by Rhonda Bowen
“Do what?” Jules asked innocently, rooted to her spot.
“Avoid each other.”
“I’m not …” Jules stopped short. There was no point in lying. But since there was also nothing else she could think of to say, she just stared at him.
“I think we have an unfinished conversation,” Germaine said, watching her carefully. “Remember, the one we started at the hospital?”
“You seemed to have finished it with LeTavia,” she said dryly. For the second time in less than an hour, Jules wished she could take back her words.
“Wow,” Germaine said, raising an eyebrow in mild surprise.
“I’m sorry,” Jules said, closing her eyes. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
She stood in the middle of the sidewalk fingering her keys. The truth was, she did not know what she should say. Everything she wanted to say seemed wrong. She sighed heavily.
“What do you want from me, Germaine?” she asked tiredly. She searched his eyes for any sign that he was as tired of this back-and-forth as she was.
“I meant what I said, Jules,” Germaine said, taking a step toward her. “I do miss you.”
Jules noted that there was considerably less emotion in the way he said it this time. Maybe she had just imagined something more the morning at the hospital. She was starting to think that she had imagined a lot of things, like how much Germaine seemed to care for her while they were together. If you cared for someone that much, how could you let it go so easily? How could you so casually move on to someone else?
Lord, I am trying, but You really got to work with a sister on this one.
“I miss talking with you. And working with you,” he said, taking another step toward her. Jules resisted the urge to step back and away from him.
“Look, we’re going to see each other a lot. I don’t want everyone feeling like they have to pick a side when it comes to the two of us,” Germaine said practically. “Can we at least be friends?”
Jules looked at him closely to see if there were any visible signs that he had lost his mind. Who was he kidding? She couldn’t be in the same room with him for more than a few minutes, and he wanted them to be friends? To work together? To hang out together? There was no way on earth that was possible.
“Okay,” Jules said. “Friends it is.”
Chapter 29
Yes, this “‘friends” thing was definitely a bad idea.
“He wants us to have lunch,” Jules said, clicking her cell phone shut and rolling her eyes.
“Who? You and him?” Tanya asked from the treadmill beside Jules’s.
Jules glanced in annoyance at her friend, who didn’t seem to be the least bit out of breath even though she had been in a brisk jog for at least twenty minutes. Jules, meanwhile, could barely keep up, and kept having to drop her speed. She knew it was her own fault, since she hadn’t been to the gym in a full three weeks. But that knowledge didn’t make it any less irritating.
“All of us … Me … you … ‘Dre … Easy, the whole gang … after church this weekend,” Jules said between breaths.
“Oh,” Tanya said thoughtfully. “That’s nice of him.”
Instead of answering, Jules grunted and lowered the speed on her treadmill again until she was at a brisk walk. It was less than a week since Jules had agreed to the peace treaty with Germaine, and it was already backfiring on her.
“Come on, Jules, you have to admit it was a nice gesture, considering we’ve always invited him over to our places,” Tanya said reasonably.
“Whatever,” Jules said, still annoyed. “I just don’t get why he has to call me. Couldn’t he tell Truuth and Maxine, and let them spread the word around?”
“He could, but he knew that if he didn’t invite you directly, you probably wouldn’t show up,” Tanya said knowingly.
Jules snorted. That “probably” was more like a “definitely.”
“I don’t know what you’re so upset about. You were the one who agreed to be friends with him,” Tanya said, smirking.
“Only because he asked,” Jules said. “What was I supposed to say? Sorry, I’d rather not see you again for the rest of my life?”
“I don’t know, is that what you told all your other ex-boyfriends to make them disappear?” Tanya asked, laughing.
Jules shot Tanya a dirty look. Tanya was well aware of Jules’s rule about ex-boyfriends: they were neither to be seen nor heard from ever again. Germaine was the only one who seemed to have slipped under the radar.
“Who stays friends with their ex, anyway?” Jules countered, in annoyance. “He was the one who said he didn’t trust me. Why would he want me around?”
“If I remember correctly, Jules, what he said was, ‘I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me,’ “ Tanya corrected. “He didn’t say he didn’t trust you. He said you didn’t trust him.”
“Thanks, Tanya,” Jules said. “I’ll remember not to share any details with you the next time a guy kicks me to the curb.”
“What? You know it’s true,” she said, as she slowed the treadmill down so she was walking at pace with Jules.
“You also know that deep in your heart you hope he’ll change his mind, which is why you’ve agreed to this fake friendship with him,” Tanya said.
Jules bit her lip but said nothing. Tanya could think whatever she wanted, but Jules knew she didn’t have to confirm or deny any of it.
“Furthermore, if he wasn’t unsure about things himself, he never would have brought up the friendship thing anyway,” Tanya continued.
“Should I start calling you Dr. Phil now? Or should I wait until you get your own talk show?” Jules asked.
“Whatever,” Tanya said, not the least bit miffed. “Everybody knows the two of you still have feelings for each other.”
“Funny how that everybody doesn’t include me,” Jules said, turning off the machine and grabbing her towel. “I’m done. But you’re free to stay here and analyze my life on your own.”
Tanya rolled her eyes and followed Jules back to the changing rooms.
“Look, honey, I’m not trying to upset you,” Tanya said gently. “I just want what’s best for you. I know you’ve been trying to hide it, but I can tell that you’re hurting over this thing with Germaine. I just hate to see you like this.”
“Thanks for your concern, but I’m fine,” Jules said. “ ‘The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.’”
But deep inside Jules didn’t feel half as sure as she sounded. Though she was trusting God to take her through this rough patch in her life, she admitted to herself that there were days, like today, when she couldn’t understand His plan. She knew that every experience He gave her was to teach her something, but she was finding it hard to find the lesson in the emptiness that filled her heart.
Jules could tell from the expression on Tanya’s face that she wasn’t buying Jules’s optimism either, but before Tanya could respond, her cell phone rang.
“Hello? … Hey, sugar, what’s up?”
Jules rolled her eyes, knowing from the change in Tanya’s voice that it must be ‘Dre on the line.
“Oh, Lord … Where are you? … Oh, God …”
“What’s wrong?” Jules asked with concern as she watched Tanya cover her mouth, while her face went from pale to white. Tanya looked up at Jules, and the fear in her eyes turned Jules’s blood to ice. Wordlessly Tanya handed Jules the phone before sinking in tears onto a bench in the changing room.
“Hello? ‘Dre? What’s going on?” Jules asked, unable to keep the panic out of her own voice. Already a million horrible thoughts were flashing through her mind.
“Jules, it’s Easy,” ‘Dre said. His voice was hoarse, and he sounded strained. Jules felt her heart pound faster in her chest as an ominous feeling began to build in her stomach.
“There was … a shoot-out, in front of his place,” ‘Dre began shakily. “He was getting out of his car, and he got shot … three bullets to his chest
. They took him to the hospital but …”
Jules sank to the floor, her whole body shaking.
“No, no, no …” she whispered, as she cradled the phone by her ear, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“They did everything they could, Jules,” ‘Dre said, his voice shaky on the other end of the line. “But he didn’t make it.”
Jules began to feel dizzy as ‘Dre’s words came into focus for her. This could not be happening.
Please, Lord, no …
“I’m sorry, Jules. Easy is gone.”
Chapter 30
The day of Easy’s funeral was bright and sunny. Though it was the beginning of December and bitingly cold, the weather had been unusually dry. Since the dusting of flurries they’d had a couple days before, not a drop of snow had fallen, and so the ground, though cold, was clear of ice.
As Jules stood near the burial plot, she was vaguely aware of the minister’s words. Since the day she had seen Easy’s body at the hospital, something had changed. A thick fog had wrapped itself around her mind, separating her from everything and everyone. Jules felt as if she was moving slower than everyone else around her. Life went on, but for Jules it seemed to be happening at some distance ahead of her.
Her eyes moved slowly across the thick crowd that had gathered at the graveside. Usually people didn’t bother to go to the interment, especially on a day as cold as today. But for Easy, a lot of people seemed to have made an exception.
There were so many faces. Some Jules knew well, others were only slightly familiar, but most she had never seen before. In fact, during the days following Easy’s death, Jules had met more of his friends than she had in the several years in which she had known him.
Beside her she could hear Maxine sobbing quietly. She had not stopped crying since the day at the hospital. It seemed that every time the tears would dry up a bit, a fresh bout would start. From the worry lines that had taken up permanent residence on Truuth’s face, Jules could tell that he was concerned about Maxine. He shouldn’t have been. He knew Maxine. Excess emotion was her thing. But Jules figured that his worrying about her was just his way of distracting himself from the fact that Easy was gone. Jules knew Truuth was used to people leaving him. But just because you were used to something, it didn’t make it any easier to deal with every time it happened.
Beside Truuth, ‘Dre was standing with Tanya. From the outside he looked pretty composed, but underneath his Christian Dior sunglasses, Jules knew that his eyes were red. Earlier that morning at the church, Tanya had revealed that ‘Dre had broken down the night before, after his visit to Easy’s grandmother. From her own interaction with him Jules knew he had shut down, just like when his father died. Word was, he hadn’t been to the office since Easy died, and apart from Tanya, he pretty much wasn’t talking to anyone unless it was absolutely necessary.
And then there was Tanya. Jules looked over at her fair friend, who was holding ‘Dre’s hand tightly. Taking care of everyone else, like she always did, seemed to be helping Tanya deal with Easy’s passing. Unlike Jules she had cried a couple times, but not as excessively as Maxine. And while the rest of them were content to keep their feelings to themselves, she’d been the only one freely talking about how sad she was that Easy was gone. She had even gone as far as to see a grief therapist, and had made appointments for all Triad employees to do the same. Jules wasn’t sure how many people would actually show up, but it was the thought that counted.
A sudden creaking in front of her drew Jules’s attention to the one place she had been trying to avoid. The grave.
She watched as the coffin was slowly lowered down into the ground on the horizontal straps positioned across the open burial plot.
” ‘Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on. They will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them.’”
The minister’s words drifted through the haze of Jules’s mind. The coffin was halfway down, and Jules could barely see the top anymore. A part of her mind refused to believe that Easy was in that coffin, and that they were putting him in the ground.
Jules took a step toward the grave so she could keep her eyes on the casket. It was the last time she would see her friend. She wasn’t ready to let go yet.
“‘Behold, I show you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed. In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.’”
By the time the coffin had come to rest, Jules was standing at the very edge. As the workmen pulled the lowering bands out of the grave and began to remove the burial apparatus, particles of dirt slipped down from the sides of the plot onto the casket.
The sound of the gravel hitting the coffin seemed to lift the fog from Jules’s mind and send her careening back into reality. They were burying Easy. They were burying her friend. He wasn’t coming back.
“‘We commit this body to the ground; earth to earth; ashes to ashes, dust to dust.’”
All of a sudden Jules felt weak. With each flower that fell onto the coffin, it became harder and harder for her to breathe. She wasn’t ready for him to be gone. She hadn’t told him how much she loved him. She hadn’t told him how proud she was of what he had become. He hadn’t had a chance to live yet. Not fully and completely anyway. No, it was too soon. She hadn’t said good-bye.
But as the men slid the heavy slab of concrete resolutely over the top of the grave, she knew it was too late.
That was enough.
Jules felt her body go limp, and a gut-wrenching scream curled its way up from the core of her being, echoing across the solemn cemetery. She would have sunk onto the cold, hard ground had it not been for two strong arms that grabbed her and pulled her close.
Jules buried her face in Germaine’s chest and let her cries get swallowed up in his strong frame. She hadn’t seen him enter the cemetery and certainly had not seen him come up behind her. But he had seen her, and he had known that it would be too much for her.
She collapsed against him, letting his strength support her. She was too tired to be in control.
The sobs that wracked her body made her feel weaker still, and she closed her eyes and tried to block it all out. She couldn’t watch them seal off the tomb, or cover it with dirt. She couldn’t even watch the people leave, which they soon did. Because their leaving meant that it was over. This was the last moment in time that would be about Easy. She would have to let him go. She couldn’t do that. She wasn’t ready.
A cloud of grief seemed to have seeped in, replacing the fog that had been there before. It was so heavy that Jules could feel its weight rest on her, making her bones ache, making it hard to breathe.
“It’s okay. It’s okay….” Germaine’s voice drifted softly in through the jumble of her mind, his soothing words echoing over and over, in a rhythmic pattern. Slowly but surely, it seemed to sedate Jules’s tumultuous emotions, and transform her wracking sobs into gentle whimpers. Eventually she stopped crying, and began to breathe again. After what seemed like forever she opened her eyes.
Germaine loosened his grip, but kept a supporting hand on Jules as she stood back a bit and looked around. The cemetery had emptied, leaving only the two of them standing by Easy’s grave. Jules finally managed to look at the spot that was to be her friend’s final resting place.
The workmen had done a good job of covering the plot neatly, and someone had placed a wreath of yellow and white carnations and tulips on top. The headstone would not come until later in the week, so for now this would have to do.
Jules sighed. It was a pity Easy couldn’t see the big fuss everyone had made for him. He wouldn’t have believed it.
Kneeling down, she placed the single white rose she had on top of his grave. On her last birthday Easy had sent her eleven white roses. When she had asked him why eleven, he’d said because eleven was one rose short of a dozen, just like Jules was one screw short of crazy.
After a few more moments, she took a deep breath and stood up, brushing away the tears that threatened to fall again. She turned around to find Germaine handing her a handkerchief. Jules snorted.
“You have a handkerchief?”
He shrugged as she took it. “It came with the suit.”
His hands were stuck in his pockets casually, but he was watching Jules carefully. As distraught as she was, she didn’t miss the look of concern in his eyes.
“Oh, geez, I must look a mess,” she mumbled, wiping her eyes and sliding her sunglasses off her head. But Germaine reached out and took them from her before she had a chance to put them on.
“It’s okay,” he said gently.
Jules stared at him for a moment, before taking back her glasses and putting them on anyway. It was bad enough that he seemed to be able to guess her every move. She didn’t need his intense eyes peering into her soul as well.
“Everyone left?” she asked, as they walked toward the parking lot.
“Yeah. They went back to ‘Dre’s house,” Germaine said.
“There goes my ride,” Jules mumbled. Since her car had been in the shop again, she’d gotten a ride with Maxine that morning.
“I told Max I’d take care of it.”
“Oh.”
An awkward silence fell between them as they covered the rest of the distance to the parking lot. When they got to the car, Germaine opened the door, but Jules didn’t get in. Instead, she hugged her small black purse to her and stared at the ground. She could feel Germaine standing silently behind her.
“You don’t want to go to ‘Dre’s, do you,” he said.
She shook her head.
“You want me to take you home?”
She nodded.
“Okay.”
She slid into the front seat and buckled the seat belt, as he closed the door.