Ben sighed. ‘There’s still a lot of opposition to surrogacy. I can understand the concerns, of course, but in a case like this…well.’
He shrugged, making his views on the subject clear. Anna felt a little more of her tension melt away. It made it that bit easier to tell him the rest of the story—the worst bit, to her mind.
‘Anyway, once we had found a clinic willing to help us we all had to have lengthy counselling to make sure that we understood the pitfalls of what we were planning. As I mentioned, there are guidelines laid down and the whole business is strictly regulated.’
‘Sensible. I’ve read a number of reports about intended parents and surrogates falling out after the baby was born,’ Ben commented.
‘Exactly. Then there was a six-month wait, a kind of quarantine period, you could call it, while the embryos were checked for HIV infection. Once that was completed, and Jo’s doctors had submitted a report on her health, our case was put before the ethics committee.’
‘It would have gone against you if there had been any doubts about your sister’s long-term health at that stage?’ Ben queried curiously.
‘Oh, yes. Our case wouldn’t have been passed and we would never have been allowed to proceed,’ she explained. ‘Fortunately, Jo appeared to have responded to the treatment, so there was no problem there. We’d been warned that we might need a couple of attempts before anything happened but, in the event, I got pregnant first time. Jo was ecstatic. You can’t imagine how happy she was when I told her the news.’
‘How about her husband? Mike, was it?’
‘He said he was pleased, although I had a feeling that he was only saying it to keep Jo happy. I probably would have made him tell me what was wrong, only a week after I found out I was pregnant Jo was taken ill again. The cancer had spread to her liver. I think she’d had an inkling that something had been wrong for a while, but she hadn’t said anything because she was afraid that we would be refused treatment if there were fresh doubts about her health. It turned out that the cancer was too advanced for them to do anything and she died a month later.’
‘That must have been rough for you, especially in the circumstances,’ he said gently, squeezing her hand.
‘It was.’ She smiled sadly. ‘The one thing that kept me going was the thought of the baby. I was certain that Mike would feel the same but I was completely wrong about that. It turned out that he’d been having an affair with a woman he worked with. I’m not sure why he hadn’t told Jo what was going on. I suppose he felt guilty after what she’d been through. However, he was perfectly clear about what he intended to do after the funeral.’
‘And what was that?’
‘He told me that he no longer wanted the baby, that he and this woman were planning on moving to America and they didn’t want a child cluttering up their lives. With the money from the sale of the house, plus what he received from Jo’s life insurance policy, they’d have enough to set themselves up. So far as Mike was concerned, it was up to me whether or not I kept the baby. He didn’t want anything more to do with it.’
‘It must have been a tough decision for you to make,’ he said bluntly.
‘Funnily enough, it wasn’t. I knew straight away what I was going to do.’ She gripped Ben’s hand, drawing strength from the feel of it. ‘I was having this baby for Jo and now it’s all I have left of her. That’s why I will do everything in my power to make sure that it’s loved and cared for. This is Jo’s baby as well as mine!’
Ben didn’t say anything for a moment. Anna frowned because it was impossible to tell what he was thinking as he sat there, staring at their linked hands. She had a feeling that the story had touched him on a level she had never expected it to, yet she didn’t understand why it should have had such an effect.
He suddenly looked up and she steeled herself when she saw the searching look he gave her. ‘You’re absolutely certain about what you’re doing, Anna? It isn’t too late for you to change your mind. Nobody would blame you if you did. Bringing up a child on your own isn’t something to be undertaken lightly.’
She frowned when she heard the grating note in his voice. ‘I know it isn’t. I know it won’t be easy…’
‘Do you? Are you sure?’ His tone was harsher than ever, the expression in his eyes making a shiver work its way down her spine. ‘Maybe you think that you’ll be able to manage, but the reality of what you’re planning could turn out to be vastly different. Your whole life will be irreversibly altered, Anna. Do you understand that?’
‘Of course I do!’ she replied hotly, hurt that he should believe it necessary to point that out to her. She withdrew her hand abruptly, needing to stand firm in the face of his opposition. It was strange how much it hurt to have him doubt her.
‘I know what I’m doing, Ben, and I won’t change my mind, no matter what you or anyone else says. Maybe things haven’t worked out how Jo and I planned they would, but it isn’t the baby’s fault. I can’t just get rid of it because it’s no longer convenient for me to have it!’
‘So long as you have thought everything through,’ he said flatly, but she could hear the doubt that lingered in his voice.
‘I have,’ she said, wanting to convince him. ‘I know how difficult it will be but I’m prepared for that, I assure you.’
‘I hope so, but I know from experience how hard life will be for you, Anna.’ He smiled grimly when she looked at him. ‘My mother was a single parent. I know how she had to struggle to bring me up.’
‘I didn’t know—’ She broke off, realising that there was no reason why she should have known. It certainly explained why he had doubts about what she had decided to do, although she wasn’t sure if that made her feel better or worse.
‘Anyway, I can’t begin to imagine what you must have been through in the past few weeks. It would have been bad enough coping with your sister’s death without everything else on top of that.’
She glanced up as he smoothly steered the conversation away from himself. She had a feeling that he hadn’t intended to tell her about his own circumstances, and didn’t feel that it would be right to question him even though she was curious to learn more.
‘It’s been a nightmare and I don’t mind admitting it,’ she said softly. ‘The worst thing of all was knowing that I had to find a job and somewhere to live. I’d moved in with Jo after I came back from London, you see. It made more sense than me finding a place of my own when she needed looking after.’
‘Surely your brother-in-law didn’t ask you to move out?’ Ben demanded incredulously.
‘I couldn’t have stayed there,’ she explained flatly. ‘Mike put the house up for sale straight after the funeral and he found a buyer for it within a week. He went to stay with his girlfriend, which made the situation a bit easier. I didn’t see him again until the day I moved out.’ She shivered as she recalled that last dreadful scene.
Ben frowned heavily. ‘What happened? Come on, Anna, tell me.’
She took a deep breath because it was difficult to talk about it. Just recalling the cruel things her brother-in-law had said made her feel sick. ‘Mike came back as I was waiting for the taxi to arrive. He was…well, unpleasant.’
‘In what way?’ Ben demanded when she paused.
‘H-he told me that if I named him as the baby’s father he would deny it, and that if I ever tried to claim maintenance from him I would regret it,’ she whispered brokenly. ‘He said that by the time he had finished there wouldn’t be a hospital in the country that would employ me. He meant it, too.’
‘Hell!’ Ben got up and strode to the window then swung round, anger darkening his expression. ‘Not content with abdicating from his responsibilities, he saw fit to threaten you as well. Not that he would have a leg to stand on if you did decide to sue for maintenance, Anna. It doesn’t take much to prove conclusively who a child’s father is nowadays, thanks to DNA testing!’
‘I know. But I have no intention of asking him for anything,’ she said quick
ly. She frowned when she saw the anger on his face. Ben seemed to have taken what she had told him to heart, and it bothered her. ‘Why are you so angry, Ben? I don’t understand.’
He shrugged and even as she watched the shutters seemed to come down. ‘Who wouldn’t be angry after hearing a tale like that?’
She bit back a sigh because she knew that he was being deliberately evasive. However, at the end of the day, what did it really matter? Surely she should be more concerned about whether or not she still had a job.
She took a deep breath then hurried on before her courage deserted her.
‘How is this going to affect my job at the surgery? I know it was wrong not to tell Adam at my interview, but I was desperate, you understand.’
‘I do, and I don’t think that you need worry too much.’ Ben said firmly. ‘I imagine that Adam will be a bit surprised but I can’t see him sacking you, if that’s what you’re afraid of. It isn’t the sort of thing he would do.’
She let out a heartfelt sigh of relief. ‘Oh, am I glad to hear that! I don’t know what I would do if I lost this job.’
He grimaced when he heard the catch in her voice. ‘You must have been living on a knife edge for weeks, Anna. I can’t imagine how you’ve coped.’
‘I had no choice,’ she replied flatly. ‘I’ve no family now that Jo is dead so I just had to get on with it.’
‘How about friends? Surely they would have wanted to help you?’
‘I lost touch with most of my friends after I moved back here.’ She shrugged. ‘I was too busy nursing Jo at first to go up and down to London to see them. Then, once I’d decided that I would have the baby, it didn’t seem right to contact them.’
‘Why not?’ he asked, frowning.
‘Because I didn’t want them thinking that I was expecting them to help me. I made this decision and it’s up to me to see it through. I was also worried about what they would think.’
‘About you being a surrogate mother, you mean?’ he said astutely.
‘Yes.’ She looked him straight in the eye although her heart was racing. Ben had been sympathetic so far but she needed to know how he really felt about this situation.
‘I was advised by the clinic that it might be best not to tell too many people the truth about the baby. They explained that a lot of folk might be shocked by the idea of me being a surrogate mother.’ She bit her lip. ‘They were right, too. When I happened to mention it at the hospital when I went for my first antenatal check-up, the nurse who was taking my blood pressure made no secret of the fact that she found the idea completely disgusting.’
‘Then she shouldn’t be doing the job.’ Ben’s tone was grim. ‘Obviously it’s your decision entirely what you tell people, but I can’t see why anyone should be shocked or disgusted by such an unselfish act.’
He sat down and took hold of her hand again, and she shivered when she felt his fingers closing around hers. ‘I think you’re a very brave woman, Anna Clemence, brave and totally unselfish to do what you’ve done.’
‘Thank you,’ she whispered, feeling tears of relief welling into her eyes.
Ben sighed when he saw them. ‘Hey, come on now. You’ll make me feel guilty if you start crying!’
‘Sorry!’ She managed a watery smile as she got up and tore off a piece of kitchen roll and blew her nose. ‘I’m just so relieved.’
‘Relieved?’
She heard the surprise in his voice and wished that she hadn’t said that. ‘I was afraid that you’d be disgusted as well when you found out the truth. It wasn’t only the nurse who showed how repulsive she found the idea, you see. My brother-in-law told me last week that he couldn’t understand why any woman would have agreed to be a surrogate. He said that the whole idea was revolting.’
Ben’s face darkened with anger. ‘If he felt like that then why the hell did he agree to it in the first place?’ He sighed when she didn’t answer. He got up and crossed the room. Taking hold of her by the shoulders, he gave her a gentle shake.
‘It sounds to me as though he was looking for an excuse for his own despicable actions, Anna. He knew damn well that he was in the wrong, but was trying to vindicate himself by blaming you. What you’ve done isn’t something to be ashamed of. You should be proud of yourself—do you hear me?’
‘Yes.’ She heard the sincerity in his voice and it felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders all of a sudden. Ben wasn’t shocked or disgusted and it felt so wonderful to know that. Her heart seemed to swell with relief as she smiled at him. ‘Yes!’
The strangest expression crossed his face. Anna tensed when she felt his fingers tighten. For a dizzying moment she thought that he was going to draw her into his arms but he abruptly let her go.
‘So what do you intend to do now? My advice is to tell Adam as soon as possible. Apart from any other consideration, he needs to know for your own safety.’
‘My safety?’ she repeated blankly. If Ben had pulled her into his arms, what would have happened next? a small voice was whispering. Would he have kissed her? Would she have responded?
She had no idea. However, the fact that she was even thinking about it shook her to the depths of her soul. She was over three months pregnant, for heaven’s sake. She shouldn’t be standing there, wondering about things like that!
‘It’s essential that you don’t come into contact with anyone suffering from an infectious illness that might affect your baby,’ he explained firmly.
‘I’ve had German measles,’ she assured him, dragging her wayward thoughts back into line.
‘That’s good to hear but there are other things, like chickenpox, for instance. That can seriously affect a woman in the later stages of pregnancy and cause problems for her baby.’
Anna frowned. ‘But surely Adam could decide that it’s not worth the risk of letting me stay on in the job?’
‘I’m certain that he won’t do any such thing. A lot of women continue to work in medicine while they are pregnant. It’s merely a question of taking a few simple precautions,’ he said firmly.
She summoned a smile but she couldn’t claim that she was totally reassured. She’d been at the surgery barely a week so why should Adam feel that he should keep her on when it was going to cause him so much trouble?
‘Stop it,’ Ben said emphatically. He shook his head when she looked at him in surprise. ‘You were worrying about what Adam is going to say and there’s no need, believe me. He’s one of the most sympathetic people I’ve ever worked with.’
‘How did you know what I was thinking?’ she asked in surprise.
‘Because hiding your feelings isn’t something you’re particularly good at, Anna.’
She frowned when she heard the odd note in his voice. Ben’s mouth compressed when he saw her bewilderment. ‘You were polite when you turned down my invitation to lunch last Saturday, but it was obvious how much you hated the idea.’
She looked away because she wasn’t sure what he might see on her face at that moment. ‘I thought it was for the best, Ben. I’m only going to be here for four months or so, so there’s no point me getting too…too friendly with the people I work with.’
‘So you think it’s best if you go it alone?’ he asked levelly.
She nodded. ‘I have to learn to cope by myself. At the end of the day, this baby is my responsibility and nobody else’s.’
‘I understand that. But everyone needs friends to help them from time to time.’ He looked at her steadily. ‘I hope you’ll let me be your friend, Anna.’ He held his hand out to her once again. ‘How about it?’
Anna stared at his hand. It was large and capable-looking, the sort of hand that could offer support when it was needed. That was what Ben was offering her—support—but would it be right to accept? Would it be wise to come to rely on him? She was a single woman having a baby and he was a single man with no ties. They were poles apart. It was the thought that he might come to regret having offered her the hand of friendship th
at made her hesitate.
‘Anna?’ He said her name softly yet she heard the determination in his voice. He was certain that this was what he wanted to do and suddenly she didn’t have the strength to resist any longer.
She placed her hand in his, refusing to think any more about the wisdom of what she was doing. She wanted to have Ben as her friend. It was as simple as that.
‘Friends it is, then.’
‘I know I should have told you before I accepted the job. I’m sorry.’
Anna tailed off uncertainly. It was Monday morning, a few minutes before surgery began, and she had finally screwed up enough courage to go and see Adam. He hadn’t said a word while she’d told him the full story from start to finish, leaving nothing out. It had seemed the least she could do when she had told Ben everything.
She felt a little ripple run through her as she thought about Ben. He had been constantly on her mind all week-end long. She hadn’t seen him yet that day and she wasn’t sure how she would feel when they met again.
Was he regretting his impulsive offer of friendship, perhaps? she found herself wondering. It was easy to make a promise in the heat of the moment, but he might have had time to reconsider. She knew that she wouldn’t blame him if he had, even though she would be disappointed. She liked the idea of being able to turn to him, funnily enough.
‘I’m glad that you’ve told me now, Anna.’
She looked up when Adam spoke, feeling her stomach tighten with apprehension. ‘I know I should have told you sooner…’ she began, but he shook his head.
‘I understand why you didn’t. You were desperate to get this job. A lot of people would have done the same in your situation. Anyhow, your pregnancy doesn’t pose a problem. How many weeks pregnant are you exactly?’
‘Oh…um…fifteen,’ she replied, feeling almost dizzy with relief. Maybe, just maybe, everything was going to work out.
‘Which means that you’ll be able to fulfill your contract here without putting yourself or the baby at risk in any way.’ Adam flicked through his diary. ‘You’re with us until the end of November, by which time you’ll be about thirty-two weeks by my reckoning.’
The Baby Issue Page 5