Find You in the Dark

by A. Meredith Walters

  “Sounds fab. I'll see you then.” And with that, Rachel hung up. I put my phone on the table and picked up my jacket. Jamming my arms through the sleeves I roughly zipped it up with an annoyed huff. Clay turned at the noise and looked surprised. “You leaving already?” He asked me. I met his eyes defiantly. I was hurt by his attitude after our near kiss minutes earlier. Maybe I was setting all my hopes on something that most certainly wouldn't happen. But it didn't stop the stop the sting. I just wanted to get out of there, put some space between me and this moody boy who I felt that I would never understand.

  Clay's face softened, as if he were reading my thoughts. “Okay then.” He said quietly, taking a small step toward me. I held my ground, not moving toward or away from him. “Guess I'll see you tonight. You're not going to bail at the last minute are you?” I asked him, frustrated by the needy note to my voice. “No, I'll be there. Wild horses couldn't keep me away.” He said with his ironic smile. I didn't smile back, my feelings still hurt too much.

  I turned away and walked toward the door. “See you then.” I called over my shoulder, refusing to show how badly I wanted that moment to happen. How much I wanted him to call me back, pull me in his arms, and kiss me senseless. When did I become this gooey romantic? When did I become freaking Rachel? I shuddered.

  “Maggie.” He stopped me with the sound of my name on his lips. I didn't turn around and he made no move to come any closer. Every second that passed amped up the angst level to an unbearable degree. Did he realize how much I wanted him? Needed him with a passion that scared me? Or was he a dolt just like Daniel?

  Clay cleared his throat. “I can't wait to see you tonight.” He said, almost strangling on his words. My cheeks flushed hot. I nodded again with my back to him, and left.

  Dolt it was.

  Once outside with the door firmly closed behind me, I sagged. I wasn't sure how long I could keep up this “friendship.” Not when I wanted so much more. I'd never experienced anything like the crazy feelings that Clayton stirred up inside of me and I didn't know what to do about it. There had been about thirty seconds there when I just knew he wanted the same thing I did before the window slammed shut.

  Was I expecting too much too fast? Maybe I was being pushy and inconsiderate of Clay's feelings and needs. Should I back off and let him come to me when he was ready? As great and thoughtful as that all sounded, it so wasn't me. I wasn't one to sit back and wait for shit to happen. So that's why this whole will- they-won't- they thing was exhausting. But I didn't want to give up. Clay was worth more than that. Our friendship was something special and I couldn't ruin that.

  I chuckled to myself and I headed home. Damn it if Daniel hadn't been right -(not that I would EVER tell him that-). He had told me that one day I would get what all the fuss was about, and that day had just arrived.

  Chapter Seven

  “It's packed! I don't even recognize half of these people.” I whined as Rachel and I parked my Corolla in the field behind Melissa James's house. Rachel pulled the visor down and touched up her lip gloss and fluffed her hair. “Awesome! I'm down with meeting some new people tonight.” Rachel said, pulling on her pink cardigan.

  I was less enthused about getting out of the car. The thing I had always liked about Melissa's parties was that they were usually small and relatively controlled with no more than eighty or so people. I could relax and hang out without dealing with drunken idiots trying to cop a feel. If I was going to be groped, it would be on my terms only.

  But this party was heaving. There were at least 100 cars parked in the field and crowds of people dancing and drinking out of solo cups around the humongous bonfire. “Get out of the car, Mags. Lets go mingle.” I ran a brush through my limp hair and finally gave up and pulled it back in a ponytail. “Uh uh.” Rachel said, pulling the tie out. She hated it when I put my hair back, telling me I was so much prettier with it down. She threw the hair tie out of the window. “Rachel!” I yelled. But she was already moving away, toward the huge fire leaping against the dark sky.

  I looked quickly around, trying to spot Clay's BMW in the throng of cars. I couldn't find it, so I grudgingly followed my friend. “Hey, Maggie.” A guy slurred as I approached the party. I squinted in the darkness and made out Raymond Lewis, a guy in my grade who was friends with Daniel and often hung in our circle. I was friends with his girlfriend Clare, who had been in French Club with me freshman year.

  It was obvious Ray had already had a lot to drink, as he hung onto me for support. Damn it, I had told Clay this wouldn't be that kind of party. I was just made a liar, and that pissed me off.

  “Get off, Ray.” I shook my arm, trying to get loose. Raymond awkwardly slung his arm around my waist, more in an effort to stay upright it seemed than in any kind of friendly affection. “I think you need a drink, Maggie. Come on.” I wiggled out of his grasp and didn't follow as he tottered off in the direction of Melissa's house.

  I found Rachel, red cup already in hand, who had been intercepted by Jeremiah Higgins and Lila Casteel. Rachel gave me a smile as I approached before turning back to her conversation with Jeremiah and Lila. They were apparently trying to recruit her for the Humanitarian Club or something equally boring. I stood there not really listening, tapping my foot, and scoping out the party.

  People were really drunk. I could see a few girls throwing- up in the bushes already. Couples were grinding against each other as they danced badly to the techno music blaring from the house and people were sneaking off to do god knows what in the woods. Wow, this was seriously awful and I couldn't believe I actually wanted to come. I just hoped Clayton had decided to bail, even though I had asked him not to.

  No such luck. Just as the thought crossed my mind, there he was. He had just walked toward the bonfire when Kylie -(Daniels' now on again girlfriend-) and her bitch posse stopped him. I wasn't sure whether Clay had spoken with any of them since their awkward introduction at Bubble's. But there they were, chatting it up like BFFs.

  Grr, that crazy jealousy knifed through me again. Dana and McKenna laughed at something Clayton said. Dana in her bleach blond glory, tossing her stupid, perfect curls back and laying her hand on my Clay's arm. Okay, I needed to check myself. He wasn't my Clay. He was only my friend, who I thought might kiss me earlier today. That didn't mean I had some sort of claim.

  Despite my rationalizations, I was still beyond annoyed by the very obvious flirting happening on the other side of the bonfire. It was like watching a car wreck. My eyes were glued to the horror in front of me. After a few minutes, I was relieved that Kylie and the bimbettes started moving back toward the house. Clayton stood there in the flickering shadow of the bonfire, looking like some sort of male model in his dark jeans and green Henley shirt. He was without his faded army jacket for once and he looked almost naked without it.

  I nudged Rachel in the side and cocked my head in Clay's direction letting her know I was heading over to him. “I'll be there in a sec.” She told me. I walked over to Clay and I knew the exact moment he saw me. It was like one of those super cheesy movie moments when the boy and girl see each other across a crowded room, their eyes locked only on each other. They move slowly toward one another, as if pulled by an invisible force. Then they rush into each others' arms, kissing passionately, and declaring their undying love.

  Well, my scene didn't quite go that way. Clay and I met half way and he kept his hands firmly in his jeans' pockets and nodded his head in my direction. Though, he did give me an awfully nice smile. “Hey, Mags. Raging party. Not exactly what I was expecting.” He said jokingly as a junior stumbled past us to puke his guts out in the dirt not even ten feet behind me.

  I cringed. “Yeah, I'm sorry, Clay, it's not usually like this. Apparently Melissa's parents are out of town, thus the massive kegger.” Clayton shrugged, trying to act as if the crazy debauchery around us wasn't bothering him. I lightly touched his arm and he looked down at my fingers and then up into my eyes. “If this is too much for you, we can leave
. You know, go get something to eat, go see a movie. Anything really.” I said, hoping he'd say yes and we could get out of there.

  Clay looked around, tossing his dark hair out of his eyes. “No, that's cool. I mean I'm already here, right?” I dropped my hand from his sleeve and it hung limply at my side. We fell into our normal silence as we watched kids from our school and the next town over, partying like it was 1999.

  “Hey guys! Clay, it's so cool that you made it!” Rachel gave Clay a big hug. Clayton looked over her shoulder at me, surprise obvious on his face. Because he and Rachel were definitely not at the “hugging” stage of their acquaintance. I tried not to laugh. There was no way she had more than one drink, but here she was acting like she had been mainlining vodka all night. She was such a light weight. Looking at Clay, I gestured that Rachel had already been gulping up the happy sauce.

  Clay smirked and mouthed sarcastically, “No kidding.” Rachel pulled away and then gave me the same boisterous hug. I couldn't help but laugh at her. She definitely put the “happy” in “happy drunk.” Well, until she was forced to interact with Daniel, who had a habit of setting her off when she was like this. I was plotting ways of keeping them apart for the remainder of the evening, when I saw him walking towards us with Kylie firmly attached to his side.

  I sighed and prayed that Rachel wasn't too tanked to keep a lid on the drama. “Mags! Rach! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!” Daniel gave me a Polo Sport scented hug and I nearly gagged. He wore way too much and the smell got stuck in my nose. He then turned and kissed Rachel on the forehead. Rachel scowled at him. “I seriously doubt you were looking for us Danny. You seem busy enough.” Kylie pulled herself up at Rachel's biting comment and interlaced her fingers with Daniel's in a territorial move.

  Daniel frowned at Rachel but chose to ignore her words, which was probably smart on his part. He turned to Clay. “Hey Clayton, good to see you made it out.” I couldn't help but smile at Daniel's efforts to be nice. They engaged in that weird guy fist bump, hand shake, half hug thing boys do. Clay gave him a small smile. “Hey, Daniel. How's it going?” Daniel shrugged but gave a wary sideways glance at Rachel, who was now focused on anything besides him and Kylie. She was definitely failing in the subtlety department this evening.

  “You know, same ol', same ol'.” Rachel's head whipped around and gave him a hateful smile. “Yeah it is the same ol', same ol'. Isn't it Danny? I can't figure out why you'd keep coming back for the same old and tired thing instead of finding something new.” Kylie's face turned red and I knew I had to intervene before there was an outright cat fight.

  “Rachel, enough.” I hissed under my breath. Daniel looked pissed. “What the hell is your problem Rachel? If I've done something to offend you, just tell me already.” Poor delusional Daniel. He was seriously about to open up Pandora's box and had no idea.

  “Rachel's just had a few too many drinks. She'll be right as rain tomorrow. Don't listen to her...” Rachel shoved me in the chest, so that she could move past me. She got right in Daniel's face, her expression murderous. Clayton thankfully realized something was about to go down and moved deftly between them. “Rachel, could you help me find the keg? I'm pretty thirsty.” He asked her, shouldering Daniel out of the way.

  Rachel blinked a few times, but the change in topic worked and she gave Clay a bleary smile. “Of course, Clayton. I'd be happy to show you. I need to get away from all this bullshit anyway.” With a final look of death in Daniel's direction, she led Clay toward the house. Clayton looked at me as he started to follow her. “Come find us when you're done here. I'll probably need the help.” He looked at Rachel's rapidly retreating form. “Sure, just give me a minute.” I said. Clayton nodded before hurrying after Rachel.

  “What the hell is that bitch's problem?” Kylie growled. My back stiffened. Yeah, Rachel was a little out of line, but no one could call my best friend a bitch but me. “Watch your mouth, Kylie, don't say shit about her like that.” My voice was hard and I gave the smaller junior girl a look of steel. Kylie shrank a bit under my stare.

  I turned to Daniel. “Danny, can I talk to you a moment?” I looked pointedly at Kylie. “Alone, please.” Kylie's face turned red again. It seemed to be her natural coloring tonight. She let out a dramatic harrumph and stomped off. Kylie wouldn't be joining the Maggie Young fan club anytime soon, that's for sure.

  Daniel rubbed his hand across his face. “Seriously, Mags? I'm gonna get so much flack for this. I really didn't need all of this drama. I thought you girls were cooler than that.” Daniel's shoulders sagged and for a moment I felt bad for him. He was my friend and I loved him. “Sorry Danny, but Kylie kind of grates on my nerves.” I sat beside him on a large boulder along the edge of the bonfire.

  “Don't read too much into Rachel. She's just mouthing off.” Though Daniel knew as well as I did, that Rachel didn't just “mouth” off. That when she spoke, she spoke her mind. “I didn't realize you guys disliked Kylie so much.” He muttered, hanging his head, his elbows propped on his knees. “We don't dislike Kylie so much as we just don't like how she treats you.” Daniel just shook his head. He looked up at me and I felt bad that he was so miserable. He loathed fighting with Rachel and I as much as I did. “Is there more to this? Is there something you're not telling me?” He asked me, frowning.

  When did Daniel become so perceptive? But there was no way I would tell him about Rachel's crush. That would be breaking her confidence, and if she wanted him to know, she would have told him. So I just shrugged my shoulders. “Not that I know of.” But then I added. “Just be gentle with her, Danny. You know how sensitive Rachel can get. She gets her feelings hurt easily. Just be aware of the things you say and how it affects others, alright?” I put my arm around his shoulders and gave him an affectionate squeeze.

  Daniel laid his cheek against mine. “I love you, Mags.” He patted my knee and stood up. “Okay enough of this girlie crap. Let's go find Rachel and Clay so I can make this right.” I stood up ready to follow him, but then paused. “What about Kylie?” I asked, surprised he didn't choose to go find his girlfriend first.

  Daniel snorted. “I don't feel like hearing her particular brand of bullshit right now. Besides, Rachel comes first.” I grinned. Daniel did have a good heart. Perhaps I've never given him enough credit. “Let's go get a drink and find our friends.” Daniel tugged on my hand and I laughed as he pulled me after him. My heart warmed that he included Clayton in our circle of friends, despite his wariness toward him. Daniel was a good guy.

  We made our way through the backyard. It felt like trying to part the Red Sea, there were people everywhere. Melissa would have a nasty mess on her hands tomorrow morning. I would be too paranoid to throw a party like this at my place. Though looking at the huge house, I figured she could afford to have cleaners come in and take care of it for her.

  Daniel led the way and we went in through the kitchen. A few kids were mixing drinks with Melissa's parents' liquor, sloshing liquid all over the counter. “Hey, Daniel! Maggie! Want a Long Island Ice Tea?” Jake Fitzpatrick asked, pushing a full cup in our direction. Daniel took the cup and sniffed. “Damn! What did you put in here? It smells like cat piss.” Daniel gagged and handed the drink back. Jake laughed. “I little of this, a little of that. You know.” I shook my head at the inebriated idiots.

  “You want anything?” Daniel asked as we headed down the hallway toward the garage. “Yeah, I'll grab a beer. But I'm DD tonight, so I can't drink much.” We followed the wave of voices that drifted from the end of the hallway. This was obviously the way to the keg.

  There were people crowded around the entrance to the garage. Daniel grabbed my hand and tugged me through the door. “You have got to be kidding me.” Daniel muttered in apparent amusement. He had stopped just short of the keg and I ran into his back. “Danny! What are you doing?” I called out. “Get a load of your good buddy Clayton Reed.” Daniel said, pointing in front of him. I moved around Daniel and was stunned to see Clay
being held upside down by two football players with his mouth underneath the keg tap.

  It was then that I noticed the people circling him, chanting “Go, Go, Go!” Rachel was jumping up and down, clapping her hands and cheering louder than anyone. “What the hell?” I asked, not as amused as Danny had been. “We have to stop him, Daniel!” I pulled on his arm. Daniel looked at me questioningly. “Why? It's not like you haven't done a few keg stands in your time, Miss Judgmental. Let the boy have some fun, he could use some loosening up.”

  I groaned. “You don't get it, Danny. Clay has a...uh...history with drinking and it's not a good one. This will end badly.” I was becoming panicked as the keg stand seemed to never end. Daniel looked at me, frowning. “If you say so. I think you might be overreacting. But whatever. You take care of Clay, I'll get Rachel.” I smiled in relief, appreciating his help.

  Daniel and I parted ways. He headed over to Rachel, who tried to push away from him as he put his arm around her shoulder and started leading her out of the garage. Daniel firmly held her by her upper arms and herded her outside.

  I turned toward Clay who was just now being put on his feet. He stumbled and one of the football guys put out a hand to steady him. “You all right, man?” he asked, laughing at my friend's drunken state. Clayton gave him a thumbs up. “I'm fantastic.” He slurred. Good god, this was going to be just super.

  Before I could get over to Clay, Melissa, the hostess extraordinaire, rushed to his side and plastered herself against him like a second skin. “That was amazing, Clay.” She cooed in his ear. Oh gag. I grabbed a hold of Clay's arm and squeezed. “What the hell are you doing?” I asked quietly in his ear. Clayton looked over at me, only now realizing that I was standing there.