came out like a snarl.

  “I mean it. If you leave me behind I’ll follow.”

  “We’ll all go,” Ilse concluded. “But let’s do it.”

  Gray wagged a finger toward Cara. “You stay with me.”

  “Joe’s organizing everyone,” Ilse said.

  Gray nodded and headed outside. When Cara made to follow, Ilse caught her arm. “There’s something I haven’t told the others. I’m sensing Tommy out there, but only weakly.”

  “He must have gotten far away,” Cara said.

  “Or…” Ilse didn’t have to finish that sentence. They both knew what she meant. Tommy might be hurt, bad enough that his life force was slipping away. If so, they’d have to get to him quickly so his mother could heal him.

  “Gray’s right.” Cara squeezed Ilse’s arm. “We’ll find him.”

  “Let’s go.”

  By the time they joined the group, the others had all shifted. Ilse and Cara shed their clothing and did the same. With Bess watching the two young ones, they had seven adult wolves, strong enough to cover distance quickly and with senses of smell acute enough to pick up Tommy’s scent as they went. Plus, they had Ilse’s ability to detect Tommy from even farther away. If anyone could find the wolfling, they would.

  They ran almost silently through the forest. Even on the brightest day, the redwoods cast much of the land into deep shade. After dark, only a patch of moonlight here and there marked their way. Cara’s sensitive ears picked up the sounds of her pack mates and the breathing of Gray beside her as they went. Even after several long minutes, she found no trace of Tommy’s scent, and they seemed no closer to their goal. Though none of them questioned Ilse’s second sight, they could have been going in circles for all Cara could tell. Luckily, the rest didn’t know that Ilse was having trouble sensing Tommy. Worry wouldn’t help. Better they think all was well.

  As much as Cara would have denied it, she didn’t have her normal strength and was beginning to tire. Gray slowed his pace to stay with her, and his silver eyes showed concern. Screw that. She wouldn’t let him be right about telling her to stay behind, so she kicked into high gear. Fighting for breath, she surged ahead. She had to prick up her ears to catch the sounds of the rest of the pack in the distance, but eventually, she got close enough to spot them.

  The other five stood in a moonlit clearing, their chests heaving as they panted for breath. Ilse’s black fur stood almost on end over her shoulders. A sure sign of extreme upset. Cara trotted up to her, and Ilse’s eyes showed pure terror. She’d lost Tommy -- couldn’t sense him at all -- and there was only one reason for that. The worst had happened.

  His mother, Ruth, let loose a terrible howl. A cry of mourning, of a heart tearing apart. Joe snarled at her and prowled back and forth, the way he always did when he couldn’t control something. For a moment, Peter stood with his snout raised, sniffing the air in all directions. Finally, he lowered his head, and his shoulders sagged.

  No. This could not be happening. They couldn’t have lost Tommy. The pack’s oldest child, the reason for such celebration at his birth. Old wolves died, not cubs. He was the next generation, their link to the future. They couldn’t go back without him. The death would kill their mother, figuratively if not literally. Cara couldn’t have life inside her body only to lose the first-born and maybe her mother as well.

  Desperately, she searched for Tommy’s scent. Even if Ilse’s ability had failed them, the child had to have left some evidence of having come this way.

  Now, what had felt like weakness turned to strength as another being inside her -- another new spark of love and life -- united with her. Somehow, she and her cub together searched for Tommy, systematically turning a step at a time as they sampled the air. Gray watched out of silver eyes as she did it, his gaze wary. He couldn’t understand and wouldn’t until he held the child in his arms. Maybe she’d explain later, but for now, her mate’s worry didn’t matter as much as finding her brother’s son.

  There! She caught it. Just the faintest whiff, but real. Tommy. No doubt about it. She charged off. Although Gray tried to catch her hind leg in his teeth to stop her, she got away and ran, all the while testing the air for the right direction. Her mate came crashing after her. Fine. He could help, but he couldn’t stop her.

  Now, she flew like the wind with no thought or sign of weakness. Her whole life, she hadn’t added anything unique to this pack. She’d been a sister and a daughter but nothing more. Tonight, she’d do what the rest of them couldn’t. Not the healer nor the fire starter nor the visionary could find their wolfling, but she could. She crashed through underbrush but kept going at top speed. She might run smack into a tree with bad luck, but she’d take the bruises and keep going. For once, she had a real purpose, something she needed more than the others. Maybe even more than Tommy.

  The scent kept getting clearer. Either her sense had grown stronger, or she was getting closer to the child. Either way, she was headed in the right direction. She pushed on harder, exceeding her own maximum speed. The run took on a life of its own -- forelegs pulling at the ground and then hind legs shoving her forward. She was flying, honest-to-God flying. Dashing from light to dark and then light again. She bounded over a log and entered deeper darkness. Here, she couldn’t make out anything in front of her. Suddenly, the ground slipped out from under her feet. She struggled for balance and lost, rolling and skidding downward.

  Ravine. She’d tumbled into a ravine. Tommy had fallen here before her. The knowledge seared into her brain as she continued, rocks scraping against her. Down and down, as if the descent would never end. Gray had been right. She should have stayed behind, and now, her child would suffer if she didn’t die herself.

  I’m sorry, she called to him, if only he could hear her. I love you.

  She did hit bottom finally, landing on soft redwood duff next to a stream that rustled softly as it went by. She lay perfectly still for a moment, listening to her
heartbeat roar in her ears. And to something much softer -- the swell of the other life inside her. Her cub, her baby, her child, was alive and well.

  She shifted, clutching her belly, and weeping with relief and joy. “We made it, little one. You and I. We made it.”

  Tommy was nearby. She only had to get up and search for him. She rose. “Tommy? Where are you, honey?”

  The only answer came from above her as another body crashed down the side of the ravine and came to a stop in front of her. The huge, gray wolf, his eyes shooting silver fire. The fur on his shoulders stood straight up, and he bared his fangs and snarled at her.

  “Cut it out, you stupid male,” she said. “I have to find Tommy.”

  In an instant, he shifted and stalked up to her, finally grabbing her arm and pulling her against his chest. “What the fuck did you think you were doing?”

  She tried to pull her arm back, without success. “Finding my nephew. For once, I could do something none of the rest of them could.”

  “I swear to God, Cara, if you ever do anything like that again…” He glared down at her, undiluted fury in his eyes.

  She stared back up at him. “You’ll do what?”

  “Jesus God, woman, you could have killed yourself.”

  “I didn’t, and the baby’s fine, too,” she said. “Instead of talking, why don’t we…”

  A scream cut her off. A human, female voice. Ruth, although not like any other sound Cara had ever heard. She pushed by Gray and headed upstream.

  It didn’t take Cara long to discover who’d made that ungodly sound. Ruth sat beside the stream, human and naked, in the arms of her husband, who’d also shifted. The other wolves stood by, not moving. Ruth let out another bloodcurdling howl as she stared at something lying on a rock in the water. As Cara got closer, the thing revealed itself to be a small body with black fur like his father’s.

  “Tommy,” she cried as she scrambled toward the child. “Oh God, Tommy.”

  Her feet slipped as she went, rocks digging into her flesh, but the pain didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except getting to him. If she could hold him, she could make everything all right. He’d wake up from whatever trance he’d fallen into. He might be hurt. Of course, he’d be hurt. That fall was so sharp, and he was so little. But she’d fix him somehow. She hadn’t run so fast and risked so much only to lose him now.

  She dropped into the stream beside him, hitting her knee on a rock in the process, and scooped him up into her arms. He was limp, his head hanging backward as she lifted him, and he was cold. But then, he would be cold, wouldn’t he? He was wet, the poor baby.

  She held him against her naked chest to warm him and rocked. “There you are, sweetie. We found you. You’re safe now.”

  Ruth sobbed loudly and reached her arms out.

  “It’s okay, Ruth,” Cara said. “He’ll be all right. He has to be.”

  A hand came down on her shoulder. Gray had kneeled next to her in the stream. “Cara, you have to give him to his mother.”

  “I can’t.” She leaned toward him to whisper in his ear. “They think he’s dead.”

  “Honey, he is.”

  She clutched Tommy more tightly. “No.”

  “His mother’s a healer. Ilse can sense things,” Gray said. “Look at them. They know the truth.”

  “No, it’s not possible.” She scanned the others. Ilse, Sam, and Peter looked utterly defeated, their expressive eyes wide. Ruth’s face was a mask of grief as she continued crying. Joe’s features didn’t move, as if he’d seen something so horrible he’d turned to stone.

  “No,” Cara wailed. “I caught his scent when no one else could. I found him. I risked my own baby. He can’t be dead.”

  “Give him to me, Cara,” Gray whispered.

  “No.” She clutched the child, even as reality penetrated. He wasn’t moving, wasn’t breathing, wasn’t getting warmer.

  “Come on, honey.” Gray stroked her face and looked into her eyes.

  “No,” she repeated, her voice wavering.

  She had to let him go, but her arms wouldn’t release him. When she did, she’d be admitting the very things she couldn’t accept. That an innocent child -- a child who represented the future of the pack -- had died because of recklessness. And more -- the place she’d thought to have found for herself in the pack went with him. She hadn’t found him in time, hadn’t done something wonderful. She brought nothing to her family that someone else couldn’t do.

  Gray reached for the small body, this time obviously willing to force her to give it up. Just as her mind told her to accept that terrible truth, some knowledge inside her screamed to wait. And there it was. A thump-thump, distant and weak but real.

  “Wait,” she said.

  “Listen, honey…”

  “No, wait.” Again. Stronger this time. Thump-thump, thump-thump.

  “Gray,” she whispered, putting her mouth against his ear again so no one else would hear. “His heart… I think it’s beating.”

  “Aww, baby.”

  “I mean it. See for yourself.” She handed Tommy to her mate. Already, the boy had some muscle tone and felt warmer. He did, whether anyone believed her or not.

  Gray looked skeptical at first, but then, he rested two fingers at the boy’s throat, checking for a pulse. After a moment, his eyes flew open. “Everybody… he’s alive.”

  “My baby,” Ruth shouted. She lunged at Gray and carefully took Tommy into her arms. She held him, stroking his face and kissing him. After a moment, Tommy whined -- the sort of pup sounds he’d never let anyone hear now.

  The wolves crowded around, sniffing the child. Ilse licked him a few times and then tipped her head back to howl.

  Cara would have collapsed into the stream with relief, but Gray caught her and pulled her against his chest. She trembled, her teeth chattering. They were, after all, still kneeling in cold water. Her feet and hands hurt -- probably bleeding -- and she’d have a nice gash in her knee. None of that mattered, of course, but when Gray lifted her in his arms and set her on the bank of the stream, she didn’t fight.

  “You all right?” he asked.

  “Never been better.” She glanced back at the others. Tommy was squirming in his mother’s arms, and the others looked on as if he were the most miraculous thing on Earth. He probably was.

  “I’ll run back and get the four wheel drive,” Gray said.

  “Gray.” She kissed him briefly. “You don’t know how to drive.”

  “Right.”

  Sam separated from the group, nodded toward Gray, and took off in the direction they’d come from.

  “Sam’ll do it,” Gray said. “Why don’t we just sit here and enjoy the evening?”

  * * *

  Back at the compound, Cara didn’t get a hero’s welcome. Anything but. Her mother finished cleaning up and bandaging her cuts and shut her medicine kit with an angry snap. “You’re lucky you weren’t hurt or worse. Much worse.”

  “I wasn’t,” Cara answered. “So, you can stop looking at me like that.”

  Her mother got up from the low stool she’d used to reach Cara’s feet and arched her back, rubbing her palm along her spine. Quite the display of self-sacrifice for a woman young enough to keep up with her children on a run. It worked, anyway, as a stab of guilt shot through Cara despite herself.

  “My daughter acts as if she doesn’t have a brain in her head sometimes,” Bess said. “I expected better of you, Gray.”

  “I tried to stop her.” Gray moved closer and draped an arm over Cara. He’d hardly allowed her more than a foot away from him since he’d almost landed on her at the bottom of the ravine.

  “When were you two going to tell us about the baby?” her mother demanded.

  “As soon as Cara let me,” Gray answered.

  Bess tsked. “A fine pair, you two.”

  “For crying out loud, Mom, cut her some slack,” Joe snapped from across the room. “She found Tommy.”

  The others murmured
in agreement. They’d all taken turns thanking her with a hug or a kiss on the cheek. It had felt good, but now, her mother’s disapproval soured her moment of triumph.

  “She could have killed herself,” Bess said. “We might have had three lives to mourn.”

  “I caught Tommy’s scent. What did you want me to do?” Damn, now she was shouting at her own mother.

  “Tell the pack. Operate like a family,” Bess shouted back. “That’s what our kind do.”

  “You’re not being fair, Mom,” Peter said calmly.

  “What, are you all ganging up on me?” Bess asked.

  “It’s not like that,” Ilse answered. “You weren’t there. We were all desperate. Cara found him.”

  “You’re damned right I did, and I’d like a little credit for it.” Despite the cuts on her feet and her knee, which hurt like hell, Cara got up and paced the room. “My whole life I’ve amounted to nothing.”

  “That’s not true,” Bess said.

  “Stop giving me pity points,” Cara shouted. “You’ve done it my whole life. ‘Don’t worry, darling, your gift will come to you.’ ‘We all love you just the way you are’.”

  “We do,” Peter said.

  “You love me the way you love the little ones. Not as an equal. I’ve never been an equal until tonight.”

  “But, sweetie…” her mother tried.

  “You see?” Cara crowed. “That’s what I called Tommy tonight. That’s what we all call Sally. When do you call Ilse sweetie? Or Joe?”

  “I’m sorry,” Bess said. “I didn’t know it bothered you.”

  Damn it all to hell. “It didn’t. It does now. Finally, I did something to fit in with this pack, and you can’t take that away.”

  “That isn’t what she meant,” Joe said.

  “How do you know what she meant?” She stopped pacing and glared at her brother. “I accomplished something tonight. No one else could find Tommy, but I did. I found him.”

  A soft voice came from the hallway that led to the bedrooms. “You did more than that.” Ruth stood there, leaning against the threshold.

  Joe went to his wife and tried to pull her into his embrace but Ruth held him off. “No. I have to say this. Tommy was dead when we got to him.”