Vikki closed her eyes and groaned softly as Rob kissed her neck. She tried not to think of their little girl only feet away as Rob began undoing her jeans. She searched for a gap in his jacket so she could reach inside.
‘This is what you’ve missed,’ he said as he yanked down her jeans and knickers at the same time before pushing her against the wall. She cried out before she could stop herself as her bare bottom made contact with the ice-cold brick wall.
‘Mummy!’ cried a sleepy Freya.
Rob and Vikki let out matching sighs of frustration.
‘Told you,’ she said.
‘God, I miss you,’ he whispered softly. His hand was between her legs and he waited until she gasped before he stepped back.
‘We can pick up where we left off tomorrow,’ she promised, but Rob had already turned away and slipped back through the fence. Fumbling with her clothes, Vikki was eager to follow, calling after him. ‘Rob?’
He seemed not to hear as he rocked the buggy to soothe Freya back to sleep. When she reached his side, she whispered, ‘I’ll be home soon.’
‘So you keep saying. I’m starting to think you don’t want to come back, Victoria.’
‘Of course I do!’ she hissed. ‘But I have to make sure Mum gets well enough to face the chemo. You want that too, don’t you?’
Rob lowered his head when he said, ‘Sorry, I’m being selfish, aren’t I?’
‘You really think I don’t want to come home?’
Rob gave a vague shake of the head rather than answer as they walked away from the house.
‘I suppose Mum is managing much better on her own now,’ Vikki said when the silence became unbearable. ‘And Lesley’s insisting on dropping by most days, even though we haven’t got any holiday bookings coming up.’
‘It’s your decision, Vikki. You know I’d never push you into doing something you didn’t want to.’
They were walking down the country lane that would take them the long way back to her mum’s. It was easier than tackling the bridle path again, but now it was the choice Rob was giving her that Vikki was struggling with. Her pulse raced as she prepared to tell him that she would come home, now, today, but the words wouldn’t come. She kept thinking about her dad. Vikki had never had the chance to say goodbye to him, and he had been on his own when he collapsed. She couldn’t leave her mum to the same fate.
They walked for a while without speaking, Rob waiting for her to decide, Vikki wishing she didn’t have to. ‘Are you OK?’ she asked eventually, although what she had wanted to ask was, were they OK.
Rob sounded so dejected when he said, ‘I thought it would be nice to have you home for half-term, that’s all.’
‘I want to be home by then too. I want us to take Freya trick-or-treating on Halloween. We can carve pumpkins and eat all her sweets for her own good,’ she said, a bit too brightly. ‘I’ve already got outfits for me and Freya. I made them myself. Mum’s been nagging me for ages to learn how to sew and she’s turning me into a proper little housewife, Not that there’s anything proper about my outfit. I’m going to be a wicked witch. A very naughty wicked witch.’
Rob was smiling when he said, ‘You drive me crazy, do you know that? As if I’m not missing you enough as it is. Still, don’t worry about me, I’m sure I’ll get used to being without you. Who knows? I might not want you back.’
Vikki refused to be taken in by Rob’s brave words: he couldn’t live without her. ‘I love you, Rob, and I hate this as much as you do, but—’
‘But what?’ he asked sharply. In a lower voice, he added, ‘I can’t help thinking you’re actually as desperate as I am to get back home. Is this your way of getting me to be the bad guy and tell your mum? I’m sorry, Vikki, but I can’t do that. For what it’s worth, I think it would be the right thing to do and I’ll support you all the way, but you have to be the one to talk to her.’
As Rob picked up his pace, Vikki trailed behind and didn’t catch up until they arrived back at her mum’s house. They found Elaine in the living room, snoozing with a magazine on her lap. She held her body in an awkward position with the left side of her chest looking almost concave compared to her right breast. Vikki knelt down beside her and squeezed her hand.
When Elaine peeled open her eyes and realized she had not one but two onlookers, she immediately shifted up in her chair and pulled back her shoulders. ‘Sorry, I must have dozed off. Do you want some tea?’
Tears were stinging Vikki’s eyes. ‘Mum, I’ve been thinking—’
‘Vikki, maybe now’s not the time,’ Rob interjected; he had remained at the door. ‘Let’s leave it.’
Elaine looked at them both in turn. ‘Leave what?’
Vikki had spent the last ten minutes walking in silence and rehearsing what she was going to say to her mum. She didn’t know how to deal with this latest turn of events. ‘I miss being at home, Mum. I miss being with Rob,’ she blurted out in the hope that either her mum or her husband would reach the right conclusion for her.
‘And I’ve had you to myself for far too long,’ Elaine said, giving her daughter’s hand a squeeze. ‘I can manage on my own, of course I can, and the sooner you go, the sooner I can prove it to you all.’
‘You don’t have to do this, Elaine,’ Rob said. ‘I can manage perfectly well at home in my little bachelor pad.’
‘Can you now? I’d say that’s all the more reason for your wife to go back home.’
‘Mum—’
Elaine didn’t let her daughter finish. ‘Go home, Victoria, and look after your family. You don’t know how lucky you are to have a husband who loves and supports you. Don’t take that for granted, not ever.’
Tears stung Vikki’s eyes. Why did everything have to be so complicated? She didn’t want to leave her mum to fend for herself. She was terrified of losing her, but now there was a new fear, one that she had never considered before. What if there was a risk of losing her husband too?
‘Go home,’ Elaine repeated.
Wednesday, 28 October 2015
When Rob lifted himself off her and collapsed on to the bed, Vikki turned on to her side and let her body meld into his, her spine curving against his chest so they were in perfect symmetry. It was moments like this that proved they were made for each other. Rob would look after her and love her for ever, like he promised he always would. When he slipped an arm around her waist, the warmth of his breath on the back of her neck sent a delicious shiver down her spine.
‘God, Vikki, you’re wearing me out,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘It’s a good job I’m not in school this week.’
She smiled as she pushed her bottom against him in the safe knowledge that her husband was completely spent. ‘When I suggested we should have an early night,’ she said, ‘I did actually mean so you could catch up on your sleep.’
‘Yeah, sure you did.’
Since Vikki’s return home, she and Rob had been behaving like honeymooners, but after ten days even Vikki’s youthful athleticism was no match for her husband’s needs. That evening she would have been more than happy to simply go to bed to sleep, and it was what she was desperate to do now, but Rob began nibbling her earlobe.
‘I was thinking,’ he said.
‘Thinking what exactly?’
‘Have you given any more thought to going back to work?’
Her eyes felt heavy, but the very mention of finding a job piqued her interest and staved off sleep. She had been idly surfing the net over the last few days, searching for vacancies even if she wasn’t quite ready, or able, to commit to anything yet.
‘I keep looking, but only out of curiosity. I wouldn’t dream of applying for anything until Mum’s finished all her treatment. But I will,’ she added, and she was hopeful. Her mum had had her first round of chemo earlier that week and they were both surprised by how well she had dealt with the toxic chemicals that had been pumped into her system. The doctors had warned Elaine that it might take a week to recover from what would be three weekly c
ycles for the next three months. Everyone reacted differently apparently and there was likely to be a cumulative effect, but if this first round was anything to go by, then Vikki was hoping her mum would be one of the lucky ones.
Rob kissed her neck. ‘But you do want more kids, don’t you?’
‘Eventually,’ she whispered, although, if she were being honest, it was something she was happy to put off for as long as possible.
‘Don’t you think it might be better to do it now?’
‘Now? As in while Mum’s fighting for her life?’ she asked, using the same argument as before for putting off the job search, only with a little more desperation.
‘You know I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that you’re a natural when it comes to being a mum, and Freya’s thrived because you’ve been able to stay at home and look after her. I know you, Vikki. You’d want to give our next baby the best start too, but if you were committed to a career, wouldn’t you feel torn? Wouldn’t it be better to complete our family first?’
‘Is that what you think we should do?’ she asked.
He nibbled her ear again. ‘I want what you want, no more, no less. You’re beautiful, and talented, and amazing. You can do anything you set your mind to.’
‘But it’s not my decision alone. It should be both of us.’
‘And it is. We both agree we want more kids, it’s all about the timing, that’s all. I honestly don’t mind either way, which means it’s only right that you should choose the ‘when’ in our family plan.’
‘But I don’t know,’ Vikki said, struck with sudden doubt. She had been counting down the days until Freya started pre-school and she had set her heart on finding a job that would get her out of the house, but so much had changed. Perhaps she should rethink her plans.
‘Well, maybe it’s something you need to at least start thinking about.’
‘I will,’ she said, and yawned deliberately. ‘But now isn’t exactly the best time to make plans, is it?’
She felt Rob’s chest push against her back as he inhaled deeply and released a sigh. She was tempted to say something else, although what that something should be, she didn’t know. Rob pulled his arm away and turned on to his back so that they were no longer touching. ‘Sorry, you’re right. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I know your mum has to come first for now and, for the record, I think you’re dealing with it all so well. I’m really proud of you, Vikki.’
‘I’m proud of you too,’ she said, turning to look at him. With only the dull glow from the digital clock, she couldn’t read his expression. ‘I couldn’t have coped without your support, you know that, don’t you?’
Rob pulled the covers up over his chest. ‘For what it’s worth, you have it. Don’t ever doubt that,’ he said, and a moment later he was snoring softly. Vikki, on the other hand, held out little hope of finding sleep any time soon.
Friday, 30 October 2015
Vikki stood in her mum’s bedroom, looking out across fields and thick woodland in the distance. The turning leaves of the ancient oaks and beeches lining the horizon had been aflame only yesterday, but in the grey light of a new day, they had turned brown and lifeless. Closer to home, the field that would normally be occupied by half a dozen horses was ominously empty.
It was almost Halloween, after which Vikki would begin counting down to Christmas, but what would the New Year bring? She imagined the field covered in layers of sand, stone and cement to make way for a development of sixteen detached homes, and everything else that entailed. Where once there were wildflowers and hedgerows, there would be Tarmac and block paving.
‘I thought you’d gone.’
The ragged voice was frail and fearful, and had no right belonging to her mum.
‘There’s no rush,’ Vikki said. ‘Freya’s having a nap and Rob’s gone home.’
‘Doesn’t he mind you staying?’
‘Rob was the one who suggested it,’ Vikki assured her. ‘He had another one of his extra-tuition classes this afternoon anyway.’
‘As long as I’m not spoiling your plans. I’m sure I could manage on my own.’
Despite her claims, Elaine could barely manage the task of raising herself into a sitting position.
‘So you keep saying,’ Vikki said.
Before stepping away from the window, she took one last look at the picturesque setting that had made her parents fall in love with the house in the first place, and the reason her mum’s paying guests came back time and again.
‘Have the diggers moved in yet?’ Elaine asked.
‘You weren’t asleep that long.’
‘Maybe I should get up,’ she suggested.
‘No, Mum. You’ve spent the last few days pushing yourself too hard and look what’s happened. The doctor said to stay in bed, so I’m here to make sure that’s what you do.’
Elaine reluctantly allowed her daughter to support her as she pulled herself up. After four days of wondering what all the fuss was about, Elaine’s body had provided an unwelcome reminder that this was a fight for life. When Vikki had arrived that morning for what was meant to be a quick visit with Rob and Freya, Elaine had still been in bed. She had caught a virus.
‘And don’t you worry about what might or might not be happening over the road,’ Vikki continued. ‘Even if the council does approve the planning application, I won’t give up. I’ll write to our MP, I’ll start a petition. I’ll do whatever it takes, even if it means lying down in front of the diggers if they dare to show up.’
Elaine patted the space on the bed next to her and when her daughter sat down, she took hold of her hand. ‘You’re growing up fast.’
‘I’m twenty-four, Mum. I know I don’t always act it, but I am an adult.’
‘Your dad would be proud of you.’
‘Would he?’ Vikki asked. ‘Or would he be disappointed that five years after my gap year, I still don’t have a degree or a career?’
‘He might not have liked it when you announced you were taking a year out, but I think he was quietly pleased that you were strong-minded enough to go out and get what you wanted, so yes, he would be very proud of you. I know I am,’ Elaine said with as much conviction as she could muster. ‘You have a beautiful family, Vikki, and who’s to say none of that other stuff won’t happen in time?’
It was on the tip of Vikki’s tongue to mention Rob’s suggestion of another baby, but she couldn’t yet trust herself to repeat the idea and make it her own. ‘Maybe you’re right.’
Hearing the uncertainty in her daughter’s words, Elaine added, ‘Don’t give up on your dreams, that’s what your dad would be saying to you.’
‘I’m trying not to,’ Vikki said, although she wasn’t too sure any more what those dreams should be. ‘But for now, I’m happy to take things one day at a time. Do you think you could stomach some food? Maybe some toast and a cup of tea?’
Elaine’s features turned green at the suggestion. ‘The only thing I need right now is my next dose of anti-emetics.’
Vikki was quiet for a moment as she wrestled with another decision she had been presented with. ‘Lesley said she’d call in later, but it’s not enough, is it? Truthfully, Mum, do you need me to stay with you for a few days?’
‘Yes.’
Vikki felt a rush of panic. She had expected her mum to put up a fight and make some comment about Vikki’s place being at home with her husband, but there really wasn’t any fight left in her. Vikki’s unease began to ramp up when she realized she would have to tell Rob what she had just done.
Under the guise of fetching Elaine’s medication, Vikki went downstairs to make the call. She didn’t think he would say no – he had told her she had his support – but even so, it had been such a struggle for them both last time. The knot in Vikki’s stomach tightened as Rob’s phone rang out and eventually went to voicemail. He would be at the library with his students so, rather than leave a message, she resigned herself to a nervous wait. Fortunately, he returned her call only a ma
tter of minutes later.
‘Am I disturbing you?’ she asked.
‘No, we were due a break anyway.’
‘Right, the thing is, I’m still with Mum,’ Vikki said slowly. ‘She’s no better. In fact, I think she’s worse.’
‘Ah.’
‘I can’t leave her, Rob,’ she said, and bit her lip before adding, ‘Would you mind if I stayed?’
‘I think the point is, would your mum mind you staying after kicking you out less than a fortnight ago?’
‘She wants me to stay, which only proves how sick she is.’
‘Oh right, so it’s all been arranged and it doesn’t really matter what I think?’
‘It wasn’t like that. I thought she’d say no when I offered,’ she said. ‘If you don’t want me to stay, Rob, then I won’t. I just thought …’
‘It’s all right,’ Rob said softly. ‘Your mum’s ill and I can hardly complain about coming second. I am going to miss my naughty witch, though.’
‘You could still come over tomorrow so we can go trick-or-treating.’
‘Erm, I think I might find some extra marking to do instead.’
‘You’re not angry with me, are you?’ she asked.
‘If I say yes,’ he said, lowering his voice, ‘does that mean you’ll make it up to me when you do come home?’
‘I’ll do whatever you want.’
‘That would be a first,’ Rob said, and Vikki couldn’t be sure if he was playing with her, or if he was genuinely hurt.
‘No, I mean it. I love you,’ she said. ‘If you can put up with me being a terrible wife for a bit longer, I promise I will make it up to you.’
Scarlett
Do you want to hear about the first time we did it? I think I should tell you, just so you know it wasn’t like people think. No way was he abusing me.
It happened on Halloween, which is quite funny when you think about it. I still wasn’t sure how I was supposed to handle this secret power I had over men, and the next minute I was getting to use it. It wasn’t planned or anything. I was too busy dreading Eva’s party. I knew she’d be gloating about being sixteen, even if she wasn’t going to be legal for another week. Not that she had anyone to get legal with at that point.
The Affair Page 7