Adventures In Funeral Crashing (Funeral Crashing #1)

by Milda Harris

  To make the story even better, Ethan had brought me a glass of water, even though I hadn’t asked the nurse for one. It’s like he knew I was thirsty too. He handed it to me and I couldn’t think of anything to say. He didn’t say anything either, but just smiled. For a moment we just stood there looking at each other. I just stared – I mean he’s Ethan Ripley, but he smiled. Ethan has a great smile. I don’t think he had to get braces, like I had at the time. At least those are off now. So, I stared at his smile and he smiled at me and then he was gone. I know he was just being nice and that it wasn’t like he recognized me from school or anything. Still, it was really nice of him to bring me water too…and make my mom laugh.

  And, did I mention he’s gorgeous with a capital G? It’s the last thing I’m talking about because he really is the real deal wrapped up in a super hot package. I just wanted to make that clear. He’s got wavy dark hair. It’s the kind you want to run your hands through because you know it has got to be super silky. Not that I’ve ever felt his hair. Like I said, I don’t think he knows I exist. I have a sneaking suspicion Ariel Walker has felt his hair, though, and she totally didn’t deserve it.

  And, Ethan’s got bright blue eyes, which are staring at me curiously right now. Sigh, a guy with bright blue eyes equals major hottie in my book. I mean, they say the eyes are the windows to the soul and all and what amazing windows these are.

  “How do you know Liz?” Ethan asked again.

  I had lost myself in his eyes. What was my answer? I know I had one, “I, uh, I went to school with her.”

  As soon as I said it, I knew I was in trouble. What was wrong with me? He could recognize me after all…from high school! And, Ethan did look at me strangely for a second. Then he frowned and sat down next to me. That was a surprise.

  He was dressed in funeral garb – a black suit and tie, but his dress shirt was the same bright blue as his eyes. I couldn’t stop staring at him. Why did he have to be so cute? My brain was getting all weird on me because of it. I couldn’t think straight.

  Did I look okay? I found myself thinking. I had on a flowing black skirt and a black lacy tank top covered by a long sweater. It was funeralesque, but I think I looked alright and I had made a point to put on make-up before I left and brush my hair. Thank God.

  “But you go to school with me,” Ethan pointed out, as he turned toward me in his chair. His right arm brushed mine and caused chills to go up my spine. I hoped he couldn’t see me blushing. I have fair skin and anything can cause it to turn red. It’s a curse.

  I had to think fast here, Ethan knew we went to school together. Wait a minute. Does that mean Ethan Ripley knows who I am? Woo-hoo! Why did I suddenly feel like doing a victory dance in the middle of the funeral? Ethan knows who I am! Ethan knows who I am! Except in this case, it was a bad thing. I was totally caught in a lie. I couldn’t possibly go to high school and college. I wasn’t that smart. So, I did the only thing one can do when caught in a lie - turn it around on the other person, “How do you know Liz?”

  “She was my sister,” Ethan said solemnly, his voice cracking slightly on the word sister as he tried to control his emotions.

  What?!?! That was my first thought, but I knew it was true because I could hear the grief in his voice. I suddenly noticed it in his eyes too. My heart went out to him. I just wanted to hug him and say, I’ve been there. I know how you feel. Instead, I said, “Your sister? But you don’t have the same last name.”

  I felt stupid the second after I said it too. What can I say? My brain was busy short-circuiting.

  “She was my half sister. My mother was married to someone else before she met my dad. They had Liz and then they got divorced. My mother remarried and had me,” Ethan was still peering at me curiously. I was more focused on how close his arm still was to mine.

  “That’s really sad,” I said and I meant it. “I am so sorry.”

  Ethan nodded back and then looked directly into my eyes. I looked back at him and tried to keep breathing normally.

  “So, how do you know Liz, really?” Ethan asked again.

  I tried to change the subject again as I felt my heart start to beat harder against my chest in panic, “Why isn’t there anybody from school here? I mean, I would think everyone would be here to support you.”

  As I said this, I looked around the funeral parlor. There was nobody from our high school here. Not even Ariel, who I know would have been glad to comfort Ethan in his time of loss and not just because she was caring like that. She was an opportunist and this would definitely have been a great opportunity for her to sink her claws into Ethan.

  Truthfully, it would have been a major get out sign if people from my high school had all been there. I mean, I didn’t go to funerals to hang out with people from my high school. I didn’t even hang out with them in high school.

  Ethan seemed surprised by my question. “I didn’t tell anyone.”

  Now I was confused. I mean, how could his friends, and I know he had like a billion of them, being the most popular guy in school, not know his sister had died and that her wake was tonight. “Why not?”

  As I asked the question, I remembered my mom’s funeral. The only person that knew she had died from school was Ariel and despite being my ex-best friend, she had shown up. I had freaked out the night before and called Ariel in tears, sobbing. I had needed her and she had actually been there for me. It was mortifying for me to think of it now even though she’s never been so evil as to turn that moment against me. And, Ariel did show up at the wake the next day, but it turned out be really awkward to see each other in person. Over the phone, I had been able to pour my heart out to my old friend. In person, the awkwardness and weirdness that had destroyed our friendship, was visibly apparent. We said hi to each other and that was it. I mean, what more was there to say? My mom was dead. Ariel’s life was getting more awesome by the moment and we weren’t friends anymore. The end.

  “Well,” Ethan frowned, “My friends Dave and Mike are coming later, but I didn’t want everyone at school to know. I mean, they didn’t know Liz. Dave and Mike did.”

  I nodded. He was talking about Dave Rickerson and Mike Finnigan. I didn’t know them personally, but I knew they were friends of his. They were always at lunch together and I knew they all played sports. So, yeah, I knew who they were. I mean, nobody from that crowd ever looked at or spoke to me. They wouldn’t even ask me for a pencil if they needed one for their math test, I was so low on the totem pole. Although, the way they were supporting Ethan was nice. They sounded like real friends.

  Ethan prodded again, “So, now don’t change the subject. I really want to know. How do you know Liz?”

  My mind was blank. I didn’t know how to get out of this. I mean, I couldn’t exactly tell him the truth. I didn’t want Ethan Ripley to think I was a total freak. Ariel Walker, I could handle, but Ethan Ripley thinking that would be totally devastating. So, I did the only thing I could think of to do. I got up and fled the funeral as fast as my legs would carry me. And, I mean, fast. Hey, it worked the last time.

  Chapter 3: Worrying

  Lying on my bed at home, under the covers, and curled up with a comfort book – my copy of Twilight (and yes, I’ve seen all the movies too, multiple times), that I was reading for the third time, I realized that fleeing the funeral may not have been the best idea. I mean, if Ethan was my Edward like in Twilight, things would work out and he’d think my awkwardness and weirdness was sexy and cute, like Edward thinks of Bella even when she does weird things, like not want to go to the prom. Sadly, Ethan Ripley, was just going to think I was totally weird anyway for running out on him at his half sister’s funeral. It wouldn’t even take telling him I was funeral crashing.

  It was almost midnight and I could hear my dad watching CNN in the other room. We kept to our own rooms, other than dinner. We got along, my dad and me, but we just didn’t hang out. I usually read in my room until I fall asleep, unless I have homework, while he watches sports or CNN in the
living room.

  I usually fall asleep around ten or ten thirty. I know the majority of people my age stay up until midnight every night, but school wipes me out. I crash, sometimes even by nine. My mind was too busy tonight to crash, though.

  Liz O’Reilly was Ethan Ripley’s half sister. That was crazy. I had looked at the copy of the obituary from my dad’s daily newspaper when I got home. He likes to read the actual paper, so we still get one. He’s old school like that.

  Liz O’Reilly, 19, died Sunday. She was a student at Laurel Community College and hoped to be a veterinarian. She volunteered at the Palos Animal Shelter and loved all animals, especially her rescued dog, Paws. She is survived by her mother and stepfather, Elizabeth and James Ripley, her father Kelly O’Reilly, her maternal grandmother Lilly Morgan, her siblings Ethan and Lilly Ripley, and numerous aunts, uncles, and cousins. The wake will be held on Wednesday from 3pm – 9 pm at Palos Funeral Home. Funeral Thursday at 9 am.

  I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed the name Ripley in the list of survived by relatives. It was there, but since he was only listed as Ethan and his sister Lilly was listed as Lilly Ripley, I hadn’t focused enough to put two and two together. I obviously needed to pay more attention next time to the names of the surviving relatives. That was my lesson in this.

  Regardless, I had no idea that Ethan even had a half sister with a different last name. I hadn’t even known about his full blood sister Lilly. Sure, I had a crush on him, but that was only from a distance and at school. I didn’t stalk him or anything, I mostly, just gazed and hoped. The usual crush thing.

  Poor Lilly. She must have been the little girl that had been sitting on the front couch staring blankly at the coffin, in the somber black dress that no child should ever have to wear. Poor Paws, Liz’s dog – he probably didn’t even know what had happened to his master. It was sad all around.

  My black cat, Scarlett, as in the main character from Gone With the Wind – Scarlett O’Hara, was curled up next to my feet. She liked to do that when I was reading. I reached down and scratched her head, lovingly. She started purring almost immediately.

  “I love you,” I said and hugged her. My dad had gotten her for me after my mother died. She was no replacement for my mom, but Scarlett was a great cat. She loved to bat around her toys and make me laugh. I knew she’d miss me if something happened to me. Poor Paws.

  My mind found its way back to Ethan. Wow, Ethan’s sister had died of a drug overdose. I hadn’t even heard about it at school and no matter what he said, some people had to know. Then again, I tried to stay away from the gossips like Ariel because if I got too close, they tended to gossip about me. Ariel had already circulated too many malicious rumors about me anyway.

  I was worried about seeing Ethan in school. Surely, he’d forget about me by the time he came back to school after the funeral and everything, right? Right?

  “You’re still up?” My dad poked his head into my room. He had obviously fallen asleep watching television, since his hair was all over the place and his eyes were only half open and squinting at me, “It’s after midnight.”

  I held up my book, “Just reading, dad.”

  He waited for a moment, not so sure that was it, “Everything okay?”

  I smiled, trying to look reassuring. “Fine, just reading.”

  “Okay. You might want to go to sleep soon, though, you know. School tomorrow,” he said and I heard him walk into the bathroom and shut the door.

  My dad was cool like that. Trusting me to do the right thing and I knew I needed to go to sleep. I set Twilight down on my bedside table and turned out the lights. It had been a long, crazy night. I wanted to forget about ever running into Ethan Ripley, even if he did know who I was. I stared at the clock and tried to will my mind into slumber, but it just kept thinking and thinking and thinking instead.

  So, despite only about two hours of solid sleep and lots of tossing and turning, Thursday at school went by without incident. Ethan wasn’t there to track me down at my locker first thing in the morning or waiting outside my first period class. Not even his friends Dave or Mike had stopped me in the hallway, although I admit to ducking into the bathroom when I saw them after second hour, just in case. I had worried all night for nothing. I mean, there was the usual Ariel Walker taunting, but that was a normal occurrence these days.

  “Hey, Kait, I’m sure you have your pick of Homecoming dates at the graveyard!” Ariel yelled at me, when I walked by her before my fourth period Chemistry class.

  I kept walking. It was best to ignore her. Worst case, she’d yell another insult after me. Best case, she and her friends would laugh and then move onto tormenting someone else.

  Ariel followed me, instead, and caught up to me. I could feel her friends, Sarah and Megan, watching from a distance. Why was it cool to torment people? I mean, weren’t we supposed to be more grown up in high school? Why couldn’t she just leave me alone? Wasn’t it enough that we weren’t friends anymore?

  “So, you didn’t answer me about your Homecoming date,” Ariel taunted, as she fell into step beside me.

  It was useless to ignore her when she was walking next to me, “Ariel, why don’t you just leave me alone?”

  “Wow, you’re not ignoring me, for once. That’s progress,” Ariel said.

  “You have new bffs. Why don’t you go harass them?” I said, wearily, trying to pick up the pace so that I could get to my Chemistry class faster.

  “Because you’re more fun,” Ariel smirked sarcastically. “And, there’s nothing wrong with Sarah and Megan.”

  I was almost there, “Gee, thanks. Good talking to you too. Now, byeee.”

  Ariel stayed next to me, “I’m going with Ethan Ripley to Homecoming. I’ve turned down three other guys for him.”

  My heart plummeted. Of course Ariel would get Ethan to ask her to Homecoming. She was evil like that. I couldn’t say anything to her comment. My heart was in my throat and blocking all sound. Maybe Ethan would ditch her because he was grieving for his sister. I stopped myself. No, that was mean hoping that Ethan would feel that distraught, but I still couldn’t help wishing it, just so he wouldn’t go to the dance with Ariel. She knew it bothered me too. That’s why she was taking a moment to tell me. I had told her I kinda liked him when we were still friends freshman year. Big mistake.

  “I got an amazing dress and everything. Everyone is going to be jealous of me,” Ariel was still talking. Why was she still following me and trying to rub it in?

  We were at the doors of my Chemistry class. She couldn’t possibly follow me in, right? I kept walking, not pausing to find out. I lost her at the doorway. I saw her standing awkwardly for a moment outside as I set my books on my lab table and pretended to arrange them, all the while peeking toward the doorway to see what had happened to her. A moment later, Ariel was blissfully gone.

  The Homecoming jibe hurt, though. I wanted to go to Homecoming, which was in about two weeks, at the start of October. I had no date prospects. Not even my weird nerdy Chemistry lab partner, Kyle Jones, would have asked me to go with him.

  We were equal social pariahs and yet, it would be worse for Kyle if he asked me to go. He was a nice guy for being weird and nerdy, though, and he definitely didn’t deserve the torment he got either. I mean, if anything, he deserved accolades. He was a science wiz. He won last year’s high school state science fair and everything. He was an awesome lab partner and I liked him as a friend, not that we ever hung out except in Chemistry. He was just really socially awkward. Kyle mostly didn’t know how to talk to girls. Yes, he talked to me all the time, but that was because we were talking about Chemistry projects. Still, I knew he had a thing for Suzie Whitsett. He’d even have a chance with her if he talked to her. Suzie was a super quiet girl and seemed really nice. The quiet thing alone would have made her a social outcast like me and Kyle, but she was also really pretty, so mostly people just let her be. She just didn’t say much.

  It was funny, though, about Kyle’
s crush, because I bet Suzie would have been happy to go with Kyle to Homecoming. I got the feeling that maybe there was something there, but both of them were too shy to try and figure it out.

  There was this one time at the beginning of the school year that Suzie walked in a little late and walked past our table and she actually turned and said, “Hi!” to me and Kyle, except I could have sworn her gaze was on Kyle for a solid second. I said, “Hi!” back, but Kyle didn’t say anything – the deer caught in the headlights thing. Suzie never stopped to say, “Hi!” again. She just walked to her desk. Coincidence? I’m not sure. I mean, she is the quiet girl, but still seems like a solid maybe on a requited crush to me. Not that Kyle was ever going to take the chance and ask her.

  Sadly, all Kyle had to do was walk by three lab tables to do it – ask Suzie to Homecoming. I mean, Suzie just sat there alone and read before every class or until her lab partner showed up. This week her book was Pride and Prejudice. Last week it was Emma. Looked like Suzie was on a Jane Austen kick. I love the book and I’ve seen both Pride and Prejudice movies. Matthew Mcfadyen was a hot Mr. Darcy, but Collin Firth was way sexier in the miniseries.

  And, back to Suzie. Kyle totally had a chance, I thought, but he was too awkward to take it. Good times at high school Homecoming Dances, all around, I guess. It wouldn’t be fun if it weren’t horrifically painful.

  Speaking of painful - how could Ethan have asked Ariel to the Homecoming Dance? It was unfair. I know he’d never have asked me, but Ariel? She was evil. I mean, not really, but it hurt more that he had asked her, just because she was my ex-best friend.

  I had practically forgotten that I didn’t want to run into Ethan. And, I hadn’t yet, so my luck was running good.

  “Hey, space cadet from the ninth dimension,” Kyle said, sitting down next to me.