A Chance at Love

by T. K. Chapin

  “Who hands down that universal truth to you? To me? If it’s not God?”

  “Nobody. It’s just called being a decent human being, Grandma. I don’t need God to tell me to be a decent person.”

  “He doesn’t need to tell you because it’s part of how you were created, Kyle. You think a hippo gets angry when some savage animal destroys one of its own? No. Sure, they might show something comparable to what looks to be sadness, but they don’t seek revenge and justice for the animal. It’s not how animals work. They don’t have what we have as humans. We have a built-in moral compass that no other creature on earth has.”

  Relaxing back into my chair, I processed all she was saying. “I can go along with the theory that everyone has a compass of morals, but that doesn’t explain why some people commit acts of evil.”

  “Even acts of evil steal from God’s design of good. Hitler, for instance. He sought power, and power itself isn’t necessarily wrong or evil. The corruption didn’t lie within the power, but within the sinful and selfish heart of Hitler, who sought it for himself. He was motivated by his own will. These people who open fire in public and ruthlessly kill are motivated from some form of what they believe is right.”

  “And this selfishness and self-centeredness is . . .”

  “Sin. There’s no society in the world that says to put yourself before others.”

  “What about the religious groups?”

  “They’re under the impression they’re doing the right thing, even though it’s evil and not right. Again, it all boils down to Adam and Eve introducing sin into the world.”

  “Why won’t God stop it?”

  “Then what?”

  “It wouldn’t happen,” I retorted. “People might believe in God if there wasn’t evil in the world.”

  “But you wouldn’t have free will if He showed up and stopped everything bad from happening. He is a loving God; He doesn’t want to force His creation into serving Him. There is a certain beauty that comes by faith, and that would be destroyed if we had no free will. C.S. Lewis worded it in a way that I’ll never forget: ‘Free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.’”

  “Amazingly articulated. I’m starting to understand. I do wonder, though, what about Down Syndrome and people born with disabilities?”

  She smiled sadly. “Times have changed quite a bit since even I was a kid. Those kinds of people and situations in society once upon a time weren’t looked at like problems. They were people who inspired others to have compassion and to love deeper. These situations weren’t looked at as a nuisance, but instead cultivated a deeper part of ourselves that has since been lost.”

  “Seems unfair.”

  “A disability isn’t God being unfair; it’s just another human being with a unique soul that can touch lives in a different kind of way than others. Disabilities don’t limit the person . . .” She touched her temple as she continued. “Only your mind can limit your abilities. And there are plenty of able-bodied people in this world that do far less than many of the people I know with so-called disabilities.”

  Running my fingers through my hair as my eyes widened, I felt like I woke up from a long night’s sleep. My mind usually fought against God and wrestled with the idea of Him, but the way my grandmother articulated herself spoke to the deepest part of my being. Nothing inside of me was resisting, and it was as if everything was coming into focus.

  “What is it, Kyle?”

  “My mind. I’m just . . . I don’t know. I’ve talked to a lot of Christian kids in school and even a few teachers, but this time seems different.” I furrowed my eyebrows. “I don’t know why.”

  “Your soul is searching. Not only do we have a built-in moral compass, but we have a soul that desires to connect with God.”

  I winced. “It sounds nice. Let’s go back to this moral compass. Just because each of us humans seems to have this moral compass, that doesn’t necessarily mean God gave it to us.”

  “Why not? You can’t be governed by the law of morality without being given the law. Just as you see a crooked line and know it’s crooked, it’s not because you don’t know what a straight line is; it’s because you do know what a straight line is. Right and wrong were given to us. We know what is right based on the law of morality.”

  I didn’t have an argument to the theory. There was no way around it in my mind. “All right.”

  “I know that’s probably a bit of information to take in at once. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I smiled. “I’m a truth-seeker, Grandma. I’m open-minded to any truths of the world around me. I’m not upset. In fact, tell me more about God.”

  She looked up at the ceiling of the kitchen and said softly, “Thank you, Jesus!”

  I laughed and then leaned in. “What is that? Right there. With the praying. Do you actually hear God speak to you?”

  She shook her head. “Not in the way you and I speak to one another. No. He speaks to me through the Bible, His creation and the world around me. Kyle, nature sings His praises while His light shines through humanity.”

  “Nature sings? I’m not following.”

  She laughed. “Not literally. Have you ever admired a sunrise? Or something naturally occurring in nature?”

  Glancing out the window of the kitchen, I saw the trees I was admiring a few days back, with the ice that shimmered in the light so majestically. “There is a lot of beauty in the world.”

  “That’s Him. It’s all Him, Kyle. Every good and perfect thing you come across in this world has evidence of Him written all over it.”

  My heart drew closer to the idea of God. We spent the rest of the morning and into part of the afternoon talking about God and the Bible. She pulled out my grandpa’s Bible and told me the story of Calvary and how Jesus had to pay the ultimate price so that we might have a relationship with God. We went through various books of the Bible, and she showed me scriptures she held dear to her heart. By the end of our talk, I could feel my pulse racing.

  Touching my forehead, I said, “I feel odd. I think I need to eat. It’s already one in the afternoon.”

  “You hungry?”

  “I don’t feel hungry.”

  “Maybe it’s not hunger that’s got you feeling a little uneasy, Kyle. I believe that might be the Lord tugging at your heart.”

  “For salvation?” I asked as I thought about the story of Calvary.

  She nodded slowly with a tight-lipped expression on her face that hinted at a smile at the corners. “Do you believe in the story of Calvary?”

  “It makes sense how you explained it and showed me the Scriptures.”

  “Do you believe it?”

  “I do.”

  She smiled. “Good. Do you want to make Jesus your Lord and Savior over your life, Kyle?”

  I sighed as I processed the question.

  “Remember what I said earlier—it’s not a list of restrictions to follow Christ. It’s freedom.”

  I could feel my heart pump harder, and soon I could feel it clear from my toes up to my head. Without even realizing it, I began to speak. “I want to make Him my Savior and ruler over my life.” Suddenly, the thumping slowed and a peace washed over me that made me feel safe and secure. It felt as if God’s own arms wrapped themselves around me.

  My grandmother reached her hand over to mine and rested it atop mine. “Welcome to the family of God.”

  My phone buzzed. It was Emily texting me again.

  Hope I didn’t scare you off.

  I smiled and wiped a tear that was trying to make its escape from an eye. I replied to her text as my grandmother got up and began preparing food for the two of us.

  You didn’t scare me off. . . I had to do some thinking and . . . I just got saved.

  “She’s going to think I’m nuts,” I said as I watched my grandmother spread peanut butter on our pieces of bread over on the counter.

  She looked over a
t me. “Why?”

  Laughing nervously as I replied, I said, “I came and talked to you earlier because she asked me if I believed in God. Now I just told her I’m saved.”

  “She’ll be happy for you,” my grandmother replied, bringing our plates of food over.

  “Really? I don’t want her to think I just converted to appease her.”

  “Do you think she’s shallow-minded?”

  “Well, no . . . I don’t know. She could be. I don’t know her that well, but she didn’t come off as a shallow person when I talked to her.”

  “I’m sure she’ll be happy for your new life in Christ. It’s an intimate relationship and she probably understands that.”

  I nodded. “I hope you’re right.”

  My phone buzzed with a text from Emily.

  =) Yay! I’m so excited for you, Kyle!!!

  Looking up from my phone, my grandmother’s eyebrows were raised as she waited for me to speak. I smiled and said, “You were right. She’s thrilled.”

  My grandma nodded and continued to eat her sandwich.

  In another week I’d be leaving for home, and my appreciation soared for the time I had spent with my grandmother. Never did I think I’d end up leaving her house with a relationship with God. She taught me about Him and provided me insight and understanding that I never received from my own parents.

  That evening, I called Emily and we talked for two hours. She told me about how she had been raised in the church all her life and came to know Christ when she was nine. Emily and I talked more about our lives, and she told me about the verses that helped her in her walk with the Lord over the years. Not only was I learning more about her, but I was learning more about God and my newly found faith, which bonded us in a way.

  CHAPTER 8

  Over the course of the next week, Emily and I spoke every day. She’d call me each evening at seven fifteen, after my grandmother had retired to her bedroom for the night. We were learning so much about each other, and I felt myself falling for her more with each conversation. On the day it was time to leave my grandma’s house, I started my car to let it warm up before I headed back to town. Through my windshield, I could see my grandmother suddenly come out from her house and down the walkway. She had her baby-blue pajamas on, a bathrobe over that, and a pair of rain boots as she limped toward my car. A book of some sort was also tucked under her arm.

  “Kyle!” she called out, waving her free arm as she approached.

  I got out of my car and shut the door. Approaching to meet her at the edge of the driveway, I asked, “What is it, Grandma?”

  “Here,” she said, pulling the book from under her arm. She handed me my grandfather’s Bible that she had led me to Christ with the week prior.

  “I can’t take this,” I replied, trying to push it back to her.

  “Please do,” she insisted. “He’d want you to have it.”

  I took the Bible in my hands and ran my fingers against the worn and weathered cover as a plume of air escaped my lips. My heart warmed.

  “He highlighted a lot and wrote notes all over.”

  I looked at her and smiled. “Thank you. I know how much this meant to you.”

  “He was a smart man. You remind me a lot of him, Kyle. You two would have gotten along really well.”

  “Thanks, Grandma.” Closing the Bible, I leaned in and hugged her tightly. “I’m going to miss you. I’ll be sure to visit as often as I can, and come by our house whenever.”

  After settling in back home, I headed over to see my friend, Jake. He had texted me a few times while I was at my grandma’s house and wanted me to come over and game once I got back to town.

  “Long time, no see,” Jake said as I walked in.

  Closing the door behind me, I nodded to him as he stood in the kitchen. “It’s been a while.”

  I joined him in the kitchen as he opened the oven and pulled out a cookie sheet full of burritos and tater tots. “Did you have to wipe her butt?” he asked as he took off the oven mitts and tossed them on the counter beside the pan.

  I laughed. “No. She had a bruised hip. Some pain, but she was able to move around pretty well.”

  “Ah . . . so a waste of time?”

  I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head. “No. Not at all.” My mind thought of last night’s conversation with Emily about witnessing and how it’s a duty of being a Christian. My heart began thumping as I felt anxiety raise up inside of me. I knew Jake didn’t believe, and I was to be a witness for Christ. “I became a Christian.”

  “Shut your face,” he said. “You’re screwing with me.” He went over to the fridge and opened it.

  I leaned against the counter that separated the kitchen and living room and said, “No way, man. I’m serious.”

  He pulled out a jar of salsa and shut the door. Staring at me, he narrowed his eyes as he tried to figure me out. “You’re serious? The kid who obliterated that Christian girl in an argument in Mrs. Walker’s class our sophomore year is now a Christian?”

  “Yep.”

  His eyebrows went up and he turned, heading over to the cupboard. Pulling a plate out, he looked back at me and said, “So your grandmother brainwashed you into thinking there is a God. Cool.”

  “Hey!” I snapped.

  “Dude. That’s what happened. You were an atheist and went and hung out with your grandma. Now you’re a believer. That’s crazy.”

  “It’s not crazy to believe in God, and I was never an atheist. There’s a lot of merit to Christianity. Think about it, Jake. All this world happened by some random chance? You really can’t honestly say you one hundred percent, whole heartedly believe that!”

  He nodded slowly and replied, “Yeah, I actually can.”

  “Guess you have more faith than me.” I turned and headed into the living room and sat down on the couch. My pulse stayed up. I began praying for God to help my nerves.

  Jake soon came into the room with his plate of burritos and salsa. He set it down on the coffee table and said, “Hey, man. If you want to believe in God, that’s fine. It’s not my business. Just know that I lost respect for you.”

  “What is your problem?”

  He laughed. “How could I respect you? You believe in what now, Kyle? The Bible? You’re a bigoted, homophobic Bible thumper?”

  I stood up and said, “Name calling? Do you know what a bigot is defined as?”

  “Yeah. Christians who are stupid, unintelligent, and won’t accept changes and new ways of the world.”

  “No. You’re wrong.” I walked around the couch as I continued to talk. “It’s someone who cannot tolerate someone with differing opinions. You’re the one who can’t accept that I have a different opinion of things . . . can you? You try to act like it’s fine, but in the same breath you say you lost all respect for me? By definition, you’re the bigot.”

  “You know what? Fine. No, I can’t accept your new-found faith, Kyle! I’ve known you since kindergarten, and you go away for two weeks and everything I know about you changes? You suddenly believe in the Bible and in God?” He laughed and kept a smirk on his face. “Seriously?”

  “I’m leaving.” I headed to the front door. I paused and looked back at him. “I’ll pray for you.” Opening the door, I left.

  Calling Emily on my way down to the car, I had tears welling in my eyes. Jake was my best friend since I was five. Our friendship was one I used to cherish, and now it was reduced to nothing in a single conversation. I couldn’t have ever imagined a conversation like that going the way it had just gone. I was devastated by his hatred. As I felt myself breaking apart, Emily answered the phone and all the sadness shattered.

  After explaining everything that happened, she said in the sweetest voice, “You did the right thing. Defending your faith the way that you did is sometimes the most difficult thing you’ll do, but God will comfort you. I’m impressed you were able to take a stand like that, Kyle.”

  “I was scared, but I had to do it. I’ll be honest . .
. I was hoping he might want to be a Christian too.”

  “That’s normal. You can pray for that change to happen, but God calls us in His divine timing, not ours. His will has to come before ours.”

  I nodded. “Makes sense since we are dead to Christ. Is there any chance I could come over and see you? I don’t work for a couple of hours and I’m pretty shaken up. It’d be nice to see you right now.”

  “I’d love that. Wait, no. I can’t. I mean. I have to do a thing with my sister here in a few.”

  “Okay.” Her stumbling words worried me. Was she hiding something? What was it if she was? A boyfriend? I needed to know. “What are you hiding from me? It can’t be the way you look, even if you’re having a bad hair day. I’ve seen you before. You’d look great no matter what your hair was doing.” I laughed. “I’m sorry if you’re truly not hiding anything. I just get the feeling I’m missing something here.”

  She was silent.

  “Usually people like to spend time with each other and see each other when they’re interested in each other, not just sit on the phone.”

  “What about people in long distance relationships?”

  “That doesn’t apply to us, Emily. Obviously.”

  She sighed. “You’re right. I have something I’m not saying, but I don’t want to share it . . . ya know?” She began to cry as she continued. “I just need you to respect my decision to not share a certain part of my life with you right now.”

  I felt a knot in my throat as I feared the worst. “Are you dating somebody else?”

  “No!” she snapped and then began crying more. “I’m sorry. I’m trying not to cry. I don’t want to make you feel manipulated.”

  “No. I’m sorry . . .” I felt myself desiring to know what this secret was, but I also wanted to respect her. Knowing she was trustworthy, I began backpedaling. “I shouldn’t push it. I want to respect your decision, Emily. I’ll wait for you to share that part of your life with me. Don’t worry about church, either. I’ll keep my distance.”

  “Thank you.”

  I had to trust Emily. While we had only just started talking a couple of weeks ago, I felt I already knew her. The secret did worry me, but I knew trust was required in any good foundation of a relationship. I also knew the God we both loved. I needed to not only put my trust in Emily, but in the Lord.