Avoiding Alpha

by Aileen Erin

“She’s wasting away,” I said to Dr. Gonzales.

  She stood in the doorway, letting us surround our friend. “There’s not much I can do. I’m pumping nutrients into her body, but a werewolf’s metabolism is incredibly rapid.”

  I leaned down to whisper in her ear. “You stay alive. Give me a chance to fix it.” I rubbed my hands on my jeans. Doing this with an audience wasn’t going to be fun. “I’m not sure how long this might take or if it’ll even work.”

  “Take your time,” Adrian said. “We’ll wait.”

  Chris left the room abruptly. I thought he was giving me space and maybe the others would take the hint, but he came back a second later with a chair. He placed it behind me and motioned to it. “There. Just in case you need it.”

  “Thanks.” I sat down and scooted it right up to Meredith’s bed. I took a deep breath, and told myself to relax. This was going to work.

  Dastien stood beside me. I grabbed his hand, trusting that he would keep his own walls up so that he wouldn’t give me anything of his to ‘see,’ and blocked out everything else in the room. I leaned forward. “Show me when Luciana cursed you. Show me what happened,” I said before putting my other hand in hers. It only took a second before my surroundings gave way to the vision.

  I was in a room done in pink and white. A little girl with white-blonde hair played with a dollhouse. She whispered as she moved the dolls around.

  “Nerd. Are you talking to your dolls again?” A tall blond teenage guy came into the room.

  “I wouldn’t have to if I had someone to play with.”

  “Where is everyone?”

  “Matt’s at soccer. Micah and Miles went for a run. Mom and Dad are out.”

  Whoa. Her parents really had a thing for M-names.

  “So it’s just you and me?”

  “Yup.”

  “Alright, well I’m not playing with dolls. Let’s go.”

  Meredith’s young face shined as she grinned and raced across the room to him.

  “Meredith,” I said into the vision. “Show me what happened. Please.”

  Light flared. I couldn’t see anything. I heard distant voices echoing along the white expanse.

  Someone was sobbing. A girl. Meredith.

  And then, just as quickly as it started, it faded.

  A wolf whined.

  The white dimmed until I could make out shadows. Colors. I blinked, and suddenly I was in a field. Bluebonnets blanketed the ground. Wolves ran by me. A light brown one caught up with a smaller white one, and nipped at her tail. The sight of the two wolves playing made me smile.

  This wasn’t what I needed to see.

  “Please, Meredith. Show me what happened when you were cursed. Show me what I need to see,” I said in the vision.

  The blinding white light came again. This time, I shielded my eyes with my hand.

  The sobbing came again. And the sadness. Just a taste of it, and then gone.

  Familiar sounds surrounded me. Utensils clinking against plates. People chatting. Two people—girls—were yelling. I peeked through my fingers.

  I was in the cafeteria at St. Ailbe’s. Meredith and Imogene stood nose to nose. Shouting at each other.

  “You think you can say that kind of shit about me and get away with it,” Meredith yelled.

  Shannon grabbed Meredith’s arm, pulling her away from Imogene as Mr. Dawson came running. Before anyone could stop her, Meredith reached down into the plate piled high with loaded mashed potatoes. Her fingers sunk into them, and she threw them in Imogene’s face.

  Everyone in the cafeteria froze for a second before a full-on food fight broke out.

  I laughed. Hard. That was the best. I couldn’t wait for Meredith to wake up. We so needed to talk about that.

  As fun as these images were, I wasn’t seeing anything of consequence. How was I supposed to get one specific image? I needed the scene with Luciana.

  “Show me what happened with Luciana,” I said to Meredith. She didn’t acknowledge me at all in the vision, but the light flared again.

  The sobbing came again. Louder this time. Beating against me in the empty white canvas.

  As the sobbing slowed, the next vision came into view. The cabinets were the first thing I could make out. Then countertops. A stove.

  I was in a kitchen. It was huge, bigger than the whole downstairs of my house in California.

  Meredith sat at the counter, and her mother stood across from her.

  Her mom looked like she’d stepped out of a magazine. White-blond hair hung in perfect silky curls down her back. The printed wrap dress wasn’t inherently sexy, but somehow, it showed off her curves. With the wedge sandals, she had to have been over six feet tall.

  Now I knew where Meredith got her looks.

  “You need to find a mate, honey. It’s time.”

  Meredith shook her head. “I can’t, Mom. Even if I liked any of the guys at school, I’m cursed.”

  “It’s your duty to the pack to find a mate. I don’t care who you pick, but pick someone. And soon. Do you understand me?”

  “Yes, Mom. I understand.”

  This was messed up. Didn’t Meredith’s mother care about what her daughter wanted at all?

  Her mother passed her a binder.

  “What’s this?”

  “Possible matches.”

  Yuck. She had an actual binder of men.

  “All of the potential mates in there have been advised of your situation and are willing to take you on as is.”

  Jesus. As is? What was she, a car?

  “Meredith!” I yelled. “Show me something relevant. I need to know how I can help you! Please!”

  The light came so fast that I couldn’t block my eyes. No sobbing to warn me this time.

  I blinked, trying to make the spots go away. And then I realized that it wasn’t spots. I was outside somewhere, lying on the ground and staring at the sun.

  I stood up as my sight slowly started to come back.

  Meredith was lying on a blanket in the courtyard in the center of the St. Ailbe’s buildings. A pile of magazines was abandoned on her right. One was open to a page filled with purses.

  Donovan stood over her. His dark wavy hair was tucked behind his ears. His blue eyes shone with a touch of wolf. He wasn’t pissed. Or even upset. But hurt. I couldn’t feel what he was feeling, but I could tell from the slight frown on his face. The way he shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “I can’t. You have to go,” Meredith said. She crossed her arms and scowled at him. She looked mad but she wasn’t. She was sad. Really sad. It made my heart ache.

  He knelt by her but she rolled on her side, giving him her back.

  “Please, don’t do this,” he said.

  I could feel her pain as if it were my own. She didn’t want to say that. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she didn’t have a choice.

  “It’s what’s best,” she continued. Donovan couldn’t see her face, but I could. Tears fell freely down her cheeks, but her voice was steady. “You don’t really want me. Not like this. And I can’t…I won’t…” She took a breath. “I won’t be a burden to you.”

  “You’re not a burden. I’ll not have you say that.” He rolled her on her back. “Ach. No. Please, don’t cry.” His Irish accent thickened with his emotion.

  God. This was not something I wanted to see. This was such an invasion of privacy.

  “So you do have feelings for me.”

  My heart was breaking for these two. They should be together. It didn’t have to be this way.

  Meredith squeezed her eyes shut. “It doesn’t matter what I feel. You’re one of the Seven, and I’m broken.”

  He sat down beside her, cupping her face in his hand, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. “You’re not broken.”

  “Yes, I am. My wolf…she’s gone. That means I’m broken.”

  “She’s not broken. She’s right there.” He tapped her sternum. “I can feel her for myself.”

  Meredith’s
eyes opened, and hope filled her face.

  “If broken’s how you feel, then we’ll get it sorted.”

  A car honked in the distance.

  “I have to go, but I’ll be back as soon as I can. It isn’t over. You’re mine, and I’ve waited too long for you to give up over something silly.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Goodbye for now, a ghrá.”

  Meredith didn’t say anything as he left. When he was gone, she started crying. Gut-wrenching sobs.

  That’s what I’d been hearing.

  Still in the vision, I knelt by her. “Meredith.”

  She didn’t make a move.

  I moved forward to shake her, but my hands went right through her.

  Damn it.

  “Meredith!” I’d never tried to see something other than what someone wanted to show me. I needed her subconscious to wake up enough to show me what I needed to see. “Meredith! Listen to me!” I backed power in the command. “I need to see what happened. I need to know how you got cursed! Show me!”

  Instead of seeing the light, the vision rewound. Everything happened in reverse until Donovan stood over her again. Then it replayed. The same heartbreaking scene.

  Meredith was torturing herself.

  “No! Meredith! Stop this!” I pulled more power through Dastien. “I need to know how to help you. Please, show me what Luciana did so that I can try to fix it.”

  She turned, just a little, and looked at me.

  “Focus, Meredith. What happened with the curse, Meredith? What did she do to you?”

  The scene rewound.

  Christ. This wasn’t working.

  I watched it unfold again. I yelled at her. Throwing my power around, trying to get her to listen, but nothing worked.

  Why was she showing it to me so many times? What was I missing?

  When the scene unfolded for a third time, I got a little crazy. My wolf started rising as the need to change burned my skin. I felt power roll through me from my bond with Dastien. I knew it was meant to help stabilize me, but it gave me an idea.

  I took it and threw his power at the vision. “Meredith! Stop it! I know he’s your mate, but we can’t get to him. We put out word, but he’s not back yet.”

  I wasn’t sure if I should give up yet. She could hear me. I knew she could. She kept changing the scene every time I asked. But now she was stuck on this.

  I had to try and reason with her. Sensing the pack beyond Dastien, I pulled even more power. “You’re so sick, Meredith. You’re going to die if I don’t find a way to stop this. I need you to show me what happened with Luciana. Please. Show me. I won’t judge you. I only want to help!”

  “What’re ya yelling about?” I heard Donovan’s far away voice.

  “Donovan?”

  “Tessa?”

  The same memory kept playing, but I could hear Donovan’s voice over it. Barely. “How?”

  “Through the bond I have with my mate, but it’s a weak bond and can’t maintain this type of pack link for long. What are you doing in her memories? And why is she knocked out? Who drugged her?” Donovan’s voice was getting growly at the end.

  I took a deep breath. Getting across the right bits of information was key. “She’s been sedated. Her wolf is awake and Meredith’s been cursed not to change, so her body’s fighting itself. We’re trying to find a way to break the curse, but I don’t know what to do. I need to know what happened, but she won’t show me.”

  “That’s why she said she was broken. Shite. I woke her damned wolf up by poking at her. Why did no one tell me this? How could I not know?” He muttered the questions.

  I grabbed more power and channeled it into the bond between Meredith and Donovan. “What do I do? Tell me what I can do to help.”

  “I’m on my way back.”

  “Where are you?”

  “In the Andes.”

  Middle-of-nowhere, Peru. It was going to take days for him to get back. “You’re too far. She won’t last. Can you make her show me what I need to see?”

  “I wish I could, but I can’t. If she’s sleeping hard enough to not wake from what you’re pushing through her, then she’s been put in a stasis and I won’t bring her out of it. It’s what’s keeping her alive.” He was quiet for a moment.

  Anxiety built in me. I pushed more power, hoping I wasn’t draining Dastien too much.

  “Ach. I see. Thank God you’re there. I can’t fix this, but you can. It’s all you. And I might not get there in time to help you either. I’m running now, but it’ll take me a day to get to the city. I’ll be on the first flight out, but…Christ. I shouldn’t have left her.”

  Donovan was taking too much time. I shoved more power at him. “Donovan! I don’t know what to do! How do I fix this?”

  “You need to help her wolf,” his voice was softer. I could barely hear him. “You’re going to have to merge witchcraft—”

  I slammed back into my own mind. Dastien’s panic and worry flowed through my soul, making my head swim. “What happened?” My voice slurred. It slowly registered that I was flat on my back. The cold floor burned against me. What happened to the chair?

  A line a sweat ran from my hairline. I opened my eyes and immediately regretted it. The lights were too bright. I flung my hand over my eyes as I moaned. “Way too bright. It’s killing my head.”

  There was some whispering and rustling around the room. The shrill sound of flimsy metal rang out as the blinds to the small window were drawn.

  Someone was coughing and moaning.

  “Give me a blanket or a pillow or something,” Dastien said.

  The sound of cabinets opening and closing felt like gunshots to my head. Dastien’s scent enveloped me as he eased my head onto a pillow. “How are you feeling, cherie?”

  I took a quiet assessment of myself. “Honestly, I feel like shit. Why do I feel so terrible?”

  “You’re nearly completely energy-drained. You started out by putting all your power into whatever you were doing, and then I fed you my power, and you took that. But then you took from the whole pack. I don’t know what you were doing there, but you were draining us all. We were fine with it, but when Meredith’s heart beat started slowing, we realized you were pulling from her too.”

  Oh God. “Is she okay?”

  “No. She’s coughing up blood in her sleep,” Shannon answered.

  Fear coursed through me. “Fuck. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

  “We figured,” Adrian said. “It didn’t matter what you were seeing, we had to stop it. She can’t take much more.”

  I wanted to scream and cry, but couldn’t muster the energy. “I was talking to Donovan—”

  “That’s impossible,” Shannon said.

  I didn’t have the patience to deal with her. “It’s completely possible if they’re true mates, which they are.” My words were clipped.

  The reaction was much what I thought it’d be. Silence. And then everyone was talking all at once.

  I moaned. “Can everyone please shut the hell up? My head is killing me. Worst migraine ever.”

  Chris snorted. “I’d say. You were harnessing so much through the bonds, it’s a miracle you’re not a vegetable.”

  “Did he say anything helpful?” Adrian asked softly. Bless him.

  Dastien massaged my temples, and some of the pain dissipated.

  “Not really.” Talking made me nauseated, so I tried to keep it limited. “He’s far, but on his way now. He said I’d have to merge witchcraft with something else. I was pulled out before he could say. Any ideas?” I tried to sit up, but started to fall.

  “Whoa.” Dastien caught me before I could hit the ground. “I got you.” He pulled me onto his lap. He scooted so he was leaning against the cabinets. I leaned against him listening to his steady heartbeat.

  “What’s wrong with me?”

  Dastien brushed my hair back from my face, and pressed a kiss to my head. “When I said you were drained, I meant it. It’s going to take a little b
it before you get your strength back.”

  This wasn’t good news. “I don’t have time to spare.”

  “You should eat something,” Adrian said. “It’ll help.”

  Dastien stood in one swift motion with me cradled in his arms. “It’s dinner time anyway,” he said. “Let’s go. We should all eat.”

  He started to walk out the door, but I stopped him. “Wait. I want to say bye to Meredith.”

  “We’ll be right behind you,” Dastien said to them.

  The others left as Dastien stepped up to Meredith’s bed, my body still cradled in his arms.

  I reached out with a shaky hand, brushing back a piece of sweaty hear from her face. Her color was worse, if that were possible. Her hand felt like skin and bones in mine. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pull from you, too. I only wanted to help you, but I’m making it worse.” I sighed. “I talked to Donovan though. He’s on his way back. We’ll figure something out. Just hang on.” I looked up at Dastien. “If I took power from her, can I give it back?”

  “The only reason you could pull the power is because you’re stronger than her. But giving it back…that’s trickier.”

  “But I pulled from you and you’re stronger than me. Aren’t you?”

  He shrugged. “I’m not sure who’s stronger, but I’m your mate. We can send it back and forth without any cost.”

  “I must be really out of it, because that made a little bit of sense.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Don’t you dare give me your power.”

  “What do you think I’m doing right now?”

  “Stop it.” I didn’t want him hurting like I was.

  “Relax. I’m giving you a little at a time. We’ll eat, and you’ll be fine. We’ll both be fine.” He stepped into the hallway and pushed open the door to the outside with his back.

  Sunlight hit my face, and my head didn’t throb. I relaxed against his shoulder. “I’m feeling better already.”

  “Good.”

  “Thanks for taking care of me.”

  “It’s my pleasure, cherie,” he said as he started across the courtyard.

  It was a different experience, trusting him as much as I did. At times it really felt like we were halves of each other. Like he was an extension of me, but also his own person. I didn’t have to worry about how I acted or what I did or said. He wouldn’t judge me, and he didn’t mind helping me when I got in over my head.