Secrets, Lies & Lullabies

by Heidi Betts

  “Come in,” Alex called.

  Mrs. Sheppard poked her head in. “One of the applicants from Practically Perfect Au Pairs is here,” she said.

  “Give us two minutes, then show her in,” Alex instructed. “Bring us a tray of coffee and hot tea, as well. Thank you.”

  The housekeeper nodded, pulling the door closed behind her.

  “This is only the first interview of many,” Alex told Jessica. “Would you like to take Henry off to do something else, or would you like to stay?”

  Another woman interviewing for the privilege of taking care of her son when she wasn’t readily available? Oh, there was no way she’d leave that decision to anyone else. Not even her baby’s father.

  Ten

  By the end of the day, they’d interviewed half a dozen nannies. They ranged in age from eighteen to probably forty-five or so; college-age girls needing a job and a place to stay while they attended school, to lifelong caregivers. Each of them came with a resumé and the stamp of approval from either Practically Perfect Au Pairs or one of the other professional nanny placement services Alex had contacted.

  As nice as most of the people were, though, Jessica found herself balking at the idea of Alex hiring any of them. Credentials, references and background checks aside, none of them seemed quite good enough to be left alone with her child.

  She stood in the foyer, waiting while Alex saw the last of the potential nannies out. Shutting the door behind him, he turned to face her.

  “So…any possibilities?” he asked, his footfalls echoing on the parquet floor as he crossed to her.

  She shrugged a shoulder, not saying anything.

  One corner of his mouth quirked up in a half grin. A sexy half grin, she was troubled to note.

  Damn him for being so attractive, even when he hated her. And damn herself for still finding him attractive when she had so very much to lose at his hands.

  “Come on,” he cajoled, raising a hand to rub one of Henry’s cheeks with the side of his thumb before letting it drop…and stroking her arm with his cupped palm all the way down. The touch made her shiver as goose bumps broke out along her flesh.

  “There has to be someone you liked at least a little. You can’t be with Henry 24/7, and every child needs a babysitter at some point. So if you had to pick, who would it be?”

  Taking a deep breath, she thought back to each of the interviews, the details playing through her memory. One jumped out over all the others.

  “Wendy.”

  His gaze narrowed. “Why?”

  “She was friendly and smart,” Jessica told him. “And she engaged Henry almost as soon as she walked in. Spoke to him, smiled at him, played with him, split her attention evenly between the three of us. The others seemed more concerned with remaining professional and impressing you.”

  A beat passed while he digested that. Then he offered a curt nod. “I thought exactly the same thing.”

  “Really?” Jessica asked, more than a little surprised.

  Taking her elbow, he turned her toward the stairs, leading her to the second floor.

  “Absolutely. I may not know much about babies, but I do know that a nanny will be spending ninety percent of her time with Henry. Which means that whoever we hire should be more concerned with impressing him, not me.”

  He smiled at Henry while he spoke, earning himself a giggle and kick, which only made Alex smile wider.

  Tweaking the baby’s bare toes as they strolled down the hall, he said, “Besides, I noticed the same things you did. She was really quite good with him. I especially liked that she cleaned his toy giraffe with an antibacterial wipe from her purse before handing it back to him after it fell on the floor. All without a hitch in her conversation with us.”

  “Me, too,” Jessica admitted. Actually, she’d loved that part of the interview. Even Jessica’s first instinct would have been to simply take her chances that the floor wasn’t that dirty, or maybe run the toy under some water if she was near a faucet. The fact that Wendy had come so well prepared before she’d even been hired definitely earned her bonus points.

  “So we’ll put her at the top of the list,” Alex said. “There are still a few more potentials to meet with tomorrow, and then we can decide. But I think we should strike that Donna woman from the pool entirely. She was downright frightening.”

  Jessica chuckled, even as a shudder stole down her spine. “Definitely. She should be running a Russian prison, not caring for small children and infants.”

  Alex gave a short bark of laughter. “Maybe I’ll mention that to the agency when they ask how the interviews went.”

  Jessica’s eyes widened. “Don’t you dare!” she exclaimed, slapping him playfully on the chest with the back of her hand.

  She stopped in her tracks, both shocked and horrified at what she’d done. Dear God, what was she thinking? She was joking with him as if they were old friends. Never mind that he held her future in his hands and could decide to punish her in a million alarming ways at the drop of a hat.

  She swallowed past the lump in her throat and forced her gaze up to his, an apology on the tip of her tongue. But his expression kept it from going any further.

  Rather than looking annoyed or upset, his features were taut, his eyes blazing with something she hadn’t seen since their time at the resort. It made her heart skip a beat and sent heat rushing through her system.

  Or maybe she was imagining things. Maybe that blaze in his eyes really was annoyance, and she’d amused herself right into a boatload of trouble.

  Chest tight, she licked her dry lips and wondered if she could distract him with a change of subject.

  “What are we doing up here, by the way?”

  For a moment, he continued to stare with that same barely controlled intensity. Then he pulled back just a fraction and gestured behind her.

  “The nursery is ready,” he said, leading her in that direction. “I thought you might like to see it.”

  The general decor of the room was the same as it had been before. Pale yellow walls, lacy white curtains at the windows and gleaming hardwood floors. But any original pieces of furniture had been replaced with top-of-the-line baby items.

  A spacious oak half-circle crib rested against one wall, a large changing table and storage unit along another, and in the corner sat a beautiful rocking chair she’d be willing to bet was hand carved.

  “What do you think?” Alex asked from just over her shoulder.

  “It’s lovely,” she told him. Like something out of House Beautiful or Babies Born with Silver Spoons in Their Mouths. She was almost afraid to touch anything for fear she’d leave a smudge on the pristine interior. “I can’t believe you had all of this done in only one day.”

  “Getting things done is easy when you have money and know the right people.”

  A fact she knew quite well from the good old days before Alex had destroyed her family.

  “If there’s anything else you or the baby need, anything you’d like to change, just say so,” he continued. “I want everything to be perfect, and I’m afraid you’re my only source of information at the moment where Henry is concerned.”

  He said it without a hint of censure. At least none that she could detect. But the guilt and underlying threat were there all the same.

  “Why are you doing this?” she asked softly. Shifting Henry from one arm to the other, she turned to face Alex more fully. “You don’t even know for sure that Henry is yours.”

  She did, of course, but she’d assumed that was the point of the paternity test they’d taken that afternoon.

  Alex shrugged. “Better safe than sorry.”

  A very simple, off-the-cuff answer, but she suspected there was more to it than that.

  “You’re going to make us stay, aren’t you?” she asked barely above a whisper.

  “For the time being,” he said without hesitation.

  Then, surprising her yet again, he reached out and slid his hands beneath Henry’s a
rms, lifting him out of her grasp and into his own.

  For a split second, Jessica held her breath and nearly tried to tug the baby back. She had to remind herself that Alex was Henry’s father. He did have a right to hold him, if he wanted to.

  As distant as he’d been up to now, he didn’t seem the least bit nervous about it. There was no hesitation, no pause while he considered the best way to position Henry against his thousand-dollar suit.

  He was a natural. Either that, or he’d learned on the job during last night’s screaming fit. Still, she couldn’t resist stretching out a hand to smooth the baby’s shirt down his back, making certain everything was just right and he was okay.

  It was odd not holding her own baby, not having him almost surgically attached to her side when she was the only person who’d held him for any length of time since he was born. She didn’t know what to do with her arms.

  Letting them drop to her sides, she dug her hands into the front pockets of her jeans and told herself to leave them there, even though the urge was to fidget like crazy.

  As hard as it was to admit, she made herself mumble, “You’re really good at that.”

  “I’ve been watching you,” he said, his gaze meeting and locking with hers. “I figured I should probably get the hang of it if I’m going to be responsible for this little guy from now on.”

  There it was again, the hint of a threat—or maybe just a reminder—that if Henry was his, Alex intended to exercise his full parental rights.

  On the one hand, Jessica was impressed and sort of proud of him for that. A lot of men wouldn’t have been the least bit pleased to discover they might have a child they hadn’t known anything about.

  On the other, she was scared almost spitless at what it might mean for her and Henry. What if Alex tried to take her son away from her? What if he wanted to keep Henry here with him, under his roof, but informed Jessica she was no longer welcome?

  Jessica would fight—of course she would. But she already knew her chances were slim to none of winning any kind of battle against a man like Alex, let alone a custody one. Not given his money and influence and her total lack of either, not to mention her past actions and behavior where he was concerned.

  Not for the first time she wanted to kick herself for bringing Alex into their lives. She hadn’t had a choice; rationally, she knew that. And even more rationally, she knew he had the right to know about and know his own child.

  But being here, disclosing Henry’s existence to Alex, changed everything. It turned their world upside down and shook it like a snow globe.

  To make matters worse, Jessica was afraid Henry was already showing signs of being a Daddy’s Boy. He was leaning into Alex, completely trusting, completely content. One of his tiny hands was wrapped around Alex’s silk tie, likely wrinkling it beyond repair, while his cheek rested on Alex’s shoulder, his bow of a mouth working around his pacifier, his fine, light brown lashes fluttering toward sleep.

  “He’s getting tired,” she told Alex, even as her heart cramped slightly at the sight. Until now she’d been the only one to see him get sleepy and doze off. She’d been the only one those miniature fingers had clung to.

  “He missed his afternoon nap because of the interviews. We should probably give him a bottle and put him down for a while. If we don’t, he’s likely to get extremely cranky and keep us both up half the night.”

  “Only half?”

  There was a twinkle of amusement in Alex’s blue eyes. One Jessica couldn’t help but respond to with a small smile of her own.

  “If we’re lucky.”

  Alex nodded. “Why don’t you go downstairs for a bottle. I’ll stay here with him. While you’re down there, tell Mrs. Sheppard we’ll be ready for dinner in thirty minutes. You’ll join me, I hope.”

  That caught her off guard. “You’re giving me a choice?”

  “Of course.”

  “Would that choice happen to be eat a four-course meal downstairs with you or enjoy a lovely serving of bread and water alone in my room?”

  He chuckled. “My home isn’t a prison, and you’re not a prisoner.”

  “Are you sure?” It was a pointed question, one that had her holding her breath while she waited for the answer.

  “After the way you’ve been living, I’d think staying here would almost be a vacation. Why don’t you just enjoy it.”

  As responses went, it wasn’t exactly a You’re free to leave anytime you like. Although he did have a point; staying in this beautiful mansion was a far cry from worrying about where she was going to sleep that night or where her next meal might come from.

  And yet she felt just as trapped as she would if he put her in her room and turned the key in the lock on the way out.

  “You can’t honestly refuse me this,” he said when the silence between them had stretched on for several long seconds. “If Henry is my son, as you claim, I’ve missed the past three months of his life. The only three months of his life. I just want to spend some time with him, make up for a bit of that.”

  When all else fails, throw out a guilt bomb, she thought. And it hit its mark dead center. How could she possibly deny him time with his newly discovered son? Besides, it wasn’t as though staying in a million-dollar house on a multimillion-dollar estate was going to be a hardship. Not physically, anyway.

  Mentally, there was no telling yet what the toll would be. But she owed him at least this much.

  Tipping her head, she kept her thoughts to herself, but let him know he’d won her over by saying, “I guess I’ll go down for his bottle, then, and tell Mrs. Sheppard we’re almost ready for dinner.”

  She patted Henry’s tiny back, then stepped around them and headed for the door. Just as she reached it, his voice stopped her.

  “You can request bread and water, if your heart is set on it.”

  Her lips pursed as she fought a grin, but his chuckle of amusement followed her halfway down the hall.

  * * *

  Despite the beautiful new nursery just next door, Jessica couldn’t bring herself to put Henry down in there for the entire night. He napped in the expensive new crib after his bottle and while Jessica and Alex ate dinner. But even though she left him there as she showered, changed into pajamas and got ready for bed, she hadn’t been under the covers for ten whole minutes before leaping back up and marching next door to get him.

  She hoped Alex hadn’t gone into the nursery during the night to discover what she’d done. Or if he had, that he wouldn’t say anything. She didn’t feel like explaining her mild case of separation anxiety or the nagging worry that if she didn’t have the baby in her sights at all times, Alex might take Henry away from her, hide him from her and never give him back.

  Despite those very real concerns, however, Jessica had to admit that Alex had been perfectly pleasant at dinner. She’d been afraid to go down to the dining room with him, afraid to sit across the table from him—just the two of them alone in an almost cavernous room.

  She’d expected more of the third degree. Inquisition, Part Two—only this time without the interruption of nanny interviews.

  To her surprise and immense relief, he hadn’t brought up even one uncomfortable topic of conversation. He’d asked about the baby. A few not-too-personal questions about her pregnancy. Even about where she’d been and what she’d done to support herself before Henry was born. And he’d spoken a bit about how he’d spent that time himself—mostly changes or new developments at Bajoran Designs.

  It had actually been almost enjoyable, and she’d flashed back more than once to the only other meal they’d ever shared—that night at the resort. The night she’d let herself be led by her heart and her raging hormones instead of her head. The night Henry was conceived, though neither of them had had a clue about that at the time.

  By the time dessert had been served—a simple but delicious fruit tart—he could have asked for her social security number and internet passwords…well, when she’d had use for internet pass
words…and she probably would have turned them over as easily as she’d give someone the time of day. She was that comfortable, that lulled into a false sense of security.

  But he hadn’t. He’d remained a perfect gentleman, seeing her out of the dining room, then asking if she would be all right going back to the nursery and her room on her own while he went to his office to catch up on a bit of work.

  It was the ideal opportunity to escape and put some distance between them. That should have made her happy, right? Just being this close to him, under the same roof, was dangerous with a capital D.

  But she couldn’t help feeling just a little disappointed. That what had turned out to be a lovely dinner had come to an end… That her memories of the last time they’d eaten together had been stirred up, warming her, yet leaving her somewhat frustrated by the fact that this meal wouldn’t be ending the same way…. And possibly even that he wouldn’t be accompanying her upstairs to check on Henry and say good-night.

  Why she would want Alexander Bajoran to wish her a good-night, she had no idea. It was craziness to even imagine it. If anything she needed him to spend less time with her, watch her less closely.

  In that, her prayers were answered, because he hadn’t knocked on her door in the middle of the night to demand she return Henry to the nursery. He wasn’t even waiting outside in the hall when she awoke the next morning and stepped out to begin the day.

  Jessica did go to the nursery then, changing Henry’s diaper and putting him into one of the matching baby-boy outfits Alex had had delivered the day before. He hadn’t only ordered items for the baby, either, but had bought a good deal of stuff for her, as well. New clothes and toiletries; even a stack of puzzle books for her bedside table. Ostensibly in case she grew bored—something that rarely happened while caring for a three-month-old infant. Most nights she was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

  But Alex’s kindness hadn’t gone unnoticed.

  Henry was his son, a son he had every intention of laying claim to if those paternity tests came back with his name on them. So purchasing things for the boy was to be expected. Maybe not to the extent Alex had gone—“starting small” obviously wasn’t a term that existed in his vocabulary—but buying diapers and formula and a few new pieces of clothing was completely within the realm of understanding.