I patted my daughter on the head, still thinking I could turn things around. “I was thinking we could do something special today. How about we go to the Museum and see the dinosaurs? Would you like that?”
A smile came alive across her face. “Really? Can Mommy come too?”
“You know she went home.”
“Well, when I called her last night she said she’d see me today.”
“Oh really?” Had Veronica lied about going to California? I’d have to find out.
“She said she’d take me out for dinner if I was a good girl all day.”
“How about we worry about today first. If Mommy calls we’ll figure it out then.”
“Can Gracie come?”
“Gracie isn’t here.” I knew Rachel was still in the house, probably listening to us talk. “What if Miss Rachel came with us instead?”
Harper shrugged. “Okay. Do you like her, Daddy?”
“I’ll tell you a secret. When I was younger, before I met your mother, Miss Rachel was my girlfriend.”
Harper giggled, like it was a taboo topic. It was actually cute. “But you didn’t marry her?”
“Nope. She ran away from me before I could ask. That’s why Daddy was so happy to see her. She’s been my friend for a long time, and I missed her.”
“Will she be your girlfriend again?”
“I don’t know. Daddy still has to talk to Mommy about some things. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. You know she’s special to me.”
“Will Mommy be sad?” She seemed confused.
“I’m not sure. For now I’d like it if Rachel could be our friend. Do you think that’s okay?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” I stood up and peered down at my daughter. “How about you brush your teeth and meet me downstairs. I’ll make you pancakes and maybe some bacon.”
She hopped up and began jumping on the bed. For a five year old she was pretty smart, but I doubted she really understood what was going on. At least she wasn’t freaking out. That had to be better than the alternative.
I found Rachel in the kitchen. She was trying to make coffee. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Good morning, beautiful.”
“I’ll be out of here as soon as you take me to my car.”
“I have bad news. It seems you have plans today. I need you to keep an open mind.”
“Don’t you want me to leave before Harper sees me?”
“Nope. I told you I’m done pretending. This is what I want, and I’m going to make damn sure we get it worked out.” I waited until she turned to look in my eyes. “You and I are taking Harper to the Museum today. She wants to see the dinosaurs, and I think it’s a great opportunity for the two of you to get to know one another.”
“Chad, you can’t be serious. Her mother will flip.”
“I don’t give a shit. Harper is my child. I’m not putting her in danger. I’m introducing her to new things in life. I’m teaching her to be honest.”
“She’s a child. She won’t understand.”
“I told her we were friends. She knows you used to be my girlfriend.”
“What?” She seemed to be in disbelief. “Why would you tell her that?”
“I don’t want her thinking I pulled you off the street and decided you were better than her mother. Harper is smart. She understands you’re special to me, and after what she might have saw last night I wanted her to know we’d been close before. She doesn’t have to know what we were doing. It was too dark for her to be able to decipher what acts were taking place. If it gets back to her mother I’m going to tell her we were hugging, not that it’s any of her business.”
“Chad,” she reluctantly replied. “I don’t know. It’s all so fast.”
“There is no going slow with us, Rach. Look what happened last night.”
Her sarcastic grin said it all. “You knew exactly what would happen when you brought me home. Don’t play coy.”
“Perhaps I had a good idea. It’s not like you complained. As far as I’m concerned, we picked up where we left off.”
“Except you have a wife and kid now.”
“You’re going to be a grandmother.”
“Chad,” she was getting annoyed in a playful way. My bantering wasn’t going to let down, and I think she was prepared for it. “You know what I mean. Be serious.”
“I love you and nothing is going to stop me from being with you this time around. How’s that for serious?”
I heard Harper coming down the stairs. Before she could round the corner and show up in the kitchen I kissed Rachel on the lips. “You’re going. We’ll stop by and pick you up something to wear on the way. I’m going to make it fancy and have a car take us.”
Then my little girl walked in. She looked at Rachel and then back to me. “I’m going to the museum with my daddy. Are you coming with us?”
Rachel crouched down to be on her level. “I’m not sure. I wouldn’t want to impose. I’ll only come if you want me to, Harper.”
She looked at me, like she wasn’t sure. As much as I wanted to interfere, I had to let my daughter make her own mind up. Maybe Rachel had been right. Maybe it was too soon.
“Can you help me pick out my clothes? My mommy isn’t here, and Daddy doesn’t do it right.”
Rachel didn’t hesitate. “Sure.”
Harper took her hand and led her back out of the room, leaving me to worry alone.
I wasn’t sure how the day would turn out, but I knew it was off to a good start. I had two beautiful females accompanying me for the day. Now I just had to figure out what Veronica was up to, before she ruined my chances of reconciling my relationship with Rachel.
Chapter 20
Happiness can change as quick as the second hand on a clock. In the blink of an eye everything we’re used to can cease to exist, or in my case, history was repeating itself, with a significant roadblock.
Chad and I were back together, but there was someone standing in our way of happiness. Once again a spouse fit intricately into the picture, as if we were on a repetitive loop. I was tired of the rollercoaster. I wanted to get off, but I knew it would be an impossible scenario. Giving up on Chad was like saying I didn’t need food or money. This time around I had to take into consideration what it felt like to have it ripped away from me in the past. With that knowledge I knew I’d have to fight. My heart had been dormant for far too long.
I'd walked through the valley of death, only to be rescued by a man I'd thought I had lost forever. One night was all it took to remind me what we'd never let go of. I may have kept my feelings dormant, but it was apparent they'd never gone away. I was just as much in love with him as I had been ten years ago. Now I didn't know which end was up.
On one hand I could see myself falling into a hot affair, getting so swept away with potential that nothing else in my life mattered.
On the other hand, it was evident Chad had enough on his plate to deal with aside from our rekindled affair.
As much as I knew it would end badly, I refused to steer clear of him and his daughter.
The little cutie allowed me to pick out a special outfit for her to wear on our day trip. I braided her hair in pigtails, taking in how much I enjoyed doing it. Harper seemed elated with her look, running to find her father and show it off. The look in Chad's eyes said it all. He seemed happy, for the first time since we had reconnected. Don't get me wrong, I knew Chad was as happy as I was to be back together, but there was still a million things that had to be dealt with before we could finally believe we'd be able to make it this time.
Aside from the obvious struggles we were about to endure, his wife scared the shit out of me. The idea of her doing anything to tear me away from Chad made it hard to want to fight, especially since I'd already known how difficult it had been to get over him the first time. When I say unbearable, I mean it was constricting, an unimaginable ache that refused to dissipate. Had I not gone back to Grayson I'm unsure how long
I would have suffered. When he left me I felt rejected. It never occurred to me that he'd done it so I didn't have to make the choice.
The hard facts were impossible to ignore. I'd loved two men at the same time. Some would say it's impossible, but they've obviously never lived my life. They've not had their heart broken by one man, only to have it mended by another. Something snapped in me. I gave in to temptation and fulfilled my every desire with Chad, losing myself in him completely. He made my pain manageable at first, and finally it withered away until I was able to forgive. By that time I was addicted. Like a drug feign, I craved to be with Chad, the younger, sexy entrepreneur. He had everything going for him, and the biggest heart I'd ever known.
For a while I thought we'd run off into the sunset together, being business partners by day, and making love by night.
The idea of having that kind of excitement back in my life was exhilarating. I recalled how wonderful Chad was as a lover. He didn't have to trick me into being with him. A few hours of reminiscing was all it took. I couldn't resist his touch, those strong hands that had maneuvered over every inch of my body. His love beckoned me. Immediately I felt like I needed him like I needed air to breathe.
Now I was right smack in the middle of a messy situation. I had planned on sneaking out before he could stop me. I knew it was best to run from what was happening, before I was in too deep to escape.
When Chad stopped me I knew it was too late. He wasn't going to let me out of his sight. Chad was too smart to take chances this time. He was willing to show the world we were together, even when someone else was still legally his wife.
I was familiar with Charles' driver, so when Tobin showed up to take us into town I wasn't surprised. He greeted me like an old acquaintance, smiling when he realized Chad and I were prancing around like a real couple. I didn't think much of it. To be honest, I was too love-struck to care about anything other than being close to Chad.
Our ride into the city was short, even including the planned stop to purchase me some clothes, seeing as my house was in the opposite direction.
Harper was cute helping me pick out a few things. I enjoyed including her, and didn't even mind that Chad stayed in the car to set an appointment for the reading of Charles' will.
After paying for my items, I took Chad's daughter with me into the changing room so I could get out of his sweat pants and T-shirt.
Harper watch me stripping down. I turned to face the wall, wondering if it were inappropriate. "Are you going to be my daddy's girlfriend now?" She asked.
I turned around once my shirt was on. "Your daddy is a special friend of mine. I've known him since before you were born."
"Before he married my mommy?"
"Right. Harper, are you sure you're okay with me joining you today?"
"Yes. It's okay." She paused for a second. "You're pretty. How come you don't wear makeup like my mommy?"
"I do sometimes."
"I'm not allowed to wear makeup. Daddy says it will make me ugly, but Mommy says I can when I'm older."
"My daughter was fifteen when she started wearing it."
She looked amused. "You're a mommy too?"
"Want to know a secret?" I waited for her to nod her head before continuing. "I'm about to be a grandmother. My daughter is having a baby."
Her eyes lit up as she giggled. "I like babies."
"Me too. I'm super excited. I can't wait to hold her."
"Mommy told me a secret too. She says I can hold my brother or sister when they come out of her tummy."
My happy moment vanished. In the blink of an eye I'd been stripped of a future with Chad for the second time in my life. His wife was expecting, and no matter how much I wished we could still make it work, I knew his life was going to lead him back to California. There was no way he would leave his newborn baby.
I had to assume he didn't have a clue Veronica was pregnant. While walking back to the car I promised myself I'd get through the day before saying goodbye. Maybe I didn't deserve to be selfish, but I'd wanted this for too long to not enjoy myself for as long as possible.
Throughout the exhibits Chad carried Harper on his back, while leading me around by my hand. To outsiders I suppose we looked like a happy family. Sure, I was older than Chad, but time had sort of helped. Chad was older and more distinguished, and I’d like to say I’d taken good care of myself, especially considering the stress I’d had to go through. For a few hours I was happy, thrilled even. He was mine, and we were celebrating our joy together, out in public, showing the world we could exist as a team.
But all good things must come to an end, at least that’s what I’ve been led to believe. Nothing in my life had ever been permanent. Perhaps I was doomed to bounce around, existing on only hope that something would come my way and end the lonely cycle.
When we got to the dinosaur exhibit we found there was a station for small children to dig for fossils. Harper ran off with a group of other children, while Chad took the opportunity to check on me. “You’re still hanging in I see.”
“Where else would I be?” Our hands laced together, and as much as I tried to shove my secret under a rug, I knew I couldn’t look into those dark eyes and lie to him. That’s not what either of us were about. “I have to tell you something, and it’s going to change everything.”
His voided stare left me grasping for a way to break it to him easier than just being blatant. I stumbled at first. “Um, well, I’m not sure how you’re going to take this, and I know you would have told me if you knew. At least, I don’t think you’d string me on just to be with me for a few days if you knew.”
“Knew what? Rach, say it. Tell me what’s going on, so I can reassure you it’s not going to come between us.”
My head shook, my eyes blinking slowly, like none of it was real. “It’s Veronica.”
“What about her? I thought we said we weren’t going to talk about her anymore.”
“Chad, she’s pregnant. Harper told me this morning.”
“That’s bullshit. No.” He began pacing. “No way. She must have told Harper to get to me. It’s not possible.”
For a second I had hope. “Are you saying you haven’t been with her? Did the two of you stop having intercourse?” It was the yes every woman wants to hear when they’re involved with a married man, but as his face contorted, I knew it wasn’t the case.
“Don’t ask me that, Rach.”
“So it’s possible it’s true?”
He placed his hands on my arms and looked directly into my eyes. “I don’t believe it. Veronica is spiteful. She’d make this up to get to me.”
“But Harper hasn’t been around her. The way she talked about it, she’s known for at least a few days, maybe longer. Veronica told her she’d be a good sister when the baby was born.”
Chad ran his hands through his hair. The moment he let go of me I knew it was sinking in. “I’ll find out the truth.”
“And if it’s true, you’ll go back to her won’t you?” I didn’t give him a chance to respond. “I know you. There’s no chance of you walking away from something so important.”
I could see the desperate struggle in his eyes. It killed me, because I knew he was fighting with his inner conscience to do the right thing, while still holding onto hope we could have a future. “Rach, please.”
I placed my hands on his chest as I spoke. “We should have known it was too good to be true. I love you, Chad, but …”
“Don’t.” He was writhing. “Please don’t.”
“We still have today. Let’s try to make the best of it.”
In the middle of the crowded room Chad pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of my head while I fought to keep my composure.
Spending the rest of the day with him was going to be impossible, but I was determined to spend every second of it in love, because he was worth it.
Chapter 21
First I had suspicions about Veronica leaving town, and now this. I wanted to
think it was some master plan to interfere with my newly rekindled relationship with Rachel, but I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that having a future with her wasn’t going to come easy.
Like two people living in different worlds, Rachel and I couldn’t find a common ground. I was prepared to fight for her love, but my expectations were failing by the second.
“Promise me you’ll still try, Rach.” She was in my arms, but felt a million miles away.
She peered up at me with tear filled eyes. “I thought I was going to be okay. I’d come to terms with what I couldn’t change in my life. I’ve suffered unimaginable loss, but made it out with a little less of me. Asking me to try is like telling me to give up another piece of myself. I don’t have the strength, Chad. You coming back to town, sweeping me off my feet, and reminding me what we once had, it’s all been just as I would have imagined it. The thought of walking away from you is impossible. The best I can do is spend the remainder of our time together loving you. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to Grayson, and our first relationship didn’t end the way it should have. I’ll be damned if we don’t live like there’s no tomorrow for us.”
Just then Harper ran up and plowed into my legs. “I’m hungry.”
I looked down at my daughter, fighting the urge to call for a sitter and spend the rest of the day reminding Rachel why this was still our chance to be together. My priorities were screwed up, and I had to take into consideration the stress I’d been under to accept my inability to keep it together. “Let’s go get you something to eat. I’m starving.”
Instead of holding my hand, Rachel followed behind me, almost like we weren’t there together. I hated it, but didn’t want to upset my daughter. It was daunting, pretending to be just friends with Rachel, when all I longed for was to have her in my arms.
The pregnancy was bouncing around in my mind, stabbing me with worry. I needed to call Veronica, but I wasn’t willing to take a second away from Rachel.
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