Someone rapped on my window, and I jumped awake. Had I fallen asleep? I looked over to see a grinning Branson. He was wearing a white t-shirt that had a cross going down one side of it with tiny silver gems and dark jeans. I rolled down the window. God, please don’t let me have drool on my face.
“Hi,” I said sheepishly and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Hi,” he said. “You want to go in?” He motioned toward the restaurant, and I nodded. I was happy he didn’t mention my drool fest. I climbed out of the car grabbing up my purse on the way. We walked in together. I felt my nerves rising. What was I doing? What if someone from the church was here? It’s okay, Zoe, trust Me. I quieted myself at the sound of God’s voice. We got a table fairly quickly, and I picked up a menu to scan it. I’d only eaten here like once, so I wasn’t sure what the best thing to go for was.
“The fish is really good. Or if you like bacon shoot for the Mad House burger. It’s really awesome,” Branson said.
“I’ll go with that,” I said. I loved me some bacon! The waiter came over with a smile and put two waters on the table.
“Hi, I’m Jason. Can I start you off with some drinks this afternoon?” He smiled at us; his navy blue shirt read Eateries across the front of it.
“I’ll take a Coke and the Mad House burger with the works on it.” I handed him my menu. He turned his attention to Branson.
“I’ll get a raspberry lemonade and go with the fish special.”
Jason left our table to go put in our orders. Branson folded his hands on the table and turned his full attention on my face. I felt myself growing nervous.
“How was church today?” he asked. Did I really want to talk about this?
“Um, well, it was good,” I said with a fumble of my tongue. Geesh. Learn how to talk, Zoe. “How about you?” I asked just because that was probably the polite thing to do here.
“It was amazing! God healed two people today, three teenagers got saved, and Pastor Dom preached amazing!” His joy was infectious. I couldn’t help but grin.
“That’s so awesome!” I said and felt a strange pull in my heart. People got healed? Weird. I mean, yes, we prayed for the sick and all of that, but I’d never seen anyone get healed really. It was just more something that was expected of us. My dad had prayer warriors that would beg God to heal people, but as far as I knew not many got healed at all. In fact, some people went up for prayer for the same things every time.
“This little girl who was believing God for a miracle for her dad came up holding his hand. Her dad was mute, and she asked if Pastor Dom could pray. So he brought up all the children in the church, and they laid hands on him. And seriously, he started talking!” Branson was practically bouncing out of his chair. Wow. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Did I really believe that? God didn’t just do stuff like that did He? My mind drifted to the stories of miracles Jesus did, the disciples did, and the book of Acts.
“That’s so cool,” I said and took a sip of my water. Jason came back with our drinks. I scooted my Coke closer to me and took the little wrapper off the top of the straw. “My dad talked about the will of God today. How if we are friends with the world we are an enemy of God. I really…” I didn’t want to talk about this at all. Branson’s face changed slightly.
“You think you’re an enemy of God, Zoe?” he asked in a voice that shook with sadness. He felt sorry for me?
“Well…I don’t know. I just haven’t been making the choices my dad thinks I should be making I guess. He’s been trying to help me find out the will of God for my life. I’m just afraid God is going to be mad at me.”
Branson looked at me and looked like he was lost with his own thoughts.
“Zoe, God isn’t mad at you.”
“If I don’t do what pleases Him, He’s going to be mad at me. My dad thinks I’m not pleasing God because he wants me to do something I don’t want to do.” I felt tears prick my eyes. Why was I talking about this to Branson? I wanted to talk about movies or something else to distract me from my fear and guilt that had been following me around forever.
“Pastor Dom talked to me when I first started going to Grace Alive, he told me something that I’ll never forget. Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. If you are saved and condemnation comes at you it’s not of God,” Branson explained.
“You skipped part of the verse, Branson,” I said and my voice came out harsher than I wanted. “It says: There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. So if I’m walking in the flesh…then I’m going to have condemnation.” I let out a sigh. I was never going to walk in the Spirit the way I was supposed to.
“Zoe..” Branson drew out my name very carefully. “Pastor Dom looked up that scripture and that last part…isn’t in there. Look it up in the Greek, the last part was added in by the translators. It doesn’t say who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. If you’re in Christ there is no condemnation period.” He smiled at me. I fidgeted uncomfortably. I didn’t know how to take that. And who was Pastor Dom to know the Bible? My dad had been to school for ages and ages. He never said that. My mouth worked into a frown.
“I don’t know if that’s true, Branson. I think Pastor Dom might be making that up.” I sounded a little crabby.
“Look it up for yourself, Zoe,” he said, and his voice remained light.
“Okay,” I said and looked down at the table. This was so weird. Was it possible to live a life without condemnation? The Holy Spirit condemned me all the time through my father when he spoke. How did Branson explain that? I felt a strange feeling twist in my gut.
“The Holy Spirit condemns me of my sins all the time, Branson,” I said very quickly and pressed my lips into a line.
“That’s not the Holy Spirit then,” Branson said. He reached across the table and touched my hand lightly. “The Holy Spirit came to convince you of your righteousness, not to throw condemnation at you.”
I wasn’t sure if what Branson was saying was true. I was going to have to ask my dad about all of this. Did I want to ask my dad though? Wouldn’t he just get angry at me for believing some mumbo jumbo grace stuff? Our food arrived, and Branson and I talked back and forth about God until I was growing weary of the conversation.
“So, how’s your book coming?” he asked as he bit into his fish.
“My book?” I said confused for a second. Oh duh. “Oh, it’s good. I…tried writing some on it, but I’ve got no inspiration right now.” Did I ever? I felt heaviness on my shoulders.
“Why’s that? Tell me about the story again; maybe it will help inspire you.” He leaned forward, and I smiled. I started telling him all the details. He started throwing ideas out at me. They were pretty good! We finished eating our meals, and I sighed in satisfaction.
“Good?” Branson asked.
“That was some amazing bacon.”
“I told you this place is amazing. I used to come here with my dad all the time.” He seemed to cover up some emotion when he said that, but I tried not to notice.
“I gotta go pick up the twins in a few minutes Julie was just watching them for a few hours. Do you want to come? I’m sure they’d love to see you,” he asked after he’d paid for our meals.
“Oh, sure,” I said though I wasn’t sure how I felt about meeting his ex girlfriend or whatever.
“I’ve been trying really hard to witness to Julie; I think meeting you will really help her. She’s been struggling with me getting saved. She’s still mad at me about our breakup.” He seemed uncomfortable. “I did a lot of stupid stuff, Zoe.” He closed his eyes for a second and then reopened them. “I’m so thankful for the love of God.” We headed toward our cars.
“I’ll follow you,” I said as I stood beside my neon green Ford Fiesta.
“It’s on Forest lane just a few blocks from here.” He motioned toward the main road
.
Chapter 14
I felt like an idiot. Why the heck was I meeting his ex! I already felt really confused about going out with him. He was a player. It was evident in his past. But, what about this grace stuff he was talking about? Had God simply just forgiven him, and that was that? Or was He still punishing him for his sins in the past. I mean he’d had multiple girlfriends and kids by two separate women. Was I going to be another one on his list? I was hyperventilating again. It’s going to be okay, Zoe, trust Me. Trust Me. There was God talking to me again about this. I was going to have to just stop worrying about everything.
We arrived at the twins’ mom’s house, and I climbed out of my car nervously. What if Julie threw a shoe at me or something? Didn’t Branson say she was mad at him for their breakup? This was going to be interesting.
Branson climbed out of the car and jogged up to the door motioning for me to follow behind him. He was so cute. I couldn’t help but notice the way his muscles moved under his shirt. Branson knocked a couple times and then opened the door.
“Julie? I’m here! I brought a friend with me!” he called through the door. He flipped off his shoes and tugged me inside. I looked around and almost gasped. The place was a pit. It looked like someone had vomited toys, dishes, and laundry all over the place. I heard some squealing, and the two little girls came running toward their dad full tilt.
“Hey monkeys!” he said with a laugh and scooped them both up. They hugged him tight and started jabbering super fast. I had no idea what they were saying, but Branson sure seemed to get it.
“Really! That’s so cool. Can you show Daddy?” he asked as he set them both down. They ran toward the kitchen, their blond pigtails swinging back and forth. “Come on in, Zoe, they want to show me the cookies they made with their mom.” He jogged toward the kitchen, with me walking behind him. I stepped into the kitchen and held my breath. There were mounds of papers, craft supplies, and dishes all over. This girl was messy.
“Branson! I’m in here!” I heard a girl call from the bathroom. “If you want a cookie we just made some!”
I looked at Branson as he bent over his two daughters heads.
“Would you look at that, CC, that looks beautiful. Evie, good job!” He kissed their heads, and they giggled. The twins had decorated cookies. There was more frosting on their clothes, faces, and table then the cookies, but they were proud. I smiled in my hand. They were too cute. A girl walked out of the bathroom. She had dark choppy hair that framed her narrow jaw, her eyes were heavily made up with makeup, and she was sporting a low cut shirt that showed off her cleavage, and shorty shorts. They were almost underwear. I really tried not to react, but it was impossible. My mouth hung open just a little. She was pretty, but more in a worldly way, like she was trying extremely hard to be beautiful.
“They have been wanting to show you those cookies all day today,” Julie said. She gave me a weird look. A jealous look. I guess I’m pretty. At least people have told me that before. I look a lot like my mom with her thick hair, and big blue eyes. I’m trim, but not super skinny. I tried not to eat too many cookies and stuff.
“This is Zoe, Julie, she’s a friend of mine,” Branson introduced with a wave of his hand.
“Zoe!” the twins said together and ran at my legs. They stared up at me with their round little faces.
“Hi, girls,” I said with a smile. I bent down to them. “Your cookies look super yummy!” I stood back up to see that Julie was staring at me like she wanted to bite my head off. Youch.
“I hope it’s okay if we take the girls for a walk,” Branson said.
“Can I talk to you for a minute, Branson?” she asked and pulled him down the hallway. I could smell the garbage that was littered all over the house. It was making me want to gag. The girls tugged my hand and showed me their room full of half-broken toys. Poor little things. I wanted to hear what Julie was saying to Branson, but I didn’t know if I should snoop.
“Why can’t you just take me back, Branson?” I heard Julie say, and it sounded like she was crying. Oh snap. I tried to distract myself with the little girls who were climbing all over the place.
“Mommy is sad,” CC said. She grabbed a doll and started rocking it back and forth.
“She drinks stinky stuff all the time,” said Evie with a bounce. “What is it called, CC?”
“I dunno. It’s smelly,” said CC.
Beer? This place looked unsafe for these little girls. I don’t know how Julie lived in this pigsty.
“Then Mommy cries,” Evie said and looked sad for a minute.
“Do you want to be our mommy too, Zoe?” CC said with a grin. She started making her doll dance around.
“We used to go to Rachel’s house, but Daddy doesn’t love her anymore. But that’s Bree’s mommy,” Evie said and then squealed in delight as she ran across the room and jumped on her bed. The twins started bouncing. What was I getting into? A couple minutes later, Branson walked in looking worn out. Had I caused trouble with him and his kids’ mom? I hoped not.
“Girls, Daddy is ready to go. Did you pack your stuff?” he asked. The two little girls were jumping on the bed and making stuffed animals fly all over the place.
“Evie, CC! Stop jumping on the bed, and grab your backpacks!” Julie said with an exasperated look. “They have been driving me nuts lately!” Julie sneered. Branson went to go help the little girls with their stuff. Once their backpacks were loaded with what looked like more toys than clothes, we headed toward the living room. I felt completely in the way as Julie followed behind us. I turned and looked at her face once, which was a mistake. She had tears in her eyes.
“I know how you used to make money, Branson! You are not a saint! If you think my lifestyle is messed up then take a look at your own!” She flung her hands out, and I saw spit fly from her mouth.
“Julie, I never said that. I just feel like God is leading me in another direction. I’m not condemning you at all,” Branson said as he turned and faced the distraught girl in the doorway. I was feeling squirmy. I was caught in the middle of this.
“Did he tell you what he is? Who he is! Ask him how he used to make money on the internet! Ask him! You are nothing more than a slut, Branson Tate!” she spat at him and stormed away. My stomach twisted into a knot. What had he done? Branson looked like he wanted to cry as he ushered his girls out of the living room with their little backpacks on their backs.
“I…I’m sorry, Zoe, I didn’t know she would react this way. Can you forgive me? If you want to go home, I’m okay with that.” He helped the girls down the porch and toward his car.
“No…!” the girls whined together. “Please, Zoe, come on a walk with us!” they said. I gulped down my fear.
“I’ll…come,” I said with a slight stammer. Branson loaded up his daughters in his car, and I climbed into mine. What had Branson done? How had he made money? I felt a sick feeling in my gut.
I followed Branson toward the park where I loved to walk. I parked my car and climbed out wondering what the rest of the day was going to be like. Should I talk to Branson about what Julie had said, or just drop the subject like a hot potato? Did I want to know his past? He got the girls out of their car seats, and they ran toward me.
“We are picking up Bree Bree later! Did you know she can say Dada? She also says yum!” Evie said dancing around. I giggled.
“I can’t wait to hear her say it!” I said and drew in a deep breath of fresh air. Ah, it felt so nice out!
“They love the woods. Come on, girls, let’s go take a walk!” Branson said with enthusiasm. The two little girls started spinning and dancing. He spun with them and grabbed their little hands and led them toward the woods. The twins raced around picking up sticks, leaves, rocks, and showing them to us with giggles. Branson and I just walked enjoying the woods.
“I’m really sorry about Julie,” he said finally after about ten minutes of silence between us.
“It’s okay,” I said because I didn’t know
what else to say.
“She’s still not understanding how drastically my life has changed. It was just two years ago we broke up. The twins were one, and I met Rachel. I could never be with one woman very long,” he said, and I saw the words were hard for him to say. I just listened.
“What Julie said…how I made money…” He let his words trail off. He was struggling with what to say to me. He didn’t have to tell me anything. I barely knew him.
“It’s okay; you don’t have to tell me, Branson.”
“No, it’s fine. I want to tell you. I made porn and sold it online.”
The breath was sucked out from my lungs. Porn. Why in the world would God want me with a man like this?
“I made a lot of money selling it. I had a lot of girlfriends who agreed to…let me take pictures and make videos with them.”
I searched for signs of condemnation or guilt on his face. There was none. What? Didn’t he feel bad about how much of a sinner he was?
“I…made a video with Rachel when I slipped up, and she got pregnant. She wanted nothing to do with Bree, and she was mad I had gotten her pregnant.” He looked out toward his little girls for a minute. My heart was hammering.
“She was going to put her up for adoption, and I fought with her about it. A girl from my work invited me to church around this time, and that’s when everything flipped for me.” The twins ran over to us and put dirty rocks in their dad’s hand.
“Thanks, girls, these are beautiful!” he said. They bounded away again.
“The only way I can stand before God without condemnation is believing in the finished work of the cross. I…was a mess. I made a ton of mistakes, but my kids aren’t going to pay for the mistakes I made. I can’t return to that lifestyle. Julie still asks me to…make porn with her again. She’s struggling for money. I used to make 10,000 a month. Now, I barely make two.” He looked over at his two girls. I was freaking out. I had to get out of this friendship or relationship or whatever this was right now.
Grace Alive: a Christian Romance Page 8