This Is How You Die: Stories of the Inscrutable, Infallible, Inescapable Machine of Death
Page 46
LEELA WAGNER has made some choices that make it difficult to predict what her life will look like at the time of this volume’s publication. She will certainly be in a time, in a place, drawing things and drinking tea. She would love to hear from you at LEELAWAGNERART@GMAIL.COM.
DANA WULFEKOTTE is an animator and comic artist who lives with her two rabbits in Queens. She has worked on a variety of projects for clients like Nickelodeon, Fox, and PBS. In her spare time she makes ridiculous comics with Mike Cornnell, which you can read at LEADPAINTCOMICS.COM.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t even on the horizon, not even vaguely. We published one book about the Machine of Death in 2010, and that took us years to put together. When it was finally released, we dusted off our hands and said, “Finally, we’re done.”
But people loved the Machine. They loved the questions it rose, the stories it provoked unprompted into their imaginations, and the tantalizing possibilities it hinted at. So they—you, statistically—wanted to keep going. And we were overjoyed to jump in the driver’s seat again.
So the first people we need to thank are the 1,705 writers from forty-six countries on seven continents who submitted stories for this book. We wish we could have published them all. (Well, most of them.) But we had to choose just a handful, and while it was a difficult task, we think we chose well. We also want to thank the 151 illustrators who submitted portfolios to us for consideration. It is your work that graces these pages.
Professionally, thanks are due to PJ Mark and his colleagues for tirelessly pushing this volume forward, and Ben Greenberg and his colleagues at Grand Central for taking things to the next level. When we retire to a globe-circling space-yacht we’ll invite you both aboard.
The Machine of Death phenomenon owes a debt to the many people who have helped us do a variety of strange things over the past few years: Zachary Sigelko, Robynne Blume, Kris Straub, James Sutter, Michael Mohan, Brett Donnelly, and Chris Anderson are a few names among many. Thanks as well to Jenn, Katie, and Nikki, who have had to live with this thing now for as long as we have.
Finally, thank you. Thank you for reading our book. If it wasn’t for you, we’d be off doing something else not half as fun. But instead, we did this, and we hope you like it as much as we do.
PRAISE FOR MACHINE OF DEATH
“Machine of Death is a marvelous collection, riddled with intelligence, creative reach, and a frankness that makes the best use of the central gimmick.”
—Onion A.V. Club
“Existentialism was never so fun. Makes me wish I could die, too!”
—Cory Doctorow
“Recalls the best writings of Harlan Ellison and Charles Beaumont… easily one of the most engaging slices of short stories I’ve had the pleasure to read in quite a long while… Machine of Death brought me laughs, terror, and tears… Highly recommended.”
—Paradox
“Machine of Death is a collection of stories the whole family can enjoy, especially the Addams Family… [As] a group, they [do] a remarkable job of exploring the cultural changes such a machine could bring.”
—Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel
“Machine of Death hooks you from page one… As editors, Malki !, North, and Bennardo should be commended. If it’s cheap, sadistic thrills you crave you’d do better to let Machine of Death alone and catch up on your Jersey Shore—but if you’d like to think as well as be mightily entertained, you’re in the right place.”
—Strange Horizons
“For an anthology that deals with the inevitability of death, Machine of Death is a lot of fun. The editors knew not to start off heavy, nor does the tone of the anthology lean too long in any direction, providing a lot of singular entertainment for the reader… Highly engaging, interestingly crowdsourced, and crafted with a great deal of care. You’ll be thinking about it long after you’re through reading.”
—Tor.com
“Machine of Death is an incredible idea for an anthology, and each of the stories is very well-written and engaging… Machine of Death is more than just a book about dying; it’s also a book about living.”
—Reviews.FutureFire.net
“I give Machine of Death five out of five stars. It is a fantastic read and I believe there is something for everyone in it. Nearly every single story held an unanticipated twist, and nearly all of them took on perspectives and ideas I never could have dreamed of.”
—Kansas State Collegian
“With a little genre-hopping and excellent illustrations from the likes of Jeffrey Brown, Shannon Wheeler, and Kean Soo, Machine of Death is unlike anything you’ll read this year. That’s a good thing, people, provided it doesn’t kill you.”
—Bookgasm.com
“It’s a fascinating group of stories, illustrated by some of the Internet’s best artists… It will do what all really good writing should do—make you think.”
—The Labyrinth Library (TheLabLib.org)
“There was something in this that grabbed me by the throat and whispered at first, then screamed over and over. Possibilities. It is all about the possibilities. I have bought it as a present. I have bought it also for myself. I don’t care how you get it—free, dead tree, electrons dancing. Whatever. Just read it.”
—TimeLady.com
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Welcome
Preface
Introduction
Old Age, Surrounded by Loved Ones • ’Nathan Burgoine Danica Novgorodoff
Rock and Roll • Toby W. Rush Meredith Gran
Natural Causes • Rhiannon Kelly Leela Wagner
Shiv Sena Riot • Ryan Estrada Ben McSweeney
Zephyr • George Page III c.billadeau
Execution by Beheading • Chandler Kaiden Mike Dawson
Lazarus Reactor Fission Sequence • Tom Francis Les McClaine
Drowning Burning Falling Flying • Grace Seybold Carla Speed McNeil
Conflagration • D.L.E. Roger Sam Bosma
Screaming, Crying, Alone, and Afraid • Daliso Chaponda Greg Ruth
Apitoxin • John Takis Indigo Kelleigh
Blue Fever • Ada Hoffmann Alice Duke
Tetrapod • Rebecca Black Carly Monardo
Machine of Death • Karen Stay Ahlstrom Alexandra Douglass
Monsters from the Deep • David Malki ! Mike Peterson
Toxoplasmosis of the Brain; Candidiasis of the Esophagus; Candidiasis of the Trachea; Candidiasis of the Bronchi; Candidiasis of the Lungs; Kaposi’s Sarcoma; Pneumonia; Tuberculosis; Stab Wound in the Belly; and Bus Accident • Gord Sellar Nick Abadzis
Cancer • Ryan North Lissa Treiman
Two One Six • Marleigh Norton Shari Chankhamma
Blunt Force Trauma Delivered by Spouse • Liz Argall Emily Partridge
Meat Eater • John Chernega and Bill Chernega Dana Wulfekotte
Made into Delicious Cheeseburger • Sarah Pavis Becky Dreistadt
Your Choice • Richard Salter Graham Annable
In Battle, Alone and Soon Forgotten • Ed Turner Tony Cliff
Lake Titicaca • M. Bennardo Dustin Harbin
In Sleep • Ren Warom Claire Hummel
Cecile • Hollan Lane Ramón Pérez
La Mort d’un Roturier • Martin Livings Aaron Diaz
Not Applicable • Kyle Schoenfeld Chris Schweizer
Peacefully • M.J. Leitch Tyson Hesse
Old Age • Brigita Orel Braden Lamb
Furnace • Erika Hammerschmidt Trudy Cooper
Editors’ Note
Contributors
Acknowledgments
Pra
ise for Machine of Death
Newsletters
Copyright
LIST OF COMIC STRIPS
Bear • KC Green
Old Age • Ryan Pequin
Dracula • Anthony Clark
Got Too Extreme • KC Green
Skydiving • Kris Straub
Unwise Decision • KC Green
Massive Blood Loss • Ryan Pequin
Abandoned in Space • KC Green
Mauled • Kris Straub
Poison • KC Green
Bite Wound • Kris Straub
Eaten Alive by Insects • Ryan Pequin
Koala Bear (First Appearance of Machine of Death) • Ryan North
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the authors’ imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental. And quite frankly it would be an amazing coincidence indeed.
Copyright © 2013 by Machines of Death, LLC
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Title 17, United States Code § 101 defines the following terms: “Literary works” are works, other than audiovisual works, expressed in words, numbers, or other verbal or numerical symbols or indicia, regardless of the nature of the material objects, such as books, periodicals, manuscripts, phonorecords, film, tapes, disks, or cards, in which they are embodied. The “Geneva Phonograms Convention” is the Convention for the Protection of Producers of Phonograms Against Unauthorized Duplication of Their Phonograms, concluded at Geneva, Switzerland, on October 29, 1971. “Phonorecords” are material objects in which sounds, other than those accompanying a motion picture or other audiovisual work, are fixed by any method now known or later developed, and from which the sounds can be perceived, reproduced, or otherwise communicated, either directly or with the aid of a machine or device. The term “phonorecords” includes the material object in which the sounds are first fixed. A “work of the United States Government” is a work prepared by an officer or employee of the United States Government as part of that person’s official duties. A “computer program” is a set of statements or instructions to be used directly or indirectly in a computer in order to bring about a certain result. The terms “WTO Agreement” and “WTO member country” have the meanings given those terms in paragraphs (9) and (10), respectively, of section 2 of the Uruguay Round Agreements Act. For more information, see Title 17, USC § 101, available at your local library or accessible via the use of a “computer program” (defined above).
Grand Central Publishing
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First ebook edition: July 2013
Grand Central Publishing is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc. The Grand Central Publishing name and logo is a trademark of Hachette Book Group, Inc. “Machine of Death” is a trademark of Machines of Death, LLC.
“Band-Aid” is a trademark of Johnson & Johnson. “Dumpster” is a trademark of Dempster Brothers, Inc.—the generic term is front loader waste container. Good luck defending that, Dempster. “Bubble Wrap”† is a trademark of Sealed Air Corporation. Did you know that? I did not know that. The generic term is inflated cushioning. “Hacky Sack”† is a trademark of Wham-O (for footbag). “Jet Ski”† is a trademark of Kawasaki (for stand-up personal watercraft). “Sea-Doo,”† on the other hand, is a trademark of Bombardier Recreational Products, for the generic sit-down personal watercraft. At press time there has been no trademark filed for a lie-down personal watercraft. Some clever entrepreneur should JUMP ON THAT. “Onesie”† is a trademark of Gerber Products Company (for infant bodysuit). “Ping Pong”† is a trademark of Parker Brothers (for table tennis). ”Wite-Out”† is a trademark of BIC Corporation (for correction fluid).
†Term does not appear in this book.
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ISBN 978-1-4555-2940-7