“With God’s grace,” Michael replied. “And with His strength. We’ll get through it like we did the past six years. He brought us through it and took only one of us home. He must have plans for the three of us He left here on earth.”
Quinn had so much he wanted to say to Michael, to tell him about what he’d gone through. It would be such a relief to talk to someone who really understood. Unfortunately, that would have to wait. They had a funeral to attend.
The pastor of the church came in and told them the service would be starting soon. The young man they’d met earlier came to them again and took them into the sanctuary. A section had been reserved for them, right behind the family pews.
The casket was closed but on top of it rested a large picture of Kevin. A younger version since the picture had been taken before he’d been captured.
Quinn glanced around behind them. The sanctuary was filled with people, there to pay tribute to a man who’d paid the ultimate price for serving his God.
Quinn felt Cassie press against his arm as she whispered to him, “Are you okay?”
He looked down into her soft blue eyes, saw the concern there and appreciated it. “I’m…I’m okay.”
Her hand rested on his arm and he covered it with his own. Quinn felt her tense briefly but she didn’t pull away. It was if she knew, even though they hadn’t discussed their future yet, that at that moment, he needed her strength.
Quinn kept that physical connection with her throughout the service. When they stood to sing, he’d held her hand in his and had continued to hold it. Later they’d talk about their future but right then he just needed her beside him.
*****
It surprised Cassie to look at her watch and see that the funeral had lasted over two hours. The service had touched and moved her and many of those in attendance. There had been hymns, many of them noted as Kevin’s favorites. Poems read by his children. His eldest son read the eulogy. Kevin’s pastor gave a message of hope and redemption.
The most emotional moment was when Michael shared about their time together. Cassie found it hard to watch him struggle with his own emotions and there was not a dry eye in the sanctuary. Even from a distance Cassie could see how Michael trembled behind the podium.
“I want to share the verse that Kevin and I clung to through our years of captivity. It’s found in Hebrews, chapter ten, verse twenty-three. It talks about us holding fast to the profession of our faith. About not wavering. Believing that God is faithful. Kevin did indeed hold fast to his faith and God was faithful. How I wish I could have been at Kevin’s side to hear the Lord say to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant.’ For indeed, Kevin was a good and faithful servant up to the very moment the Lord took him home.
“I was there with Kevin when his earthly journey ended. We sang together, not knowing for sure how that day was going to end for either of us. In the blink of an eye, he moved from this world to see the face of his Savior.”
He bowed his head and cleared his throat. When he lifted his head, his eyes were closed and in the hush of the sanctuary, began to sing.
“Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!”
As he moved through the first verse to the chorus, Cassie couldn’t hold her tears. Then he began the second verse, his beautiful tenor voice cracking slightly.
“Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels, descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.”
Tears slid down Michael’s cheeks as he opened his eyes and lifted his hands as he sang the chorus again.
“This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.”
Sniffles could be heard throughout the room as Michael ended the song. He didn’t bother to wipe the tears from his face as he looked down at the picture on the casket.
“Though we are sad now, we will meet again with great rejoicing in the place where pain and tears have no hold. Thank you for your faithful example to me. I love you, Brother.”
Shakily Michael made his way down the steps to where the casket was. He laid a hand on the top and bowed his head. Cassie couldn’t contain the tears again as she watched Michael mourn his friend. How different his attitude was from Quinn’s when he’d first arrived home.
Cassie glanced up at Quinn and saw a single wet trail along his cheek. Automatically she reached up and brushed it away with her fingertips. Quinn looked down at her and for the first time Cassie could recall since his arrival, his eyes were filled with emotion. The grief there was almost unbearable to look at. Cassie leaned her head against his arm and gripped his hand more tightly.
She and Quinn along with Aaron, Cecily, David, Michael and their wives were included in the brief service at the cemetery. It was only for the family and close friends.
Aaron parked the car in the lot at the cemetery and together they walked across the green grass to join Mary Alice at the graveside. Cassie clung to Quinn’s arm knowing this would be the hardest part of the day. Nothing was as final as lowering someone into the earth.
Mary Alice wept softly as the pastor gave a brief message. She leaned on her oldest son, a single rose clutched in her hand.
Cassie’s knees went weak. It could have been her. She could have been the one standing at an open grave, Jani by her side.
Without thinking, Cassie reached out for Quinn again. She slipped her arm around his waist and grabbed a handful of the fabric of his suit coat to steady herself. His arm came around her shoulders and pulled her against his side. Trying to keep the tears at bay, Cassie rested her head on his chest as she watched Mary Alice and each of her children drop their roses on the casket as it was lowered into the ground.
The pastor asked that the immediate family be left alone for a few minutes to say their final goodbyes. Cassie was grateful to be finally leaving the graveside. Quinn continued to offer her support as they walked back towards the cars with the others.
“If you are interested, I reserved a small room at a restaurant near here,” David said as they stood in the warm Florida sunshine waiting for the family. “I thought it would be good for us to spend some time together. We might not get another chance since we’ll be going our separate ways after today.”
“I’d like that,” Quinn said immediately, surprising Cassie with his apparent eagerness to meet with the men.
“Aaron, you and Cecily are welcome to join us as well. You’ve been a great support and friend to us all these years.”
“We’d love to join you.”
They waited to say goodbye to the family.
Mary Alice looked exhausted. “Thank you so much for coming. I wish we could spend more time with all of you but our family needs a little time alone together.”
“We certainly understand,” Aaron assured her. “Please don’t hesitate to give us a call if you need anything.”
Tears sprang to Mary Alice’s eyes. “You’ve been such a good friend, Aaron. You too, Cecily. I can’t ever thank you enough for all you’ve done.”
She hugged Aaron and then Cecily but the hugs didn’t stop there. Finally they’d all had a chance to say goodbye to Mary Alice. She waved as she turned to join her family near the long black limo they’d come in. Once they had left, the others got in their cars and went to the restaurant.
“I hope you don’t mind, and please tell me if you do, but I’d really like it if the three of us men could spend some time together talking. The room is big enough we can sit at a different table.” David turned to his wife. “Maybe you women would enjoy talking with each other too.”
Cassie was glad that Quinn was going to have the opportunity to talk with these men. It would be good for them to share experiences and to talk with the only other people who truly understood what they’d gone through.
They ate their meal
s at different tables but then joined together for coffee and dessert. The conversation was light and at times humorous. Cassie’s heart lifted when Quinn laughed at something Aaron said. He looked relaxed; the lines of tension around his eyes had eased.
Looking at him now gave Cassie hope that perhaps this whole experience would make him think twice about the decisions he had made. Maybe he would see that the Lord could truly work through tragedy and that He had a plan for Quinn’s life. He had been spared. Cassie hoped he didn’t waste his second chance.
Reluctantly the group separated as they left the restaurant. Michael and Susan were returning to California that evening. David and Emily were also leaving that evening but were going to Seattle. Aaron and Cecily, like Cassie and Quinn, were leaving the next afternoon.
Back at the hotel they went to their own rooms, eager for a chance to relax. Cassie slipped off her heels as soon as she walked into the suite, sinking her toes into the thick carpet. She took off her jacket to reveal the silk tank beneath and dropped down onto the couch. Rotating her ankles, Cassie watched Quinn peel off his jacket and draped it on a chair and tugged his tie loose.
His white shirt stretched across his shoulders as he reached to get a container of juice from the small fridge. He had filled out in the past couple of months but very little of it was fat. His regular physical work at her house and Renee’s ensured he got plenty of exercise along with the larger amount of food he was eating.
Cassie allowed herself to think about how it had felt to be so close to Quinn earlier. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. How she wished that closeness was the norm for them instead of the exception. Over the past six years she’d missed having someone to lean on, to offer her strength and comfort. She was so glad he hadn’t turned her away when she had needed him.
“Cass?”
Cassie felt the couch beside her give. She opened her eyes and turned her head to see Quinn sitting on the other end of the couch. The talk. Tension flooded her. She sat up straight, all hope of relaxing gone.
“Can we talk?” Quinn asked, looking a bit wary.
Cassie wondered what he’d do if she said no but she didn’t. Instead she nodded, not trusting her voice.
“I’ll be right back.” He got up and went to his room, reappearing a few moments later with a padded envelope in his hand. Cassie recognized it as the one that had come in the mail earlier that week.
"I'm not quite sure where to begin," Quinn said, shifting the envelope in his hands. "This week quite a few things came together for me. What I got in the envelope, talking to the men earlier and this funeral have helped me come to a big realization."
Cassie watched as he opened the envelope and pulled out a smaller one. Opening it he dumped something into his hand. He stared at it for a moment before stretching his hand toward her. Trembling, Cassie held out her hand and he placed it in her palm.
Puzzled, Cassie drew her hand back and stared at what lay there. A ring. More precisely, Quinn's ring. His wedding ring. Cassie couldn't believe her eyes. Carefully she picked it up and looked inside the band. Looked for the proof that it really was his. “Cassandra” was engraved on the inner part of the band. It was indeed Quinn's.
Cassie looked up at him. "How did you get this? I thought it was taken from you during your captivity."
Quinn nodded. "It was. When we were first taken hostage the guy in charge of the group that took me took it from me. I assumed he'd sold it."
"And he hadn't?" Cassie asked, still amazed at what she held in her hand.
"That's what this package was. He contacted a missionary and explained who he was. When the missionary realized what was happening, he set up his video camera to record this guy's story." Quinn settled back against the couch. "He said that he had planned to sell the ring. He needed the money for his family but he just couldn't. By the time he got to a place that would buy it from him he'd gotten to know me. In that first year I witnessed as much as I could to my captors. He was one that I spoke to the most.
"It wasn't until he returned to his home and thought more about what I’d told him that he began to search until he found a group of believers. There he found his answers and, remembering what I had told him, accepted Christ. Once he'd done that he knew he couldn't sell the ring. Instead he tried to find where the captors held me but it seemed that the rebel group suspected he would help me escape. Like I said, we'd spent a lot of time together. I think they thought he was too friendly with me. That was one of the reasons they replaced him.
"He finally heard the news of my release and knew I wouldn't be in the country anymore. That was when he started asking around for missionaries and finally found this missionary. He went to a lot of trouble but the missionary on this video said that he believed the Lord was leading his every step."
"I'm still having trouble believing it." Cassie looked down at the ring again. Her mind was in turmoil. What did this mean? Was Quinn just sharing this with her before he dropped the news of his plan for divorce? Or was there something else on his mind?
"I thought having it back would make you happy."
Cassie's fingers clenched the ring, the edges of it bit into her palm. She didn't want it back. She wanted to see it on Quinn's finger once again.
She held out her hand. Quinn leaned forward and caught the ring as she opened her fist. Softly she said, "I don't want the ring."
"What?" Quinn looked down at the ring and then back at her, puzzlement evident on his face. "I thought you'd be thrilled that the ring wasn't sold, that we got it back."
Cassie looked at him. Could he really think that a ring was more important to her than him? Did he think that she would be happy with a ring when their marriage was falling apart?
"I'm glad you got the ring back. I'm glad that man became a Christian. That your witness led someone to the Lord."
"Then I don't understand. You just said you didn't want the ring."
Cassie stood and went to the window, looking out at the city beyond.
She felt a hand on her shoulder but didn't turn to face Quinn. "Cassie, I don't understand."
"Neither do I, actually. Was this all you wanted to talk to me about?" Cassie continued to stare out the window.
"No, I wanted to talk to you about something else. Can you sit down so I can tell you about it?"
Cassie took a deep breath and returned to the couch. Here it comes, was all she could think.
"I talked at length with David today about his experience coming back to reality after captivity. It was unreal how much difference talking to someone who's been there makes. He understood things that I couldn't even put into words. He understood my anger. My confusion. My frustration. For the first time I was talking with someone who had been there."
Cassie felt like she was off-balance. Just when she thought she knew what was going to happen, Quinn threw another twist into the scenario.
"I can’t thank him enough for what he’s done. For listening but also for helping me see that I need to move forward. I need to put the past behind me and focus on the future. By focusing so much on the past I was sacrificing my future.
"I've also been going to a counselor, two of them in fact."
"You have?" Cassie asked, the news taking her totally by surprise. "When?"
"Usually during the day when you were at work."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Cassie was torn between surprise and hurt. Why had he felt it necessary to hide that from her?
Quinn shifted on the couch. "I wasn't sure it was going to make any difference. I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up if I couldn't make any progress with them."
"And did you?" Cassie asked. "Make progress?"
Quinn nodded. "I think so. I don’t think I could have faced this trip and the funeral without the sessions I’ve had so far."
Cassie leaned back on the couch. She closed her eyes for a moment just trying to take in everything Quinn was telling her and trying to figure out where it was going.
"Ar
e you okay, Cassie?" Quinn asked after she'd sat there for a few moments.
Cassie opened her eyes. "I'm okay. I'm happy for you, Quinn. That you've managed to work through stuff. I hope whatever future you choose brings you happiness."
Quinn stared at her for a moment, his gaze narrowed. "I must say this isn't quite the reaction I had anticipated from you."
"I'm not sure what sort of reaction I should have, Quinn." Cassie looked down at her hands. "I guess I really don't know what you're saying. I'm waiting to hear about Mandy."
"Mandy?" Quinn looked surprised. "How do you know about her?"
Cassie's stomach tightened. "I saw you having lunch with her at the deli one day and then you mentioned her in passing."
Quinn looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yes I guess we were in the deli together."
"I just don't want to prolong this any longer, Quinn. If you've decided that you want the divorce so you can be with her, just say so. Dragging this out is killing me." Cassie let out a puff of breath. Finally it was out in the open.
Quinn stared at her, eyes wide but suddenly they narrowed and Cassie could have sworn she saw a flash of anger in them. "What are you talking about? You think I'd be involved with another woman when we still haven't discussed where our relationship was going? You don't know me at all."
"That's certainly true," Cassie agreed. "I don't know the person you are now. At different times I've thought I did but then you'd say or do something that would make me realize that I really don't." Cassie rubbed her forehead. "I don't know what you would or wouldn't do. You came back home a different man. A man who'd lost his faith and apparently his love for me. What was I supposed to think?"
Quinn stood. "I need to get out of here. We'll finish this later."
Cassie covered her face as she heard the door of the suite close behind Quinn. The tears she'd been struggling to hold back finally flowed. Grief filled the corners of her heart; pain gripped every cell in her body. She shouldn’t have let fear rule her! Even as the words had come out of her mouth she knew they were wrong.
Everything seemed to crystallize in her mind, turning her confusion to stark clarity. Quinn had not been planning a divorce. He’d been planning to talk about reuniting. As Cassie thought of all Quinn had told her and all she’d experienced with him over the past day she could clearly see he had been drawing closer, not pulling away. But she had blown it all by accusing him of something she knew, deep down she had really known, he would never do.
Faith Hope and Love Page 20