Fear and pain warred for upper hand within her. Fear that she’d lost Quinn for good and pain at that very thought. Surely he would give her another chance. At that point she didn’t deserve one, but she hoped he would.
Please God, let him give me another chance.
There was a touch on her shoulder. "Cassie?"
The touch more than her name brought her out of her little world of pain. She looked up to see Quinn hunkered down in front of her.
"Quinn?" Her voice cracked. "Oh Quinn, I'm so sorry. I never should have thought what I did. I'm so sorry."
She searched his face for the anger she'd seen earlier, but it wasn't there. Instead she saw gentleness in his eyes and when he smiled it too was gentle.
"I'm sorry too, Cass." He reached for her hands and held them in his. "I reacted without looking at the bigger picture. You didn't know what was going on in my head, in my heart."
"But I should have known, I do know, that you would never behave like I assumed. You're too good a man for that, even the changed you."
"Let me explain, okay?" Quinn didn't release her hands, nor did he move from his position in front of her even though it must have been uncomfortable. "I know I said no to counseling before but I was beginning to feel like a boat with no oars or sails. I had no direction, no idea of what I wanted for the future. Then a couple of things happened with you and Jani that made me realize that I couldn't just brush off my family, no matter how I felt I had changed."
His thumbs rubbed the backs of her hands. "I didn't want to lose you, even though I thought you deserved better than what I could offer. I was not even close to being the man you'd married and at first I couldn't see that it didn't seem to matter to you, that you were willing to work on our marriage regardless. When I finally saw that for myself I knew I needed help, but I didn't tell you because I wanted to make sure it was something I could do. I didn't want you to get your hopes up that everything would be right between us only to find out I just couldn't work through things like I'd hoped."
Cassie had questions whirling around in her head but didn't know which one to put into words. Fortunately, Quinn didn't seem to want her questions just then.
"The woman you saw me with was Amanda Taylor. She and her husband Steve have been working with me." He smiled wryly and shook his head. "The funny thing about that day you saw us was that I was in the deli hoping to see you."
Cassie's eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat. "See me?"
Quinn nodded. "I knew that sometimes you went there for lunch. I went on a hunch that because it was Friday you might stop by. I just wanted to surprise you. I guess I did but not in the way I'd hoped. When I walked in I spotted Mandy there waiting for Steve. She called me over and I sat down to talk for a few minutes. I got distracted and must have missed you coming in and getting your order. I'm so sorry. Even if Mandy weren't married, she's nice but she isn't you."
"Oh Quinn," Cassie whispered through trembling lips. "So you’re saying you want us to be a family? A real family?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying, if you'll forgive me for the foolishness I put you through when I first came home. I don't know that it will be easy because I'm still trying to deal with stuff but I'm hoping that with you standing by my side I'll be able to get through it."
"That's the only place I ever wanted to be, Quinn. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. Over the years you were held I went through counseling myself and talked with the wives of other men who'd been held hostage and released. I was prepared to do whatever was necessary to put our lives back together again. I'm just so glad we get that chance again."
Quinn drew her hands together and looked at her seriously. "I love you, Cassie. There were times when I thought I'd never be able to say those words to you again. Then foolishly I didn't take advantage of finally being able to hold you again and tell you that. How could I have ever doubted that I loved you still? You burrowed your way into my heart all those years ago and there's just no getting you out."
Tears streamed down Cassie's face. The panic and fear had long since fled replaced by a wondrous peace and overwhelming joy. "Oh Quinn, I love you too. A piece of me has been missing since that terrible morning. My heart hasn't been whole since you were taken, and I was so afraid it never would be again."
Quinn stood and pulled her up with him. He released her hands to capture her face and tilt it up. "My sunshine. I've missed you."
Slowly Quinn's head lowered and for the first time in six years Cassie felt the loving kiss of her husband. A sob escaped her lips, breaking the kiss. She buried her head in his shoulder, the sobs growing stronger. Quinn's arms wrapped tightly around her and pulled her close to him.
Cassie didn't know how long they had stood there when the sobs finally abated and she lifted her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry like that. All of it just finally caught up with me. You're really home and our family is whole again. I'm so grateful."
This time she was the one who reached for him. As their lips she whispered, "I love you, Quinn. Forever."
*****
The water lapped gently against the rock. The moonlight created swirling pools of gold on the lake. Winter was coming and the wind that blew across the lake was biting but they were bundled up and didn't mind the cold.
Quinn sat with his arms wrapped around Cassie. Under them was a thick blanket and another one was wrapped around them with Cassie holding it tightly shut in front. Quinn felt emotions he'd long thought dead. It was like a major thawing had occurred over the past twenty-four hours. Everything had flooded his heart. And he'd come to a place of peace with God too.
Cassie had helped him see that through his witness a man had been saved. And in turn this man would hopefully share the gospel with others and the word of God would spread. At times it seemed a high price to pay for just one man's salvation but Quinn had come to realize that if God had been willing to give His son's life for him, he could give six years of his life for this one man.
He'd never have those six years back but what counted now was what he did with the years he had ahead of him. Right now he was concentrating on his marriage and getting to know his wife all over again.
They'd come up to the cabin the day they’d gotten back from Florida. Renee had gladly agreed to keep Jani until they came back to the city on Sunday night. It was important to spend this time alone with just the two of them.
Quinn leaned forward and buried his face in Cassie's neck, inhaling her special scent. He felt her pull the blanket tighter, her hands close to where his lay on her waist. Her fingers brushed his ring and stilled. Quinn felt her rub it and wondered if she was remembering how she slipped it back on his finger the night before. Or was she remembering when she'd put it on his finger for the first time. Both memories were equally memorable and special.
For Quinn the second time was even more important even though it had been done with only the two of them present and not the crowd of witnesses like the first time. To Quinn that time signified that they had already been through the worst and were still willing to go on together. And they would go on together.
They'd been sitting at the water's edge for thirty minutes but Quinn was ready to go in. "My blood's not as thick as it used to be," he explained to Cassie. "We can watch from the loft. From the bed."
Quinn heard her swift intake of breath and grinned. Cassie released the blanket and they stood on the rock and gathered up the blankets. Arm and arm they walked back to the cabin and to the beginning of their life together. For a second time.
Epilogue
Cassie stepped through the doorway and paused, looking around the room. Slight indentations in the carpet were the only evidence of the furniture that had once filled the room. Bare walls stood stark now that the pictures had been packed away. Where photos had once filled the mantel there was only empty space.
It should have made her sad, but it didn’t.
Home is where the heart is. How true that saying was to Cassie and it of
fered her comfort. She was leaving the place she’d called home for her whole life. If the house could have talked it would have told of the happiness, the tears and the joy that had flowed through its rooms. Now it was time for someone else to fill the house with memories. Cassie hoped they would find as much happiness living there as she had.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” An arm slipped around her shoulders.
Cassie looked up at Quinn and smiled. “I’m fine. Just saying goodbye to an old friend.”
“Do you regret selling the house? We could have rented it.” Quinn touched a finger to her cheek.
“No. We’ve committed the rest of our lives to the Lord, and I’m confident this is not where He means us to spend it. This is just a house. I will take the memories with me, in my heart.”
A whimper from the baby in her arms immediately set her to swaying. She looked at the tiny face, cheeks chubby and pink with health. Baby Luke, the child she had prayed so many years for. God had finally answered that prayer and allowed her and Quinn to experience the joy of welcoming a new child into the world together. He was now just over six months old.
During the past two years they had spent much time in counseling, even more time in prayer and reveled in their renewed love. It was all Cassie had hoped for, and more. Quinn was truly free in all ways from the captors that had held him for those six years. He’d never forget that time, but it didn’t hold him captive the way it once had. He’d finished his book and had it published. There had been a whirlwind book tour and now they were setting out on another journey, the next chapter of their lives.
In three hours she, Quinn, Jani and Luke would be boarding a plane that would take them around the world to Asia. What they hadn’t packed into two crates to be shipped to their new home had been given away or sold. The only things that tied them to Minneapolis now were Renee and Esther. And while they would visit, it would probably never again be home.
Cassie’s heart and thoughts were already focused on the new place she would be creating into a home for her family. She and Quinn would fill roles similar to those they had had in Colombia. God had brought them so far already, Cassie couldn’t wait to see what He had in store for them in the future.
“Auntie’s here,” Jani, now eight years old, said as she joined them. “It’s time to go.”
Cassie handed Luke to Quinn and, with one last look around the room, she stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her. Carefully she locked it and then gave the key to Renee to pass onto the realtor.
While the goodbyes with friends and family were sad, Cassie held fast to the unfailing love of God, embracing the comfort it offered. She was secure in the knowledge that He would never leave them nor forsake them, no matter where in the world they went.
*****
Faith Hope and Love Page 21