Don't Pay Bad for Bad & Other Stories (Cheeky Frawg Historicals)

by Amos Tutuola

  To my fear, he had fins on his shoulders, elbows, knees and ankles, and there were a number of moustache hairs on his upper jaw, which was that of a big fish. His mouth was flat but his nose was round. As the coffin was taking us deeply into the river, this man began to threaten me badly. Sometimes he would scratch my face with his sharp nails, sometimes he would slap me on the ear, and sometimes he would be frightening by pointing a sharp iron at my eyes. It was like that he ill-treated me until the coffin took us to the bottom of the river. Then he pushed the lid of the coffin to one side, came down, and then pulled me out. When I came out, I noticed that we were on land and not in the water as before. The river could be seen no more. Then he pushed me in front of him and told me to walk along on one road, which led to a very beautiful house. As I was going along, he was following me as fast as he could.

  On both sides of that road there were beautiful trees and flowers. Having travelled on that road for a while I saw several men similar to this one. They lined up on both sides of the road as if they were policemen or soldiers. Having travelled farther, we came to the front of that beautiful house, and it was then I saw clearly that it was a mighty palace. As he was escorting me along in it and as we were going from one place to another, I saw the costly decorations which were hung on every corner. Again, I noticed that the sun was so dull that there was only little difference from the full moon of the dry season. The air was a little thicker than my village’s air and the sands on the ground were as white as white cloth. The sky was almost cloudy throughout the day.

  After a while, that man escorted me to a beautiful sitting-room in which one beautiful lady sat in royal state. Without hesitation I stood before her and bowed down, as the man who had escorted me in stood at the back. After I stood for a few minutes, I simply walked to one of the seats and then sat on it. I had hardly crossed my legs when I started to glance at the decorations which were on the walls and on the floor. Now it was revealed to me that the inhabitants of this town were the water people and that beautiful lady was the nymph of that river, so they belonged to the fish race. The nymph and her attendants and guardsmen were very surprised, as I was not afraid of them at all, but they did not know that I had surrendered myself to all that might happen to me at that time.

  The decorations on the walls were stuffed goldfishes, polished large seashells, skulls of the sea animals, etc., and every part of those walls was twinkling like stars. The seats were also stuffed fishes and were as fresh as if they were still alive. The ruler, the nymph herself, was dressed in the skins of beautiful fishes. The skins were so highly refined that they were as smooth as very costly clothes. Some were shining like gold, some were twinkling like bright stars, and the top ones were shining steadily like diamonds. She sat on an armchair which had many carved sea creatures on top. She stretched her feet out on a well-polished skull of a big whale. Many big sea tortoises were walking about on the floor and the crown on her head was full of small, beautiful seashells.

  As far as I saw her, she was about thirty years old. Her eyes were very clear and her face was as fresh as the face of a fifteen-year-old girl. There were no scars or pimples on her cheeks or face and the hair of her head was not very dark, but, of course, probably the climate of that town had turned her hair like that. Her teeth were very white and very close to each other. Her nose was quite pointed, like that of an image. The slippers on her feet were made from the soft leather of a crocodile. She had a clear and lovely voice and her face always seemed as if she was kind and merciful.

  As I was still noticing all these things, another set of guardsmen walked in, and those whom I met in there walked out and those who had just come in took over the duty. Again, I noticed with this new set of the guardsmen that every one of them was a man of strong body, stout and fearful to see. The skull of a shark was on everyone’s head, and they wore aprons which were made from the skin of a fish, and the scaly skins of fishes were their purtises and gloves. Many of them held the tails of big fishes. Each of the tails was about four feet long and the width was about six inches and very thick indeed, and sharp thorns were lined up on both edges. Some of those who held long spears shielded their breasts with very big sea tortoise back shells. These were their uniforms. Every one of them was giant-like and cynical.

  As I sat on the chair facing the nymph, the queen of the river, I was still looking at the decorations and thinking also that no doubt I would leave this town with much wealth, the man who had brought me in there started to complain to the nymph that he brought me before her for punishment, because I struck his head when I jumped in the river when the only palm fruit which I could find had fallen into the river. That man had hardly complained to the nymph when all her guardsmen gathered at my back, ready to hold me. But the nymph hastily rang the bell on her side, asking them to leave me. Then with a very cool voice, she asked me, “Why did you strike him on the head?”

  So, before I started to reply, I first crossed my feet and sat very easy, as if I was in my house, and then I said, “In fact, I jumped in the river when the only palm fruit that I could get had fallen in the water. I did not know whether I had struck him on the head, but if it was so then it was by mistake.”

  She asked again, “Why did you jump into the river in pursuit of one palm fruit?” And those guardsmen were at attention and ready to hold me if the nymph gave them the order to do so.

  So I replied, “My work was to find the palm fruits for the people of the town of famine because they had nothing to eat, since the famine had started in their town and they had already leaned to bones.”

  When she heard the likes of that from me, she was so wonderful that she sat up and then asked again, “The famine was so serious that the people could only eat the palm fruits?”

  I said, “Yes. Even the palm fruits were not easy to get.”

  Then she and her guardsmen breathed out with wonder, and as she hesitated and was looking at me, the guardsmen looked at each other’s eyes with great wonder and then stood at ease. That showed me that they were in sympathy with me. So the nymph said suddenly, “Oh, no wonder, your appearance even shows that you are in a great famine because you are too lean.”

  But I hastily interrupted, “That town is not mine, but I went there to find treasure.”

  As she was about to ask me another question, one beautiful lady walked in that moment. She put one big basin in front of her and then she bowed down for the nymph and walked out. When the nymph removed the lid of that basin, it was roasted fish, and then she started to eat it as a refreshment. But I was very hungry, even before I was brought to her, so I stood up and walked to her, and without excuse I took some slices and then I walked back to my seat, and there I started to eat the fish bit by bit with greediness. Since the nymph was kind and merciful, she rang the bell at her side and after a few seconds one attendant walked in. Then she told her to take me to the dining room and give me food. So I walked out with that attendant. The attendant gave me the nice food, which I ate to my entire satisfaction. After that I went back to the nymph. Having discussed with me the famine for a while, she stood up and walked into one room opposite that sitting room. After a while she came back with one round box. It was very big, but one man could carry it from one place to another. It was sealed around. She gave it to me and then explained to me that, “This sealed box, ” she pointed finger to it “ will supply food and drinks of all kinds to you and the people of the town of famine throughout the period of the famine. But you and the people must be very careful not to break the delicate box. If you break it, it will not be able to supply anything to you anymore and all of you will be punished for it. Furthermore, if it is stolen away from you, all of you will be punished as well. And again, you must put in your mind always that you must not come back to me for anything as of today!”

  Having warned me like that, she rang the bell and the water-man who had brought me to her walked in. As he stood before her, she told him to take me back to where he had caught me. Then I put the
box on head. I thanked her greatly before I followed the water-man; some of the guardsmen led us a short distance before they went back. After a while we came to where that coffin was. Having put that box in it, I went inside the coffin. The water-man pushed it onto the river and then he entered it. To my surprise, he hardly covered it with its lid when the coffin started to run furiously on the water, and within a few seconds it floated to the very part of that river from which he had caught me before.

  My canoe was still driven here and there by the tides. Then, as soon as the coffin stopped closely to it, I put that box in it and then I started to paddle it along to the town of famine. The water-man did not talk to me until when he had brought me back to that river and returned to the nymph.

  When I paddled the canoe for about two hours I reached the bank of that river. Having tied up the canoe, I carried the box directly to the king. In the presence of the paramount chief the king removed the lid. To their surprise, they met several basins of a variety of food and one small spoon in it. But they did not believe me when I told them that the food would be sufficient to feed the whole people until whenever the famine was finished.

  Anyhow, the king put the box in his strong-room and he chose me to be serving the food to the people and to himself. I first served him and the paramount chief until they had satisfied their hunger, and then the whole people in the town were invited to the palace. The king told them that every one of them should go back to his or her house and bring a plate and spoon. Then the people ran back to their houses, and they returned with all these things after a few minutes. Then I began to serve each of them. The people ate and drank to their satisfaction, and yet the food and the drinks remained in that box as if I had not served from it.

  It was so the people and the king were eating and drinking to their satisfaction for three times daily for three months, and yet the food and the drinks remained as if nothing had touched them. And within a few weeks more, the people had forgotten the famine. They had enough muscles on bodies that they became as powerful as before the famine had started. They were able to walk about easily in the town, singing, dancing and laughing with great joy. They were so satisfied that they determined not to work again for their living.

  But news of that wonderful box had spread to many towns and villages and many people from those towns and villages had come to witness that box. So one midnight, a gang of night marauders came from one of those towns to the palace. When they came in and as they were trying to break and enter into the strong-room to steal the box away to their town, the king’s bugle-blowers, who were keeping watch of the gate of the palace, started to blow their bugles to wake the king and the other people in the palace. When the people and the king woke, they took clubs, cudgels, machetes, axes, bows and arrows, etc. They rushed to the marauders and I followed them with my machete in my hand. Then all of us started to beat them, but they beat us so mercilessly in return that everyone got wounds all over their bodies. They beat me until I fell down unconscious. Every part of my body was bleeding continuously. But, at last, when the arrows were shot to them continuously for a few minutes then they ran away for their lives.

  After the marauders had escaped, the king and some of the other people took me from the floor to one room. The king started to treat my wounds with medicine and all were healed within a few days. The marauders did not attempt to come to the palace for some weeks, but one of them whom we did not recognize at all came to the bugle-blowers. He tried all his possible best and made friends with them. He was so kind to them that they did not suspect him as one of the marauders. He was sitting with them from morning until evening. He was just spying the easiest way to get into the strong-room, in which the wonderful box was kept.

  Having satisfied himself, then he went back to his fellows and told them to be ready for another attempt to steal the box. In the very night that they were coming, he had come to the bugle-blowers before his marauders. He was playing with them as he was usually doing but he hid one bottle of thick honey under his dress. When he noticed that the bugle-blowers went to the palace to take their supper, he hastily filled their bugles with that thick honey and then hung them back on their usual rack before they came back.

  When they returned, he ate and drank with them, and after that he told them that he was going to visit another man in the next house. They did not know that immediately after he had left them, he went directly to the other marauders. He told them that it was time to go and burgle the strong-room. Then all of them came to the town and entered the palace through the other gate. As they were splitting the door of the strong-room with axes, the bugle-blowers woke and hastily took their bugles from the rack. But, when they put them in their mouths to blow them as a warning to the king and the people in the palace that the night marauders came again, the thick honey started to run from their bugles into their mouths. Therefore, they were unable to blow the bugles, but instead they were licking the honey and enjoying it as it was running into their mouths. It was so the marauders were breaking into the strong-room as hastily as they could.

  It was like that the room was broken into and the wonderful box, together with the king’s property, was taken, and then they left the town as quickly as possible. They had gone far away before the bugle-blowers were able to blow their bugles after they had licked the honey in their bugles. Anyhow, the king and the other people took up their weapons. Then we chased the marauders to catch them and take the box back from them, but they had gone too far away, and we did not see any trace of them.

  Then we came back to the palace, the king sat down on his throne and was thinking sorrowfully of what to eat in the morning. In the morning, when the people gathered in the front of the palace and were waiting for their breakfast, the king and his paramount chief told me to go back to the nymph for another wonderful box, but I explained to the king that the nymph had warned me already not to come back to her for anything, and had warned me as well that if the box was split or stolen away, we would be punished for it. The hungry people shouted all at once “Don’t tell us a lie! You must go back to her, and if you explain to her how the box was stolen from the strong-room, she would not refuse to give you another one!” Again, I insisted not to go back, but that time the king and the paramount chief said that if I refused to go back to the nymph, it meant I disobeyed their order, and therefore they would punish me, and the punishment was to behead me.

  Anyhow, I went back to that river, and as I was paddling the canoe along I came to the same spot from where the water-man had taken me to the nymph the other day. Then I willfully threw the paddle in the water with the hope that it would sink like that palm fruit, when the paddle did not sink, I jumped into the water. I had hardly dived in when the same water-man held both my feet and pulled me deeply into the water before he put me inside the same coffin, and within a few minutes it took us to the town of the nymph. Then the water-man took me before her like the first time. He complained to her that he caught me again when I struck his head with my feet.

  But the nymph grew annoyed when she saw me there again. Instead of saying anything to the complaint of the water-man, she asked me, “Had I not told you last time not to come here again?”

  I replied with a trembling voice, “In fact you had told me not to come to you again. But, I come back to take another wonderful box in which everlasting food and drinks are kept!”

  Having heard that from me, she became more angry and asked, “By the way, what has happened to the one which I had given to you the other day?” I replied that the night marauders had stolen it away from the king’s strong-room a few days ago. Then she remarked with fearful voice, “Is that how you people are, careless? I had warned you that you should keep the box so safely that it might not be stolen. All right, I shall send another thing to the king which will teach all of you sense!”

  Then she stood up and entered the same room opposite the sitting-room as before. I was very happy when she told me that she would send another thing to us which w
ould teach us sense. After a while, she returned with one huge sealed pot. When gave it to me, she told me that I should open it when the whole people and the king gathered into one place. Then I thanked her greatly, for I believed that this pot was going to supply the food and drinks like that box. So when I was ready to leave, she rang the bell for the same water-man and he walked in at the same time. As he bowed down for her, she told him to take me back with the same coffin. Having taken me back to where he had caught me, I put the pot in my canoe and I paddled it to the bank, and from there I carried the pot to the town.

  The hungry people and the king, who had already gathered in the front of the palace and were waiting for my return, shouted greatly with joy when they saw the pot on my head. When I gave it to the king and he put it in the middle of the people, I told him how he should open it. So he first told the people to bring their plates nearer and then he forced it open.

  But an uncountable number of bees, wasps and all kinds of stinging insects rushed out from it instead of food and drinks. Without hesitation, these insects started to sting all of us. Within a few minutes many people were stung to death, and that place was disordered all at once. Everyone was running skelter-helter for his or her life. And at last, as the king was running away for his life, the crown fell off from his head, but he was unable to wait and take it back. So, almost all the people of the town of famine had run away for their lives. When the town was empty, then I took my gun, hunting-bag and machete and I started to go back to my village. I could not wait to tell the king to fulfill his promise, but, of course, he too was nowhere to be found.

  After a few days’ travel, I reached my village and I entered my father’s house very quietly, but not as joyfully as my last three journeys which had profited me greatly. Then the people rushed to my house to honour my return, but they were greatly shocked when they noticed that I did not bring anything this time. Having told them all what had happened to me in the town of famine, some cautioned me not to go on any journey again, and some advised me not to give up my adventures because time was not always as straight as a straight line and that one who was finding goodness about must endanger his life and must be able to endure all hardships as well. Then I thanked them greatly. After that I sent for drinks and all of us drank together until midnight.