Find You in the Dark

by A. Meredith Walters

  We sat in silence for a few minutes as the alternative rock music filled the interior of the car. I was mesmerized as I watched Clay's long fingers drum along to the beat on the steering wheel. Why was it that he could make such mundane actions so interesting? It was official, I was pathetic.

  “So where to, oh wonderful tour guide?” Clay asked. I thought for a moment but finally, the growling of my stomach made my decision for me. I pointed to a street sign a few feet ahead. “Turn right onto Crane Avenue and take the first left.” I instructed.

  Clay followed my directions. “Now, pull into the parking lot.” I told him, indicated the car lot to the left. “Bubble's ice cream?” Clay stated with a question in his voice. He looked incredulously at the huge pink giraffe that graced the front of the bright yellow building. “Seriously? This place looks like it was built by a five year old.” He said as we got out of the car.

  I playfully punched his arm. “Don't be so judgy. Just wait until you have Bubble's banana splits. You will die a happy man for having had one.” I assured him, tugging on his hand. To my absolute delight, Clay laced his fingers through mine and squeezed. My heart fluttered painfully in my chest.

  “I'll take your word for it, Mags.” I looked at him in surprise as he so naturally used the nickname reserved for my closest friends and family. The sound of my name on his lips was down right sensual. Like a promise.

  We walked into the ice cream parlor, the bell dinging as we went through the door. Clay never dropped my hand as we walked to the only empty booth in the place. Sliding onto the cracked vinyl seats, Clay looked around. “This place is packed.” He remarked.

  I grabbed two menus from behind the plastic bottles of ketchup and mustard. “Bubbles is an institution. They have the best ice cream and hamburgers in the county. You have to look past the cheesy decor.” I assured him.

  Clay picked up a ceramic penguin salt shaker and looked at it like it would bite him. “Ooo-kay.” He said slowly, putting it back down. We looked at our menus. There was a lot to choose from. Clay seemed to be struggling with his order. “Trust me, just get the banana split. You'll thank me.” I told him when the waitress arrived.

  “Sure why not, you only live once. Two banana splits and two cokes, please.” He told the waitress. She jotted down our order and left the table. “So, you never said where you were off to in such a rush earlier.” Clay said conversationally.

  “Uh, nowhere, I'm just a perpetually busy person.” I lied, not wanting to admit I had blown off cross country practice to hang out with him. That would have seemed too desperate. “So, where have you been hiding yourself today? I haven't seen you around.” I remarked, shredding my napkin in tiny strips. Boy, I was nervous.

  Clay smirked. “Why? Were you looking for me?” He teased. If only he knew. I stuck my chin out and met his eyes. “No way. I just happened to notice that the jerk level was remarkably low today.” I said. Clay laughed.

  “I had a lunch tutorial for Physics. It's kicking my ass. I didn't realize how behind I was in so many subjects when I moved here.” He said, drinking the Coke that the waitress had just brought over. I dropped my napkin and put my fidgety hands in my lap.

  “Why are you so behind? You seem like a smart guy.” I commented. Clay's face shadowed and he looked out the window. He cleared his throat. “School got a little...uh...disrupted for awhile. Not a big deal. I'm just busting butt now to get where I need to be.” I noticed he wouldn't look at me.

  So, he must have been out of school for awhile. I wondered why. But I knew that if I asked, he wouldn't tell me. Clayton Reed was a closed book. At least for now.

  “So, have you met many people yet?” I asked, moving onto another subject. Clay's eyes turned back to me and I felt a little jolt. There was just something about him. I really wished i could get a handle on what it was about him that made me feel like I would fall into a puddle at his feet.

  “A few. Not many. I'm not what you would call, a 'people person'.” He used air quotes and I laughed. “Yeah, I'm getting that impression. But not all of us are bad, you know. You should give 'people,” I mimicked him by using quotes. “A chance you never know, it might not be a bad thing.” I remarked half jokingly.

  Clay looked at me, his expression intense yet unreadable. What I wouldn't give to know what was going on in that head of his. “There are some people I'd like to get to know.” He said softly, never taking his eyes off of me. I suddenly felt hot and I took a long drink of my soda.

  I was saved from saying something ridiculous by the arrival of our sundaes. “Jesus. I can't eat all of this. Are you trying to kill me, woman?” Clay gaped at the huge pile of ice cream, whipped cream and bananas in front of him. I handed him a spoon. “Dig in.” I prompted, taking a mouthful myself. The next ten minutes were silent, punctuated by the clang of spoons as we ate our weight in ice cream.

  Finally, Clay pushed the bowl away from him. “If I eat anymore, you'll have to roll me out of here.” He groaned but I was happy to see him smile. His entire face transformed when he smiled like that. He seemed so broody, that he looked much younger when he was happy.

  “Wow, no wonder. I wasn't expecting you to eat all of that. I'm impressed.” I indicated his nearly empty bowl. I had only gotten through a third of mine and I was full. “So, what's the consensus?” I asked, pointing to his decimated sundae. “Well, I think I can definitely die a happy man.” He conceded, looking at me.

  There went those stupid butterflies in my stomach again. I wish I could squash them.

  I coughed pointedly and moved to get out of the booth. Clay held out his hand. “I think you might have to help me.” He joked. I laughed and pulled him to his feet. He wrapped his arm around my waist and hugged me to his side. “Thanks, Mags.” He said softly into my ear and dropped his arm.

  I stumbled a bit after he let me go. I felt completely flustered. Clay insisted on paying again and I argued. “No way. You paid last time!” I tried pushing cash into his hand. Clay took the bills and tucked them into my front pocket. It felt like such an intimate thing to do. I tried not to focus too much on the feel of his fingers so close to such sensitive parts of my body.

  “You pay next time.” He said, looking down at me. Next time? There would be a next time? I couldn't stop the happy little dance that unleashed in my stomach.

  “Hi, Maggie.” A voice said from behind me as Clay paid at the cash register. I turned around to see Daniel's on- again girlfriend, Kylie. She was with her friends Dana Welsh and McKenna Riley. “Hey Kylie. Dana, McKenna.” I acknowledged the other girls grudgingly. I really disliked Kylie's friends. They were snotty and obnoxious. I had always hated when were forced into the same social circles. They just weren't my type of people.

  McKenna gave me a fake smile but Dana didn't bother to look at me. She was too busy checking out Clay's backside. I felt myself bristle. Dana was beautiful in that typical blond bombshell sort of way. And trust me, she knew it.

  Clay turned around and blinked in surprise at our sudden company. “Hello?” He said questioningly to Kylie and her friends.

  I watched the Clayton Reed effect in full force. Kylie's smile widened and I swear she licked her lips, seeming to forget the fact that she was currently involved with Danny. Great girlfriend there. Dana stuck her chest out and McKenna flipped her hair.

  Oh god. It was like watching a mating ritual on the Discovery Channel. The pheromones these girls were throwing out could choke a donkey. I realized I was being rude but I really didn't want to introduce them.

  Clay looked down at me questioningly and finally stuck out his hand. “Hi, I'm Clay.” He said tightly. I could tell he was uncomfortable and I felt like an ass for not stepping in to make it easier for him. But I was trying to suppress the need to inflict bodily harm on the dumb bimbos standing in front of us. Dana jumped in first and wrapped her hand around his, pressing closer to him than was socially acceptable. “I'm Dana. You're the new guy aren't you?” Her voice had dropped a few octaves a
nd I knew she was trying really hard to be seductive.

  I watched Clay's mouth fall open as she held onto his hand. He seemed a little at a loss. If he fell for this bitch's bullshit, I vowed to make him take me home.

  Finally, he extracted his hand from her iron clad grip. “Uh, yeah. That's me.” He put his hand through his hair. “I'm Kylie and this is McKenna. We're just so excited to meet you.” Kylie sort of elbowed her way in front of Dana so that she was now standing absurdly close to Clay.

  I didn't even try to hide the fact that I was rolling my eyes. Were these girls for real? Clay seemed a little weirded out. “Excited to meet me? Why?” His eyes darted to me and I only shrugged. Kylie put her hand on his arm. Did this girl have no shame? She was currently dating my best friend and here she was hanging all over someone else. Right in front of me!

  “You're all anyone is talking about. You're very mysterious.” She purred. Oh gag. Enough was enough.

  I positioned myself between Clay and Kylie and gently pushed Clay toward the door. “Well it was fantastic seeing you gals, but we have to run. Later!” I called over my shoulder as I herded Clay out of the ice cream parlor.

  “Those girls were...um...” Clay started. “Overbearing? Trashy? Walking STDs?” I finished, getting into his car. Clay shot me a look. Okay, I had to get my raging jealousy in check. “I was going to say they seemed nice.” I rolled my eyes again. “I guess it depends on your definition of nice.” I muttered, fastening my seat belt.

  Clay turned in his seat and looked at me. I wouldn't turn his direction and stared in front of me. I was being really juvenile and I was probably ruining any chance I had with this amazing guy who sat beside me. But Clay made me feel sort of out of control and it was more than a little disconcerting.

  “Well, I think you're nicer.” Was all Clay said and turned the key into the ignition. I couldn't stop the smile that spread on my face. “Where to next on our grand tour of Davidson?” Clay asked before leaving the parking lot.

  It was really warm under the glass. The day was hotter than average for September. I grinned over at him. “Wanna go swimming?” I don't know what had come over me. I was feeling spontaneous, which was so unlike me. Clay grinned back. “Hell yeah! Lead the way!” I laughed and gave him directions to the local swimming hole.

  We ended up down a dirt road outside of town that ended in a big field. Clay got out of the car and looked around. “Mags, I don't see any water.” He said. I started walking through the tall grass. Clay easily caught up with me. Finally we broke through some trees and found ourselves by the river. It was really pretty. I used to love coming to that particular spot with my parents when I was younger. “Now this is awesome!” Clay enthused from beside me.

  I looked over at Clay who had pulled his shirt over his head. My mouth went dry as I took in his perfectly chiseled abs. Oh crap. I hadn't thought about what we'd be swimming in. I looked down at my denim skirt and blue short sleeved top, feeling like I was frozen in place. Do I just jump in with my clothes? I didn't think this through very well.

  Clay dropped his pants and stood before me in his boxers. Fuck! He was mouthwatering. I tried not to stare, but it was really hard. He was too perfect. Clay noticed I hadn't moved. “I thought you wanted to go swimming.” He frowned. “Well, I don't have anything...you know...to swim in.” I indicated my clothes.

  Clay laughed. He seemed so different than he had at school. Like he was two people. This Clay was carefree and fun. I liked him a lot. Not that brooding, angsty Clay wasn't hot. But this side of him was so easy to be around.

  “Well, you've seen me in my skivvies. I think it's your turn.” My jaw dropped. “I'm not stripping in front of you!” I gasped. I knew I sounded like a prude. But I just couldn't do it. I barely knew him. Hell, even Daniel had never seen me in that state of undress.

  Though, if I was honest with myself, the thought of the two of us in so little clothing made my blood boil. Clay raised his eyebrow at me in what I was learning to be a characteristic expression. “I promise I won't look. I'll get in the water and wait for you.” I looked at him in disbelief. He held his hands up. “I promise.”

  And like that, he turned his back and made his way into the river. “Fuck me it's cold!” He yelled as he plunged in. I stood there for another minute, not sure what to do. “Screw it.” I muttered -(that seemed to be my mantra for the day-) and dropped my skirt onto the ground. I then pulled my shirt over my head. I was glad I had decided to wear my cute navy blue bra and matching underwear.

  I ran to the water. I squealed when I stuck my toes into the frigid water. Clay still had his back turned. “Come on, if I can do it, so can you.” He called to me. I sucked in a breath and jumped in. The cold of the water shocked the air right out of my lungs and I kicked myself to the surface. The water was really deep. A few feet from the shore, you couldn't feel the bottom any more.

  “Is it safe to look?” Clay asked. I treaded water, keeping most of my body submerged. “All clear.” I said. Clay turned around and I splashed him in the face. He sputtered and wiped water from his eyes. “Oh, that's it. Pay back's a bitch.” He growled and lunged for me. I yelped and swam away from him, laughing so hard that I drank a mouthful of nasty river water.

  Clay finally caught me, his arms going around my waist. Before I could relish the feeling of his naked skin against mine, he hefted me out of the water and threw me. I landed with a huge splash. “You suck!” I yelled and went after him.

  I dunked him, he threw me. I splashed him, he pulled me under. I felt like a little kid. I couldn't remember the last time I had that much fun. And Clay laughed and smiled the entire time.

  After calling a truce in our ongoing water battle, Clay and I floated for a bit in the river. “This is so much fun, Clay. Thank you for hanging out with me.” I looked over at him. He smiled, but continued to look up at the sky. “So, spontaneous swimming isn't something you usually do?” He joked.

  I snorted. “No way. The most spontaneous thing I've ever done is wear my hair down instead of a pony tail.” I couldn't help the tiny bit of bitterness that seeped into my voice. Clay finally looked at me. “Well, maybe we need to fix that.” He suggested with a small smile.

  My stomach buzzed again. “I'm just...I don't know...bored, I guess. Everything, every day is the same. It gets tedious.” I made a face and Clay laughed. “I don't know. I could use a little monotony in my life. Spontaneity is exhausting.” He gave me another little splash and I looked at him in warning.

  He laughed, a deep sound that made my breath hitch. “You don't have fun with your friends? I mean, I see you hanging around with some people. You always seem to be laughing and having a good time when you're with them.” Clay said.

  He had just admitted that he watched me. OH MY GOD! I wanted to do a little tap dance, I was so happy. I looked at him and he ducked his head shyly, as if he realized what he had just admitted. God, I wanted to touch him so badly but didn't know if I should.

  “I love my friends. I've known Danny and Rachel my entire life. Our mothers were best friends growing up. But even that seems a little trite.” Clay raised his eyebrow at me. “Trite?” I nodded, swimming closer to the shore so I could sit down on the dirt floor of the river, the water lapping at my chin and keeping me warm from the quickly cooling air.

  “Well, you know, our parents were best friends so of course we're best friends. And we have this vanilla life with vanilla conversations and the occasional vanilla party on the weekends. Nothing crazy. Nothing to rock the boat. I feel like I've been doing the same thing for so long I don't know how to be anything different. Like I said, I'm just so bored. And anytime I try to talk to Rach or Danny about it, I just don't think they hear me. I mean. I feel almost...depressed with it all. I want to feel energized, passionate about something. Anything.”

  Or someone. I thought to myself, looking at Clay who still tread water a few feet away from me. I had said more to him about my feelings than I had to anyone in a very long time.
And Clay didn't look at me like I was crazy. In fact he seemed to take my words very seriously. And I swear it was in that moment that I began to fall in love with him.

  The way he listened to me and actually heard me. And what I was saying wasn't stupid. At least not to him. He only nodded. “I understand. I do. But trust me, you are anything but boring.” I harrumphed, not believing him.

  “Yeah, I'm so interesting. Maggie Young, with her happily married parents and her average A minus GPA, average afterschool activities, talking about average topics everyday with her average friends. How can that not be boring?” I blew air out of my nose in frustration. How could I think I had anything to offer this interesting and amazing guy? I was seriously deluded.

  Clay swam over to me and sat beside me. Our arms brushed under the water and then stayed like that, touching, like even our skin couldn't get enough of each other.

  “Maggie. What you just described to me sounds perfect.” I rolled my eyes and Clay grabbed my hand. “No, listen to me. You are beautiful and smart and you have this fantastic life all laid out in front of you. You are kind and open minded, plus you're sarcastic and sexy as hell.” I couldn't help but smile at the girl he was describing. Me, sexy? I had never thought of myself that way.

  “I would give anything to have what you have. Parents and friends who love you. Knowing you have that kind of unconditional love is unbelievable. You don't understand how lucky you are.” He sounded sad and I leaned into his shoulder. “And you don't have that, Clay?” I asked him softly.

  Clay looked down at me with his deep, dark eyes and all I saw was this aching loneliness that tore at my heart. I knew without him having to answer me that his life had been a hard one. And that whatever was going on with him had forced him to create this giant wall that effectively kept everyone at a distance. As though he couldn't handle any more personal admissions, Clay suddenly dove back into the water, shutting the door on our confidences.