Son of Secrets

by N. J. Simmonds

  He clenched his jaw, his nails digging into the palms of his hands.

  ‘I wanted to return to Arabella, to be born again like other Nephilim choose to do, but Mikhael forbade it,’ Zac cried. ‘But Mikhael told me that I had a job to do, that I was to be a Path Keeper. I get it now. He only said that because I wasn’t able to be human again, was I?’

  Gabriel shook his head.

  ‘No. You’re a pure angel, Zadkiel. The only one of your kind. Nobody knew but him, so he destroyed the truth and your mother. Except Luci never really died.’

  Zac’s hand shot out, grabbing his friend’s arm. ‘You’ve seen her? My mother’s alive?’

  ‘Sorry, kid. I haven’t.’ Gabriel’s eyes had cleared to a smooth jade again, although this time they were shining brighter than ever. ‘But I’ve always struggled to believe that Lucifer was that easy to kill. Your mother, she was something special—strong, clever, mesmerising and formidable. It took me a long time to get over her death, to get over thinking of her being eradicated so easily like some lesser angel. I couldn’t bear it. But now I know that she outsmarted us all.’

  ‘How do you know that for certain, though?’ Zac thought of his own risks, cutting off his wings based on nothing but the painting of his mother and a powerful hunch.

  ‘I first suspected the truth when I saw her beautiful face again,’ Gabriel said, holding up the portrait. ‘This was painted centuries after her death. I figured you must have seen it too, and that’s why you killed yourself. It was the only explanation I could think of for you being so impulsive. You’ve never made a mistake, Zadkiel.’ Gabriel’s eyes shone with tears that he blinked away. ‘Losing you was incredibly hard for those of us who witnessed it. Especially me.’

  Zac swallowed down the guilt that was building up inside of him again. He had to find Ella and his mother; he had to ensure that his recklessness had not been in vain.

  ‘I was convinced that you’d left us for a good reason,’ the archangel continued. ‘So when I saw this portrait of your mother, I took it as a sign that you were both still alive. I didn’t wait to speak to Leonardo the priest; I took the painting and refused to mourn you. From that day on, I spent my time searching for evidence. I travelled the world, sifting through old newspapers and hundreds of books. I even went to the Vatican and ancient libraries—desperate for anything that would prove my theory that your mother had survived. I was convinced that if she was alive, then you would return too. It took me months and I had to do it in secret, afraid Mikhael would discover the truth too.’ Gabriel rested his hand on his friend’s shoulder and tilted his head to look at him, his mouth settling in a straight line. Nothing but love and sadness shone in his eyes. ‘Your mother is definitely alive.’

  Zac couldn’t move. His breaths were now coming in shallow fits and starts. He had been right all along.

  ‘She’s appeared throughout history many times as a variety of different women,’ Gabriel continued. ‘Always powerful and undefeatable, most recently going by the names of Lucia, Lucinda, and Luci. I’ve seen photos of her with politicians, paintings of her leading men into battle, and accounts of mysterious women throughout history doing extraordinary things.’

  Zac’s voice was hoarse when he asked, ‘So we’re the only ones that know she’s alive? No one else has worked out that all these women are Lucifer?’

  His friend nodded. ‘We’re the only ones. I’m sure of it. Mikhael is so certain of his strength that there’s no way he suspects. He truly believes that he came out on top, and he’s never spent enough time with humans to discover this himself—to see the things I’ve seen and make the connections. He’s always hated humans for stealing Lucifer from him, for her loving you and her life on Earth more than she did Home. The only involvement he’s ever had with their kind was to ensure that they continued peddling lies about the fallen angel. For over two thousand years, from Eve and the Whore of Babylon right through to Lilith the Jewish temptress, Mikhael ensured that women in religion were either virgins or whores and either gentle wives or evil, sex-mad bitches. He hates and fears strong women, so he made sure that humans did too. This is why Mikhael created the concept of God, so that he could also create a Devil, an antithesis to all that is good. Lucifer was rebranded as all that is evil. She became a warning to both humans and our kind that if you are not compliant, you will die a Death Eternal.’

  Zac’s poor mother. Had she really been searching for him all this time, two thousand years, all while being loathed and vilified? There was still one question he had to ask before he could run the risk of looking for her. A question he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer to.

  ‘Gabe…does all this mean that my mother…?’ He took a deep breath. ‘Is she dangerous? Is she as terrible as the stories tell us she is?’

  Gabriel’s grip on his friend’s shoulder tightened. ‘No!’ he cried. ‘I’ve just told you that was all bullshit; it was part of the pro-God propaganda Mikhael helped create. Now that I know how deeply in love with her your father must have been to…well, to create you, it makes total sense. You can only hate someone that much if they have the ability to hurt you. There’s a thin line between love and hate. By having the world fear her, he was still controlling the memory of her and remaining the good guy. Mikhael lied to us all—the human world and his Choir. Only you, me, and your mother know the truth. We need to find her.’

  Saliva began to pool in the corners of Zac’s mouth. He swallowed and took another deep breath, willing himself not to vomit. Not only had their leader taken Zac away from his mother, but he’d also taken him away from the only girl he’d ever had the chance of loving. Mikhael would pay for this.

  With a sigh he turned to Gabriel, who looked as exhausted as he felt. ‘What did you do once you realised all of this? What happened after I died?’

  ‘A lot has happened since you left us,’ the archangel replied with a short burst of sardonic laughter. His hands were back on his lap, but his knee was jiggling up and down in tiny motions. Zac didn’t like to see his friend so agitated. It made him nervous, too.

  ‘After you hacked off your wings, your father was broken. We all were. You were right about your death being his punishment, but instead of repenting he became angrier than ever. We couldn’t take you Home. I’m not sure why, but your body without wings wouldn’t allow us to bring you back up. You had broken the number one angelic rule, and your body was stuck on Earth. Fallen in every sense of the word. Mikhael said that the same thing had happened with Lucifer, that he’d dumped her wingless body in the forest, so we returned your body to the Spanish mountains and buried it. Only we archangels knew of its location.’ His knee was still bouncing up and down, his foot making a tapping sound on the floor. ‘Mikhael was really suspicious of your actions. He couldn’t understand why you hadn’t killed him instead. A few of us wish you had. I think he was scared you weren’t really dead. Of course, once I discovered the truth about Luci, I realised he must have been worried that she was out there, too, and that you knew something he didn’t. Which you did.’

  He laughed.

  ‘Archangel Raphael hates him as much as we do, but we never talk about it. We don’t dare. Your body was buried under huge rocks not far from where you’d died, and every day Mikhael would send Raphael and me to check on your grave and report back. Your wings we took back Home with us, but I’m afraid they disintegrated within days.’

  Gabriel looked away from the pained expression on Zac’s face. Every angel’s wings were individual, like a fingerprint. Losing them was like losing your soul.

  ‘After about a year, Mikhael was satisfied it had worked and you were truly dead. No one could feel your presence, and your body was decomposing as any human body would.’ He blinked slowly, his jade eyes misting over again. ‘Sorry, I know it’s difficult to hear, but believe me, it wasn’t much fun to watch, either.’

  ‘So how did I end up in a tomb?’

  Gabriel smiled. ‘Yeah, you like that? Well, once I discov
ered the truth about your mother, I was convinced you would return too, so I took your body and replaced it with a rotting carcass I dug up from a nearby graveyard.’

  ‘Nice.’

  ‘Yeah, sorry. Then I flew you in the dead of night to Highgate in London, put a T-shirt on you since you were still half naked, and hoped you wouldn’t look like a decomposed zombie if you did wake up. I also figured if I left you in North London you’d know where you were, and hopefully Ella wouldn’t be too far away.’

  ‘Thanks, and all that, but you barricaded me in.’

  ‘Of course. I wanted you to stay safe.’ Gabriel made a sucking sound through his teeth. ‘I did the same for Jesus after he died, and he found his way out of the cave without moaning about it.’

  ‘You could have left a few tins of food and some wet wipes or something.’

  Gabriel punched him playfully on the arm and grinned.

  ‘You found me, though, didn’t you? It worked.’

  ‘Yes, thank you. And, luckily for the old widow who saw me smash my way out of the tomb, my body still heals itself and I’m no zombie…even if my hair was a disaster.’

  Gabriel made a shocked face. ‘Oh no, not your pretty hair!’

  Zac tried to hide his grin but he couldn’t. Gabriel was the closest thing he’d ever had to a brother, his best friend, and it felt good to be back with him.

  ‘You said Mikhael got angry after I…did what I did. That Raphael and the rest of the Choir began to hate him too. What happened? Did any of them turn against me for putting a human before the angelic realm?’

  Gabriel frowned and shook his head.

  ‘Turn against you? Hell no! It was way worse than that. Things got ugly. The rest of the angels were furious with Mikhael. He let you die! We all love you, and we were heartbroken. So, when word got out that Mikhael had done the one thing he’d forbidden us to do, make love with another angel and create a child, a son he let die…well, the shit hit the fan. Big time.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘An almighty…’ He hesitated and then smiled. ‘A fuck-fest, that’s what happened. About a year ago, nearly all the angels came down to Earth and started going at it like rabbits. Not with each other—they saw what had happened to your mother, and no one wanted to lose their wings—but there’s never been any rules about sex with humans. Last year, hundreds of us came down to the UK and hung out at university campuses, music festivals, and basically anywhere humans were up for a bit of fun. Look at us, Zadkiel, we’re not exactly ugly. It was too easy and exactly what we all needed to let off some steam, so we had our own celestial summer of love. You know that having the odd lusty fling is fine as long as we don’t get women pregnant—but the angels weren’t following that rule either.’

  ‘Nephilim have been born? Half-angels exist again?’

  It wasn’t the first time Gabriel had fathered an earthborn child. His love affair with a woman named Mary over two thousand years ago had led to the most famous Nephilim being born.

  ‘Yeah, some half-angels were conceived,’ Gabriel continued, his face suddenly serious. ‘It was stupid of us; we should have known how Mikhael would react. My boy Jesus was the last official Nephilim and look what happened after he died—the end of the angelic reign and the beginning of the God fallacy. After that, we were warned not to father children. But that was then; this time, no one was listening to Mikhael.’

  Zac couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He knew all about Jesus, he’d even met him, but he couldn’t believe the angels had been stupid enough to defy Mikhael’s law after all this time and procreate again.

  ‘So what happened?’

  ‘The boss found out and put a stop to it, of course. He’s killed a lot of babies in the last year, Zadkiel. A lot. It got nasty. We all know human lives come and go, but who kills babies?’

  Zac closed his eyes. He knew Mikhael was evil, but this? It was all Zac’s fault! If he hadn’t been so selfish, then the Choir would never have rebelled and innocent lives needn’t have been lost.

  ‘It’s like the birth of Jesus all over again,’ Zac said. Mikhael had been the one to help King Herod with the ‘firstborn son cull.’

  ‘Yeah, well, that was only ever going to end in trouble,’ Gabriel said. ‘The Romans still got my boy in the end, eh? The only thing people and angels have ever agreed on. Ain’t nobody got time for another messiah. Best to keep the politicians and the rich in power. Who wants a do-gooder spiritual being telling everyone to be nice to each other?’

  This was Gabriel’s favourite subject and one they’d secretly spoken about at length many times before: the God myth and Mikhael’s ban on angels chasing after humans. Sex was fine but falling in love wasn’t.

  ‘So, all the shagging about has stopped then?’ Zac said. ‘Has the slaughtering stopped? Has everyone got their fill and gone back to normal now?’

  Gabriel shrugged. ‘Probably. Raphael was the first to break the rules; he’s been seeing a girl in Glastonbury for a few years now. He really likes her, and he’s managed to keep it from Mikhael—so she’s safe. I heard she gave birth to his son last year and has another on the way. You have an ally in Raphael when you’re ready.’

  ‘Wow,’ Zac said under his breath.

  The archangel of healing had been successful in having a human relationship, something Zac had wanted with Ella for two thousand years. How had he kept his earthbound family safe from Mikhael? If Raphael could do it, then maybe there was hope for him and Ella after all.

  ‘And you, Gabriel? Did you break the rules?’ he asked.

  Gabriel shrugged again. ‘Not as much as the others. I was too busy hanging out in dusty research libraries and moving your body around.’ He laughed. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a bit of fun. There was a Japanese student in Brighton, clever and really cool, who I had a thing with. In fact, I could have sworn I saw her at the club a few days ago when I talked to the girl who delivered your note. Freaked me out. She was identical to her. But I could feel it wasn’t her and her hair was different; maybe they were related. Anyway, there was her and a few others, but no, I didn’t set out to have children with them, and eventually the angels either got bored or scared of Mikhael and stopped. I did too. I couldn’t risk him murdering any more of my babies. Not after Jesus. Mikhael is one mean motherfucker, and he had the cheek to tell the world that Lucifer was the evil one.’

  ‘Do you miss her?’

  ‘Who? Your mother? Yeah, every day.’

  ‘No, I mean Mary. Jesus’s mum. Don’t you ever wonder who she was reborn as?’

  Gabriel sighed. ‘Look, I’ve been around for eons. Lucifer and Mikhael came first, then me and Raphael, then the other archangels and so on. We arrived as soon as the first ape turned human. Do you know how many women, and men, have come and gone in my life since then? How many Nephilim were created before Jesus was killed and things got complicated? Mary was the last special one, but she wasn’t the first. Yeah, I think of her sometimes. She looked great in blue.’

  Zac rolled his eyes, and his friend laughed. ‘But you’re the only one I know who has ever got hung up on just the one. Even Raphael isn’t that obsessed with the mother of his kids—he only sees her every few weeks, sometimes months. That’s why he’s kept it under the radar so long; he doesn’t hang about. This obsession you have with Arabella, or whatever she’s called now, is not healthy. All that time you spent with her three years ago, that’s why Mikhael got scared and kept dragging you back. He must have thought he was going to lose you to the human world like he did your mother.’

  ‘She’s my everything,’ Zac hissed. ‘I’ve died twice for her, at the very beginning and as an angel. And I would do it again.’

  Gabriel looked up at the ceiling and sighed. ‘I’ve got to hand it to you, kid. When you love someone, you don’t muck about. But look at you. Look at what you are now! You’re going to live for eternity, and she won’t. So, then what will you do?’

  Zac had spent two thousand years pini
ng for Ella and their forbidden love, longing for her in whatever form she’d taken in each of her lives, but he’d never once appreciated the incredible life he’d shared with Gabriel as an angel. If he could even call it a life. But he no longer had his angelic friends, a job or any form of identity. What was he going to do now with his second chance? Would he spend the rest of his existence courting every version of Ella for eternity? Was that even possible?

  ‘I’m not sure what I’ll do next,’ Zac replied.

  Even if he did get Ella back and they got to stay together forever, it wouldn’t be for long. As an angel, he’d known every single one of her birth and death dates—and this time, her life was a short one. She had eleven years left. Zac had always known Ella was going to drown and die at age thirty-four. If he didn’t push her back off her path and stop her heading toward that date, he could lose her again. Then what would he do? How long would he have to wait until she was reborn and grown up and he found her again? It could take dozens, if not hundreds, of years between lives. He couldn’t risk meeting up with Gabriel regularly; the others may find him, and who knew what his father would do? No Ella, no friends, and no security. Perhaps he hadn’t thought this through properly after all.

  People were starting to stream onto the platform. London rush hour had started. Although it was April and still cool outside, the swarms of commuters in their thick coats were making the platform heat up. Zac took off his jacket.

  ‘What is this, brother? You got a tattoo?’ Gabriel pushed up the sleeve of Zac’s T-shirt to reveal the images of feathers floating down his upper arm. ‘New hair and ink? What we got here then, some new-life crisis or something?’

  A ghost of a smile flickered on Zac’s lips.

  ‘I got my wings back. Take a look.’

  Gabriel peered down the back of his friend’s T-shirt and let out a low whistle.