Emerald Star (Hetty Feather)
Page 27
‘Oh, any fool can play around with a bit of food and make a picture,’ I said quickly, serving the meal, my hands shaking. It was rabbit with onions, parsnips, potatoes and carrots, sprinkled with a handful of Mrs Maple’s herbs. I’m sure it really was tasty, but I felt as if I were munching rat and toadstools. I could only get one mouthful down and even then I had to force myself to swallow.
‘No appetite, Hetty?’ said Jem, ever watchful of me.
‘I ate at Janet’s house,’ I lied.
‘It’s good that you two have become such firm friends,’ said Jem.
‘Janet is the sweetest girl in the world,’ I said.
‘No, she isn’t!’ said Jem, laughing. ‘That title’s already taken – by you, Miss Hetty Feather. And as a reward for winning the aforesaid title on a daily basis, would you like me to take you to your wretched circus just one more time? I hear they’re leaving tomorrow.’
‘I – I don’t think so. Not tonight,’ I said.
I was very conscious of Gideon’s one eye staring at me. Mother was peering at me intently too. It was hard to tell what she was thinking, because her face was always strangely immobile now, but I didn’t care for the look in her eyes.
I couldn’t blurt it out in front of them – for Jem’s sake, if not for mine.
‘Shall we go for a little walk after supper?’ I said to him. ‘It’s a lovely evening.’
‘Why, Hetty, yes!’ he said.
He sounded so eager that I felt worse than ever. He even went to smarten himself up, coming back downstairs wearing his Sunday best and his red worsted waistcoat.
‘Oh, Jem,’ I said, nearly in tears.
‘I’ve got to look my best when I go out walking with my girl,’ he said. He took my hand and we left the cottage. ‘Which way, Hetty?’
‘Let’s go to our squirrel tree,’ I mumbled.
We walked silently to the woods. I knew Jem was looking at my face, trying to gauge my mood. I couldn’t make myself look up at him. We threaded our way through the trees, still hand in hand.
‘We’re like those children in the fairy tale. Was it Hansel and Gretel? Shall we lie down and cover ourselves with leaves?’ said Jem, making an effort to be fanciful because he thought it would please me.
‘It would be a bit muddy, I think,’ I said, walking with care along the track, my boots slipping.
‘Here, let me carry you over this bit,’ said Jem, picking me up before I could protest.
‘No, no, Jem, I’m fine,’ I said.
‘I can’t have my girl getting her shoes and stockings all messed up. Oh my goodness, you’re as light as a feather. My Hetty Feather. Hetty Feather, Hetty Feather, Hetty Feather.’
‘Oh, Jem, do stop it. I’ve grown to detest my silly name,’ I said.
‘One day you might have a different name,’ said Jem, galloping on through the wood until we got to the squirrel tree.
‘I have different names already. I am Sapphire Battersea and Emerald Star,’ I said.
‘I mean a different real name,’ said Jem, lifting me into the tree and climbing up beside me. ‘I hope that one day you will be Hetty Cotton.’
‘Oh, Jem,’ I whispered, ducking my head. ‘Please don’t say any more.’
‘It’s all right, Hetty. Don’t be worried. I’m not going to press you any further just now. You’re far too young. But we both know we’ve had an understanding for the last ten years—’
‘We played at being married when I was five, Jem. It was only a child’s game.’
‘I think we both meant those vows even then,’ he said.
‘Yes, but I didn’t understand. I loved you so much – I still love you dearly – but, Jem, you are my brother.’
‘I’m not a blood brother. We are not related in any way, Hetty. We were simply brought up together for a few years. It is perfectly right and respectable for us to marry one day.’ Jem blushed a little. ‘I asked the parson privately and he reassured me on that point.’
‘I know you’re not my blood brother, Jem, but I love you as if you were my brother. I can’t love you as a sweetheart.’ It felt so terrible saying it. I hardly dared look at his face.
‘It’s because you’re still too young, Hetty,’ he said.
‘No, it’s not. It’s the way I feel, and I don’t think I can ever change.’
Jem took hold of me, pulling me closer by the elbows. ‘I shall make you change,’ he said.
‘You can’t make me, Jem.’
He let me go then. ‘That’s true. No one can make you do anything, Hetty,’ he said wretchedly. He swallowed. ‘Is there some other sweetheart you’ve not told me about?’
‘No, no, no one,’ I said, though I thought guiltily of Bertie. But we had only been friends, not proper sweethearts, and anyway, that seemed so long ago. I would probably never see Bertie ever again.
‘You’ve not fallen in love with anyone at the circus?’ said Jem.
‘No! But – oh, Jem, please don’t be angry, don’t mind too much, but I am going away with them tomorrow,’ I blurted out.
‘What? Are you mad, Hetty?’
‘I think perhaps I am. I know I’m doing a truly crazy thing, but I can’t help it. I have to go with them.’
‘But they’re dreadful folk, vulgar and rough.’
‘They’re not all like that. Madame Adeline’s a true lady,’ I said fiercely.
‘Hetty, have you looked at her? She’s a sad old woman with a painted face, still brazen enough to show her legs to everyone who wants to pay their sixpence.’
‘Don’t you dare talk about her like that! She’s like a mother to me,’ I said, hitting him hard in the chest.
‘You’re thinking of leaving your own poor afflicted mother for that painted charlatan?’ said Jem.
‘Mother will be happy with Gideon, Jem, you know that.’
‘And what about me?’ he said bitterly.
‘Oh, Jem, I don’t want to leave you, of course I don’t. I shall miss you terribly. Maybe you can come and see me perform . . . I am going to be a young ringmaster in a red coat. In many ways it is the star part of the circus show! Please can’t you be just a little bit happy for me? You know how much the circus means to me. It was you who took me there when I was five.’
‘And I wish to God I hadn’t,’ said Jem. ‘You’re completely crazy, Hetty. You’re besotted with this dreadful woman and yet you don’t even know her! You saw her once when you were five years old!’
‘I met her again when I was ten and I begged her to let me travel with her then. I have to go, Jem. I feel it is my destiny.’
‘I thought I was your destiny,’ he said. ‘Didn’t we always plan to live together? It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I thought it was what you wanted as well.’
‘I thought so too, but it’s not meant to be, Jem. If I go away, you’ll realize who your true love really is. Everyone else knows but you! You’ll be so happy once you forget all about me.’
‘I shall never forget you, Hetty. You are my whole life,’ said Jem, and then he turned away from me, and started sobbing.
‘Don’t, Jem, please don’t!’ I begged. ‘I can’t bear it when you cry. All right, I won’t go, not if it hurts you so terribly.’
I put my arms right round him and held him close. I stroked his thick hair and his sunburned neck and murmured little words of comfort. I tried to wipe the tears from his eyes with my fingers. I kissed his forehead and his wet cheeks – and then I was kissing his mouth. He kissed me back, clinging to me. I couldn’t help pulling away instinctively. We both broke apart.
‘It’s all right, Hetty. You can’t make yourself care for me the way I want,’ said Jem. ‘I’m not going to try to keep you here. You’ll only grow to hate me.’
‘I’ll never hate you, Jem. I love you more than anyone else anywhere, even my own father – but do you mean it? You’ll let me go?’
He nodded and I hugged him close again.
‘You promise you will write regularly this time?’
he said.
‘Yes, yes!’
‘And you will stay away from all those rough men – and all the lads who will flock to see you? You will stay a good girl?’
‘I shall act like a little nun, Jem, I promise. Madame Adeline will look after me, and I will look after her, and little Diamond too.’
‘And if you’re at all unhappy you will come running back home to me, do you promise?’ said Jem.
‘I promise,’ I said.
We climbed down out of our tree and walked slowly back through the woods, still hand in hand. I looked at all the cottages, softened in the milky moonlight, and wondered if I was a fool to run from the only real home I’d ever known.
I went to bed wondering if I might really stay after all. I lay wide awake in my childhood bed, my whole life flickering before my eyes. I had been so carefree and happy here in the country as a little girl. I thought of my bleak hospital life, my servant cot, the seaside boarding house, Father’s cold cottage – none had been true homes for me.
‘What am I to do, Mama?’ I whispered into the darkness.
You must follow your heart, Hetty.
I heard her voice so clearly, as if she were whispering in my ear. I lay very still, fancying Mama curled beside me on the bed, her arm round me protectively.
When the first silvery grey light shone through the thin curtains, I got up very quietly and gathered my things together – my makeshift ringmaster outfit, my few clothes, Lizzie’s warm shawl, my little fairground dog, Mama’s brush and comb and violet vase, my fairy tales and David Copperfield. I wore my silver sixpence round my neck. I sat flicking through my memoir books, wondering if there were any point in taking them too. I decided I couldn’t relinquish them. I wrote Hetty Feather on the first, Sapphire Battersea on the second, and Emerald Star on the third. I packed them away carefully, wondering if they might ever be properly published. Then I did up the clasp of my case, and hauled it out of the room.
I kissed Mother goodbye and she stirred a little, but didn’t wake. I left both my dear brothers alone because I’d already said my goodbyes. I crept down the little staircase and paused at the picture of the two children in nightgowns with their tall white guardian angel spreading his wings over them. Well, I had Mama as my guardian angel now.
I unlatched the door and stepped out into the dawn. My case was weighed down with my notebooks, but I walked quickly and steadily towards the meadows, ready to start my new life.
Reading Notes for the
HETTY FEATHER series:
1. The Foundling Hospital was a real place for orphans and abandoned children in the nineteenth century. How different would Hetty’s life have been if she had been born in the twenty-first century? Think about what has changed since then. Here are some key words to start you off:
MONEY SERVANTS ILLNESS CIRCUS
EDUCATION GIRLS MARRIAGE PARENTS
2. What are the key things that make Hetty’s life so very different to yours? Are there any aspects of Victorian life that you wish were part of your own?
3. During the Victorian era, very different things were expected of boys and girls. Is Hetty’s life more difficult because she is a girl? Compare Hetty’s experiences with Gideon’s.
4. As a foundling with no money of her own, Hetty has to find work as a servant to survive. Do you think the idea of people having servants is ever fair, both in Victorian times and today? If Mr Buchanan had been a kind and generous employer in SAPPHIRE BATTERSEA, might Hetty have stayed there?
5. Hetty narrates all three books, so we always see events through her eyes, and hear her side of the story! Is she a fair narrator? How do her emotions and moods influence the story? Do you think she always does the right thing, or would you have ever behaved differently?
6. In EMERALD STAR, Hetty finds her real father. Do you think Bobbie lived up to her expectations? Would he have made a good parent to Hetty?
7. Bobbie’s wife Katherine is upset and angry that her husband has another daughter, and is rather unwelcoming towards Hetty. Do you think her reaction is fair? Imagine you discovered that you had a long-lost brother or sister. How would you feel?
8. In HETTY FEATHER, Madame Adeline is described as being very young and beautiful. Several years later, when Hetty meets her again, she is described quite differently. Compare the two descriptions. Why do you think this is? Think about how much older Hetty is in EMERALD STAR.
9. In EMERALD STAR, Hetty must choose her future, and is faced with several different paths: life with her father in Monksby, marriage to Jem, or a future with Madame Adeline at the circus. What did you think of her final choice?
10. Writing has been an important part of Hetty’s life throughout the series. At the end of EMERALD STAR, is she still determined to be a writer? Do you think joining the circus will affect Hetty’s writing dreams?
About the Author
Jacqueline Wilson is one of Britain’s bestselling authors, with 35 million books sold in the UK. She has been honoured with many prizes for her work, including the Guardian Children’s Fiction Award and the Children’s Book of the Year. She is the author most often borrowed from libraries over the last decade. Jacqueline is a former Children’s Laureate, a professor of children’s literature and in 2008 she was appointed a Dame for services to children’s literacy.
Also by Jacqueline Wilson
Published in Corgi Pups, for beginner readers:
THE DINOSAUR’S PACKED LUNCH
THE MONSTER STORY-TELLER
Published in Young Corgi, for newly confident readers:
LIZZIE ZIPMOUTH
SLEEPOVERS
Available from Doubleday/Corgi Yearling Books:
BAD GIRLS
THE BED AND BREAKFAST STAR
BEST FRIENDS
BURIED ALIVE!
CANDYFLOSS
THE CAT MUMMY
CLEAN BREAK
CLIFFHANGER
COOKIE
THE DARE GAME
THE DIAMOND GIRLS
DOUBLE ACT
DOUBLE ACT (PLAY EDITION)
GLUBBSLYME
HETTY FEATHER
THE ILLUSTRATED MUM
JACKY DAYDREAM
LILY ALONE
LITTLE DARLINGS
THE LONGEST WHALE SONG
THE LOTTIE PROJECT
MIDNIGHT
THE MUM-MINDER
MY SECRET DIARY
MY SISTER JODIE
SAPPHIRE BATTERSEA
SECRETS
STARRING TRACY BEAKER
THE STORY OF TRACY BEAKER
THE SUITCASE KID
VICKY ANGEL
THE WORRY WEBSITE
THE WORST THING ABOUT MY SISTER
Collections:
THE JACQUELINE WILSON COLLECTION
includes THE STORY OF TRACY BEAKER and
THE BED AND BREAKFAST STAR
JACQUELINE WILSON’S DOUBLE-DECKER
includes BAD GIRLS and DOUBLE ACT
JACQUELINE WILSON’S SUPERSTARS
includes THE SUITCASE KID and THE LOTTIE PROJECT
Available from Doubleday/Corgi Books, for older readers:
DUSTBIN BABY
GIRLS IN LOVE
GIRLS UNDER PRESSURE
GIRLS OUT LATE
GIRLS IN TEARS
KISS
LOLA ROSE
LOVE LESSONS
Join the official Jacqueline Wilson fan club at
www.jacquelinewilson.co.uk
EMERALD STAR
AN RHCP DIGITAL EBOOK 978 1 446 47981 0
Published in Great Britain by RHCP Digital,
an imprint of Random House Children’s Publishers UK
A Random House Group Company
This ebook edition published 2012
Copyright © Jacqueline Wilson, 2012
Illustrations copyright © Nick Sharratt, 2012
First published in Great Britain by Doubleday in 2012
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