Adventures In Funeral Crashing (Funeral Crashing #1)

by Milda Harris

  “Ready for today?” I asked as Ethan pulled away from the curb. We were only minutes away from Laurel Community College.

  “Most definitely,” Ethan said.

  We got there with over an hour to spare before Troy’s Metal Shop I class let out. We took the time to get the lay of the land. Laurel Community College wasn’t a big campus, but it was big enough that if you didn’t know where you were going you could get lost. We found Troy’s Metal Shop I building first. We were in luck. It opened up into a courtyard and there was an empty picnic table where we could hang out and wait for the class to let out. Since we had a lot of extra time, we also took a walk to the Art 103 class Troy had after Metal Shop I. This was just in case we somehow missed seeing him.

  Ethan was convinced that he’d know if Troy had killed his sister in a glance. I didn’t think so. Even if he did, it wasn’t exactly proof. Truthfully, either Ethan would be biased and make a snap judgment about Troy’s guilt or he simply would feel torn and not know. I didn’t think Troy was going to get away with Ethan feeling nothing. Ethan felt too much about his sister to let a guy who looked pretty suspicious go. And, although I thought Troy better have a great alibi for where he was the nights those girls’ overdosed, I wasn’t ready to convict him yet. He could just be a total player. There are guys who know all the girls because they just want to date them. I wanted to talk to Troy first. Ethan seemed adamant against me talking to him, though. He didn’t want to go near the guy claiming the excuse – if he’s already killed four people, do we really want to be next?

  Ethan and I spent the hour mostly not speaking, waiting. I was trying to read my copy of Anne of Green Gables. I was going to bring Eclipse, the third Twilight book, but it was just too big. I settled for the adventures of Anne Shirley instead. It was like comfort food, but in reading. Ethan was strumming on his guitar while I tried to focus on my book. Secretly, I was listening to the tune he seemed to be trying to perfect. I thought it sounded pretty catchy. He might want to consider pursuing music, eventually. He definitely had rock star good looks going for him, in addition to the catchy tune.

  I was starting to hum along with the tune Ethan was strumming when I noticed people streaming out of the Metal Shop I class. They were ten minutes early.

  “Ethan,” I hissed and he looked up, setting his guitar down next to him.

  We both scanned the students leaving Metal Shop I and suddenly there he was, Troy Matthews, in the flesh.

  Troy was pretty good looking, actually. I was slightly disconcerted to find that I was thinking that about a murder suspect. His hair was blonde and longish, almost shaggy looking, and he had a golden, fading summer tan. He looked like a surfer, except we weren’t in California. Troy definitely worked out too, you could tell even though his forearms were covered by the hoodie he was wearing. He was probably nineteen or twenty, if I had to guess. And, a totally hottie. I know I couldn’t tell if he was innocent or guilty just by looking at him. He did not have a creepy vibe, as far as I could tell. That was something going for him.

  I glanced at Ethan, who looked like he was focusing all his energy on discerning if Troy had killed his sister. It was an intense glare too. I knew Ethan had forgotten all about me. I was glad. I had already decided what I was going to do and I knew Ethan wouldn’t like it. So before Ethan could stop me, I flung myself full force in Troy’s direction.

  I ran at Troy and by the time Ethan noticed what I was doing, it was too late to stop me because I was busy smashing myself with full force into Troy Matthews.

  Amazingly, I was the one who fell to the ground. Troy Matthews was built like a linebacker. I wondered if he felt the impact at all. I knew I was going to have a couple of nice and large black and blue bruises in multiple places. I felt dazed.

  “Are you okay?” Troy was staring down at me with concern.

  It took me a second to realize that he was talking to me. Troy reached down to help me up and it was totally real when I practically fell into his arms. That impact, even though I’d planned for it, had knocked the wind out of me.

  “I’m fine,” I said breathlessly, a moment later, pulling out of his arms. “Just catching my breath.”

  I smiled up at Troy and took a moment to glance at Ethan, who was frozen to the spot, but looked absolutely livid. I was going to have to deal with that later. I focused back on Troy.

  “Where are you going in such a hurry?” Troy picked up my purse from the ground and handed it to me.

  I wanted him to keep talking to me and I had to think fast, “Art 101.”

  Troy looked interested, “Really? I’m going to 103. Who’s your teacher?”

  I had painted myself into a corner. I didn’t know any teachers’ names, “It’s a guy. Uh. I’m bad at names.”

  “Plumber? Kelson? Abbott?” Troy seemed to know all the art teachers’ names.

  I didn’t want him to catch me in a lie, so it was time to change the subject, “Wanna walk together?”

  Troy smiled, “Sure.”

  I wondered if Ethan would follow us, but I didn’t look back because I was focusing all of my attention on Troy, “How is 103?”

  Troy thought for a moment, “I like it. It’s sculpture, so I definitely like it better than 101. 101 was too general. A lot of drawing and painting, which is fine, but I’m definitely more into sculpting and making stuff. I’m actually getting really into Steampunk art.”

  “What’s that?” I interrupted him.

  “I’d have to show you for you to really get it, but to make it simple, they combine a lot of modern things like a computer, for example with brass and wood and make it art. They make it look all twenties era and like it runs on steam. It’s really cool,” Troy sounded passionate about it.

  “That sounds neat,” I said and I meant it.

  “It’s really fun. I’m working on an art project with an old computer. I want to add a wooden façade and maybe some brass ornamentation. Maybe work an old clock into it. It’s going to look really great when I’m done. Retro, but modern.”

  As Troy went on about Steampunk art, I felt like I was getting a Cliff Notes’ version of insight about Troy’s personality. I had the distinct impression that Troy was an artist at heart and consequently thought that he was probably in remedial classes for all the regular subjects simply because he didn’t share the passion for them, that he did for his art. He didn’t seem like a meathead at all for sure, despite the biceps. I was also finding that I liked Troy. His passion for art was catchy. Was that dangerous?

  Troy had continued on, “And, I want to try my hand at that, so I’m hoping sculpture and things like Metal Shop will help me. I want to learn the mechanics of things, so I can make regular objects into art. Are you just taking the intro course or are you an artist too?”

  It was a toss up here, should I lie or tell the truth? The more lies you told, the harder it was to keep it up, and I knew absolutely nothing about art. I hadn’t even been to an art museum since grade school, “Just 101. You make it sound so neat, though. It would be cool to see the work you’ve already done.”

  And, I really meant that, murderer or not. I was hoping it was the not, though.

  We were almost at his classroom, when Troy slowed down. “Thanks. Hey, my class starts in a few minutes, but would you want to maybe hang out after? I’m Troy, by the way.”

  I panicked. Was Troy asking me out? No guy had ever asked me out. I hadn’t expected Troy to ask me out. I had only wanted to get a sense of him, who he was. Is this how you did get a guy to ask you out? By not wanting him to? How did that work?

  “So?” Troy asked as my silence stretched on eternally.

  “Uh…” My tongue was tied. What did one say in this situation?

  Troy started backtracking, “It’s cool if you can’t. I just thought…”

  “How about tonight? And, my name’s Kait,” I said before Troy reneged on the invitation. Words had managed to form in my brain again, although I couldn’t believe I had just made a date w
ith a guy, even if he might be a murderer.

  “Kait,” Troy repeated my name, “Do you have a phone number so I can call you?”

  Fifteen minutes later, after hiding in the Art building’s bathroom until I knew that Troy’s class had begun, I started walking back to Ethan’s car.

  I had a date with Troy! Was it scary that my first date ever might be with a serial killer? I didn’t think he was our serial killer anymore, actually, but there still had to be some connection between him and the dead girls, since he knew them all. Not that I could really be a hundred percent sure about my gut instinct, of course.

  I thought about our date. I should definitely make sure that we met at a very public place just in case and that he didn’t follow me home or anything. Wow, it was crazy. I had an actual date! I couldn’t believe Troy had wanted to ask me out! I had tried to look kind of cute today for Ethan, but maybe it had worked on Troy instead.

  I was happy to see that Ethan was waiting for me by his car, until he saw me. As, I walked the last few steps toward him, Ethan ran toward me, grabbing my arms, and staring down into my face with wild eyes, “Are you crazy?!?! I’ve been out here trying not to call the police. Where have you been?”

  And then the most amazing thing happened. Ethan hugged me. It was a real hug too. I could smell the cologne he had on. It smelled almost sweet and the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy as he clutched me to him, stroking my hair. I felt myself melt into him. I could stay in this parking lot forever in Ethan’s arms. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back. He held me closer. His hands were stroking my hair. My face was pressed into his chest and all I could breathe in was his cologne, a scent that I would now always associate with Ethan Ripley and this hug. This was better than any peanut butter milkshake Wired could ever make me. It was heaven on earth wrapped in an amazing sweet smelling guy. My heart was on air. That was the only way I could explain this feeling. It was the best day ever times ten.

  I was in bliss for probably only about thirty seconds before Ethan let me go and the yelling started. Ethan didn’t even give me a chance to tell him the good news about my date with Troy before he started in on me. I must have really worried him.

  “I thought we had decided that we weren’t going to talk to him! What did you think you were doing? What if something happened!” Ethan was waving his hands and everything.

  I got in the car calmly and Ethan followed, like I hoped he would. I didn’t want to cause a scene, “Nothing happened. It’s completely fine.”

  “Thank God,” Ethan raked a hand through his hair (silky hair…) and turned to face me. “Don’t ever do that again.”

  “Okay,” I nodded, hoping I could keep my promise.

  “Okay,” he said and started the car.

  We were silent as Ethan pulled out of the parking spot. I knew I had to tell him, so I just said it, “Troy asked me out and I said yes.”

  Ethan slammed on the breaks, screeching the car to a halt.

  Chapter 15: Double Dating

  It took a lot of convincing for Ethan to let me go on the date. I know it’s not like he was jealous or anything, but it was kind of nice to see Ethan all concerned about me going out with Troy. I tried to tell Ethan about how I didn’t think Troy could possibly be the killer, but he didn’t care. He said that every girl that Troy knew seemed to end up dead. I couldn’t argue with that, but I did remind Ethan that this could be an excellent way to get some dirt out of Troy. He finally agreed, if he could come with. I argued with Ethan, but he wouldn’t relent, which is how I ended up agreeing to go on a double date with me and Troy and Ethan and…

  Ethan called Jenna Martin, first, to see if she wanted to come as his date. He had this idea about shocking Troy into confessing, with Vanessa Martin’s look alike. Even if Troy knew about the twin sister thing, it would still be a shock to see a dead girl’s look alike sitting across from you on a double date. And, although I could see Ethan’s reasoning and I knew his calling Jenna was for a good cause, I tried not to feel jealous or anything as I listened in on his side of the conversation. Ethan explained the details to her and what we suspected of Troy Matthews, but Jenna turned Ethan down. Jenna said it was just too soon for her and if Troy was the killer…she just couldn’t do it. She’d jump out of her skin getting anywhere near him.

  I could see her point. Ethan wanted to call it off again after talking to Jenna, but I wouldn’t let him. I still thought I could get something out of Troy by simply talking to him a little more. Ethan thought I was nuts, but finally agreed to humor me.

  We threw around alternative ideas for last minute dates, but Ethan seemed set on one in particular. It was the worst one possible, in my opinion. He was just positive she would say yes. I didn’t see how she could say no either, but I still didn’t want Ethan asking her. So, I begged.

  And, I pleaded with Ethan about his next choice, but he wouldn’t listen, which is how I ended up going on a double date with me and Troy and Ethan and Ariel. Can you believe it? My first real date ever and I was going with a potential serial killer, my ex best friend/arch enemy, and the hottest guy in school that I kind of had a crush on, except he wasn’t going with me. The potential serial killer who asked me out was pretty cute too, though, and besides, I didn’t think he had anything to do with the murders, except for the fact that for some reason he knew most of the victims. So, maybe it would all work out in the end. I hoped.

  I did feel a little bit better when I heard Ethan tell Ariel that he expected her to be nice to me. I could hear whines coming from her end of the line, but she must have been so excited about getting to gloat at being Ethan’s date, that she agreed anyway. Plus, she was probably hoping that he’d change his mind and accept her Homecoming invitation. Ariel’s status as a popular cool girl would go up a couple points if he did. She couldn’t not accept.

  How in the world had Ethan explained being on double date terms to Ariel? He claimed that I was good friends with Liz. Ariel wouldn’t know he was lying. She didn’t know any of my friends anymore or that I didn’t actually really have any. Ethan told her that I was also a volunteer at the animal shelter and that he had been helping me get through Liz’s loss. That was possible, if Ariel really thought about it. She knew I really liked cats, at least. Ethan then went on to explain that this double date was a set up to help cheer me up. It was almost laughable, like Ariel Walker would ever want to cheer me up. She had her chance when my mom was sick and instead she ditched me and since then all she’d ever done was make fun of me and spread malicious gossip. I’d believe she cared when pigs really did fly. Ethan even convinced Ariel to lie about the whole college class thing, so Troy wouldn’t know I was lying about being in college. I guess miracles could happen or Ariel was just really, really, really out to impress Ethan. My bet was on the latter.

  I went home and massacred my closet looking for something to wear for my first date ever and with a college guy! My cat Scarlett was enjoying it, though. She was busy jumping into piles of clothes, as I tossed them aside. I’m glad she was having fun, but I was in a panic. Troy was definitely cute and if he didn’t turn out to be a murder suspect maybe I could explain things and make romantic things work between us anyway, since Ethan still seemed to be oblivious to thinking about me in any sort of romantic terms.

  I finally settled on a dress that I had never worn. My aunt had gotten it for me for Christmas the year before, when she took me on a shopping trip. Despite my protests that it was too low cut and I knew my boobs would fall out of it so I’d never wear it, she insisted that someday I might want to wear something sexy and that since I didn’t have my mom to buy it for me, she was going to. Then she told me I should definitely hide it from my dad. I had done just that.

  It was perfect for a date. It was a dark blue dress that clung to me perfectly and showed plenty of skin. Hey, I know what guys want. I may not normally wear those things, but believe me I know. Besides, even though I was wearing a clingy dress, that didn’t mean I would ac
tually give it to him, not on the first date anyway. The dress actually made the strawberry blonde in my hair look nice too. I hoped Troy approved of the cleavage I was sporting. Maybe as a plus, Ethan would notice too. My other outfits had been way more conservative than this. Maybe he needed a jump-start to really see me now that he at least thought I was kind of normal.

  Because we didn’t want Troy to know where I lived, we were all meeting at the date location – a hamburger joint that was known for its build your own hamburger menu called The Burger. They really did have the best burgers.

  The Burger was always extremely busy, so it wasn’t like there was any way that Troy was going to have a chance to get me completely alone and stick a heroin needle in my arm. Ethan wasn’t taking any chances, though, and told me that he would be picking me up…for my double date with Troy. His date, Ariel, was meeting us there too. I knew she’d totally hate that. Ariel was a pick me up at my house and open the door for me kind of girl. It would probably be a good idea for the guy to have flowers too if he wanted anything to happen.

  If this wasn’t the weirdest double date ever already, maybe I would have said something to Ethan about that. Not that I wanted to do any favors for Ariel where Ethan was concerned or anything.

  Ethan knocked on my door promptly at seven o’clock. Luckily, my dad had gone over to his friend’s to watch a basketball game. I was saved from any kind of explaining about Ethan and the dress. My dad might actually have made me change.

  I opened the door and was pleasantly surprised to see Ethan do a double take. I knew I looked sexy! Instead Ethan said, “Maybe you should change.”

  “Why? What’s wrong with this dress?” I demanded. I had looked repeatedly in the mirror for the last twenty minutes and even I had to admit, I looked pretty damn good in this dress. I didn’t look fat at all and who knew my boobs looked this good? Not me and now everyone, including Troy and Ethan would. The dress fit me perfectly. I had to admit, my aunt had good taste. We’d have to go shopping again this Christmas in case I ever got asked out on another date.