Unraveling Darkness

by Marissa Farrar

  I still had questions, however. “If the boys are all trained here to do what you do, what happens if they don’t want to take this path in life? Do they get to say if they want out? What if during all this training, they don’t perform like they’re supposed to? Do any of them not make it?”

  Did any of them decide they wanted out, or were they all so institutionalized that they didn’t know there was the possibility of them living any other life?

  Clay regarded me, his eyebrows raised. “And that’s a lot of questions in one breath.”

  Kingsley stepped in. “No, they don’t all make it. Not that many drop out voluntarily, of course.” He regarded me, his deep brown eyes suddenly sad. “You don’t know how it feels to be an older boy caught in the system. You get passed from place to place, and with each move you get angrier and more expectant of being moved on, so you just act out to make it happen already. As a kid, you’re told to not take candy from strangers, but we were asked to live with them and call them Mom and Dad.”

  My heart broke at his story, and I reached out and squeezed his fingers. But I was starting to see why the boys would choose to live down here when given the choice.

  “But you said some don’t make it?”

  Clay shrugged, joining the conversation. “Things happen. Kids get sick. There are accidents.”

  “What happens to those boys?”

  “They live here until they’re eighteen, unless they want to leave early, in which case they go back into the system. Once they leave, they’re free to do whatever they want. They’re set up with some money and somewhere to live, and they’re sworn to secrecy, of course, but otherwise their lives are their own.”

  It was good to know the guys had had choices. Yes, they’d been steered in this direction, but if they’d really decided it wasn’t for them, they’d have been able to do something different.

  They had called it training, but ultimately, I was looking at an educational space. That, combined with the bedrooms, and the dining room, and kitchen, plus the recreational areas, made it clear to me that everything had been provided for the boys to not only live, but thrive down here.

  There was only one thing missing.

  Family.

  I turned to Clay and Kingsley. “This is where you all grew up? Where you were brought after the foster homes?”

  They glanced at each other with a rueful smile, and both shrugged. “Yeah, this was home,” Clay said.

  I’d almost forgotten about my aunt, but Sarah was staring in at the boys. Her expression was tight, her nostrils flared and her lips pressed together. “The children live down here?”

  I looked to her. “Yes, Aunt Sarah. But the boys down here don’t have family of their own. They were taken from foster homes, where they were unwanted, and brought here to have a different kind of life.”

  Her frown deepened. “But it’s not normal to have boys living like this.”

  Clay stepped in. “Honestly, living in foster care isn’t exactly normal either. At least here we felt like we were something special—chosen—instead of being the ones nobody wanted.”

  That seemed to placate my aunt.

  Kingsley glanced in at the boys. “Each kid here is given a good education, then taken off individually to be shaped into whatever thing they’ve shown a talent or special skill or interest in.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “How are any of the kids supposed to know what they are most interested in, or what they want to do? I’m twenty, and I still don’t know what I want to do.”

  “You forget that we were already showing an interest or a skill in something before we were brought here,” Kingsley pointed out.

  Clay shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. “Yeah, I was taking things apart for as long as I can remember. If it came to pieces, that’s what I’d do, and then I’d put it back together again. It would keep me entertained for hours. I don’t know how I knew how to do it—I’d never been taught at that point. I just had an instinct for it.”

  I liked to think of Clay as a small boy, sitting cross-legged on the floor, his blond hair falling into his face, with tons of little pieces of metal around him. Had his real parents looked at him fondly when he’d done that, or had it driven them bat shit crazy to buy him something new, only for him to take it to pieces? What had the response of the care home been? I imagined they’d have been less lenient with him. I wondered what had happened to his folks for him to have ended up here. There was so much I didn’t know about their pasts. Strangely, the one I knew the most about was Isaac.

  What about the others? Had Kingsley shown signs of being more caring? Had Alex been interested in how the human body worked? I didn’t like to think of Lorcan showing a particular interest in guns, but maybe that was what happened? And Isaac, with his computers? I imagined Isaac as a child—bossy and wanting for things to always go his own way. Had the boys clashed when they’d been brought here, or had they been friends?

  Kingsley frowned at me. “What are you thinking?”

  I snapped myself out of my thoughts. “Just about what you must have all been like as children down here.”

  “We were boys who’d lost our parents. Angry, rebellious, sad. But this place did us good. Gave us something to focus on and taught us how to work well with others.”

  “But did anyone show you love?”

  My question seemed to bemuse him, and he glanced toward Clay, who looked away.

  “We had each other,” he said eventually. “We were a family of sorts. We looked out for one another.”

  I figured that was something, at least.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I wanted to see more of the training rooms, to see what the other facilities were like, and how many boys were living down here, but my aunt wasn’t giving off good vibes, and I didn’t want to give her any more reasons to be angry with either me or the guys.

  “Hey,” I said, trying to change the topic. “Can we go and see Lorcan? I’m worried about him.”

  It was true. After seeing Alex help him into the elevator, he’d been playing on my mind. I thought he was putting a brave face on just how bad he’d really been feeling, and I hoped Alex had been able to help him.

  Kingsley nodded. “Sure. The medical bay is on the other side of this floor.”

  “Yeah,” Clay said. “I wanna see how he’s doing, too.”

  My aunt wrapped her arms around her narrow frame. “I’m tired, Darcy. I think I’ll leave you to it and go lie down for a while.”

  I chewed my lower lip, frowning at her in concern. “Are you sure?”

  “The bell will go for dinner soon,” Kingsley said, his expression matching mine. “You don’t want something to eat before you sleep?”

  I agreed with him. “You’ve barely eaten all day.”

  She waved a hand in the air between us. “I’m fine. Stop fussing and let me get some rest.”

  I hesitated, unsure what to do. But then I reasoned with myself that she’d been having sleepless nights due to my disappearance, and we’d asked her to walk a fair distance today as well, plus all the traveling. It shouldn’t be surprising that she’d be worn out.

  “Okay, sure,” I relented. I didn’t want to admit it, but a part of me was relieved that she was going to lie down. I felt more at ease with the guys without her watching over my shoulder. I knew she was judging every interaction we had with each other, and while I didn’t blame her, it was making me, and probably them, too, awkward.

  “Well, you know where the dining room is if you hear the bell and decide you’ve changed your mind,” Kingsley said. “Just come on up, and you’ll be more than welcome.”

  She nodded, but didn’t meet his eye.

  Together, we went back to the elevator, though we remained outside, while my aunt stepped in.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” I asked anxiously.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Darcy. I’m more than capable of finding my way back to the room I’ve been all
ocated. Go and see your friend.”

  I gave her a tight smile. “Okay. As long as you’re sure.”

  She reached out and hit the button for the next floor up, where the bedrooms were located. “Of course, I’m sure.”

  My insides squeezed with guilt. This was easier for me because I had the guys, but she must feel like she didn’t even really have me. The metal doors slid shut, hiding her from view, and then the elevator started to move up, leaving me alone with Clay and Kingsley.

  “C’mon, sugar,” Clay said, hooking his arm around my waist and yanking me to his side. “Just give her a little space and time, and she’ll soon warm up.”

  “You clearly don’t know my aunt.”

  Kingsley jerked his head in the opposite direction. “Let’s go and see how Lorcan’s doing.”

  I was glad to have the distraction.

  We walked the length of the corridor until the doors gave way to a glass-walled room at the end. The space was divided into several more rooms beyond, and it was in one of these we found Lorcan. A pole stood beside the bed he was lying on, a bag of clear fluids, which was now almost empty, leading down to a drip threaded into a vein on the back of Lorcan’s hand. His eyes were closed, his chest bare. A sheet was pulled up halfway and tucked in just above his navel, and I found myself picking out the individual images of his tattoos—a raven, an eye, some script in what looked like Latin—enjoying being able to look while he didn’t know. Like Isaac, I felt Lorcan held himself back from me in a way the other three guys didn’t, even though we had shared that kiss. They were more open, emotionally, and I wondered what had happened to Lorcan to make him the way he was. Was he wary of all women, or only me?

  Alex walked in, a stethoscope draped around his neck. He wore a white coat over his shirt, and looked every part the young, handsome doctor. My heart fluttered a little, and I had to glance away.

  “How’s he doing?” Kingsley asked Alex, keeping his voice down so as not to disturb Lorcan.

  Alex nodded. “Better. The rest is doing him good, and I’ve had him on some fluids and IV antibiotics, which will get working right away.”

  I hated to see Lorcan like this, especially as I felt partway responsible for what he was going through. I wished I could do something to help, but Alex had everything under control.

  Lorcan’s eyes flickered open and came to land on me. He gave a smile at seeing me at his bedside.

  “Hey,” I said gently. “How are you feeling?”

  He winced and shifted, trying to sit up, but I put my hand on his bare chest. “Don’t move. Just rest.”

  “Yes, she’s right,” Alex said.

  Lorcan frowned. “I’m okay. Alex is being dramatic.”

  I glanced over at Alex, who rolled his eyes at Lorcan. “The infection hit you fast,” Alex said. “But the antibiotics will work quickly as well.”

  “That’s good.” I didn’t like to think of any of them out of action.

  Alex touched me on the elbow and jerked his chin to indicate him wanting to speak with me. I took a couple of steps from Lorcan’s bedside, and Alex used his body to shield our conversation from the others.

  “Hey, Darc. I wanted to say I’m sorry if I upset you back at the truck stop. I shouldn’t have been digging into your business.”

  I shook my head and glanced away, embarrassed at my over-reaction. “No, it’s fine. I just didn’t like the thought of you and Clay talking about me in the car.”

  Alex stared at me, his blue eyes wide. “We didn’t. I mean, not like that.”

  I knew exactly what he meant by ‘not like that.’ He was talking about the thing I’d been paranoid of—what Clay had thought of me in bed. Alex hurried on, as though the conversation embarrassed him as well. “I mean, I saw you guys this morning, and obviously I was there when Isaac ...” Again, he didn’t need to clarify. “So, I just figured it might be something you’d given some thought to, and obviously with our current situation, it’s not as though you can visit your regular doctor ...”

  I held up a hand to stop him. “It’s fine, Alex, though thank you. I know you’re just looking out for me.”

  “In that case, please take this as me looking out for you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled something out, though kept the item hidden in his palm. He slipped his hand into mine and released what he was holding. I glanced down to find a folded strip of condoms nestled in my palm.

  “Alex!” My cheeks burned.

  “Do whatever you want with them—throw them away, if that’s what you want—I just wanted to make sure you’re taken care of, you know? That you have the choice to be protected, if need be.”

  I wondered if he was thinking about using the protection with me. Maybe it had crossed his mind, but if that was the only reason he was giving them to me, he wouldn’t have bothered. He could have just produced them if, or when, the moment arrived.

  I stuffed the foil packets into the back pocket of my jeans. “Thanks, Alex,” I mumbled, hoping none of the other guys had witnessed our little transaction.

  He seemed happy with that. “Welcome.”

  There was so much potentially about to happen, I struggled to think more than a couple of hours into the future, never mind something like birth control. But he was being practical and responsible, and that was a good thing.

  The shrill ring of a bell sounding from circular speakers in the ceiling interrupted our conversation. I was glad for the distraction.

  From Lorcan’s bedside, Clay clapped his hands. “Meal time!”

  “You guys go.” Lorcan waved us away. “Someone will bring me food down.”

  I felt bad leaving him. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. You guys woke me, anyway, and I’m more tired than hungry.”

  My stomach gurgled, acid bubbling. It had been a long time since the breakfast sandwich, and I wasn’t a fan of these inconsistent meals. I was normally someone who was already planning what was for lunch as I was eating breakfast.

  Still, guilt swamped me as I put my hand on Lorcan’s good shoulder and leaned in to kiss his cheek. His skin felt smooth and warm against my palm, and I resisted the urge to lay my head on his chest and hold him awhile. It felt like we were abandoning him. Things never felt right unless the six of us were together. “Get some rest, okay? We’ll be back soon.”

  Alex pointed to a handset beside the bed. “Hit the buzzer if you need anything, and we’ll be right down.”

  Lorcan gave a half smile, but it didn’t reach his hazel eyes. He did look tired, and my heart contracted with worry for him. “No worries. Go. Eat.”

  We all turned and filed out of the medical bay, leaving Lorcan to rest. I wondered how the talks had been going between Isaac and Devlin. Had they decided what would happen next? I knew we couldn’t just hide down here. We still needed to find Hollan. We still needed to find the memory stick.

  I piled into the elevator with Alex, Kingsley, and Clay pressed in on each side. Kingsley hit the button, and we rose back up to Middle 1, the floor which consisted of the living area.

  As we walked into the massive dining room, people were already seated around the numerous round dining tables. The air was filled with the hum of conversation and the clink of cutlery striking plates. I suddenly felt hugely conspicuous, and found myself stepping in behind Kingsley’s bulky form, as though to hide from everyone. I wasn’t a shy person, but being the only female around made me self-conscious. I spotted a couple of other adults—some of whom I’d watched taking classes with the boys—but most of the inhabitants were below the age of eighteen.

  I didn’t see Isaac or Devlin anywhere. They must still be busy.

  Alex nudged my side and pointed over to a table which was only partially occupied by some of the boys. A buffet of food had been laid out along one wall of the dining room, so we helped ourselves to platefuls of macaroni and cheese and a tomato salad, then took our seats at the table with the boys. My mouth watered. The food appeared to be home cooked, and, other than the c
urry Clay had made, there had been a distinct lack of home cooked meals in my life lately. I wondered how they got their food down here. Did one person go out and do a massive shop somewhere—not that I thought there would be anywhere nearby—or were they growing fresh fruit and vegetables somewhere?

  I forked a mouthful of soft pasta smothered in creamy, cheesy sauce into my mouth and chewed, savoring every bite. The tomatoes were ripe and sweet, with torn basil flaked on top to bring out the flavor. It was a simple meal, but delicious, and my thoughts went to both Aunt Sarah and Lorcan missing out.

  I swallowed then leaned into Alex eating beside me. “Will someone take a plate down to Lorcan?”

  “Yes, of course. He won’t go hungry.”

  “What about my aunt? Should I put something aside ...?” I felt awkward asking. She’d not shown them any gratitude for their hospitality, but I couldn’t see her going hungry.

  “Of course. I’ll make sure we put her a plate to one side so she can reheat it later if she wants.”

  I smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Alex.”

  I got the feeling of eyes on me, the heat of a gaze hitting my skin, and looked up. I was drawing attention from the boys as they all sat with their meals. They ranged in age from about seven to seventeen. Some of them looked down at their plates, blushing furiously, while others stared at me openly.

  “This must be how Wendy felt when she went to Neverland,” I said to Alex from the side of my mouth.

  He caught me in his blue gaze. “Yes, but we all grow up.”

  That was true. The boys who’d brought me here were most definitely men.

  “You don’t get many women or girls down here?”

  Alex shook his head. “No, not at all. You’re an unusual sight.”

  I looked around the room at the numerous males. Other than my aunt, I was the only female. “Why are they all boys?” I asked Alex. “Do they not think girls are capable?”

  Alex gave a small laugh that contained no humor. “Honestly, it’s because the boys were the ones left on the shelves.”