Wolf Soul: Vol. I of the Wolf’s Howl Trilogy

by Raquel Paiva

  That afternoon, despite the few supplies, they held a banquet to celebrate the elimination of the werewolves. It lasted all night long as they were so grateful to no longer be in danger.

  Luvinus, the only werewolf survivor, heard the festivities and felt the joy in the distance, lying on all fours under a large bush. He thought of his human life, which seemed to have happened so long ago. It didn't make sense now to stay in Sintra. It was time to leave and look for the answer to his biggest question: who exactly was he? A ferocious animal who had almost let the beastly madness take over his body, but who in the same way remained rational and even managed to let reason overcome instinct? He had to leave and try somehow to give another meaning to his life, now that Lúcia no longer needed his protection. In his last moment, Shorath had given him a name: Nicolaus. Who was this Nicolaus? The world was immense, how could Luvinus possibly find him? Was he the wolf who had made Shorath? Or was he a human being who knew his species and was not afraid of them? And why had Shorath given him the name?

  He got up to go hunt some rabbit or deer. He looked at the moon, which was no longer completely full, but could somehow still have an effect on him. What had happened at that moment when Lúcia had said his human name, at that moment when he was so maddened that he had almost killed her? Was he under the influence of some evil spell, and in that case, perhaps there was still hope of returning to his human shape? But even if that could happen, wouldn't he immediately drop dead? After all, if he was still human he would be too old to still be alive. He had to try to find this Nicolaus. Even if he had to walk through all the forests in the world. Surely there had to be more of his kind. Surely Nicolaus was someone who would tell him everything Luvinus wanted to know.

  He hunted three rabbits and devoured them. He promised himself that he would never kill humans unless he really had no other choice.

  Although everything was ready and everybody in the village was prepared to leave, Lúcia refused to do so until she could say goodbye to Luvinus. Pedro had tried to dissuade her, he did not want to wait another day, but his efforts were in vain. Captain Nogueira himself could not understand the young woman’s reluctance to leave. There was nothing left there.

  “What’s going on with your fiancée, soldier?”

  Pedro swallowed hard and muttered:

  “I think she is just sad to leave the land where she lived all her life and where her father perished. After all, she couldn't even hold a funeral for him.”

  Captain Nogueira was not very convinced by this answer, but he did not press further. Sooner or later, they would have to leave, she couldn't keep all of them there much longer.

  Pedro went upstairs angrily and opened the door to Lúcia's room without knocking first. He found her looking through window, anxious.

  “You have to be reasonable, Lúcia.” he said sternly. “I no longer know what to tell people and, in fact, there is nothing left to do here. Nobody sees any reason to delay our departure.”

  Lúcia looked at him and firmly answered back:

  “I will not leave without saying goodbye to Luvinus. Go without me if you will.”

  Pedro shook with irritation.

  “What if he doesn't show up? He may have left too. Nothing is left for him here either.”

  “He said he was coming in two nights and I'm sure he will come tonight.”

  Pedro sighed. He knew why he was so angry and why he wanted to leave as soon as possible, without saying goodbye to Luvinus. He was grateful to the werewolf for helping them save themselves, but at the same time jealousy burned within his chest like an incandescent flame. As much as he told himself that his jealousy was unjustified, that it had no reason to exist, the truth was that he could not help but feel it. He knew that if he had won in this strange story, it had been thanks to Luvinus, but he always sulked every time Lúcia spoke so tenderly about the werewolf. As long as they were in Sintra, with Luvinus close by, Lúcia would never really be his. He felt guilty for such a thought. He knew that he was being unfair and that he should not think of Lúcia as an object that he could possess. But he was also just a man...

  As if she had guessed his thoughts, Lúcia approached him and held his hands, in a pleading gesture.

  “Please try to understand me as I understand you. I love you, Pedro. But I love Luvinus, too. I would never forgive myself if I left without saying farewell to him and without thanking him for all the good he did for me. He could have died, do you realize that?”

  Pedro felt uneasy when he heard her say she loved Luvinus.

  “I don't understand how you can love a werewolf. It’s me who’s your fiancé. Besides, he is dangerous. That night he could have killed you too.”

  “But he didn't. He stopped himself in time.”

  “But it could happen again. I don't understand how you can love him.”

  “I don't love the beast, I love the man within the beast.”

  “You can't love two men at the same time. How can we get married if you love someone other than me?” he asked, freeing his hands form hers.

  “It's a different love, Pedro. I love you as a husband, a lover and I am willing to spend my whole life with you. But I love Luvinus as a good dear friend. Don't you understand how our lives have changed because of him? Luvinus is special. Think about what his life must have been like since Shorath transformed him. He doesn't feel like a wolf. He cannot be human because those of our kind would fear him and kill him. What curse could be bigger than that? If I could, I would help him resume his human shape.”

  “And then you would leave me to marry him.”

  “No, Pedro, you don't understand me.”

  “No, I don't understand.”

  “I wouldn't marry Luvinus. You are my man. Luvinus is my friend. Oh, you really don't want to understand.”

  Lúcia sighed and sat on her bed.

  “I'm sorry, Pedro. I don't want to hurt you. I love you and I want to marry you. But I will never be able to leave without saying goodbye, no matter how much you ask me.”

  “We'll wait tonight. If he comes, you can say goodbye. If he doesn’t, tomorrow we'll leave. This is an order. We will not wait any longer. It is absurd. Besides food and water are running out and you have no right to keep these people hungry and thirsty because of a wolf.”

  He turned his back on her and was immediately regretful for being so strict, but he could not do otherwise. Of course he understood that she loved Luvinus. How could she not love the man turned into a wolf, the unfortunate man who was doomed to be that hybrid creature for all eternity? Luvinus was the myth which had become reality. He was the wolf that had tamed himself.

  The starry night had fallen. Luvinus walked slowly on all fours towards the Bastos’ house, which would soon be empty. He longed to see Lúcia, but he loathed the idea of having to say goodbye to her forever. He knew she would be happy with Pedro, but he couldn't help feeling resentful that he would never be part of that happiness. Lúcia had been the only truly human contact he had in over a hundred years of his wandering existence. The only one who hadn't feared him. He would never find someone like that again, someone who could understand that he was a melancholic man hiding behind the wolf's skin. People would only see his beastly appearance because he was much bigger than ordinary wolves and could walk on both hind legs if he wanted to. The human tendency was to fear the different. The only solution was to eliminate it. Unfortunately, being different meant being a threat, at least to humans anyway.

  He approached the bushes that lined the small backyard of Lúcia's house. The backyard where he had revealed himself to her and where they had talked for the first time. He recalled the conversations with nostalgia. He didn't want to forget a single word, a single gesture. He looked at the window. There she was, waiting for him. Lúcia smiled the moment she caught a glimpse of him through the foliage and hurried downstairs. She opened the door and closed it carefully, as she did not want to wake Adélia. Pedro was still awake and aware of their meeting.


  “Ludovico.” she exclaimed, looking fondly at him.

  Luvinus made a grimace, in a failed attempt to smile, but failed. Werewolves could not smile.

  “It's kind of you to call me by my human name.”

  “What happened that night? You wanted to attack me and when I called you Ludovico, you stopped yourself.”

  “I don't know, Lúcia. I remember hearing two voices inside my head. One, very strong, asked me to attack you. It was the voice of Evil, the voice that the Full Moon stirred. And at the same time I heard a small weak voice in the distance, which I think could be the voice of Good, or maybe the voice of my humanity. I was possessed by the voice of Evil, but when you said my name for the first time, the voice of Good grew stronger. When you said the second, it became even stronger than the voice of Evil and on the third, it pushed it away for good. I think something broke inside me. Later you touched me and I shivered, I felt good at your touch. However, at the same time I feared that the voice of Evil would come back to possess me. It didn't, but I don't know why.”

  “Because you're a kind soul, Ludovico. You have always kept your humanity within you and that keeps you from being like Shorath. He was cruel. He probably already was as a human being. But you loved your family, even after you changed. That kept you connected with humans.”

  “And yet, I will never be able to walk among them again.”

  “You have to go and look for others just like you. There must be other werewolves with links to humanity and those will be your real family. And you will find your purpose.”

  They heard the back door and turned their heads towards it at the same time. Pedro was coming out.

  “Good evening, Luvinus.” he greeted, uncomfortably.

  “Good evening, Pedro.”

  He felt the tension in his rival's body. He knew why he was there.

  “I came to say goodbye and... Well, I want to thank you. Without you, I would have never been able to protect Lúcia.”

  “You are a lucky man, because you are loved by a beautiful and dedicated woman.”

  “Yes... I know you'd like to be in my place... I don't know what to say about that...”

  There was still rivalry between them but no hatred.

  “There is nothing to say about that. I know you'll make her happy. I could bite her and exchange blood with her, but I love her too much to doom her to this cursed and meaningless life. Or I could have killed you, Pedro. But that would also make her miserable. I prefer she be with you. It is my proof of love.”

  Pedro pressed his fingers against each other, awkwardly.

  “I am sorry I was so harsh. The truth is I was jealous of you. I wished I had already left and taken Lúcia before you could say goodbye and... I'm sorry.”

  “I understand you, but you have nothing to fear. I am sincerely happy for you and I wish you both a long, peaceful life. You must leave soonest. I have not felt any others of my kind in the area so I fully trust you can travel safely now. You will be safe in Lisbon.”

  “Yes... Luvinus, I'm sorry about what happened to you and I'm sorry that you have to live such a life.”

  “Not as sorry as I am,” the werewolf replied.

  “Look, this is for you.” Pedro removed something from his bag. It was an old book that time had yellowed. “It was through this book that I learned about the existence of your kind and how to defend myself against you. Perhaps it will be useful to you.”

  Luvinus clutched the book awkwardly with both paws. They were too big and too lupine to be able to grab objects as if they were still human, but he recognized that the book could be useful to him. Maybe it even had references to Nicolaus.

  “Thank you.”

  The three looked at the sky. The moon was shrinking in size.

  “Well, I'm leaving. I have a quest to undertake. Take good care of Lúcia, Pedro.”

  Lúcia took two steps towards him.

  “Thank you for everything, Ludovico.”

  Luvinus looked at her in the eyes and before taking the book and disappearing into the forest, he just said:

  “It’s me who thanks you for the peace you have given me and for always having seen the good in me despite my monstrous looks.”

  And he disappeared, running through the foliage.

  The next day before sunrise, everyone left, led by Captain Nogueira and Pedro, who walked hand in hand with Lúcia. It was hard for them to leave everything behind, but it was the right thing to do. In a few years, people would return to the village again, ready to re-inhabit it.

  The couple moved forward in silence, each surrendered to their own thoughts. Although they had not talked about it, they had decided inwardly to keep Luvinus' existence a secret. The world was not prepared to accept him. Speaking of his existence would either grant them the title of mad people or, if anyone believed, send them straight to the fire for witchcraft or a pact with the Devil. Worse than that, they would endanger the werewolf's life. If in a pack Luvinus was powerful and could kill five men at once if he wanted to, alone and surrounded by a good dozen of furious men blinded by superstition, he would quickly go from predator to victim. They could never reveal his existence. They would live a normal life as much as possible, preferably away from forests. They would respect the Full Moon. And they would always have sharp silverware at home.

  They did not realize that in the distance, through the branches and leaves, the huge wolf watched them. Luvinus, after the death of his sister Beatriz, had thought that he would go insane or let beastly instincts take over his spirit if he did not immediately give a meaning to his life. Beatriz had been the only reason for his existence for part of his life. After that, there was only despair, frustration, hurt and all the scorn from Shorath and the others. When they decided to attack the villagers in the forest, Luvinus had not been able to simply join them in the massacre. Whenever the Full Moon took place, he would stay as far as he could and let all of his murderous urges on a deer, boar or rabbit. It was then that he felt Lúcia's misery. She looked through the window every night, in the vain hope of seeing her father return, safe and sound. Lúcia had reminded him so much of his unfortunate sister who had also waited for his return for so long. That’s why he decided to protect her. That would give him a meaning to his life. With Pedro's help, they had both managed to protect her from Shorath's lustful appetite. However, now there was nothing left but to go and look for a new meaning and the answers to his many questions. Lúcia could never be his, nor could any other young maiden. He looked at the dark yellow cover of the book that Pedro had offered him, as a sign of his gratitude. Despite being his rival, Pedro had also managed to see humanity beyond the wolf skin. Pedro who had lost his wife to the claws of his brothers and who, more than anyone, would have had reasons to execute him mercilessly. Still, he hadn't done it because he knew he had no right to judge him for the act of another werewolf. Humanity's biggest mistake was this. For the crime committed by a single individual, dozens or even hundreds would pay for it. Luvinus would have the opportunity to verify this fact throughout his existence, while looking for the answers to his questions.

  The group disappeared on the road and Luvinus knew he would never see them again. Lúcia had touched him. Deep down, there was a lesson to be learned from all the young woman had managed to give him. Thanks to her, he knew that he was much more than a big and vicious wolf. Luvinus had something rare and would take advantage of it. It was time for him to depart. Every day he had more questions that he needed the answers to.

  He moved away from the edge of the road. He was alone now, completely alone. After half an hour he left the mountains of Sintra and, among the foliage, bushes and trees, he walked forward with the book in his mouth, in search of Nicolaus. He had all the time in the world to find him. All he had to do was to stay away from those whose presence he also longed for, but who would never understand or accept him as an equal.

  Epilogue

  Pedro and Lúcia married two months after the departure from Sintra. As so
on as Lúcia lost her purity, she would no longer attract those lupine creatures. Furthermore, in the city, werewolves would hardly show up. Although very powerful in packs, among so many men with so many weapons, they would be immediately overcome. Even a werewolf like the fierce Shorath would admit that.

  Pedro and Captain Nogueira were questioned about the strange events when they arrived in Lisbon. However, the secret of the werewolves remained with them. Having exterminated the whole pack, there was no point in frightening people with stories of huge, bloodthirsty wolves. Later, the werewolf became just a creature in stories to scare children.

  Old Adélia stayed with the couple, loyal to her mistress until the end. She only lived long enough to see their first child, Ludovico. After her death, Pedro and Lúcia had two more children. They never revealed the existence of Luvinus to anyone, including their own children.

  Pedro was the first one to pass away, many years later, at the age of eighty-nine. Lúcia only survived him for five months. They took Luvinus' secret to the grave, which they had rarely talked about during their marriage.