The Comedown

by Martin Doohan

  ‘Good, thanks,’ George replied, and it was true. He felt relieved. She was pretty too. His itch wasn’t completely scratched though, and after he had put his jacket back on he took a step toward the girl and spoke softly to her, which immediately made her cower away and move towards the back door into the main house where she knew there would be help if punters got aggressive.

  ‘Don’t be afraid, darling, I just want to ask you for a favour.’

  ‘OK,’ she said.

  ‘I like, uh, certain things, and I hoped you might be able to help me. You were great but I like my girls, well, to be frank, on their period.’ She looked at him quizzically, but he carried on regardless and without embarrassment. ‘Really heavy if possible, and I was hoping that you might know a girl who could help me? I’d pay double the going rate.’

  She could tell he was serious, if a little bit fucked up but she had seen it all before. She looked at her watch, and then at the clock on the wall.

  ‘Wait here.’ She left him in the small room with the curtain still pulled, and walked out the back door into the main building. A few minutes later she returned.

  ‘Yes, I can help you. There is a girl, but she is not working. I will send her a message. Come back every hour, she will be here at some point for you.’

  George thanked her and gave her a large note of some description that she seemed to be happy with before pulling back the curtain and making his way out. He saw an Irish Bar in the distance and set his sights on a stiff whiskey. The whole place seemed to be alive now. He felt comfortable as he entered the Irish Bar and was met with a typical nod and a greeting in ‘Dutch English’, which he thought was basically English but with S’s on the end of the words.

  He ordered a pint of Guinness and sat down close to the large front window. He was convinced he’d see the boys at some point. He was sure the little cunts were here. Doing what? He couldn’t work it out. Probably just shitting themselves and hoping it would all blow over. He laughed to himself at the idea.

  2.19 Abi Asks…

  Waves of paranoia coursed through Tom’s body on the way to meet the girls. He started using shop windows and other reflective surfaces to try to see whether anyone was following them or had taken any kind of interest in them.

  He gave a start when Lassie suddenly came to a stop in front of him. ‘Welcome to Leidsplein.’ Lassie took a bow and folded away his map. ‘Don’t want to look like tourists now, do we?’

  Tom shook his head, ‘Of course not, lad. We want to blend in with our European brothers and sisters as much as possible!’

  They looked at each other and laughed.

  ‘Come on, let’s find the bar and get a drink.’

  The sun was beginning to set and the neon signs were now jostling for position in the evening sky. They soon spotted the sign for Feelgoods Bar under a flashing 8 ball pool sign and headed towards it. Tom felt especially pleased at the thought of getting off the street. He kept imagining the Scousers coming up behind them…

  At that instant, Tom felt a hand grab his arm and pull him back sharply. His first reaction, as he pulled away, was to shout to Lassie; his second was to chin the cunt who had just grabbed him. He spun around trying to just that, and was successful in breaking the grip on his left arm. He began to back away into the road.

  ‘Fuck me, boys, you’re a bit jumpy – you been eating those fucking mushies?’

  It was Aky, the Tollesbury stoner they had met earlier and who’s driving license they were still in possession of.

  ‘Listen, lads, I owe you a fucking drink. I was fucking totaled earlier and the guy at the hostel said two lads brought me back. I guessed it could only be you two so thank you, muchly appreciated! I needed a fucking rest. Small world, eh?’

  Smiling, and now much calmer, Tom said, ‘Cool. Yeah, it was us. We had to, you were fucking mashed! How are you feeling now?’

  Aky toasted them with a pint of what looked like water, ‘I feel a little better, though my piss is like warm, hot Lucozade! How the fuck has your day been panning out, boys?’

  Tom and Lassie laughed at the mental image they had just been sold…

  ‘Drinking the good old H2O, then?’ Lassie asked.

  ‘Fuck no, Vodka lime and soda without the trimmings! Listen, join us for a drink? Let’s all get mangled.’

  At this Aky began to introduce the other lads he was with, who all seemed to be from different places and weren’t the people he’d actually come to Amsterdam with. His mates were somewhere else and were meeting him later.

  The boys cried off, explaining that they were on their way to meet up with some girls. They made vague promises to meet up later for a few beers and other indulgences.

  ‘Nice one,’ said Aky as Tom and Lassie retreated in the direction of Feelgoods, but the taking the precaution of walking past and then ducking in without any of the other crowd noticing.

  ‘We don’t really need that, Lass. We need to keep below the radar.’

  Lassie agreed and then said, ‘Can you see the girls?’

  There was no need to answer the question, as there were the two girls, holding pool cues and waving at them from across the bar. Kisses and hugs were exchanged as though they were old friends and Tom felt instantly relaxed – as if any preying eyes looking for two English boys would be instantly averted at the sight of two couples who obviously knew each other out on a double date playing pool…

  Abi signed to her sister who then spoke to Tom and Lassie, ‘Abi wants to know what you boys would like to drink?’

  ‘Whatever you’re having,’ Tom replied. Lassie chimed in with a nod and thanked Abi with a wink. Pascale was soon back from the bar with four beers and four shots of vodka. ‘Keeping it simple,’ she exclaimed and handed out the shots which were downed and chased with cold Amstel. “’OK, teams? And who’s going to break?’

  2.20 Take her home

  George stared into the foam at the bottom of his glass and then looked around the room. He decided he liked Amsterdam; it was his kind of place. Anything goes here he thought to himself as he stood up and walked to the door. He nodded as he left and was thanked for his custom in perfect English. Yes, he was very impressed with what he’d seen so far and made a mental note to return, next time on a more leisurely trip. He strode purposefully through the now busy streets of the red light district, his imposing size leaving groups of stags and hens and Asian tourists in no doubt that they should give way to him. He reached the doorway he was aiming for and saw the curtain was drawn, clearly the girl was busy inside plying her trade. He waited and it wasn’t long before a stringy teenager came out, blushed red and smiling to a chorus of well-dones from his waiting crowd of friends who, it became apparent from the overheard conversation had paid for him to lose his virginity.

  George smiled to himself and approached the window. The girl inside recognised him, put on a dressing gown and approached the door. She said she’d been able to get in touch with the other girl who was willing and would be in later. She went on to say that he was welcome to use her room but he would have to pay her for the room hire and pay the other girl for her time.

  George said, ‘So I have to pay twice?’

  The girl smiled and told him that basically yes, he had to pay twice, but it was actually her doing him a favour as she would be out of pocket as she would not be earning while he was enjoying himself. ‘That’s the deal, mister, you want it or not?’

  George internally applauded her business sense and agreed, happy with the deal. He had a special one in the bag and nobody else would be slaughtering it before he got there later which made him feel slightly better about the money. He thanked her for helping him and turned on his heels to get Gary Sparks up and out.

  George knocked on the door of Gary’s room and waited for a response. Nothing stirred for over thirty seconds. He knocked again and this time heard shuffling. Gary soon opened the door, dressed in a clean top, pants and one sock. George pushed the door open and walked in. He waited
for it to close before speaking to Gary.

  ‘You dirty little bastard, Gary.’ George laughed.

  ‘What the fuck are you on about, George?’ Gary grabbed his jeans and began to put them on.

  ‘You… you dirty little cunt,’ George laughed as he pointed at Gary’s naked foot. ‘You’ve been choking the Bishop!’

  Gary laughed, ‘Fuck it, you got me,’ and flipped his sock into the bin to join the other one. He grabbed a new pair from his bag and sat on the bed to put them on.

  ‘You been shopping, Gary?’ George asked in surprise.

  ‘Just a few things. Give me two minutes’, boss, and I’ll be with you.

  Gary finished dressing and the two men went downstairs and out onto the street. They decided to wander about and watch the crowds.

  After a while they came to a huge neon sign offering ‘live shows with audience participation.’

  ‘Fancy it, Gaz?’

  Gary shrugged.

  ‘Come on then,’

  They took their place in a queue of about twenty people. The queue began to erode as it slid into the small red double doors of the club. It was dark in the foyer with low ceilings and a small bar area with toilets to one side. They paid the entrance fee and Gary Sparks sourced two large single malts with two ice and handed one to George, hoping he was calm enough to handle it. The walls were plain dark red, the door into the main room was also red and clearly marked with Entrance and Exit lights and draped with heavy curtains with red and gold velvet tassels.

  ‘Looks like a fucking porn abattoir don’t you think, George?’

  ‘Very fucking much so, Gary, very fucking much so.’ George felt like a porn gladiator and he was ready for battle.

  Neither man got very far before stopping and turning to each other. Gary spoke first and made sure he didn’t give away any emotional response as he needed to know what George thought first, ‘Well… Thoughts?’

  George looked as though he had just climbed into a doll’s house. He was a big man and frankly he could probably touch the ceiling if he stood on one of the chairs. He nearly laughed, this was definitely amusing.

  He turned to Gary, who relaxed when he saw the look on George’s face.

  ‘It’s a bit fucking intimate isn’t it, Gary?’ George put his hand on Gary’s shoulder and finished his whisky as a little bell sounded and a dwarf dressed top to toe in leather and a gimp mask climbed up onto the little stage and announced the show would start in five minutes. He also said that any members of the public who wanted to appear after the main event should register with the front door staff. ‘Couples, singles or groups are welcome. Anything goes.’ He exited stage left to the applause of the twenty or so punters in the tiny theatre.

  They sat down on the end of a row of bench like seats covered in easy-clean faux leather. A man and a woman soon sat down next to Gary and smiled at him.

  Clearly hired for the weekend, Sparksy,’ George whispered into Gary’s ear. ‘Wonder how much it costs by the day?’

  Gary thought George was about to ask but fortunately he just leant forward to take off his jacket.

  ‘It’s fucking hot in here, eh?’

  Gary Sparks nodded in agreement, while staring at the beautiful arse on the girl sitting next to him. The punter had his arms draped around her and was busily caressing her left tit whilst kissing her neck. Gary couldn’t tell if she was enjoying this but he told himself she clearly wasn’t and she would be better off with him, he’d show her a much better time! He was staring at her arse again and admiring the hot pants that were barely holding her in, when he glanced up and saw the punter was looking directly at him. He gave Gary a little wink and carried on, almost popping her tit out of her top and attempting to pull her on top of him. Gary heard her tell him to watch the show and he slid her off and took his drink from the little ledge which ran along the back of the seats. He leant over to speak to Gary, ‘She fucking loves it, the slag, they all do!’

  Gary felt sorry for the girl. She clearly had to put up with wankers like that most of the time. Gary smiled briefly and raised his hand and ordered two Amstel, still trying to keep George off the scotch.

  For the next half hour, they were treated to naked dwarf sex, doggy style sex and a girl blowing ping-pong balls out of her fanny, for her finale she scored 180 on an oversize dartboard by blowing darts out of a piece of grey gutter piping inserted into her vagina. The whole room clapped and the curtains came down for the interval. They ordered more drinks and, Gary saw, to his surprise, that next to him the man had released his little beauty from her hot pants. She was now sitting astride him in her knickers and pouring lager into his mouth. He then began nibbling and biting her breasts, telling her that she fucking loved it and was a dirty little whore. He turned again to Gary as he pushed her off and got up to go to the toilet.

  Gary looked her almost apologetically and sipped his lager. She leant over and spoke quietly to him, ‘I don’t fucking love it at all, especially with fucking arseholes like him,’ with which she winked at him, took his beer and drank a mouthful.

  Gary just smiled and hoped she hadn’t been sucking the arseholes cock earlier as she had just touched the top of his glass.

  The arsehole returned and took his seat, again winking at Gary as he went straight in for the tit and began sucking on it greedily. He pulled her around to massage the other breast and again, gave Gary Sparks a beautiful view of her arse and pretty much everything else.

  The lights came down and the show started. This time it was a girl and a dildo on stage doing her thing to some Dire Straits tune. Both men sat mesmerised by the girl on stage and Gary could feel himself starting to get a little fizzy. He sank his lager and ordered some more. As he lowered his arm his hand brushed against the girl next to him. He thought nothing of it as he watched out of the corner of his eye as the arsehole groped her. She didn’t seem to mind. The drinks arrived and he passed one to George who was totally engrossed. Gary leant back in his seat and sat watching the show until he felt someone touch his hand. He looked down and saw it was the hand of the girl sitting next to him, she took his hand and led him to her arse, placed his hand on it and left it there. The room was totally dark now and the punter was still groping her tits and kissing her neck. Gary began slowly stroking her arse, rubbing her cheeks and arse crack. She responded with a low moan of appreciation, which encouraged both men to continue doing what they were doing, though only one of them was having any effect. Gary continued rubbing her and slid one, then two fingers into her as she began pushing back onto him moaning ever so lightly. The punter, meanwhile, clearly thought he was Hugh Heffner and continued telling her that ‘she loved it’ in her ear. Gary Sparks couldn’t believe his luck as he sat there, in the dark fingering the girl next to him. He wanted to tell George but didn’t want to make a scene. His cock was nearly busting out of his jeans and it took all his concentration not to fizz up into the front of his shorts. The show continued and as the girl on stage writhed and approached her own, natural conclusion, the girl next to him – now soaking wet – was moaning in unison.

  On stage the girl’s back arched and her belly twitched as she reached her climax, or not, George thought. She could just be a bloody good actor.

  Next to him Gary, with almost his whole hand inside the girl next to him, came in his pants for the first time since secondary school.

  And next to him, the woman with almost a whole hand inside her came for the first time in months.

  Next to her, the arsehole also came in his pants for the second time in a week.

  As the lights came up Gary Sparks was busily wiping his hand on his trousers, it looked like he he’d been having his way with a jellyfish. He smiled as the girl turned around and winked at him and pulled up her hotpants. He glanced up and caught the eye of the punter. He winked again at Gary.

  ‘She fucking loves me, mate, did you hear her? She fucking loves me…’

  ‘Yes, mate,’ Gary replied, ‘You’ve got a keeper there.
Take her home with you!’

  The punter looked puzzled… then held up his left hand that displayed a wedding ring.

  ‘Of course I’m taking her home, she’s my fucking wife!’

  Gary’s eyes nearly popped out of his head and he downed his lager in one. He fucking loved Amsterdam!

  2.21 Stripes and Spots

  The pool balls were old school stripes and spots. The table, one of the big American ones with huge pockets. The white ball was massive and the cues were heavy. It wasn’t ideal conditions for pool but there was chalk and chalk was the most important thing when playing pool. Even if when breaking you were in danger of giving your wrist a stress fracture. It was girls against boys and the Dutch girls were more than able pool players. The girls were fun and Tom had almost forgotten why they were here by the start of the third frame. Lassie looked happy too, even more so now he’d had a few vodkas and beers and was getting used to communicating with Abi again, who took it all in her stride. Another lovely young Dutch girl with a huge smile was pulling the beers. They were everywhere; maybe he should stay in Amsterdam. It seemed a good idea until he reminded himself of the situation he had to deal with first.

  ‘So, ladies,’ he ventured, leaning on his cue, ‘what have you got planned for us tonight?’

  Pascale said that after they’d played some more pool they were going to take the boys to a more local club for house music and dancing. Tom loved the idea, especially the idea of getting out of the way of the more touristy places.

  ‘OK?’ Pascale said.

  ‘Cool with us, eh, Tom?’

  Tom nodded in agreement and wobbled an empty glass at Lassie who wandered off towards the bar, returning in amazing time with another tray of booze. Abi held up two fingers on each hand and signaled for a decider.

  ‘Last game! Come on, boys, you’re getting worse as the vodka flows. Easy targets!’