He'd told her more about his short surfing career over the past few days and how surfing had not only been an escape from his dysfunctional family, but also a place for him to fit in. He'd found friends out there on the waves, people who shared his interest, and who didn't care about what kind of life he was living when he wasn't in the ocean. She was a little surprised that he hadn't felt like he fit in as a teen; he was such an outgoing person now and he seemed to fit in everywhere. But maybe he'd grown into his confidence.
Her bedroom door opened, and Brandon peeked in. Seeing she was awake, he ran across the room, jumping into bed with her. Of course, Wiley wasn't far behind.
As Brandon snuggled up next to her and Wiley deposited wet kisses on her face, she laughed, feeling loved and happy. This was her world, her little family, and it was damned good.
"Can we go see Reid surf now?" Brandon asked.
"First, we have to have breakfast."
"Then can we go? I want to see him surf."
"I don't know if he'll be surfing, but we will go down to the beach and see what's happening."
"Joel told me that the waves are dark green monsters, and sometimes they eat the surfers." His eyes widened with worry. "Do you think they'll eat Reid?"
"No, that's just a story, honey," she said, silently thanking Joel for putting that image in her kid's head. "We should write and illustrate a story about a surfer boy."
"We can call him Reid," Brandon said with excitement.
She was surprised by the suggestion. Brandon usually liked to name the heroes after himself. "We can think about it. What do you want for breakfast?"
"Blueberry pancakes."
"You got it."
Wiley barked in approval, even though she had no intention of feeding him pancakes.
"Do you think Reid will come over today after he's done surfing?" Brandon asked, as she put on a robe and they made their way down to the kitchen. "He could write the story with us."
"I'm not sure what he's doing later, honey."
"I'm going to ask him. If he doesn't want to work on the story, we could play catch. He told me last week that he could show me how to throw a baseball. Joel's dad is going to coach our team, and he said we should be playing catch now to warm up our arms."
"I can play catch with you," she offered.
Brandon gave her a doubtful look. "Do you know how? You weren't very good at soccer."
"Well, I'm better at hitting a ball than kicking one," she said with a laugh. "And I wasn't that bad."
"I bet Reid is really good at baseball."
Reid could certainly do no wrong in Brandon's eyes. "I'm sure he is."
"Do you think he would come to my baseball games?"
"Well, I don't know. If he's not working, he'd probably like to come."
Brandon hopped into the chair by the kitchen island, as she gathered together ingredients. "Joel said he's going to do Boy Scouts and go on camping trips," he added. "Can I do that?"
"We can look into it."
"I want to put up a tent. Do you think Reid knows how to put up a tent?"
She sighed at Brandon's endless round of questions about Reid, although it occurred to her that these kinds of questions used to revolve around his dad. But he hadn't mentioned Kevin since Reid had fixed his doghouse.
It scared her how much Brandon was starting to think about Reid the way he thought about his father, but what could she do? She'd already gone too far to pull back now. So far Reid hadn't disappointed Brandon. She just hoped it would stay that way.
* * *
After parking in a shopping center off Highway 1, Jessica, Brandon, and Wiley walked a half mile to the bluff overlooking the area of the ocean where the Revolution competition was being held. It was a little before noon, and the bluff was packed with people.
She saw several of her students with their parents, as well as some of Brandon's friends and their families. When she finally got close enough to see the ocean, her gut clenched at the size of the massive waves.
A group of surfers were in the water, and one man was making a run at one of those waves. A loudspeaker coming from a platform on the beach below announced the man's name; it wasn't Reid.
Was he out there in that wild sea? It was impossible to tell from here. She wished she had some binoculars.
"Mommy, there's Joel," Brandon said, tugging on her hand.
She turned to see Joel and his dad, Max, approaching them. "Hi Joel, Max."
"Nice to see you, Jessica," Max said. "Is this your first Revolution?"
"It is. I can't imagine being out there on the ocean."
"Me, either. But it's exciting to watch others."
"Is Reid out there, Mommy?" Brandon asked, tugging on her hand.
"I have no idea. We'll have to listen for his name."
"You know someone in the competition?" Max asked.
"I'm not sure if he's competing or not."
"If he is out there, I wish him luck." Max turned to his son. "Joel, we need to get a move on. We have to meet your aunt at Caffe Roman."
"Can I stay with Brandon?" Joel asked. "Please, Dad."
"He's welcome to hang with us," she interjected. "If that's all right with you."
"Are you sure? My wife's sister is in town, so we're having lunch at the café, but Joel will probably be bored. She's getting married, so there will be a lot of wedding talk."
"I know what that's like. I'm happy to watch him. Is it all right if I take him back to my house when we're done here?"
"That would be great. Thanks, Jessica."
"No problem."
As Max left, she gave the boys a stern look. "There are a lot of people here and it's dangerous to get too close to the edge of the cliff. So no running off. Just sit down and watch the surfers."
"Okay," Brandon said, as he and Joel sat down a couple of feet away.
She let out the leash a little so Wiley could sit down next to them. He was always protective of Brandon.
Looking away from the kids, she focused her attention on the water, watching as a surfer got up on his board, only to be tossed about like a toy in the churning water. He went under a huge roll of white water, and it seemed to take forever for him to come back up. She held her breath, really hoping that wasn't Reid.
Pulling out her phone, she texted him: We're on the bluff. If you're not in the water, come find me.
She waited a moment to see if she would get a quick text back, but there was no reply. Her stomach churned with worry. He wasn't her responsibility. He was a grown man; he could take care of himself. But she really, really, didn't want anything to happen to him.
"Jessica?"
She turned at the sound of her name. It was Reid's friend Bill. He was out of uniform today, wearing jeans and a dark sweater. "Hi, Bill. Is Reid surfing? He told me he had a wild card if he wanted it, but I haven't heard his name called out, and it's impossible to see anyone from here."
"I don't know. I talked to him earlier; he hadn't decided yet. I gave him my opinion, but he wasn't interested in hearing it."
Reid might not have been interested in Bill's opinion, but she was. "What did you say?"
"That he should leave a pro surfing competition to the pros. He was great a long time ago, but it's been ten years since he was at that level. I understand the idea behind the honorary wild card for former finalists, but maybe there should be a time limit on it."
"Why do you think he wants to do it?" she asked, genuinely curious. "Just for the thrill of it? I know Reid is all about living life and pushing the boundaries, but this seems extreme."
"He does like a big challenge, but surfing is more than that for him. He had a rough childhood, and surfing was where he was the happiest. When he was on the water, he didn't have any family problems."
"I've met Tara, and he's told me a little about his mom and sister, not too much about his dad, though. Did you know him?"
"Never met him. Reid has been the man of the family as long as I've known him
. He's always felt like he had to take care of his mom and his sister."
"It's a lot to put on a kid," she said, thinking to herself that she didn't want that to happen to Brandon. She never wanted him to feel responsible for her. He was her child. She was meant to take care of him—not the other way around.
"Well, now that Tara is graduating, he can finally move on. He can take the job in Chicago if he wants," Bill said. "Or he can go anywhere else, for that matter. The sky is the limit."
She frowned. "What job in Chicago?"
At her question, Bill gave her a guilty look. "Uh, Reid didn't tell you about that?"
"No. He has a job offer in Chicago?"
"There's an opening at a firehouse there. I think he applied for it. He has a good chance of getting it if he wants it. But his desire to leave might have changed since we last spoke."
Anger, followed by a wave of hurt, ran through her. In all the time they'd spent together, Reid had never mentioned applying for a job in Chicago. She'd made it clear to him that she was concerned about Brandon getting attached to someone who might not stick around, yet he'd failed to mention he might be moving across the country.
And what about all the things he'd said to her about wanting to keep dating her, about acknowledging that they were in fact having a relationship? Why push for more dates if he was on his way out of town?
"I shouldn't have said anything," Bill said. "I keep sticking my foot in my mouth. I'm sure Reid was going to tell you about it. Or it's possible he's not even going to go."
"I'll have to ask him," she said.
"Looks like you're going to have that chance right now," Bill said, tipping his head.
She turned to see Reid approaching. He was in jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt, and her first feeling was of relief. He wasn't in the water. He wasn't risking his life to ride a wave.
"Jessica," he said, giving her a warm smile, followed by a quick kiss. "I've been looking for you." He nodded to Bill. "How's it going?"
"You decided not to surf, I see," Bill said.
"I did. I'm leaving the competition to the young titans, not the old-timers, as someone called me earlier today."
"Good decision," Bill said. "I haven't seen anyone get a clean ride yet."
"There are very tough conditions, but the third heat coming up has some of the best riders in the world. Jackson Hayes will be out there. He's won four competitions this season," Reid added for her benefit.
She didn't really care about the surfing anymore; she was thinking about Chicago.
"Is something wrong?" Reid asked, giving her a questioning look.
"I'm going to take off," Bill said quickly. "Bye, Jessica."
"Bye," she said shortly.
"Jessica?" Reid pressed.
She glanced away from him for a moment, making sure that Brandon and Joel were still seated and out of trouble, which they were.
"I thought you'd be happy I wasn't surfing," Reid said, calling her attention back to him.
"It's not really my business, is it?" she asked, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice.
He frowned. "Okay, what did I miss?"
"Bill said you applied for a job in Chicago, and that there's a good chance you'll get it."
"Oh."
She saw the truth in his eyes. "So you're leaving?"
"No—I don't know. I haven't gotten accepted. I haven't even interviewed yet. And even if they said yes, I don't know that I would go."
"Why wouldn't you go? If you applied, it sounds like you want the change. Your sister is going to college. Your mom has someone in her life. You're free to do whatever you want to do."
"All that is true, and that was my thinking when I first heard about the job, which was before you and I went out." He paused. "You have to understand that aside from the several months I spent surfing in between high school and college, I've lived in this town. It's great, but it's small. I've always thought I'd move somewhere else eventually."
"It is small," she agreed. "If you want to make a move, you should make it. I just wish you'd mentioned it. I told you that I was concerned that Brandon would get attached to you, and that's already happened. But obviously there's nothing we can do about that now. When you leave, he's going to be upset."
"Like I said, I don't know that I'm leaving."
"Don't you?" she challenged.
"Hey, Reid," Brandon interrupted as he and Joel and Wiley joined them. "Are you surfing?"
"Not today, buddy. The waves are too big for me."
"I want to be a surfer," Brandon said. "It looks cool."
"Me, too," Joel added.
"We'll have to get you both out on boards one day," Reid said. "Your mom, too."
"Can we, Mom?" Brandon asked.
"I'll think about it," she replied.
Brandon gave her a pouty look. "You always say that before you say no."
"Thinking about it means I'll think about it," she said on a sharper note.
"Mom—"
"If you ask me again right now, it will be no," she told Brandon.
"Fine," Brandon said, crossing his arms, a pissed-off expression on his small face.
She felt a little guilty for her harsh tone, but she did have a lot of things to think about— most importantly whether she should spend one more minute with Reid, knowing that he was probably going to be gone by summer.
"So there's a good surfer in this next heat," Reid told Brandon, directing her son's attention back to the sea. "He has the long yellow stripe on his wet suit. You'll see him in a minute. He's one of the best in the world."
While Reid focused Brandon and Joel on the surfers, she drew in a deep breath and let it out. She appreciated that Reid had taken over with Brandon while she was still pulling herself together, but it also hurt to see him with her son, knowing that moments like these were not going to be a long-term thing. He wasn't sure he was leaving, but she thought he probably should go. She didn't want him to stay for her, to give up his dreams. In the end, he'd resent her. She'd already seen that with Kevin. She couldn't do it again.
"There he is," Reid said excitedly. "There's Jackson." He pointed to the ocean. "Do you see him?"
"He's doing it," Brandon said.
The surfer was amazing, she thought, watching the man skillfully weave his way across the enormous wave that threatened to crush him with white water.
"That's a winning ride," Reid said, glancing back at her. "You just saw one of the best surfers in the world."
"It was impressive," she agreed.
As Brandon and Joel sat back on the ground, Reid smiled that smile that always made her heart flip over in her chest. "I know you're angry, Jess. I wasn't intentionally holding back information from you. To tell you the truth, I kind of forgot about it the last few weeks, and I figured we'd discuss it when it was really an issue."
"I admit that the news surprised me, but you should do what you want to do. I understand that you're coming off some very long-term responsibilities to your family, and the life I have to offer and share is filled with similar commitments. I know I'm jumping ahead by saying that, because we're just starting something, but we both know it's true. We can pretend it won't be an issue, but it will be."
"Jess—"
"Let me finish. I would never ask you to stay here for me, because I did that once before—with Kevin." She lowered her voice, so Brandon couldn't hear her. "I asked Kevin to marry me. I never told you that. I never told anyone that. I let people think it was his idea, that he insisted on taking care of me. But it was me. I was afraid to be alone. I didn't think I could do it on my own. And when he finally left, he told me I'd stolen years from his life."
"That's ridiculous," Reid said sharply. "You were in it together. You didn't do anything to him. You made that baby together."
"But I convinced him to stay with me, and that's not what he wanted to do. Right or wrong, it was a disaster and one I don't care to repeat. I want—need—to be with someone who really, really wants
to be with me and my kid. And I don't think that's you."
She wanted him to say it was him, but his momentary hesitation spoke volumes.
"We need to talk about all of this," he said finally. "We can't do that now."
"We'll just end up in the same place, Reid."
"We don't have to decide everything this second."
"That's what I've been telling myself since I met you. But I'm getting in deeper every day, and so is Brandon. You're all he talks about. Maybe you won't take this job, but that doesn't mean another offer won't come up. My life is here in Half Moon Bay. I moved to be near my parents, to give Brandon a chance to know them. I have a house, a mortgage, a new job, a big dog. I'm not going anywhere, but I understand if you are. We're just not in the same place. It's no one's fault. It just is what it is." Her heart broke with every word. "I don't think we should see each other anymore."
His face tightened. "Jess, come on. We can't do this here."
"There's nothing to do. It's done."
Anger entered his eyes. "This is wrong, and you know it. You're not just trying to protect Brandon; you're worried about yourself. You can't take a risk even when you have everything to gain."
"I have more to lose," she said flatly.
"Mommy, I'm hungry," Brandon interrupted. "Can we go home?"
"Yes. You and Joel can play there until his dad picks him up."
"Can you come with us, Reid?" Brandon asked. "You could play catch with me and Joel, so we can get ready for baseball."
"Reid can't come," she said quickly, answering for him.
Reid frowned, but he didn't contradict her.
"But I need to learn how to catch," Brandon whined.
"There's time for that," she told him, not wanting Reid to make a promise she couldn't let him keep. "Say good-bye to Reid."
"Bye, Reid," Brandon said, giving him a hug.
The look on Reid's face when Brandon pulled away almost undid her. He had what appeared to be real pain in his eyes. But he didn't say anything, and neither did she.
As she walked back to her car, she kept telling herself she'd done the right thing; she just didn't know why it felt so wrong.
Sixteen
For the next two weeks, Reid kept himself busy with work and playing mediator between his sister and their mother, who had returned from India with her boyfriend and announced she would still be getting married, but she would wait until after Tara's graduation.
Forever Starts Tonight Page 15