The Surrogate's Unexpected Miracle

by Alison Roberts

  And so much more lonely...

  Ellie hadn’t spoken to anyone today, other than the washing machine repairman. Oh, she’d talked to Jamie a lot but that didn’t really count as a conversation, did it? This was the longest time ever that she hadn’t talked to Ava, she realised. They had always been in some form of contact—almost every day.

  The total shock of the surrogacy plan going so wrong had evaporated in those first moments of falling in love with her baby. Ellie had wanted to contact her best friend, in fact, and tell her that it was just as well she didn’t want the baby any more because there was no way on earth Ellie could have given him away. She’d actually tried to ring Ava a few days later. Her phone was in the pocket of her jeans right now but there would be no point trying again. Not when the number was no longer valid.

  Where was her best friend now? Was she with anyone or nursing her broken heart alone? She should have stayed here and they could have worked things out. Helped each other.

  Other friends were here for her but it wasn’t like the bond she and Ava had always had. Despite that, Ellie would have been delighted to have a friend like Sue drop in. They could talk about all the exciting cases that had come through the emergency department recently and all the interesting things that were happening in the lives of the people they both knew. But Sue wouldn’t be dropping in. Or even ringing. She was working an afternoon shift and wouldn’t finish until eleven p.m.

  Was Luke still working that shift, too...?

  Good grief...was that unpleasant twinge due to envy that Sue might be getting a chance she couldn’t have? To work alongside Luke and get to know him a bit better?

  No. It was more likely that she was simply missing her work so much. A while back, a few weeks off to prepare for and then recover from giving birth had held all the attraction of an extended holiday but, like the rest of her life, that plan felt as if it had been made by a completely different person who had been living a life that now seemed increasingly like a distant dream.

  At least the raucous dinner party in the apartment directly above hers seemed to be winding down. The incessant thumping of feet on her ceiling and the shrieks of drunken laughter hadn’t been helping either her mission to settle Jamie into sleep or her emotional state. Other people were having fun. She was becoming a sleep-deprived zombie who spent her nights walking round and round a mind-numbingly restricted track. There was nothing she hadn’t seen on this circuit a million times. She had even memorised that phone number on the fridge without even trying.

  She had to stop before she fell over from exhaustion. On the next circuit, Ellie slowed down and paused by the end of the couch. Still rocking Jamie, she eased herself onto the edge of the cushion and, when that didn’t trigger an increase of misery, she inched back, tucking the baby securely into the crook of her arm, and then relaxed her neck just to let her head rest for a moment on the back of the couch.

  Maybe it was her imagination but the cries were lessening in strength. Ellie knew she should get up and have another go at putting Jamie into his bassinet but the command to her legs didn’t have any effect.

  In a minute, she promised herself. I’ll just close my eyes for a few seconds. They weren’t exactly focusing very well right now so it was weird that she noticed that scrap of paper on the fridge again...

  Her mind drifted back in time. Because she was missing the special people in her life so much right now? Ava. And her mother. How much easier would this all be if she still had her mum around to help? To give advice, or help with some of the chores or even take care of the baby and let her get some of that desperately needed sleep.

  That sense of loss extended to more than simply family. Memories of growing up in a town small enough to be called a village seemed like a fantasy life now. There was sunshine and the greenery of fields and forests. A beach not that far away. People had time to really care about each other and a new mother would have been showered with help and gifts. Like all those tiny, knitted clothes that her mother’s knitting circle had produced.

  Had she really rolled her eyes when she got home from school every Wednesday to find that group of women in the living room with their tongues clacking along with their knitting needles? Ellie would sit in the kitchen to do her homework and dream of living in the city where people had more exciting things to do than sit around and gossip.

  Jamie was a heavy weight in her arms now and she could recognise the relaxation of tiny muscles that told her he was drifting into a deep sleep. It was definitely time to put him to bed.

  But what if he woke up again when she moved?

  And besides...there was a new memory floating to the surface of her brain and if she moved, it would vanish.

  It was thinking about that knitting circle that had triggered it. About the gossip. She had abandoned her homework that day in order to listen because they were talking about that boy. The new boy who had started catching their bus.

  The conversation from so long ago came back in snatches and some of it was more like feelings than actual words but still made sense.

  ‘Taking on a boy that age...?’

  ‘Apparently no foster home could keep him. Too disruptive.’

  ‘Why would the Gilmores do it, then? They’re not exactly spring chickens...’

  ‘I know the answer to that. I was talking to Dorothy only the other week...’

  The silence of even the knitting needles must have been a satisfying level of attention for the speaker.

  ‘They caught him stealing food. He’d been hiding out in that forest at the back of their place. Eric called the police because he knew someone would want to know where a lad that age was and when Stu arrived with someone from Social Services, Dorothy said she couldn’t let them take him away. She said there was something about the way he looked that just broke her heart—as if he’d known all along that there was no hope in the world.’

  Ellie had caught her breath at that. Really? The boy on the bus didn’t look sad or pathetic. He looked...as if he could take on the world and win—every time.

  ‘Well, he landed on his feet this time, didn’t he? Shame he didn’t pull his socks up a bit faster.’

  ‘Old habits die hard, I reckon.’

  ‘It’s not as if he’s breaking any laws.’

  ‘He’s a law unto himself, that one. I wouldn’t let my daughter anywhere near him, that’s for sure and certain.’

  Ellie could actually hear that murmur of agreement amongst the women and remember how puzzled she’d been by the odd sound that followed.

  Like a collective sigh that wasn’t really audible.

  She’d been too young to understand it then but now...

  She felt the corner of her mouth lift a little. Some things had probably been the same since the dawn of time, hadn’t they?

  The good girls always denied it—as she had in later years—but it was a thing. That compelling attraction the bad boys often had. Or was it only the bad boys with a charisma that suggested there was something good hidden from sight?

  And Luke had been that kind of bad boy. Dorothy Gilmore might have been the first person to see what was hidden but every girl at Kauri Valley District High School was aware of that attraction. Even the ones who knew they would never be chosen.

  Like Ellie...

  The memories faded. And Ellie’s exhaustion seemed to be fading as well as she slipped into a sleep as deep as the baby she was still cradling in her arms.

  * * *

  He was in her dream.

  Tall and gorgeous. Wearing faded jeans and a black tee shirt under a battered leather jacket that clung to those broad shoulders like a second skin. She could see the sun streaked golden stripes in that tousled mane of hair. She could feel the surprising softness of it between her fingers as she pushed them over his scalp.

  He was smil
ing down at her—white teeth just visible between lips that were, curiously, soft and firm at exactly the same time. And as delicious as she’d always known they would be.

  He was about to kiss her again. She could see it in the glint of his eyes that made the golden flecks against the tawny brown of his irises almost glow.

  He was murmuring something. She could see his lips moving but couldn’t hear the words but she was smiling. She didn’t need to hear them because she could feel his hands on her body and she knew that he was simply telling her about all the things he was about to do to her. Things that she would never, ever be able to forget...

  But then his face was changing.

  Twisting.

  Turning ugly.

  And she could hear his words.

  ‘Get out...you have to get out of my life... Now...’

  Somebody was crying. But it didn’t sound like her. It was the cry of a child waking. A baby.

  And the hands on her body were rough. They were pulling at her. Shaking her hard...

  ‘Wake up...’ The voice was louder. ‘You have to get out... There’s a fire... Here...I’ll take the baby...’

  Ellie’s eyes opened in the same instant her brain snapped back into reality.

  Or tried to.

  She couldn’t see properly. The only light in the room was coming from streetlamps several floors below and even that was murky.

  Smoky. She could smell it now. Burning and acrid in her nostrils.

  She could hear shouts and thumping coming from the apartment above and more shouting from the stairwell beyond her door. Banging on other doors and people yelling for others to wake up and get out.

  ‘Fire...the building’s on fire...’

  But the loudest sound of all was the baby crying in her arms as someone tried to pull him out of her grip.

  ‘No...’ Ellie struggled to sit up. ‘Don’t take him. He’s...’ Mine... The instinct to protect Jamie was stronger than her own fear but she was forced to stop speaking as she began to cough. She was moving, though. Getting herself up from the couch, grateful for the strong arm gripping her shoulders and shoving her forwards.

  She had seen this man before. He lived on the same floor she did but she didn’t know his name—this person who had broken through her door to come and save her.

  Save them...

  There were others in the stairwell. Someone other than Jamie was crying now and there were too many people talking at the same time. Shouting to be heard.

  ‘Watch your step.’

  ‘Has someone called the fire brigade?’

  ‘Where’s Carla? Carla? Can you hear me?’

  ‘Why didn’t the damn fire alarm work?’

  And then they were outside in the dark and the shocking reality was lit up against the night sky. Flames licked the building, coming from the windows only a floor above Ellie’s apartment.

  Where the party had been happening.

  The sound of glass shattering was accompanied by billows of smoke coming from higher windows and then more flames joined the image until there was a solid wall of flames moving upwards.

  And sirens... The emergency services were arriving. A police car and then the first of many fire trucks. An ambulance. People in uniforms were herding the crowd of residents further and further away from the building until they were right at the end of the block. More ambulances were rolling up, their lights flashing against the darkness of the night. A television crew arrived, spilling out of the branded four-by-four and lifting cameras to their shoulders even as they moved towards the scene. Someone was stringing bright tape across the road so they couldn’t go back. There were hoses being unravelled and ladders being raised and the noise levels were increasing steadily.

  So much shouting.

  Ellie was wedged into the crowd, holding Jamie as if her own life depended on keeping him safe. Horrified by the thought that she could still be in that building—unconscious now instead of simply asleep—because she would have had no warning of the deadly smoke rolling in beneath her door. She looked around at her silent neighbours, who were simply standing there, watching their homes being destroyed, trying to find the man who had saved her so that she could thank him properly.

  But someone in a uniform was in the way.

  ‘Come with us, love.’ The paramedic was putting a blanket around Ellie’s shoulders. ‘We need to check you and your baby.’

  Her baby...

  It had seemed extraordinary that Jamie had gone back to sleep in her arms as she stood there rocking him. But was he really only asleep? There had been enough smoke to make her cough. What would that have done to tiny airways and lungs? The relief of being outside and safe was obliterated by fear again as Ellie let the paramedics guide her into the back of the nearest ambulance.

  They checked heart-rates and blood pressure and oxygen saturation levels. They listened to Ellie’s lung sounds, making her take deep breaths that made her cough. The stethoscope looked huge against Jamie’s little chest and he woke up and began to cry again.

  But he wasn’t coughing.

  ‘He seems fine,’ the paramedic told her. ‘But we can take you into Emergency for a full check if you’re worried. Did you say he’s only three weeks old? It might be a good idea to go to hospital.’

  But Ellie knew that cry. Jamie was hungry.

  ‘I’ll just feed him, if that’s okay...and then see how he is...’

  ‘Sure. Stay in here where it’s warm. We’ve got enough trucks to transport anybody that’s urgent.’ She lifted the back of the stretcher and put pillows behind Ellie so that she could sit more comfortably as she settled Jamie against her breast. ‘I know you, don’t I?’ The paramedic was focused on Ellie’s face now, instead of a detailed physical assessment. ‘Do you work at North Shore General?’

  ‘I did. I’m on maternity leave.’

  ‘Of course...’ The paramedic smiled down at Jamie. ‘He’s gorgeous.’ She shook her head. ‘I can’t imagine how scary that must have been. Were you asleep when the fire started?’

  Ellie nodded. Sound asleep. Dreaming about...

  No...she couldn’t remember. And it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that they were both safe. Unharmed. Jamie was sucking steadily, his eyes drifting shut, and the snuffling sounds he was making were perfectly normal with no hint of any respiratory distress. Had being wrapped in his blanket and cuddled against her chest saved him from inhaling a significant amount of that evil smoke?

  The paramedic had opened the back door of the ambulance and was leaning out. The cacophony of sound from outside sounded like a disaster movie. Something Ellie had been watching but didn’t affect her. She looked down at the tiny face against her breast and the first wave of real relief washed over her. She could feel tears rolling down her face.

  ‘Oh, my God...’ The paramedic sounded awed. ‘It looks like the building’s collapsing in the middle...’

  And then it hit Ellie.

  She had nothing but the precious baby in her arms and the clothes she was wearing. Sneakers. A pair of maternity jeans and an ancient, sloppy tee shirt that had a red bird with an open beak and a cloud of tiny hearts emerging instead of musical notes for its song.

  She had been frightened of how she was going to cope when she knew she had a baby to take home and she didn’t have as much as a single nappy.

  Now she didn’t even have a home.

  She needed help right now, more than she ever had.

  And, of course, the first person who came to mind was Ava.

  But there was no point in trying. She’d known that when she’d thought about it earlier. When she’d been aware of the lump of her phone in her back pocket as she’d been walking that track round and round her apartment.

  Such a small, inadequate space to be loo
king after a baby but it had been home.

  Their home.

  She could see the last glimpses of it that she would ever have. The clothes rack with the laundry drying. The bassinet beside her unmade bed. The fridge...

  The fridge with that scrap of paper half hidden by the smiley face magnet.

  With the number that she knew by heart.

  Was her phone still in her pocket or had it slipped out during that frantic escape of getting up from the couch and through the smoke filled corridor, down what had felt like endless flights of concrete stairs and then further and further along the road?

  Trying not to disturb Jamie’s sleepy, contented sucking, Ellie moved one arm, snaking her hand towards her pocket.

  * * *

  There’d been no traffic to speak of at this time of night but it was still a bit of a drive all the way to Kauri Valley and Luke hadn’t felt ready to sleep. He’d opened a cold beer, and fired up his laptop to look up a journal article he’d thought of earlier this evening. It had been written by the person who currently led the team in the emergency department of the hospital in Boston he was about to put an application in to work with. He wanted to know how good their research program was.

  A news alert popped up and, without thinking, he clicked on it to find himself watching a live feed of breaking news. An old multi-storey apartment block in one of the North Shore suburbs close to the hospital was being engulfed in fire.

  Luke pushed his barely tasted beer away. Were there casualties? Would he be called in to help with an unexpected influx of patients?

  Almost as the thought occurred to him, his mobile started ringing.

  But it was the last person he would have expected it to be on the other end of the line.

  ‘Luke? It’s Ellie Thomas...’