Defying Instinct (Demon Instinct Series)

by Jaye A. Jones

  “Iliana will not dismiss me. I am bound to her. You cannot trust me.” Grayson’s eyes were constant diamonds. “I wish I could stand by your side today.”

  “Thank you,” I said, letting my sincerity project. “But it’s good you’re still connected to her. The other advisors, whatever she is holding hostage to keep them hers, she still has. You can help free them.”

  Grayson looked down, and I studied his emotions in the air. “I’m not sure I’m capable of a double-cross.”

  “It’s not a double-cross if she forced your allegiance in the first place.” I squinted, wondering what I was feeling from him.

  “No matter the circumstances, Iliana is still Royal.” The full force of the Tempter’s diamond eyes hit me when he said, “and if she weren’t, you would be.”

  Eek. I hadn’t thought of that.

  Grayson stepped ahead of me, Cyrus joining him there, and I considered if something happened to Iliana. I could denounce the Royal position, couldn’t I?

  As long as I lived, as long as the demons I Blooded with today lived, I’d be connected to demonkind, and to half-castes, and to humans. I’d be a half-caste Scion. If someone else took over, even if I wanted them to, I’d be a threat to them. I was rare. A mystery. The Razer in me understood, I wouldn’t be allowed to live.

  Or the demons I Blooded with today wouldn’t.

  As if instinct pulled me there, when I came out of my contemplation, I was standing by Benn, Tanis still with him. I gave her a scrutinizing look. Benn seemed okay. Better than okay. I think he liked her a little.

  “Bennett, do you have a moment?” Rowan, from the tail end of the group, beckoned my best friend, and Benn fell back. Apparently, the Marking that made Benn wary around Rowan no longer bothered him. Maybe because he knew what it was, and that I had done it to him yesterday too made it okay.

  “I’m curious about you,” I said to the girl, and her emotions hinted with a mixture of humility and fear.

  “What would you like to know?” she asked, her voice, which I’d bet was usually self-assured, sounding feeble.

  “You could have stayed Up Above,” I said, trying not to sound critical. But I knew Division would have taken Tanis in. If she had just known it was an option. If they had just known she existed. “She wouldn’t have touched you if you stayed Up Above.”

  “You don’t understand what it was like. You got to be anonymous.” Tanis was the second person to say that to me in so many days. “But what I am is etched into my skin. Imagine every time you thought about kissing a boy, your eyes went Succubus.”

  Tanis thrust out her chin, squinted her eyes, acting like what she was telling me didn’t hurt. But her scars went deep, and I could read the sadness in her calm words.

  “I was an easy,” she swallowed hard, “victim. I couldn’t fight back. Everyone knew I couldn’t get pregnant or catch any diseases. I couldn’t hide what I was. Boys in school...” She looked away, not finishing the thought. “And because of the laws, I couldn’t retaliate. I had no choice but to choose the Underrealm.”

  “I still don’t understand how you ended up one of Iliana’s slave girls.”

  Her acerbic look gave me hope. Tanis still had plenty of fight in her. “We’re called waiting maids.”

  “Did you have a choice about being there?” She said nothing. “Did you want to be there?” Nothing again. “Slave.”

  “Nevertheless,” Tanis grated. “Her Royalty said we were her ladies in waiting.”

  Not being able to fully read her emotions, I couldn’t tell if Tanis hated my mother for what she did to her, or if the half-caste had affection for Iliana. The female didn’t sound angry like I was sure she had to be.

  “I was only in the ‘realm for a week before her lackeys found me. What I don’t get is, how did she even know I was Grayson’s sister? I didn’t know. He says he didn’t know.”

  I thought about it, but couldn’t keep from imagining how Tanis’s life must have been. When she got to the Underrealm, hoping for things to be better, she was taken into Iliana’s court, and treated like a marionette.

  Someday, I’d ask her what Iliana did to her. Right now, I knew she was too fragile to talk about it, even though she was putting on a good act.

  “Maybe it’s a Sorcerer thing? It’s like they can do almost anything.” I gestured to our group, because only a Sorcerer had the power to keep Hammer demons from jumping.

  “Yeah.” Tanis’s shoulders slumped. “Maybe.”

  After another twenty minutes of walking in the cold, we finally arrived at the entrance to the Gate. It didn’t look like much, and I wasn’t sure the demons had it right. Not to mention, we were in downtown St. Louis. In one of the more crime-heavy, gang-activity parts of town.

  When we all began walking down a flight of stairs, I turned to Tanis and Benn, who had fallen to the rear together again.

  “Benn, you can’t come with us,” then turned to Tanis. “You either.”

  Is that okay with you, Grayson? I asked, since he was essentially her guardian now.

  Yes, Savannah. If you think it’s best.

  The half-caste Tempter began to protest, and I saw a flash of silver in her eyes before I put up a hand and an opaque cage in my mind so she couldn’t touch me.

  “Don’t even think it. If something happens today, you’ll be safer Up Above. Both of you. Benn? Don’t take her back to The Bookstore, okay? Just in case.”

  I still didn’t like the idea of them being together. I didn’t trust her with my best friend. She was a Succubus, even if only partly one. Her skills in manipulating a human male were bound to be amazing. But I didn’t want her in the ‘realm today. Or any day. Ever again.

  As we stood at the top of the stairs, Rowan turned. “Bennett? Do not be afraid to punch her in the face.”

  I laughed, imagining Benn striking the beautiful girl. Would never happen.

  “Yeah,” Tanis said with a seductive grin aimed at my best friend. “I might like it.”

  “Tanis!” Grayson barked.

  I grinned, then slipped my jacket off and put it around Tanis’s shoulders. I gave Benn a hug, and he squeezed, the awkwardness from the first time he hugged me gone. Turning away before I started to cry, my three sentries surrounded me, one on each side and one at my back.

  “This,” I blinked away tears as we descended the stairs, “is the way to the Gate? Seriously?”

  It looked like an abandoned Metrolink station. As we walked deeper, I began to recognize the cave-like atmosphere from the first time we’d come through. When the lines of waiting demons came into view, there were three times as many as the last time.

  I shook my head, amused at the strangeness even though there was a knot growing in my stomach. The closer we got to the Underrealm, the closer I got to imminent, probable doom.

  I wished I knew more about the Blooding. I wished I knew what I got myself into. But not enough to grill my companions about it. At this point, my ignorance may have been an advantage. I couldn’t worry about things I didn’t know were coming.

  We got in line, and waited.

  CHAPTER 42

  We walked through the Underrealm streets much later, and I was getting antsy. This time, demons lined the streets and bowed to us as we passed, but I hardly noticed them. Not today. All that waiting in line, stewing in worry making me jittery, by the time we were through the Gate and in the ‘realm, I felt strung out.

  “Remember what I told you about telepathy, sweet.” Rowan leaned in when Iliana’s fortress came into view. He’d said nothing about my anxious behavior, and I was glad. There was nothing to say about it. There was no easing it.

  Why can’t we telepath around her? I asked, wondering why I hadn’t asked this before. I can keep her out now.

  “Yes, but I can’t. None of us can.”

  Because she’s Royal? But you can keep me out.

  “You allow us to keep you out, sweet. She doesn’t.”

  The more I learned about my mothe
r, the more I disliked her.

  When we finally reached Iliana’s fortress much later than we’d planned, five demons waited at the palace front entrance. They all showed, even Hadrian. Relief washed over me.

  “Thank you all for coming,” I told them, a hitch in my voice. I gave each of them a nod or small smile. It was all I could manage. It took everything I had not to weep at the sight of them, waiting there for me. Iliana wasn’t going to win this battle.

  “I know you didn’t have to show up, and it means a lot that you did. When I said there are no strings attached, I meant it. Standing with me today holds you to no obligations. We’ll technically be Blooded, but that can be as far as it goes and you can return to your lives, no questions asked.”

  The speech had been planned, and I recited it with only half my brain working. No one seemed to notice.

  We began to move all at once, none of them saying a word. They all thought I was going to die. Their waves of resignation were thick in the air. Even Connell, who was glamoured, which oddly made me uncomfortable. I turned to them, knowing I had one more thing to say.

  “This…won’t be pleasant,” I said, not sure how else to explain what Grayson, Hadrian, and Holly already knew. One by one, I planted a purposeful stare at all of them.

  With passion, I telepathed, we give her nothing.

  I turned around, not completely sure if what I said was enough to explain what I hoped to say. Even I wasn’t sure exactly what I meant. My demon half did. She understood way more about this stuff, had information the whole of me didn’t seem to have access to.

  We walked through the stone palace without an escort. The place was eerily quiet, not that it had been overly raucous before. Even the air was silent, bracing for something I didn’t know was coming.

  Iliana’s gold and white room door opened. This time I was prepared for the change in light, but my eyes still watered. My mother sat on her golden throne, her robes elaborate white and gold. She matched the decor.

  The half-castes trailed behind her. Eleven, I counted. At least she didn’t replace Tanis with some unsuspecting, innocent half-caste because I’d saved her. Someday, I’d find a way to free all of them.

  If I survived this.

  Iliana’s advisors stood on the floor in front of her throne. Grayson left our group when we got inside the room, and followed the white marble floor until he stood in front of his Royal, and nodded his respect. His fake respect. I could feel how much he hated her.

  But she couldn’t. I sensed that Iliana liked Grayson. She liked all her advisors. Yet she had no problem threatening something they cared about to force their loyalty.

  I looked at them one by one as I led the six demons who agreed to be Blooded with me down the white marble floor. Matteo looked blank, and reminded me of the moments when Rowan grew empty. On Matteo, though, I preferred the blankness. Octavia stood directly in front of my mother, frozen, staring wild-eyed at Hadrian.

  My demon half grinned. I knew he was a good choice.

  Apollo looked even more enormous than ever. Greta looked tiny standing next to the giant, and Stratton forced me to take a double-take. He’d been hurt. He looked fine, his glamour hiding whatever damage had been done. But he was in intense pain.

  There was nothing I could do for him. I couldn’t even react to the knowledge that he’d been injured and was having a hard time staying on his feet.

  I wondered what Iliana saw when she surveyed the demons standing with me.

  “You have succeeded, Daughter. Well done.”

  There was so much spite surrounding her, but it didn’t affect her words. What would the demons lining the walls think of her if they could feel what I could?

  Without another word, the half-castes behind Iliana came forward, their hooded heads down, coming right for me. I didn’t react. It creeped me out, but I had to hold my ground.

  They surrounded me, forcing the six demons around me away, and removed my clothes and boots. They slipped a loose, long-sleeved white robe over my shoulders, and secured it in front, thankfully leaving my underthings where they were. At least I hadn’t been completely naked in front of a few hundred strange demons.

  When I was clothed and barefoot, one of the hooded half-castes gathered my things from the floor and all eleven of them glided back to the place behind Iliana’s throne. Eerie wasn’t a strong enough word.

  Still keeping her eyes on Hadrian, Octavia moved next, taking her place at my mother’s side. The Sorcerer said a few words in some language I didn’t recognize. Iliana spoke in that same, strange language next, and for a long time.

  Pomp and circumstance. I tried not to fidget, but I hated this kind of thing, and after three days of waiting and preparing, I wanted to get on with it, no matter the outcome.

  Iliana looked at me, and said something in that language I didn’t understand.

  Do you dedicate your life to the good of demonkind? Of all the demons around me, it was Hadrian who telepathed the translation.

  “I do,” I said, because I guess that was what I was doing here. Not that I had a choice.

  After several more minutes of pompous-speak, I felt the energy in the room shift. That was my only warning before the first shot of pain seared through me.

  I was bound, gagged, and somehow rendered deaf even though I didn’t think anything was put around my eyes, mouth, or ears. Though, it was hard to tell, because my sensitive skin wasn’t picking up on anything. All of my sensory perceptions were affected. I couldn’t even smell the fire I knew was there.

  It was like what Astor did to me. Only a thousand times stronger.

  There was so much pain. So much anger it boiled my blood and turned my stomach.

  Fire crackled along my hair and skin. That, I could feel. The pain, she let me experience. Every second of it. The robe was probably burned away, adhered to my charred skin. I saw myself naked and scorched, being looked down on by a hall filled with demons.

  There was no air down here. I gasped for breath, but found none.

  Alone. Hurt.

  Probably going to die.

  No matter what happened, I fought to keep the customer service smile I’d perfected over the years plastered on my face. I wouldn’t scream, even though the pain was incredible. I wouldn’t let her see any weakness.

  If I died today, Iliana and her court weren’t going to get the pleasure of my defeat.

  I could feel those waves of emotion coming from all around. It wasn’t tangible, it didn’t look like anything or smell or taste. The waves made no sound, but my body could feel them. I started to cling to them, wanted to take solace from those emotions no one else felt.

  No, I told myself. Push it away. Weakened like this, Iliana could get into my mind. I couldn’t let her see what I could do.

  Opaque cages housed everything.

  I couldn’t feel the white marble below my bare feet or the heat in the air, but I felt the six slashes along my arms, three on each, all at the same time.

  They were too deep. There was no way the wounds hadn’t reached veins, maybe even bone. And I was getting dizzy. I couldn’t focus on my thoughts. My head spun, and one thought surfaced.

  I was going to bleed to death.

  This had always been a possibility. No half-caste had ever gone through the ritual. No one thought I would survive it. The feelings sneaking through my defenses were horrorstruck, probably because they knew there wasn’t much more I could take.

  Something dug into three of those six slashes. Something was being poked into them, getting under my skin, burrowing inside me.

  When the burrowing stopped, I was pulled violently away from being deaf and blind. Sirens shrieked. The brightness of the sun was before my eyes, the burst of painful sensation felt like it lasted for hours.

  Then it was gone. The blackness felt even darker after the flood of sensation.

  I couldn’t even hide in thought. I couldn’t let her see anything that I cared about. She only knew Rowan was my Sentinel.
She only knew I held Benn and Dad as important. She knew Grayson and Cyrus found their way into my life. That I freed Tanis.

  But she couldn’t know more than that. I couldn’t think about last night. I couldn’t think about what happened before we left The Bookstore. Retreating, and suppressing what was being done to me by hiding deep in my memories wasn’t an option.

  I had to feel everything.

  The burrowing under my skin started again, into the three remaining slashes. It almost made me scream. Or maybe it did make me scream.

  Violent sirens shrieked. Rays of brightness scorched my eyes. Just as before, the burst of feeling stopped. Back to blackness.

  Everything that meant anything to me was stuffed into those opaque cages. All that was left was the pain. And the belief that, any moment, I would fall, bleed out, and Iliana would have what she truly wanted all along. A lifetime to rule. Alone.

  A snake slithered up my brain stem. Of everything, out of all the pain, the loss of every sense, and the undeniable belief I was going to cease to exist any moment, somehow, the snake was worse. It pushed through grey matter, prickling my mind with poison.

  Time no longer existed. I was deaf and blind for a lifetime, trying not to feel, and failing with each new torture.

  My awareness was only on the basic level, yet when I was spoken to, I responded. The snake was still there, probing, searching, infecting me.

  Though I had only the barest sense of my own words, as my vision cleared, as the air began to lift so I could breathe again, I heard myself speaking, and felt outraged demons all around, though I didn’t know what was upsetting them.

  “Humans have a saying, Royal. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” I had no idea what I was responding to. “But I’m not letting anyone strip away everything in me before I find my strength.”

  Chin lifted, though every one of my muscles burned, my skin screamed, my arms bled and my lungs struggled to inhale, I turned where I stood.

  The moment I moved, the snake disintegrated. My feet took a step, though I was certain I was too weak and wounded to walk.

  I was woozy, my head spiraling, not sure where I was going, if I was even close to going the right way to wherever the unknown place I was going was.