by Shan
I chuckled. “Nah, your little ass don't be wanting to come over here because you know I'm not gonna let you get away with half the shit your mama does. I'll get your phone back, but you watch your fuckin' mouth. You understand me?”
He huffed and nodded his head. I knelt down so that I could be level with him. I grabbed his little hands and stared into his eyes. Tamarion had just turned seven years old and was smart as fuck. He had seen everything that his moms and me had gone through, and it took me a while to gain his trust again.
I knew that he loved me, but whenever his moms and me was at it, he would always take her side, and I would end up being the bad guy. I had to convince him that I wasn't that same guy that he watched as a baby and that I had changed.
I had to explain to him that sometimes men made mistakes, and only real men made an effort to fix them. Tamarion had been a big part of the reason why I had to get Rozalyn back and get my shit together. The last thing I wanted was to disappoint my sons and have them thinking that I didn't love and respect their mother because that wasn't true.
“Remember when we had that talk about how it was wrong of me to disrespect your mom and how it was never appropriate for any man to ever call a woman out of their name no matter what the woman did to that man?” I asked him, and he nodded his head yes before holding it down to look at the floor. I used my finger to lift his chin and force him to look at me. “You can't call Keysha out of her name just because you don't like her. I know she isn't your mama, and she never will be, but you still gotta respect her little man. Alright?”
“Okay, but when will we be going back home? I heard Auntie Lana telling granny that mama wasn't going to jail. And you said that after mama got out of trouble that we would be going home. All of us, you said you too.”
Damn this little dude was real observant. I had said that shit to him and the twins, but I didn't think they remembered or was even listening to me for that matter. We were on the basketball court hooping when I had told them that. I tried not to discuss family issues with them because they were too young and it was easy for them to get confused, but when they asked questions, I had to tell them something. They were too smart for me to try and ignore them.
The twins were now five years old and would be turning six at the end of the year. By then, I wanted all of us to be together and celebrating their birthday as a family like it was supposed to be. Not only that, Zavier being here with us another year was always a blessing being that we almost lost him.
“Where are your brothers and sister at?”
“In the toy room.”
“How about you go and join them and then I'll be in there to beat you on a game of Madden?”
“Daddy, you can't beat me. I beat you four times back to back already. You know you can't handle me, but I don't mind taking your money again.”
I laughed. “Man get your little bad ass in there. I'll be in there in a few.”
I waited until he was out of sight before getting up and going towards my office as I planned when I first came home. Hearing that Keysha was in my shit had me even more pissed than I was when I walked in. She knew damn well it wasn't shit in my office that was any of her business. I pushed the door open and saw her ass sitting behind my desk with her face screwed up. I didn't say anything to her and just walked over, grabbed her arm, and forcefully pulled her up from the chair.
“Let me go!” she yelled as she jerked her arm away from me. I released the grip I had on her and sat behind my desk. I then went to pull up the internet and typed in Texas Department of Criminal Justice website to do an inmate search. After placing Kari's first, last name, and clicked on female in the dropdown box, I hit search. I sat back and waited for the results to pop up and clicked on her name in the list once it showed up on the screen. Just as I had previously thought, she was still a prisoner in the Gatesville, Texas Women's prison.
Who the fuck was this bitch sitting across from Rozalyn's house then; I thought as I let out a long, deep sigh. I was so deep into my thoughts that I hadn't heard shit that Keysha had said until she slapped me across the face with a stack of papers.
I immediately took my hand and washed it over my face before I stood up and knocked the shit out of her. Everything was a blur to me then. Somebody was watching my wife's house, the place where my kids often laid their heads, and that person looked like Kari. But according to the system, she was still locked up. I know I wasn't seeing things and whoever had been in that damn car knew I wasn't either or they wouldn't have ran when they spotted me.
I had lost the person while I was trying to maneuver my way through Rozalyn's neighborhood and spent hours driving around the city looking for her, but gave up and decided to come home and check this shit out. I didn't have time for Keysha's fucked up ass attitude.
Things with Keysha were great a few months ago, but as of late, I realized I had made a mistake by fooling with her; a big mistake. She wasn’t what I wanted and had only been a scapegoat to help me deal with my downfall. Being with her had given me the motivation to keep going and get to where I was today.
I knew that if I had stayed with Rozalyn and worked things out, she would have convinced me to take my losses and settle down. She was the only woman that I would do that for, but I just wasn’t ready for that yet. I always knew that I would one day do something real big and couldn’t stop until I at least tried that.
Of all people, Rozalyn should understand my love for the game and my love for power. It was the only thing that kept me going. It was the only thing that I had in my life that kept me sane…that, my kids, and her. Keysha understood that part of my life and I thought that being with someone that was into the same thing that I was, would make things easier, but it had only made me see where I had fucked up.
I had treated Rozalyn like shit. She no longer wanted to be with me, and I heard her say it damn near every day. I heard her explain it to our kids, her friends, and her family, and even to that that lawyer bitch Kimani Kilpatrick.
“I can't believe you put your fuckin' hands on me again!” Keysha yelled as she picked herself up off the floor and walked over to me. I finally saw her. She had my attention now. The blood that dripped down her lip caused me to shake my head. I shouldn't have done that to her, but what the fuck did she expect me to do. She had to know slapping me in the face with a stack of fuckin' divorce papers wasn't going to end well. I was tired of her throwing that shit in my face…literally.
“What the fuck did you think I was gonna do after you slapped me in my face with that shit? Keep your hands to yourself, and I'll be sure to do the fuckin’ same!”
“Tamar, I can't believe you! How long has this shit been going on?” she asked pointing to my computer. I shrugged my shoulders, pulled my desk drawer back, and removed a pre-rolled blunt and a lighter. I put the fire to the tip of the blunt and leaned back in my seat. “Don't ignore me! You told me it was over between the two of you and I come in here to find that you still haven't signed these damn papers and that shit!”
“I never told you it was over between me and her! Don't twist my words up because I never said that shit. I told you that me and her were not fooling around at the moment, not that it was over.”
“You have told me time and time again that it was over. What do you mean don't twist your words? I'm telling you what you told me. You got me out here away from my home and family to be with you and all this fucking time when I thought we were going in the right direction, I see this shit! Your ass is crazy, and you're obsessed with her!”
I leaned back even further in my office chair and faced my blunt. Obsession was a harsh word. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself obsessed. I was just a concerned husband that wanted to make sure my wife was safe and wasn’t on no dumb shit during her little hiatus from me. Keysha could call it what the fuck she wanted, but I wasn’t obsessed about shit.
“So, you’re still gonna sit there and ignore me. Act like you don’t hear me talking to you. I actually thought you be in
this muthafuckin’ office working and shit, but you down here watching your wife’s every damn move! What the fuck, Tamar? You had cameras put into her house? How long has this shit been going on, Tamar?”
Silence.
“Answer me!”
Yep, I had several cameras installed in every room of Rozalyn’s house. They were top of the line cameras that gave me clear video and audio, and they were every damn where. Fuck it. I had to protect my interest and make sure wasn’t nothing popping off that I wasn’t aware of. I had to know what I was dealing with when the time came for me to put my family back together. This was how I knew Rozalyn was gonna be at the Mansion, how I knew what she talked to the kids about when they didn’t tell me, and this was how I had heard her constantly talking about how done she was with me.
“Is that what you want, Tamar? You want to be back with her, and you want me to leave?”
Silence.
“You know what, just keep sitting there looking like the damn fool you are. That bitch don't want you. I heard her say that shit at least twenty times while I was trying to figure out what the fuck you had going on in here. You better be glad I don’t go over there and tell her what the hell you been in here doing.”
I shrugged my shoulders, took a toke off the blunt, and blew the smoke in her direction. I wonder what she thought that was going to do if she did tell Rozalyn. My wife knew I was a crazy ass nigga that had no limitations on the things I would do when it came to what I felt was mine. Rozalyn would be pissed, but I could guarantee she wouldn't be surprised. She would eventually get over it like she got over everything else that I did.
“I'm gonna go ahead and pack my things and take my ass back to Detroit. You ain't gotta ever worry about us no more.”
“Thank you,” I finally said to her back as she walked out of my office and slammed the door shut. I reached over and grabbed my cell phone and called down to the Texas Department of Criminal Justice office. I had to make sure that Kari was indeed in prison like this damn computer system was saying she was.
While waiting on hold for someone to come to the phone to help me, I clicked over to the software that I had set up and watched as the screen was covered with various live images of Rozalyn's house. There were a total of fifteen cameras installed throughout the house, and each camera displayed on my screen. In order for me to zoom in and get audio for a particular camera, I had to double click on it, and it would enlarge on my screen. I could see Rozalyn sitting on her sofa, smoking a blunt, and sipping on a glass of wine. I also saw the workers that she called out to fix her front door that I broke in. I could tell that I had frustrated her with my antics, but if she had talked to me then, it would've never gone this far. I just wanted to see how she was doing and let her know that I had fucked up in more ways than one.
I placed my phone on speaker, pulled up Rozalyn's name, and began to type up a text message to send to her.
“Hello, this is Sandra Escalante, how can I help you, Sir?”
“Yea, my name is Tamar Andrews and I was calling about Kari Sanders. I wanted to check on her release date. I was told that I would be informed forty-eight hours prior to her release, but that didn't happen. I don't know what's going on because I saw her.”
“Okay, Mr. Andrews give me one second to check our system to see what happened. What's her birthday?”
I called out Kari's birthday and then went back to typing up my message for Rozalyn.
Me: I shouldn't have come at you like that. A nigga was missing you, and you know me seeing you in that nigga face had me heated. I really just wanna get up with you and see how you been doing. We need to talk so let me take you out? Send.
“Mr. Andrews, Ms. Sanders is still in the custody of the Gatesville Women's facility. And we do have your contact information here and a note to contact you before she is released. She still has 19 months left. Are you sure that you saw her?”
I guess not, I just wanted to make sure.”
“Okay, well if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me at any time and I will be happy to assist you.”
“A'ight, preciate it.”
I pressed the end button and then went back to the messages between me and Rozalyn. I could tell that she was responding because of the typing indicator at the bottom of the screen. I was just waiting to see what her response would be. After waiting another minute, her message finally came through.
Rozalyn: I really don't want to see you unless you're bringing the signed divorce papers with you. Other than that, I'm great. Please leave me alone unless it has something to do with our children. Not missing you.
I dropped the phone down on my desk and sat back in my seat with a deep scowl on my face. Damn, she was really serious this time.
8: Keysha
It's been awhile
Since I had a love that's all mine
Niggas came to win
And not wasting my time
I'm maintaining screaming out
Fuck it I'll Be Fine
I had practically been upstairs packing for at least an hour now, and Tamar had yet to grace me with his presence. I had slowly pulled my things out of my drawers and the closet while bumping my girl K. Michelle's CD Rebellious Soul. I was now at the end of the CD, and I swear this girl had sung my life to me. It had been a while since I had a love that was all mine. I couldn't be mad at nobody but myself though because when I found out Tamar was married, I should've left.
He was right when he said that he actually never told me that it was over between them, but there were times when he would tell me that I had nothing to worry about and that he wasn't going anywhere. I chose to ignore the facts and what had been in my face all along. Things like the unsigned divorce papers, the fact that although he didn't wear a ring when we first met that he now faithfully wore that muthafucka’ like it was his lifeline.
There were also so many instances where he would consistently compare me to Rozalyn. The way I cooked always got compared to her. The way I dressed down to the way I wore my hair and the fact that I chose to keep hustling.
Tamar had played me real good. I had thought that the nigga had tried to help me when in actuality he was only using me. He had gotten damn near everybody on my team including my father to turn their backs on me. They were all now working for him and this UNC shit he had started. I wasn’t no hating ass bitch and commended him for doing something that nobody had been able to do, but he should’ve had me right by his side. I should’ve been his Queen that helped him run this shit.
I had been so busy laying up with him and falling in love while listening to him speak to me in riddles all the while finessing me that I didn’t realize that he had shitted on me and now I didn’t have shit. Not even my own damn daddy.
If I wanted to stay in the game, I would have build me a whole new team and try and restart my empire all over from the ground up. I would be forced to get my product from Tamar and had no choice but to spend money with him even after the way he had done me.
I couldn't believe that my life had come to this. I was a fucking Queen Pin on the rise when I met Tamar. Had niggas bowing down when they met me. Bitches envious and hating hard as hell whenever they saw me or just heard my name. None of that was no more and all I had left in my corner was my loyal friend Nino and a baby on the way that I wasn't sure if I wanted any longer.
I looked down at my budding stomach, and instantly tears spilled down my face. I was four and a half months along, and I was so happy when I first found out I was pregnant. For me, this child had been made out of love, and I thought it was the same for Tamar, but after what I seen today, I knew that wasn't so.
Couldn't believe this nigga had been watching that girl like that. It was some shit that you saw these sickos doing on Lifetime movies. He actually had cameras all over her house even in her damn bathroom. I didn't know how long it had been going on, and I no longer cared. If he was that caught up into Rozalyn then I knew there was no way I would ever have all
of him. I wouldn't even kid myself into believing that it was possible.
I sighed and rubbed my hand over my stomach one last time. The thoughts I now had about my child were tearing me up inside. I no longer wanted it. I wanted to get to an abortion clinic immediately, but knowing that I had a very developed baby inside of me steered me away from that idea.
I wasn't a monster and couldn't fathom doing that to my child just because its father was an asshole. I just hated that I would have to bring a child into this world and end up being just somebody's baby mother. I wanted more for myself and definitely wanted more for my child. This love shit had me weak and had pulled a cover over my eyes. If any of my people knew what I settled for, they would all be ashamed. Even though my father and I weren't on speaking terms, I knew that he loved me and only did what he felt was right, I could never tell him about my relationship with Tamar. He would be so disappointed in me. He raised me from a jail cell, and this one thing I knew he would scold me about. I could hear him now telling me that this was why women weren’t meant for the game because we all thought with our hearts and not our heads.
I shook off my hurt feelings and grabbed more of my clothes. I tossed them into a duffle bag that sat on the bed before I went over to the closet and got on my knees to start packing up my shoes. Soon as I grabbed the first pair, I heard a knock on the bedroom door. By now, the K. Michelle CD had started to replay and she was singing about her life and the sacrifices that she had to make.
I went to open the door with tears in my eyes, made eye contact with Tamar, before going back to pack my things. I peeked over my shoulder and he stood behind me with his hands in his pockets and a smug look on his face. I hated this cocky muthafucka’, but would be lying if I said I didn't love him, too. He had my soul shook and my heart would always beat a certain way whenever he was around.
“Why you got the door locked?” he asked.