He squeezed Johnny’s arm reassuringly and grinned. “Listen, I know you love me, and I know I love you. Fuck the rest of ‘em!” Johnny didn’t smile back, instead looking away.
“Hey, what’s really bugging you, Johnny? Is it really just about Billy, and you being afraid to admit to him you’re gay? I sense something else going on here.”
Johnny jerked his head up, a startled expression on his face. “As usual you’re onto me,” he admitted. “That isn’t all of it. When I betrayed you—that’s how it felt when I said Amanda instead of Eric—when I did that, it really got me thinking. What do we have, you and I? I mean, we spend the weekends together and we have great sex and wild, intense times, but is that it? Is that all there is between us?”
Ah, so here we are, Eric thought. He’s calling me on my own shit now. Touché, Johnny.
Once Johnny started talking, the words tumbled over each other in his apparent eagerness to be heard, to be understood, and Eric just let him go. “I feel like I try to get closer to you,” Johnny said earnestly, “but you keep me at arm’s length. I feel like by making me leave you each Sunday night, you are saying, ‘This is it. This is all we can have.’ I want more, Eric. I want more, but you’re the one with the final say, the one in control. Make no mistake, I love what we have, but I want more. I want those other nights—nights like regular couples have, where we just eat pizza and watch a movie. Where we go out with friends. Where we go to the supermarket together and do the laundry together. I want to be in your life more, I guess is what I’m saying. But you,” his voice was suddenly bitter, “you don’t want that. You just want your weekend boy toy to fuck and forget about.”
Johnny pushed his chair away from the table, his face coloring. “Man, I’m sorry,” he said as he headed into the living room. Eric stood as well, following him. “I said more than I meant. It’s your fault, damn it. You sit there with that superior psychologist look on your face making me talk. I didn’t mean to say that. At least not quite so bluntly.”
Johnny dropped heavily into a chair, his tone imploring. “Listen, I know I don’t have any right to ask for more. It’s just that I sit in my crappy efficiency apartment during the week, exhausted from a job I fucking hate, and wonder what you’re doing right then and wonder why I can’t be there with you. Why you force this distance between us. I wonder when it will change, if it will change. I wonder if I’ll lose the time we do share if I dare to ask for more.”
Johnny sighed and bit his lower lip. “Jesus. I’ve said too much. Way too much. I’ll shut up now. I’ll even go now, if you want.” He stared out the window, his hands clenched in his lap, his lips compressed in a tight line.
Eric sat next to him on the couch, their shoulders touching. He looked out the window alongside his lover as he gathered his thoughts, gathered his courage. “You want to know why I don’t let you stay here during the week?” Eric said softly. “The real reason?”
Johnny, still looking out the window, said woodenly, “I don’t know. Do I want to know?”
Eric put his hand on Johnny’s thigh. “It’s not another guy, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Johnny let out a little puff of air, which showed that had been precisely what he had been thinking.
Eric squeezed Johnny’s thigh and plunged in. “Listen. This is ironic for me, since I’m the therapist, the one who’s supposed to be in touch with his feelings. You want to know the bottom line? It’s fear.”
Johnny turned toward him, surprise and question in his face. Eric continued, “You know, your timing is perfect. I’ve been thinking about this very thing the whole week. Thinking something was going to have to change but afraid to initiate it. Here’s the thing, Johnny. I’m afraid if I let you get too close, I’ll lose you.” He blew out a breath. “There, I’ve said it out loud.”
Johnny turned to stare at Eric. “What? Lose me? How?”
“Come on, Johnny. This is your first time. I’m your first real lover. You’re only twenty-four.”
“Twenty-five next month,” Johnny interjected.
Eric smiled wanly. “Okay, whatever. You’re a young guy. And in a way you’re younger than your years because you’re new to this. It took you so long to come to terms with your own sexuality. So you were kind of dormant, if you know what I mean.”
“So? I’m not dormant now!” Johnny protested. “I’m gay and I’m a sub, and I totally love it. I could never go back to how it was.”
“Yes, I know you do, and that’s really great. It’s great to see you embrace your true nature. But I’m your first, don’t you see? It’s just a matter of time before you get tired of me. Before you wonder what it would be like to submit to someone else, to belong to someone else. Tell me, who settles for their first?”
Johnny looked at Eric and touched his cheek, a tenderness coming into his face that took Eric’s breath away. “You don’t get it, do you?” he said softly. “Listen. First of all, you aren’t my ‘first’. I had sex with six girls before I met you. I know, my heart wasn’t there, but my dick was.” He grinned and continued. “What I mean is, I’ve had other relationships, even if they weren’t right for me. I’ve been around. I know what’s out there and I know what I want, and it’s you. This is gonna sound weird coming from me about you, but I think what’s missing here, for you, is trust. You need to let go and trust me. You’ve taught me to let go in so many ways, but now it seems like you don’t follow your own advice.”
He leaned forward, his tone emphatic. “And you know what else, Master Sir?” Eric ginned at the intentional irony in his lover’s teasing tone.
“What, slave boy?” he rejoined.
“Let’s just say, for the sake of argument that I do leave you in a month or a year or ten years.” Johnny shrugged. “Or let’s say you leave me. Or we both decide we can’t fucking stand each other. So? So, that’s life! Isn’t that what you would tell your patients? That’s life! Life is full of risks, and if we don’t take them, we never end up experiencing anything.”
Johnny stood now, pacing the floor. “Jesus, look at me. It took me twenty-four years just to own my feelings. I was so afraid of taking even that risk that I missed out on years of being happy and fulfilled. I’ll tell you what, Dr. Méndez, I’m through with that shit. I’m going to take risks and fuck the world if it can’t take it!”
Eric smiled and nodded. “Out of the mouth of babes, huh? You make it sound so simple. And, of course, you’re right! So I lose you. I didn’t have you before. Who am I to try and control things like that? You see right away what I was hiding from—I can’t control the world. I can control my sub’s orgasm, I can control his level of pleasure and pain, but no one can control another’s heart. You hit the nail right on the head, Johnny. I’m going to have to trust you. To trust myself and go with it.”
He stood, and Johnny moved toward him, a smile on his face, relief in his eyes. They stepped into each other’s arms, their lips meeting in a long, lingering kiss. For the first time, Johnny was the first to pull away. “You know,” he mused, “I should put my money where my mouth is. I should be willing to continue with the risks. I hate it that I have to keep you a secret. That I can’t tell anyone but Amanda how in love I am. How thrilled I am to know you and be loved by you.” He clenched his fist, smashing into his open hand. “Damn it. I’m done with that! I’m gonna tell my family exactly who and what I am. If they don’t like it, they can go fuck themselves!”
Eric nodded but cautioned, “That’s terrific, Johnny. But let’s go slowly with that. You can tell them, sure. But maybe we can think of the best way, the least shocking way, of letting them know. I’ve had some experience with this—no need to go barreling in. Though I applaud your intentions and support them all the way, let’s do it in our own time, not theirs.”
“Okay. Agreed.” He smiled as radiantly as an angel. “Man, I feel like a huge weight just got lifted off my shoulders. I love you, Eric. I want the world to know.”
Later, lying in bed, Eric said, “Remem
ber earlier you said you want to show the world? To prove to the world your love for me?”
“Yeah.” Johnny moved closer, snuggling against his lover.
“Well, I want that too. Not just your family. I want to take you out, Johnny. I want to show you off. I want to take you to the Cavern. What do you think?”
Johnny didn’t answer right away. In a small voice he said, “Um. What does that mean exactly? I mean, what would you expect of me?”
“I would expect everything of you. As submissive as you are at home, I would expect that in public. Don’t forget, these aren’t just any people. These guys are all heavily into the BDSM scene. Many of them live the life 24/7. Some of these guys are kept in cages when they aren’t being used, and their sole function in life is to serve their Master. They’re kept chained and marked at all times. What you and I do is soft-core compared to some of these guys.”
“Did you ever do that?” Johnny whispered, his voice awestruck.
“Do what?”
“Keep your sub in a cage. Keep him in chains, with fresh welts on his ass to remind him of his place.”
Eric sensed the longing mixed with the fear in Johnny’s voice and was surprised. Gently he said, “I have, Johnny. I will with you, when I own you completely. If that’s what we decide we want.”
Johnny shivered and snuggled closer. Eric could feel Johnny’s rising erection against his thigh, though Johnny had just orgasmed a few moments before. Johnny, Eric realized, wanted more intensity in their D/s relationship—at least he thought he did.
Eric was excited by this response. He made his decision at that moment. “Tomorrow I’m taking you to the Cavern. I’m going to chain you and whip you in public. I may make you suck cock, not necessarily mine. I may let someone else fuck your hot little ass. I may keep you locked and gagged in a cage while I fuck someone else’s boy toy. What do you think of that, Johnny Wilson? Could you handle it? Would you want to?”
“Jesus,” Johnny whispered. “Jesus.” His cock was rock-hard and he began to rub it against Eric’s thigh. His eyes were closed, his breathing labored, his lips parted for a kiss.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Chapter 14
Johnny stood naked, the shower steaming behind him. Eric tossed him a can, which Johnny automatically reached out to catch. It was a can of shaving cream. Eric held out a new razor, which Johnny took with his other hand. “I want you to shave your balls and pubes smooth. I want you completely smooth tonight for a couple of reasons. First, you’ll feel things more keenly—a tongue, a clamp, a whip—they’ll all register better on freshly shaven skin. Second, it’s a mark of a submissive in my circle—soon to be your circle if you please me tonight. We like to keep our slaves’ cocks and balls smooth.”
Johnny’s reaction to Eric’s command must have shown on his face, because Eric grinned. “What? Is there a problem? Get in there and do what I said. When you get out, I have a present for you.”
Eric had a large steam-resistant mirror along the back wall of his shower that enabled Johnny to see what he was doing better as he performed the delicate operation of shaving himself smooth. Despite Johnny’s trepidation at scraping his most tender parts with a very sharp blade, and his fear he would look ridiculous afterward, his cock responded to his touch, elongating and engorging as he watched his dark-blond pubic hair fall away in the wake of the razor blade.
As he worked, his mind wrapped around Eric’s words…a tongue, a clamp, a whip… Jesus, was he up to this? Yes, he adored what he and Eric shared in the privacy of Eric’s apartment, but how would he handle someone else’s tongue? Or whip! Johnny comforted himself with the reminder his lover wouldn’t take him somewhere he wasn’t ready to go.
Would he?
When Johnny finished shaving, he examined himself in the mirror, not sure of his own reaction. His penis looked strange with no surrounding curls in which to nestle. It made his cock seem larger, and his balls looked heavy and masculine, despite their new bald state.
Once out of the shower, he toweled off. Eric returned to the bathroom and pointed toward the counter. “Put this chastity device on over your cock and balls. It’s part of your outfit for your debut tonight.”
Johnny looked down at the black leather codpiece. With an apprehensive glance at Eric, he took it into his hands, turning it over as he figured out how to put it on. The chastity device consisted of a zippered black leather pouch held in place by a latex cock strap that went under the balls and closed over the base of the shaft.
Johnny fit the codpiece over his cock and balls. Eric helped him adjust the leather and the straps, and then they both looked into the mirror. “Sweet,” Eric said softly. He was standing just behind Johnny, and he reached around to grip Johnny’s leather-clad package. Johnny’s imprisoned cock responded immediately, swelling against its leather prison. He moaned softly.
“Yes, that’s right,” Eric said in a low, sexy voice. “Even though the leather keeps your cock confined, you’re still vulnerable to stimulation by touch. This can make for an intense sensory experience.”
He continued to stroke and squeeze Johnny’s balls and cock until Johnny’s hips began to writhe in response, his head falling back with pleasure. All at once Eric withdrew his hand. “No, you don’t. You won’t be coming for a long time. You’ll have to earn it. You’ll be put through your paces tonight, I promise you. Don’t even think about coming until I give you permission, you got that?
He pulled Johnny’s head back by his hair and reiterated, “No matter what anyone does to you, don’t you dare come until I tell you to.”
“No, Sir,” Johnny whispered. His erect cock was mashed uncomfortably against his balls in the confining leather, but he knew if he mentioned it, Eric would only smile and ask him if he had a problem with that.
He had no problem with it. In fact, perverse as it might be, the erotic discomfort turned him on, ironically further exacerbating the problem. Eric, no doubt aware of Johnny’s aroused state, took pity on his slave, unbuckling the strap and releasing his genitals from their prison.
“You’ll wear that again tonight, but for now get dressed,” Eric said. “I’ve laid out your outfit on the bed. We’ll wait till we get to the club to put the chastity belt back on.” Johnny nodded, trying not to betray his nerves. Anxiety and excitement warred inside him, one or the other gaining the upper hand from moment to moment.
He followed Eric into the bedroom and saw what Eric had selected for him. There was a pair of black leather pants he’d bought Johnny as a gift the weekend before. A white linen shirt with no collar and long sleeves, also a gift from Eric, lay next to the pants.
He put on a black jock strap first, pulling it up and over his cock and denuded balls. Eric, already dressed in charcoal gray pants and pale gray cashmere sweater, sat in an armchair watching Johnny with smoldering eyes.
Next Johnny pulled on the black leather pants. The leather was supple and soft as a baby’s bottom. The pants fit like a glove, molding against his body. Eric tilted his head, appraising his lover. “It’s almost a shame to cover that gorgeous chest with a shirt but it can’t be helped,” he remarked. “We can’t have you going out in the cold with no shirt, can we?”
Johnny put on the new shirt, pleased with its fit, which was snug against his chest, but roomy enough for his broad shoulders. As he began to button it, Eric said, “Leave the top four open. I want to show off those gorgeous pecs.” The outfit was quite a shift from Johnny’s usual uniform of flannel and denim, but he had to admit he liked it.
“Come over here and let me inspect you,” Eric said. Johnny walked over to stand in front of him. “I think we’ll pierce your ear soon. Would you like that? A nice diamond, just here.” Eric reached up, grabbing Johnny’s right earlobe gently between thumb and forefinger.
Johnny hadn’t thought about getting his ear pierced until Eric said it, but now he looked at Eric’s diamond stud and touched his own lobe thoughtfully. No! The word leaped into his b
rain from somewhere inside of him. His dad and brothers would tease him mercilessly.
Johnny turned away, annoyed with himself that he still let those two live rent free in his head. Fuck them! He could do what he wanted. “What’s the matter, Johnny?” Eric no doubt misinterpreted his expression as one of fear regarding the piercing. “Don’t worry, I won’t have you pierced unless you want it. I was thinking maybe nipples too, but that would be later.” Distracted by this comment, Johnny touched his chest, biting his lip at the thought of a needle piercing his nipples. Eric stood, laughing, and took Johnny into his arms.
~*~
They walked up the stone walkway to the red door of a three-story brownstone in a northern New Jersey neighborhood. This club wasn’t much of a club as far as Johnny could see. It looked more like someone’s house. They had driven in Eric’s car, which he rarely used and kept in a garage in the city, taking it out only on occasions like this, when the bus or subway wouldn’t get him where he was going.
“The owners, Mark and Jason, live here as well as run the club,” Eric explained as he pushed the doorbell. “They open the Cavern on the weekends, and it’s by invitation only.”
“Cool. So you got an invitation for tonight?”
“Well,” Eric ducked his head modestly. “Some people have an open invitation, I guess you’d say.”
The door opened and Eric was enfolded in a bear hug. The man hugging him was at least six foot five, with massive shoulders and a big belly. He reminded Johnny of a big, shaggy bear.
“Eric! Darling! We’d been despairing if we’d ever see you again. There’s a whole gang of poor, miserable submissives here who feel abandoned. Where have you been, dearest boy?”
As the man let go of Eric his eyes landed on Johnny standing just behind him. “Oh,” he breathed. “Oh my. Now I see where you’ve been.” His grin was sly as he moved past Eric to stand directly in front of Johnny. Johnny took a step back, uncertain how to respond.
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