The Surrogate's Unexpected Miracle

by Alison Roberts

  Shifting her gaze, as if that would somehow shift her focus away from the memories, Ellie noticed all the green balls sticking to the singlet that had been white not so long ago. She’d need to get changed before she went to the garden centre and she would also need to pick off all the sticky balls before she put this garment in to the wash. She remembered this weed from childhood, too. You had to pull every one of those balls off individually, which was exactly what she started to do.

  And then she realised that Luke had gone quiet and she looked up to see that he was watching her hands. Ellie had started on the nearest part of the fabric, which was the scooped neckline. Had she even realised that she was calling attention to a cleavage that was rather more impressive than it had ever been before she’d become a mother?

  She could feel the warmth of a blush gaining energy. She needed to say something offhand—maybe about how annoying biddi bids were—and then turn back to her own task of forking through the clumps of soil that Luke had turned over with the spade.

  Except, she couldn’t move. She could feel something changing in the air around her, as if the oxygen were being sucked out by some invisible force. Luke was standing there, half naked. There were streaks on his tanned skin where the sweat had turned dirt into mud. And there were tiny green balls caught on the sprinkling of hair on his chest. A triangle of tawny, sparse hair that trailed into an arrow at the level of the waistband of his shorts.

  Ellie tried to catch her breath.

  She tried to make her legs work and take her away from this overwhelming temptation to touch Luke.

  Neither of those things happened.

  What did happen was that she reached out to gently pull a little green ball from where it was caught, just to one side of a nipple that tightened at the first whisper of touch from her fingers.

  And just as instantly, Luke’s hand whipped up to catch hold of hers and prevent it moving any further.

  He was going to reject her, wasn’t he?

  Gently, of course. It would only take a look to remind her that this wasn’t going to happen. That they were only friends. Gritting her teeth, Ellie lifted her gaze to accept that look, fully prepared to give him one of apology on her part.

  But what she saw was something very different.

  Desire, pure and simple.

  A blazing desire but one that only came a little closer to what was coursing through her own veins.

  For a long, long moment, they stared at each other in what felt like total amazement.

  And then they moved. Ellie had no idea who moved first. It seemed to happen with the speed of light. One moment they were standing there staring and the next, Luke’s mouth was on hers.

  There was nothing sweet about this kiss. It had nothing to do with gratitude or friendship.

  This was out-of-control need.

  Pure passion.

  A dance of lips and tongues and hands that slid across sweat-slicked skin. It was everything that Ellie had dreamed of except that it wasn’t nearly enough...

  And somehow, eventually, they both sank onto the rough earth of the garden beneath their feet. Kneeling together. Ellie had her thumbs hooked into the elastic waistband of Luke’s shorts and he had his hands beneath her singlet top. Her bra was already undone and she cried out in ecstasy as she felt his hands cup her breasts.

  She could hear an echo of her cry. And then another...

  Only it wasn’t her making that sound. It had a tinny quality that had nothing to do with passion and everything to do with a small baby waking up from his nap.

  Ellie had to close her eyes against the crushing disappointment as she felt the moment slipping away, along with Luke’s hands.

  It was actually embarrassing to have to ease her hands away from Luke’s shorts.

  Their gazes snagged and held again for another long moment, but the silent communication this time was nothing like the last.

  Maybe they both felt a bit horrified as the realisation of how out of control they’d been kicked in.

  ‘I...um...I’ll have to go in,’ Ellie managed. She stayed on her knees for a moment longer, reaching awkwardly behind herself to find the clasp of her bra.

  Luke got to his feet but he made no sound other than a grunt Ellie couldn’t interpret. Maybe he was relieved at the interruption. Maybe he was disappointed. Or maybe he just had stiff muscles from all that physical work in the garden.

  He offered Ellie a hand to help her up and she took it but it didn’t feel anything like the hand that had been caressing her skin only moments before.

  And still, Luke didn’t say anything. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to, but then he closed it again, uttering nothing more than another uninterpretable sound as he bent over to pick up the garden fork.

  Ellie picked up the baby monitor. She glanced over her shoulder as she went to collect her shirt.

  He was turning over earth as if his life depended on making this garden look as perfect as possible.

  * * *

  A foot on the fork. A pile of earth turned over. Smacking it with the prongs of the fork helped it fall apart and look like soil ready to accept new plants. Again and again, Luke went through the motions, ignoring the sweat that trickled between his shoulder blades and down his forehead to reach his eyes and make them sting.

  How the hell had that happened?

  He’d had things perfectly under control. He actually managed to take those old twinges of desire for Ellie and turn them into something far more acceptable—an appreciation of all her amazing qualities.

  Who knew that they’d been bubbling away under their cover like a volcano getting ready to erupt and it had only needed the provocation of seeing her fingers pulling at the fabric clinging to her breasts as she pulled off biddi bids to blow everything sky-high?

  Okay, it had needed more than that. What had been his complete undoing had been to see his own desire reflected in Ellie’s eyes. That sizzle in the air between them had completely fried his brain.

  And then the astonishing taste of her... The sensations the touch of her hands created rippling over and then under his skin... The silky softness of her skin that he wanted to taste as much as touch...

  Holy heck...if it hadn’t been for Jamie waking up when he did, they would have been making love right here on this newly tilled earth. Without any conscious thought of finding protection. Without consideration that this was a woman who’d given birth not that long ago and might not be anywhere near ready for that kind of raw passion.

  The kind of passion that would have had them getting even more sweaty and dirty and...

  And he’d better stop even thinking about what that might have been like because it was doing his head in.

  Luke smacked another solid forkful of earth and watched it splinter and separate with satisfaction. He didn’t even pause before jamming the prongs into the ground again. He kept going, until he heard the sound of Ellie’s car starting up and then crunching over the loose surface of the shelled driveway and he realised that she was still sticking to the plan and had gone off to buy the new vegetable plants. He could help get them in to the ground later but for now, he had done enough.

  A lot more than he’d intended doing, that was for sure. He should be ashamed of himself.

  But, if he was honest, he just wanted to turn back time.

  And have Jamie sleep a little longer.

  It was safe to go inside now, at least, and, man, did he need a shower.

  It might have to be one of those cold ones, again, dammit.

  * * *

  The elephant was back in the room.

  Somehow, they managed to get through the rest of the day, pretending that things were back to the way they’d been in recent days but, when Luke was clearing up the kitchen as Ellie settled Jamie for the night, Luk
e knew that something was going to have to be said to defuse the tension that even the hint of eye contact was generating.

  Ellie clearly felt the same way. He had his back to her—his hands in the kitchen sink scrubbing dishes—when she came back into the room but he could sense the determination in the way she was moving. The way she pulled a tea towel from the hook beside the old coal range and then came to stand right beside him.

  Close enough that he could imagine that he could actually feel heat radiating from the bare skin of her arms.

  ‘We’re both adults, Luke,’ she said quietly. ‘We like each other, don’t we?’

  Surprise sent Luke’s glance skidding sideways to meet hers. Like? Such an insipid word to encompass everything he thought about Ellie. It didn’t come anywhere near touching the respect he had for her courage and generosity, his admiration for her determination and energy or his appreciation of the way she looked and moved and spoke...

  But he couldn’t put any of that into words so he simply nodded, hoping his smile would convey a little more than ‘like’.

  Ellie picked up a plate and began to dry it, as if this were a perfectly normal kind of conversation to have while a household chore was being attended to. ‘And we both know this is never going to be anything more than friendship.’

  Some of the tension around him evaporated as Luke murmured his agreement but something struck an odd note. Okay, they both knew why he could never let this be more than friendship but did Ellie feel the same way?

  Why?

  What was wrong with him that would have excluded him as even a possibility of being a life partner?

  Another part of his brain could supply the answer to that. A deeply buried part that he’d never prodded in his adult life.

  There was a reason that nobody loved you when you were a kid, it reminded him. You were unlovable. Unwanted... It’s why you never stick around any relationship, isn’t it? You have to end it first—before anyone else can do it...

  It took a moment to focus on what Ellie was saying now.

  ‘...doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to get close. If the rules are understood and accepted, why shouldn’t we just make the most of something special?’

  Luke’s hands slowed. He didn’t even lift the plate that was now perfectly clean under those soap suds. Ellie’s voice was so quiet now it was almost a whisper.

  ‘Something we might never find again,’ she said. ‘Either of us...’

  Luke swallowed hard. Her words resonated with a truth he couldn’t escape. Of course he was never going to find anything like this again. He’d allowed Ellie closer than anyone else in his life.

  He trusted her.

  And she was confirming that she would never ask him for anything that he wasn’t capable of giving her.

  If he didn’t accept this offer he would spend the rest of his life wondering what it could be like.

  To be that close to someone you could trust this much...

  They both wanted it. Luke could feel the sexual energy crackling around him. Burning his skin. He turned to face her, his hands dripping water as he lifted them. He caught the tea towel dangling from Ellie’s hands to dry his hands and, for a moment, they were both holding it.

  ‘Are you sure about this?’ he asked softly. ‘Really sure?’

  Ellie’s gaze held his so he couldn’t miss the way her eyes darkened. And he could also catch the way her lips tilted up at the corners as she pulled on the fabric they were still both holding. A slow, steady pressure that was firm enough to draw him closer.

  Close enough to trap their hands between their bodies. For Ellie’s breasts to touch his chest. Close enough for him to feel her breath on his skin as she spoke.

  ‘I think you get the prize for asking the silly question this time...’

  CHAPTER TEN

  IT COULDN’T LAST, of course.

  But, for a precious few days that Ellie would treasure for the rest of her life, she was inside the perfect bubble.

  Living in the most gorgeous place on earth.

  The mother of the most beautiful child that had ever been born.

  Sharing the bed of the man she now knew to be her soul mate.

  The sex was every bit as good as she’d dreamed it would be.

  No, that wasn’t true.

  It was far better than she’d dreamed it could be.

  She’d been far more nervous than she’d let on, that first time, when she’d made the first move and persuaded Luke that they could add benefits into their friendship. She knew her body had changed after pregnancy and had to hope it was still attractive enough. It was also quite possible that sex would be less than pleasant after the birth. Painful, even.

  How weird was it, to feel the same kind of nerves that she remembered having when she’d lost her virginity?

  Yet it was entirely appropriate, as well. Because this was her first time. Her first time to be with someone she was so totally in love with...

  And Luke had been so gentle.

  So caring.

  So in control of a power that Ellie could sense in every touch. A passion that she desperately wanted to experience but lacked the courage to risk unleashing.

  That first time, anyway...

  The walls of that bubble had taken on a rainbow hue since then.

  She was living a fantasy. Caring for her baby and looking after a house and garden that felt like home. Preparing meals with the extra attention to detail that was a pleasure to do when you were making that effort for someone that you loved. Watching the hands move on the old grandfather clock every time she went past, enjoying the increasing thrill of knowing that there was less and less time to wait until the person she most wanted to see would be coming through that door.

  Maybe it was living the fantasy that gave rise to new stretches of imagination. Maybe letting go of the past, by leaving the place that had such a connection to it, would persuade Luke that a new future was possible.

  With her...

  As much as she adored this place, it wasn’t what really mattered. She’d go to London with Luke. Or Boston or New York or Washington or wherever he wanted to go in the world. Home was where the heart was, after all, and her heart would always be with Luke. Jamie loved him too—why else would he smile virtually every time he saw him now?

  Not that she said anything, of course. That hadn’t been part of the deal and Ellie knew perfectly well that the walls of this bubble were fragile. However beautiful it was, it was a temporary thing.

  Unless Luke wanted to change the rules.

  Instinctively, Ellie knew that he was the only one who could do that. That, if she even hinted that something more was possible, she would break the trust between them and Luke would retreat behind the barrier he’d spent most of his life creating.

  Being in this incredible bubble depended on her not breaking that trust so all she could do was to show him glimpses of what that future could be like.

  Miraculously, Luke seemed just as disinclined to break that luminescent wall around them all just yet.

  It had been his idea to go out, when the sneak preview house viewing had been arranged on one of his days off. Maybe he didn’t want to be there to see total strangers assessing his beloved home and putting a price on it any more than Ellie did.

  It had been his idea to take Jamie for a walk through the forest and go down to the beach.

  And he was the one who strapped Jamie’s front pack to his own chest.

  ‘I used to know that track like the back of my hand,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to be worried about you tripping over tree roots or something.’

  Maybe that was also why he held her hand on that walk.

  Not that Ellie minded being looked after as if she were fragile and feminine. She was, after all, i
n the middle of a real-life fantasy that was reminiscent of a housewife and mother from many decades ago. A simple life when all that mattered was the welfare of your family and home. Her mother’s generation, perhaps. Or more like her grandmother’s?

  Nothing like real life these days. Or certainly not hers, anyway.

  She really had to do something about finding a new place to live and making arrangements for when she went back to work. Her insurance claim was almost settled so there was no excuse not to be sorting out her life.

  Except...she didn’t want to.

  Not yet.

  She wanted to walk through a sun-dappled forest like this, feeling the warmth and strength of Luke’s hand curled around hers.

  She wanted to step back into childhood for a moment and slide down a steep sand dune and see the laughter in Luke’s eyes and how wide his grin was.

  She wanted to see him tickle her baby and make him smile and smile and smile.

  In moments like this, just for a heartbeat or two, it was easy to pretend that they were a real family. That nothing would tear them apart.

  In retrospect, it seemed as if it was during that idyllic time together that afternoon that things started to go wrong.

  And yet it had been a sigh of pure pleasure that escaped Ellie as she stood on the amazing stretch of white sand that was Moana Beach, shading her eyes from the afternoon sun as she looked out at the offshore islands.

  ‘I’d forgotten that this was one of my most favourite parts of the world.’

  ‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’ Luke seemed to be watching the curl of the waves. ‘If it was summer, I’d be tempted to dust off my old surfboard.’

  You could stay, Ellie wanted to say. You could live here again and have this beach as part of your backyard for the rest of your life.

  But he didn’t want that as part of his future, did he? Luke wanted the fast-paced lifestyle of a high-octane career in a big city and maybe a low-maintenance apartment that wouldn’t be a drain on his spare time or an anchor if he wanted to move on.

  He wouldn’t want to be ‘saddled’ with a property that needed so much maintenance, any more than he wanted that from ‘dependants’ like a wife or child.