Seer

by Ashley Maker

  “Your father’s a retired tracker. He knows how to take care of himself.”

  Even though I don’t like Chris, Kade’s words comfort me. Now I understand why he was always so paranoid. Was all of this why he drank? To forget the exact same things that have been unleashed on me since I got here? If that’s the case, I feel sorry for him, and it’s no wonder Mom ran away. But I wish she’d been the one to tell me. If growing up on a compound would have kept her from disappearing, I would have done it.

  I would have done anything to save her.

  As if he can sense my thoughts, Kade shifts away but keeps a hold on my hand. He laces our fingers together and gives a squeeze. “You ready to move on?”

  My eyebrows draw together until I realize he’s talking about literally moving on, as in physically putting one foot in front of the other. I mumble an okay and try not to stumble from near blindness as he guides our way down the path. His grip on my hand is the only thing keeping me from falling, and he doesn’t let go until I’m able to walk on my own.

  21

  The next three and a half weeks are filled with training, homework, training, enough warmth and sunshine to transform the white landscape to a vibrant green, and more training. By now, fewer people stare when I walk into a room, and I’ve either gotten used to perpetually sore muscles, or my body is no longer as out of shape. Regardless of which one it is, the physical workouts aren’t nearly as bad now that I can move without wincing. The hands-down best part of training is running with Kade.

  We run six days a week. Monday through Friday is for regular endurance training, jogging up and down the same steep mountain trails. Saturday is a day off, and Sunday we go back out on the trails under the excuse of the accelerated training program, but really we’re just out there to be out there, since everybody else is off for the entire weekend.

  Kade is different on Sundays. He keeps his distance during the week, treating me like the other students during class and keeping the topic to training or Seer stuff on the way to and from the trails. But on Sundays, he’s more relaxed, and the pace is more leisurely with us talking more than we actually run. It’s the only time of the week I can completely let my guard down, because he’s the one person here I don’t have to hide myself from.

  So of course something—or rather someone—has to ruin it.

  This Sunday, Laila announced she was going to run with us. I have no idea why, especially since she told me last week she’d rather chew glass than run around on a mountain all the time like I do. Yet here she is, jogging behind Kade and in front of me on the trail.

  The pace isn’t slow today, and nobody says much. Kade maintains a grueling speed that has me winded in an effort to stay up with the two of them. It doesn’t help that most of the snow has melted, turning the dirt paths into a slippery, muddy mess. After a couple of miles, he glances over a shoulder and notices I’m struggling.

  He slows to a walk. “Let’s cool down and head back.”

  “Finally,” Laila says, rolling her head from one side to the other. “How can you two do this every Sunday? It’s so boring.”

  I’m too busy trying to catch my breath to answer her, but a look passes between me and Kade.

  He almost smiles. “This is helping Clare catch up with the rest of her class.”

  Laila squishes her face like he said something distasteful. “There are other ways she could get caught up. Sparring. Weight training. A treadmill. You know, things that can be done inside.”

  Kade frowns. “A treadmill doesn’t even compare to what she’s learning out here. This is better for conditioning.”

  “Blah, blah, blah,” Laila retorts with a roll of her eyes. “It’s still boring. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since it’s coming from you.”

  Kade clenches his jaw. “Are you done yet?”

  “Oh, trust me,” Laila says with a scoffing sound. “I could go on.”

  “Is this the reason you came out here—just so you could cause a fight?” Kade snaps.

  “No!” Laila’s voice rises, but something in her eyes softens. “I wasn’t trying to cause a fight. I came with you guys ‘cause I was bored. All of my friends are at college, and I’m stuck here being as lame as you.”

  “You could have gone to college, too.”

  She looks away, her frustration not directed at him for once. “I wanted to, but my dad was so intent on me trying for an instructor position. I couldn’t tell him no when it meant so much to him. You have no idea what that kind of pressure is like. Your parents are dead.”

  I gasp. How in the world can she say that?

  Kade comes to a halt so fast Laila almost bumps into him and I bump into her. An unnatural silence permeates the forest as her words fester deeper into wounds that will never fully heal. I would know. All I can think about is how my mom will never be here to pressure me on my own big life decisions.

  A vein pulses in Kade’s neck. His words are clipped and barely controlled when he says, “You’re lucky you still have both your parents.”

  He stalks down the path without another word.

  Laila’s shoulders hunch forward, and for a tiny moment, she looks vulnerable in a way I’ve never seen before. “I didn’t mean….” She swallows and her voice hardens. “Whatever. I didn’t mean it like that and he knows it.”

  I shake my head slowly. My throat feels tight when I say, “Whether you meant it like that or not doesn’t change the fact that it hurts.”

  Her face blanches. “Oh, Clare. Your mom. I completely forgot.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “No, it’s not. I’m sorry. I know you still miss her.”

  I nod and try to shake it off as we catch up to Kade, but Laila’s words are exactly why she’s incompatible with Sundays. Why I can’t tell her how I really feel. She attached the word still to missing Mom—like I’m going to wake up one day and stop missing her. But that’s not how it works, and at least there’s one person here who understands that. One person who likes boring Sundays as much as I do.

  * * *

  Laila and I are skirting mud puddles on our way to the cafeteria for dinner when I finally get enough guts to ask her something that’s been on my mind since I got here.

  “Why do you and Kade hate each other so much?”

  Her teeth worry over her bottom lip, leaving marks in the perfect pink gloss. “I don’t hate him.”

  I raise my eyebrows. “Yeah?”

  She sighs. “Yeah. It’s just…he and I have always competed for the same things. The same recognition, the same awards, the same job. And he almost always wins.” She smiles in a sad sort of way. “Once, I thought we both were going to get something we wanted, but it turns out I was only being naïve. We didn’t want the same thing at all. I know it’s silly, but it’s hard to forgive him for that. I ended up looking like a complete idiot to everyone I knew. It was so embarrassing.”

  So that’s what Kade meant about her wanting to date him when he wasn’t interested. She really must have stalked him like he said. That would make anyone look idiotic. I cringe inwardly for her. “I’m sorry. That would be hard for anyone.”

  “Yeah, I cried like a little girl, but then I got over it. Still peeved, though. That jerk-face.”

  We both laugh. I feel lighter somehow in finally knowing what happened between them from both sides. She doesn’t seem as crazy, and he wasn’t lying. There’s nothing wrong with him not liking her back. They just weren’t right for each other.

  When we get to the cafeteria, Tarry is waiting for me like he almost always does. Laila rolls her eyes and pushes his arm, but smiles at us before going her separate way to the line.

  “Hey, Blue Eyes,” Tarry says with a grin. “How’s your day been?”

  I grin back and lead the way to our dinner choices. “I spent most of it with your sister.”

  “Ouch,” he says with a grimace. “Tough break.”

  “Ha-ha. She’s not that bad when she isn’t around Kade.”


  “You were with him again today?” Tarry asks, voice changing slightly.

  I glance at him over a shoulder. Deep furrows mar the space between his eyes. “I train with him every Sunday.”

  The plastic silverware thwacks onto his tray. “He’s asking too much of you. You need time to yourself, too. If you want me to talk to my dad about it, I will.”

  “No, don’t. Please,” I say quickly, turning to face him so he’ll know I’m serious. “I like running on the trails, and they wouldn’t let me go out there by myself.”

  His narrowed eyes relax. “They might if I went with you.”

  “You hate running.”

  A crooked grin stretches across his face, erasing the last of the tension around his eyes. “I know, but if you wanted me to go with you, I would.”

  I blush and turn a ridiculous amount of attention to the lasagna and chicken parmesan I have to choose between. I like both. Why couldn’t they have served something gross as a second choice, like meatloaf? My head tilts to the left and right as I deliberate.

  Tarry laughs. “Can’t decide again, huh?”

  I nod. “Italian night and I have such a love-hate relationship.”

  “Get both.”

  “I can’t eat both. It’d be such a waste.”

  Tarry grabs a plate of lasagna and puts it on his tray. “I’ll get this, and you get the chicken. We can split with each other.”

  I look over at him with a smile. “You’re the best, Tarry.”

  “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” he teases while loading up the rest of his tray with salad and bread and, as always, a huge blue sports drink.

  After adding salad and a chocolate milk to my tray, we check out and join Piper and Aaron at our regular table near the front door.

  “Where’s Jeremy?” I ask and start cutting the chicken in half for Tarry.

  Piper glares at a table across the room. “He’s with his new girlfriend.”

  I ignore the half-cut chicken and lean forward. “He has a girlfriend? When did that happen?”

  “Last night, but I hope they break up.” She takes a huge bite of lasagna and chews angrily.

  “What’s wrong with her?” Tarry asks. He puts half the lasagna on my plate, reminding me to get cutting.

  I finish sawing through the chicken quickly and give him half.

  “Thanks.”

  “You too.” I smile. We all dig into our food for a few minutes, until I realize Piper never answered Tarry. “Hey, I second Tarry’s question. What’s wrong with this girl that you want them to break up?”

  Aaron stops heaping food into his mouth and smirks. “The snob doesn’t wanna sit with us, that’s what’s wrong with her. Piper’s taking it personally.”

  “Well,” she splutters. “He’s my baby brother. It’s pathetic to see him changing everything about himself just so she’ll like him. Don’t even get me started on her stupid prejudices. Shayla. How dare she insult” —her gaze lands on me before she glares at the far table again— “us like that.”

  I almost choke on the bite of chicken I just swallowed. “Wait. Does she not want to sit at our table because of me?”

  Piper’s eyes widen. She shares a look with Aaron and Tarry before looking down at the table.

  “That’s the reason, isn’t it?” The chair smacks against my back as I sit up straight and stare at each of them. “But I don’t even know her.”

  Tarry leans over and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Forget about her. She’s a stupid fifteen-year-old. She’s the one missing out.”

  “Tarry’s right,” Aaron says, pointing at me with his fork. “That little freckled thing has nothing on you.”

  “She’s really stupid,” Piper agrees, “and so is Jeremy for choosing to be with her instead of us.”

  “I just don’t get why she dislikes me. I don’t think I’ve ever even talked to her before.”

  Another look passes between the three of them.

  Tarry squeezes my shoulder. “Some people are paranoid, that’s all. There have been a lot of rumors.”

  “Rumors about what?”

  Piper cringes. “They think you’re an implant. Like, that you’re working for the Rogues and you’re going to start killing people when ordered to.”

  My mouth drops. I struggle with the disbelief, hurt, and embarrassment that hit me all at once. Sure, Mathias thought that when I first got here, but I’ve been here almost a month. I’ve made friends. I thought people were getting to know me.

  I thought people were starting to like and accept me, and until now I didn’t realize how much I actually wanted those things.

  “Oh, I’m going to kill him,” Piper growls. “And then her. And then the two of them together.”

  “I’ll help you,” Aaron says in a tone that’s almost as angry as hers.

  “Not everyone thinks that about you,” Tarry says, still holding me tight. “None of us feel that way, and we’re the only ones who matter.”

  “Thanks, guys.” I try to smile, but even I can tell I failed at it. “I think I’m gonna head back to the dorm. I’m not really hungry anymore.”

  Each of them protests I should stay. When I insist on going, they all offer to go back with me, even Aaron.

  “No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.” I stand from my chair and pick up my tray. “I need to be alone for a little while. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

  A chorus of “Clare, don’t” and “Clare, are you sure?” and “Clare, you don’t have to” follows me as I say goodnight. I almost trip over my own feet getting to the trash receptacles. Now that I know what people have been saying about me, it’s like blinders have been taken off. Sure, some people seem fine around me, but for the first time in a while, I notice the ones who aren’t. The ones who stare at me like I don’t belong. Like I’ll never belong.

  My hands are shaking as I throw away the food and slap the tray on top of the receptacle. The speed of light wouldn’t get me out of here fast enough. It takes all my self-control not to fling the door open and run out of the cafeteria. My heartbeat races even after I’m on the cobblestone path. I suck in a deep breath as fear joins the blood pumping through my veins.

  I can feel how close I am to phasing.

  Nobody is around. It wouldn’t matter if I did, but the last time I phased was weeks ago—that night with Kade at the Tower.

  Apparently, abilities coming and going in spurts is all a part of the expertus process. Kade says it’s my body’s way of recharging between phases so I don’t go into shock from the overload to my senses. But I like to think the lack of freaky visual occurrences means this whole becoming-a-Seer thing is total bunk. The last thing I want is to have my fragile theory overthrown right now. Not after what happened in there. Inhaling shakily, I force myself to plod down the sidewalk to the dorm.

  I’m barely out of sight of the cafeteria when a hand lands on my arm. I shriek and whirl around, arms out defensively. “Oh, it’s you.”

  Kade looks from my arms to my face, eyebrows drawn in concern. “I saw the way you hurried outside. What’s going on?”

  The urge to throw myself into his arms is so overpowering I have to start walking again to keep myself from doing it. “Today has been a disaster.”

  He falls into step beside me. “This afternoon certainly was, but what happened in there?”

  I shrug. “People don’t like me.”

  “Who doesn’t like you?”

  “Some freshman, but apparently she’s not the only one. I just didn’t know it before.”

  Kade nods and doesn’t even try to deny it. “That’s going to happen no matter where you go or who you’re around.”

  My back and shoulders tighten as I swing my head to get a better look at him. He’s serious. “Am I that unlikeable?”

  “How strangers perceive you has nothing to do with you being likeable. It has to do with them. Their own fears and insecurities. They’ll judge you because you’re new, because you’re a Seer,
because your situation is different, because you are likeable, because you’re pretty. Someone will always find a reason to judge you. The ones who do know you know it’s utter B.S.” His eyes meet mine. “You should know that’s what it is, too.”

  “Thanks.” I bite my lip, but still smile as my head dips down and I stare at the ground. He said I’m pretty. And likeable.

  Kade steps close. Our hands brush, and a tiny zap of electricity runs up my arm. “I missed this today.”

  My pulse thrums faster and faster. “Me too.”

  “Let’s leave early next Sunday. It’s supposed to be warmer, and I want to show you something.”

  I glance sideways at him. “Show me what?”

  He gives a slow smile. His hand brushes against mine again. “It won’t be a surprise if I tell you.”

  We’re almost at the girl’s dorm. I slow my steps, and he does, too. Normally, I hate surprises, but this one feels different. This one feels like the unknown of a first date, all mysterious and exciting. My heart flutters. I curl my fingers, then straighten them again. “You know, Laila eats breakfast with her family on Sunday mornings. We could leave while she’s still there. No chance of her going with us.”

  Kade’s smile widens into a heart-stopping grin. “Next Sunday then?”

  “Next Sunday.” I smile back.

  Even if it’s only for that moment, I no longer care about what all the other people think about me or what’s going to happen tomorrow. Being around Kade is like that sometimes. He’s the best way to stop thinking about all of the bad things.

  The best way to forget about everything.

  22

  Right around the time I decide that maybe I overreacted, and I kind of like being at the compound despite those who dislike me, Instructor Morris has to go and ruin everything.

  Thanks, O Bearded Wonder.

  All of my building confidence is reduced to zero the next morning with his thoughtless command for me to get my pretty little head to the mats and start kicking butt and taking names. If that’s not bad enough, Aaron is my very first sparring partner.