Let Them Eat Fruitcake

by Melody Carlson

  “And you’re dating both of them?”

  Anna sank down in the club chair across from Megan. She still had her coat on and her cell phone in hand. “Not exactly. But sort of.”

  “That sounds tricky,” said Megan.

  Anna nodded. “Yes. And I don’t think I’m really cut out for it. That’s why I hid out at my parents’ tonight.”

  “To escape the guys?”

  “Yes. I don’t know what to do, Megan.” Anna felt close to tears now. “I’m so confused.”

  “For starters, why don’t you take off your coat?” suggested Megan. “Then tell me what’s going on.”

  Megan hung up Anna’s coat while she quickly replayed the whole thing. “The weird part is that everyone in my family seems to be opposed to Jake.”

  “Because he hurt you?”

  “Yes. And then, of course, Gil likes Edmond.”

  “Edmond is a great guy, Anna.”

  “I know, I know.”

  “But you still have feelings for Jake.”

  “I guess I never stopped.”

  Megan’s brow creased like she was trying to figure something out. “So how do you feel when you’re with Jake?”

  “How do I feel?” Anna thought hard about it. “Well, sort of nervous, you know, because we’re not technically back together.”

  “But is it a good nervous?”

  “I’m not sure. I mean I kind of get butterflies in my stomach. But I also feel kind of edgy and uncertain. And I suppose I’ve got my guard up.”

  “That seems normal.”

  “To be honest, I still feel hurt for the way he dumped me.”

  “But he’s apologized?”

  “Yes. Several times.”

  “Do you worry that something like that could happen again? That he might leave you for someone else?”

  Anna pressed her lips together and thought hard about this. “Yes, I think so.”

  “Well, I suppose that’s normal too.”

  “I suppose.”

  “And how do you feel when you’re with Edmond?”

  Anna considered this. “Well, up until Jake popped back into my life, I thought I felt pretty good.”

  “Like how do you mean?”

  “Edmond makes me happy. He makes me feel safe. And I know I can trust him.”

  “But no butterflies?”

  Anna giggled. “Actually, I do get butterflies with Edmond too. But it’s not the same as with Jake. Maybe it’s because Jake was my first love.”

  “Or maybe it’s because Jake’s more risky,” suggested Megan.

  “Risky?”

  “You know, like a bad boy.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Sorry,” said Megan. “I probably sound like I’m trying to psychoanalyze you.”

  “Actually, it’s helpful. It makes me think about things differently.”

  Megan smiled. “Well, some girls would love to have your problem.”

  “What?”

  “Like Kendall, for instance.” Megan chuckled. “She acts all aggravated about the phone calls, but I think she’s just jealous.”

  “Kendall, jealous of me?”

  “I think she wishes she had two guys calling for her, too.”

  Anna shook her head. “Not me. It’s too stressful.”

  “So are you going to call them back?”

  “Not tonight. I need some time to think about everything.”

  “Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

  “I hope so.” But as Anna went to her room, she didn’t feel very hopeful. There was a tight knot in her stomach, and it wasn’t from her mom’s cooking, either. If only for her own sake, Anna needed to resolve this thing as soon as possible. She was just not the kind of girl who could casually juggle boyfriends and not get an ulcer from it.

  Eleven

  Lelani

  “Oh, Gil, that is absolutely perfect!” Lelani clapped her hands as he held up a pink fuzzy one-piece bunting with satin-lined bunny ears. “Perfect for here, that is.” She frowned. “But way too hot for Maui.”

  “Oh, yeah.” He hung it back on the rack. “Sorry, I forgot about the climate thing.”

  “Me too.”

  It felt odd to be shopping for baby things. And even stranger to be doing it with Gil. But at the same time it was fun. Gil brought a whole new perspective to everything, including her life. Being with Gil made Lelani feel hopeful, although feeling hopeful also made her a little nervous.

  “Hey, Gil.” A pretty blond woman in the crib section waved to them.

  “Camille!” Gil waved back. “Come here, Lelani,” he said, tugging on her arm. “I want you to meet someone.”

  “Hey, Gil,” said a guy who joined them. He had dark curly hair and appeared to be Latino. And as Lelani got closer to this couple, she realized the woman was very pregnant.

  “Lelani, this is my cousin Brad and his wife, Camille.” Gil smiled nervously. “And this is my, uh, my friend Lelani.”

  Lelani put the pink dress she was holding into her left hand, then shook hands with the couple. “Pleasure to meet you.” She smiled at Camille. “When are you due?”

  “Last week,” said Camille with a weary sigh.

  “We came to the mall to walk around, just hoping she’d go into real labor,” said Brad.

  “Not that it’s working.” Camille put both hands on her back and shook her head.

  “Have you been having false labor?” asked Lelani.

  Camille’s eyes got large. “How did you know?”

  “Lelani was going to med school,” said Gil.

  Relieved at his quickness, Lelani nodded. “Yes. Obstetrics was one of my strong interests. That and pediatrics.”

  “But you’re baby shopping too?” asked Brad.

  “Trying to find something for a friend’s baby,” said Gil with a relaxed smile. “For Christmas.”

  “That’s a sweet dress,” said Camille. “We’re having a boy.”

  “Well, congratulations,” said Gil. “I missed you guys at Maria’s wedding.”

  “We were all ready to go,” said Brad.

  “Then I thought I was in labor.”

  “So I grabbed the baby bags and we shot off to the hospital.”

  “And three hours later, the doctor sent me home.”

  “Was that false labor too?” asked Lelani.

  “Yeah. Now I’m worried I won’t be able to tell when it’s the real thing,” said Camille. “I mean I keep having those little squeezes and I think they’re contractions. But the doctor called them braxton something or other.”

  “Braxton-hicks,” supplied Lelani. “And that could be true, or you might really be in early labor. Unfortunately some labors can go on for quite a while.”

  “How long?” asked Camille with fearful eyes.

  “It just depends, but I’ll bet you’re very close,” Lelani assured her. “Try not to think about it unless they start coming closer together, then you can time them. Unless, of course, your water breaks, then you’ll know you’re in labor. The good news is that all those contractions are getting your muscles in shape to give birth—you’ll probably have a great delivery.”

  Camille brightened now. “Gee, this was even better than going to the obstetrician. He’s always in such a hurry, and then I get flustered and I forget what I want to ask him.”

  “Well, good luck,” said Lelani. “I’m sure you’ll do great.”

  “Thanks,” said Brad.

  “Let me know how it goes,” added Gil.

  “Oh, yeah,” said Brad. “I already got a nice box of It’s a Boy cigars.”

  She and Gil watched as the couple slowly walked away. “W
ow, you were good just now,” he told Lelani.

  “Hey, I was thinking the same about you. Fast thinking about your friend’s baby.”

  “Well, that was the truth.”

  She considered this. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “But your medical advice was great, Lelani. You sounded like a real professional.”

  She kind of laughed. “Well, the truth is I had a lot of premature labor too. But I didn’t want to say that.”

  “Anyway, I think you made Camille feel better.”

  “It’s a scary time,” she admitted. “I mean right before your baby’s born. You’re nervous about your unborn child, and no matter how much you read, you don’t really know what to expect when you go into labor. But at least Camille has Brad by her side. He seems like a good guy.”

  “He is.” Gil studied her for a moment. “So, did you have someone with you when Emma was born?”

  “My mother offered, but when the time came … well, I just went in by myself. I didn’t call my parents until it was over.”

  “Wow, you’re a brave woman.”

  “Or just dumb.”

  “No, you’re not dumb.” He firmly shook his head. “Definitely not.”

  Lelani wanted to point out that she’d been dumb to get pregnant. Dumb to trust a guy who turned out to be a liar and a jerk. Dumb to let her parents push her around. Dumb to drop out of med school. Dumb to not even attempt being a mother. Dumb, dumb, dumb. She wondered why Gil didn’t see it.

  But, as usual, she pushed these thoughts away, focusing instead on finding Christmas presents for Emma and her parents.

  “Let’s look at toys,” suggested Gil after Lelani purchased the little dress and a dainty pair of white Mary Jane shoes.

  “Toys?” Lelani frowned. “But she’s a baby.”

  “I thought you said she was almost seven months old.”

  “Yes, but that’s still a baby.”

  “There are baby toys.”

  “How do you know so much about this?”

  He laughed. “I pay attention.”

  As it turned out, he was right. There were baby toys. All kinds of things. But Lelani was very careful in her selections. She didn’t want to send anything that wasn’t safe. “You’re sure a baby couldn’t choke on this?” she asked the salesgirl.

  “See on the box,” pointed out the girl. “Safe for zero to twelve months.”

  “Yes, but …”

  “They test these toys,” the girl said.

  “What about lead?” asked Gil.

  “Those have all been recalled,” said the girl impatiently. “Ages ago.”

  Even so, Gil read the back of the box to see where the toy had been manufactured. Finally satisfied, he handed it back to Lelani. “Seems safe enough.”

  She grinned at him. “You would make a great dad.” But even as she said this, she wanted to take it back. It had come out all wrong. It sounded like a hint. Lelani took her things to the counter and focused on paying the clerk, chatting absently about Christmas and asking when it had last snowed in Portland.

  “We did have snow last year,” the girl said as she handed Lelani the bag. “But it was in February.”

  “That’s right,” said Gil. “And it was followed by freezing rain, which turned the city into a huge mess.”

  The girl nodded. “Yeah, it was bad. Wrecks all over the place.”

  “I guess I’m glad I don’t drive,” admitted Lelani as she and Gil left the toy store.

  “If you really want to see snow, there are other ways.”

  “You mean the ski resorts?”

  “Yeah. Timberline and Mount Hood Meadows are both open. I could take you up there sometime.”

  “But I don’t know how to ski.”

  “I don’t either, but we could just go up for the fun of it.”

  “That’d be great, Gil. I just really want to see snow before I go home.”

  Gil was quiet as they walked through the parking lot. Then after they were in the truck, he spoke up. “So, Lelani, do you think you’ll go back to Maui to live? I mean eventually, like after your year’s lease is up?”

  “That was the plan. My parents made me promise to take a year off to figure out my life.” She shook her head. “Although I think a year was more than I needed.”

  “Oh.”

  Now Lelani felt bad. Still, she didn’t know what to say. She was simply being honest. If Gil couldn’t handle that, well, there wasn’t much she could do about it.

  “Anyway,” he said as he drove across town. “Let me know when you’d like to go see snow. Saturdays are probably the best for me.”

  “It’d be fun to go before Christmas,” she said. “I mean if it’s not too much trouble.”

  “No trouble at all. Let’s see, there are only two Saturdays before Christmas. Which do you want to shoot for?”

  “Maybe next,” she suggested. “I think the weekend before Christmas might be busy, getting things ready for our Christmas party.”

  “Speaking of that, I tried to give my mother a little heads-up warning that Anna and I might have other plans.”

  “Was she okay with it?”

  “I’m not sure. She’s been acting differently the past couple of days. I’d like to think it’s because I told her that she needs to let her children grow up. Maybe she’s just pouting and will be back to her old bossy self before long.”

  “You like her to be bossy?”

  He chuckled. “Well, I guess I’m used to it. We all are. Not that we do what she wants.”

  “At least your mother is out in the open with it,” said Lelani. “Not like my parents.”

  “Yes, you usually know where you stand with my mom.”

  “My mom likes to play games.”

  “Such as?”

  “Oh, you know. This thing with Emma. My mother acted like she was doing me this great favor, like I was so needy and she was rescuing me from a fate worse than death. But sometimes I think she was simply glad to get rid of me. I think she was secretly thrilled that I had a baby, and that her plan is to push me away forever and raise Emma as her own daughter.” Lelani felt tears now. “I know that sounds horrible, Gil. But sometimes that’s how I feel.”

  “But you could go back and get your daughter, couldn’t you?” he asked with genuine concern. “It’s not as if you gave her up for adoption, did you?”

  “No. I did sign legal guardianship over to my parents, for medical things and insurance.” Lelani fished a tissue from her purse. “But I’m sure there would be a battle if I tried to take her from them.” She blew her nose. “And even if I did get Emma, what would I do? I can’t support myself and a baby working at Nordstrom. And I can’t go back to med school and support a baby—not without help from my parents.” She shook her head, but the tears kept coming. “My parents are right, Gil. I’m a mess. And it’s a good thing they can care for Emma while I figure things out. I should be grateful to them.”

  Gil didn’t say anything, and for that Lelani was relieved. When they got to the house, she quickly gathered up her packages and hurried up the walk with Gil trailing behind her. “Hey, Lelani, I could’ve helped with those,” he called.

  “It’s okay,” she said quickly. “But you can get the door for me.”

  He opened the door for her and smiled hopefully.

  “Thanks for everything, Gil,” she said. “I know it’s late and we both have work tomorrow.”

  He just nodded, but she could see a trace of hurt in his eyes as she told him good night and went into the house, closing the door with her foot.

  “Here comes Santa Claus,” Kendall called out as Lelani walked through the living room.

  “And here she goes,” Lelani called back as she headed directly to her room.
>
  “Aren’t you the friendly one,” said Kendall with sharp disappointment in her voice.

  Lelani closed the door to her room, dumped the packages on her bed, peeled off her coat, and then sat down and really cried. It seemed that all she did was hurt people. No matter how hard she tried, it seemed that she brought pain to anyone she cared about. Oh, she wasn’t that concerned about Kendall. She didn’t really want to hurt her housemate, but she knew that Kendall would get over it. That might not be the case with others.

  Despite her harsh words about her parents, she knew that she’d brought pain and humiliation to them. They had put their hopes in her. They had believed that she was working hard in school, and she was, but then she got sidetracked. She’d made a mistake. One that couldn’t be undone. And their disappointment had been enormous. She had wounded them deeply. She knew this.

  And then there was Emma. How was she going to feel when she was older and found out that her mother abandoned her as an infant? And then there was Gil. Dear, sweet Gil. But what did Lelani have to offer him, really? Sure, she could be his friend, but it seemed a very one-sided relationship. He was the one doing all the giving, all the helping, all the understanding. And for what? What could he possibly gain from this? And how would he feel when she finally went back home? How would his family feel when they realized that she had hurt him? Would they think she had used him? Was she using him? How could she even be sure?

  But maybe she wouldn’t go back home. Maybe she didn’t have a home. Really, where did she fit in? Not here. Not there. She wasn’t going to be a doctor. She couldn’t imagine working at Nordstrom forever. And even her interest in cosmetology school felt silly and wrong and phony. Who was she, really? And where was she going? More importantly, when would she stop hurting people?

  Lelani was pacing now, trying to make sense of her life, but she felt more lost than ever. All she had were questions. Questions. Questions. Where did one go to find answers? Or were there answers? Or just this continuous struggle. And, if so, what was the point? She knew if she continued with this line of thinking, she might wind up in a full-fledged panic attack. She’d had enough to recognize the initial signs. Already her heart was racing and her jaw was tight and her fists were clenched. Just breathe, she told herself, relax and breathe. But she felt trapped, like it was too late. Her head was starting to buzz and all she could imagine was doom and gloom and disaster. Her life was a mess that could only get worse and—