“How can you say that?”
“Because I’m not letting you walk away again. Sit back down and talk to me. Please.”
She did as I requested, coming down where she’d been before. “We’re fooling ourselves if we think we can do this. You’re still married and you live thousands of miles away.”
“I’ll move here. This is my house now. We can be happy here.”
“We? You mean the three of us, right?”
“Of course.”
“And you think your wife is just going to let you have custody of your daughter?”
“I’ll fight for it. I’ll hire the best attorneys.”
“You’re talking out of your ass. You and I both know you’re not that cold-hearted. You wouldn’t do that to your daughter.”
“I’ll go back and forth. You could move with me. You’d like the beach.”
“Chad, my life is here. My daughter is having a child. I’m not leaving her to get caught up in the mess your marriage is about to be. It won’t work.”
“What are you saying?” I was already feeling as if she was telling me goodbye without using the words.
“I’m saying we won’t work. We can’t do this.”
“You’re killing me.”
She was already crying. “You think it isn’t hurting me?”
“I’m not home until you’re in my arms. Please don’t give up on this. Please, Rach, I just got you back.”
“It’s not possible. This was a mistake.”
“No!” She wouldn’t do this to me. “It was perfect and you know it. We’ll figure this out. Stay with me. Be here with me until we can figure it out together. I’ve waited too long for this.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. The longer I’m with you, the harder I’ll fall. I can’t do this again. The first time just about killed me. This time is going to end me. I can already feel it happening.”
“What can I say to change your mind?”
“Nothing. Just don’t say anything. It hurts too much. I knew this was a mistake. I knew I’d fall right back into your arms. It’s why I didn’t tell you about Grayson. I knew I couldn’t resist.”
I took my hand and gripped her chin to force her to look in my eyes. “I need you to stay. I’m begging you, Rach.”
She jerked away. “And I’m begging you to let me go. This has to stop. I was fine until I saw you again. I thought I’d blocked it out.”
“Yeah, me too, but it’s obvious neither of us are going to change our minds. Why can’t you accept it?”
She stood again. “I can. I also know it can’t work. I’m not waiting another fifteen years, Chad. I’d rather be alone than long for something I can’t have. It’s not fair to either of us.”
“You’re overreacting. Let’s just go back to where we left things.”
She picked up her purse. “Please don’t chase me. Let me go while I’m still able to do it.”
I buried my face in my hands, listening to the sound of the front door shutting. I didn’t know what to do. As much as I wanted a chance to be with Rachel, I understood she was right. Maybe all she needed was Harper to snap us out of it to realize how impossible it would be for us to have a relationship. It wasn’t fair to Rachel to sit around and wait for my daughter to be old enough.
As I stared at the carpet we’d just made love on, I sat there losing my shit. Rachel was back to being the one who got away. In an instant, I’d lost her again.
There was just one difference from before.
This time I wasn’t going to give up.
Chapter 18
It was the end of everything. For a brief couple hours I let myself fall, yet it had only brought back the same rushing pain as before. Loving Chad was like a curse. The more I felt, the harder the stake drove into my heart.
I didn’t even make it a mile before pulling the car over and losing myself in a crying fit.
We’d made passionate love, reconnecting like we’d never been apart. Chad and I were in sync, so compatible it was scary. He owned my soul, because I’d gladly given it to him. Only love could hurt this way; could make me want to think of irrational ways to end the pain.
I was tortured, broken, and battered with one swift crescendo. The constant ache wouldn’t leave. I was unable to see to drive. I couldn’t continue on, and I knew going back would only destroy me more.
Then the rain came. First it began as a light drizzle, then in a matter of seconds large loud taps started smacking against the windshield. I left the wipers on, feeling like the rain were my tears, like heaven was crying for us.
I wanted a flash flood to carry me away. I needed to be free of this wretched despair.
I could see headlights in the rearview mirror. At first I assumed it was a passing vehicle. I kept my hazard lights off to keep them from stopping. I wasn’t in any condition to speak to a stranger. My body was shaking profusely, and I couldn’t begin to imagine how awful I looked. The makeup I’d put on earlier in the morning was stinging my eyes, letting me know most of it was rubbed off.
Unfortunately the car pulled over, coming to a stop behind my vehicle. I wiped my eyes and prepared to let them know I’d be fine. Since it was pouring I waited until the person was right up to the window. In the dark of the night I couldn’t see their face. His voice ricocheted off my ears like an incoming freight train. “Get out of the car, Rach.”
I saw his eyes tearing me apart as I looked up to address him. “What are you doing?”
“I can’t let you do this.” He opened my car door and leaned over to take my keys out of the ignition. Chad then unbuckled my seat belt and extended his hand to me. “Not again. There’s no running way from this, not this time, babe.”
Babe, he’d called me it so many times years ago. This time I knew he meant it as a silent plea. I placed my hand in his and let him pull me out of the car. He waited for me to fetch my purse before locking the door. Halfway between the cars I had doubts. I froze in place. “This will solve nothing.”
He turned back, the rain soaking us from top to bottom. “Shut up, Rachel. For once just shut up and listen to me.”
He kissed me, hard, and fast on the lips. I almost lost my balance, but just as quickly as his mouth smashed over mine, he was pulling away. I stood melting in a puddle of my own fears. “I’m listening now.”
He held my arms tightly, making sure I couldn’t slip away. “Marry me.”
“What? The weather is making you stupid.”
“Marry me, Rach. Be my wife.”
“You’re already married, you fool.”
“Say yes. Say it’s what you want more than anything in the world.”
I was freezing, shivering from it, but also because he was frightening the bejesus out of me. “No.”
“Wrong answer.”
“No. This is insane.”
“Marry me, Rachel.”
Marriage. Could I be married to Chad? Was it possible? Was it what I’d silently prayed for? Was he my happily ever after? Could it be? “Okay.”
A smile was forming across his lips while buckets of rain fell down over us. “Really?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
He picked me up and spun me around, celebrating like it was a victory. Then he kissed me, and in that instant I was warm and dry. Everything around us disappeared again. I got lost in our embrace, the pain subsiding.
Chad carried me to his car, getting me inside before climbing in himself. He drove fast back to the house, the whole time holding my hand. “I can’t believe you chased after me.”
“This isn’t just about you, Rach. I’m tired of being the good guy and it getting me nowhere. I know what I have to do.”
“What?” I inquired.
“Fight.”
After making it back inside the warm home, Chad led me straight up the stairs, not even giving us time to strip from our soppy wet clothing or shoes. He pulled me into a room I recognized as being his and closed the door behind us. His hands were on either side
of my arms. “Go run the shower. I need to check on Harper. When I come back you better be naked.”
“Chad, wait.”
He pointed at me before he started speaking. “No. You don’t get to have an opinion anymore tonight. I’m going to prove to you we can make this work. Do you trust me?”
I smiled. “With my life. That’s not the problem.”
He kissed me on my forehead. “Trust me now. I’ll handle everything, just do what I said.” He started to walk out of the room and turned with a smirk across his face. “One day you’ll figure out it’s much easier to give me what I want.” He tapped on the doorframe before disappearing.
Settled on giving up the fight, I headed into the bathroom to do what he requested. I reached my hand in the shower to turn it on and something caught my eyes immediately. I stepped in, still wearing all my clothes and grabbed the bottle off the shelf. At first I figured he’d liked it when I’d stayed with him years ago. Then I looked at the bottom of the bottle. My salon’s name was still visible on the faded paper. Just then Chad walked in the bathroom. I held up the bottle. “This is mine.”
“Yeah, so?” He was already undressing.
“It’s over ten years old.”
“Did you expect me to throw it away?”
“Well, yeah, I did.”
“Why? It was full.”
“It’s for colored hair, Chad. According to the grays filling the sides of your head, I’d say you’re all natural.”
“When you moved out I brought your stuff here, and I may have used it once or twice. I liked the smell. It reminded me of you. To be honest, I forgot all about it. I don’t really pay attention to products. As long as I can wash with soap I’m pretty set.”
I shook my head and watched as he tossed his wet clothes into a pile. He stood there in all his glory staring back at me. “What now?”
“So, you just expect me to pick up where we left off? I’m still emotional, buddy.”
He pulled me into his arms. “I have a good idea regarding how to go about making you forget.”
“I bet you do. Does it involve using this stale shampoo?”
He squinted. “It doesn’t expire. It’s soap. Pretend it’s the apocalypse.”
“How about we get under the hot water and then we’ll talk. I’m going to turn into an ice cube.”
He walked us under the spray of water. “Don’t worry, Rach. I’ll have you melting in no time.”
I started to worry about his daughter waking up again. "What about Harper?"
"I locked the door this time. I won't make the same mistake again. Stop cock blocking me."
I laughed when he said it.
Chad took his time washing my hair, then taking the suds and rubbing them gently over my sensitive areas. Even after our falling out, I could still feel residual tingling from when he'd been inside of me. I kept my eyes closed during the whole ordeal, praying he knew what he was doing. Every minute spent close to him was going to make it harder if we had to say goodbye. His skilled hands navigated down every inch of my skin like he was on a quest to make new discoveries even though he'd ventured there before. I focused on the way it made me feel. I had to stop worrying about what could happen and allow myself to appreciate what was happening between us. Finally, after all this time, we were back together and he wanted a future with me, one that had the potential to last for the rest of our lives.
I had to keep reminding myself that this was really happening. This man, who I'd loved for so long, was finally here for me, with me. He was determined to prove we could make it work if we only had faith. Even though I trusted him, I understood life can get ugly without a moments notice. I didn't want to be another memory that faded away. I wanted to be the one that continued on.
When Chad was finished washing my body, he held me close against his own wet skin. "This is how it should be."
"Fighting in the rain?" I teased.
"I don't mind fighting with you, because it ensures we will have a chance for some great makeup sex. I'm all for some bickering every now and again."
I yawned and he let his arms finally let go of me. "It's been a rough couple of days. Let's get you into bed."
"What happened to the man who could go all night?"
"He aged." Chad grinned and slapped me lightly on the ass. "Don't fret, I can still keep up with you."
"I don't doubt it, me being a grandmother and all."
Chad laughed loudly, the sound echoing off the tile and high ceilings. "Quit it. You'll always be young and stunning in my eyes," he said while wrapping an oversized towel around my body. "Love has no boundaries."
There'd been plenty of times when I felt like Chad was too good to be true, especially years ago when we'd had our first romp. I'd been wrong before. He was an old soul in a young body, set in his ways and determined to get everything he wanted.
He led me into the bedroom, stripping me of the towel and handing me a white cotton undershirt. I placed it over my head, watching as he slipped on a pair of boxers across from me. Chad smiled as he climbed under the covers and patted the opposite side for me to join him.
"You just want to jump into this, don't you?"
"I told you we've wasted enough time. From now on were a team."
"What about your wife?" I pointed to the ring on his finger.
He tugged it off and tossed it on the floor behind him. "My soon-to-be ex-wife will be hearing from my lawyer first thing in the morning. I'm done with the charade. This entire estate belongs to me now, and she's not seeing a penny."
I climbed in the bed but began to worry. First because I was still wearing my ring from Grayson. He was gone, but I’d kept it on for sentiment. “Do you have a problem with this?” I held up my hand.
“No, but when I buy you one to replace it, that sucker is coming off. I’ve been patient.”
“You have.”
“We don’t have to figure it out tonight, Rach. We’ve got plenty of time.”
"Tell me you have some kind of pre-nup." I didn’t mean to change the subject, but I knew better than to think any of this would be a simple adjustment.
"I do. It was her idea. I have proof she's been having an affair. It's means for an immediate divorce. Unless she wants her little secret coming out, she'll keep it amicable."
"What about Harper?" I asked as I nestled my body against his.
"It will get complicated, but don't worry. I'll fight for both of you."
"What if she wins, Chad? What if Harper has to go back to California?” I shook my head. “I won’t let you choose. You’ll have to go with her.”
"We will cross that bridge when we come to it, together. I’m not going to let it eat me up inside. We’re living in the now until further notice. I think we deserve some us time."
"Okay."
He kissed me slowly, deeply, and passionately. "I love you, Rach. Saying it will never get old." He wiped his face and rested on his back. “I still can’t believe this is happening. I never expected to come home to reconnect with you.”
I rolled over and placed my chin on his chest. “Is it everything you imagined?”
“So far. You’re still hardheaded.”
“Some things never change.”
“I’m good with that.
I wasn’t sure about Chad, but for me, all I could think about was how much harder a divorce was going to be than he was making it sound. I wanted to say we were moving too fast, but we’d already been together before. We’d picked up where we’d left off. We just had a lot more baggage to sort out before we could begin to consider it a happy ending.
Chapter 19
Neither of us expected this. When I woke up to find Rachel in the bed next to me I was in shock. It was hard to imagine it being anything but a fulfilling dream. For so long I’d wondered what it would be like if we had a second chance. Now that it was happening fear had begun to set in, crippling me from the inside out.
Things had gone fast, becoming out of my control
quickly. Once we were alone there was nothing I could do to keep from going forward. I had to make her mine again, and so far I was doing a pretty good job.
Without waking her, I pressed my lips against her forehead and climbed out of bed. I needed to get up before Harper came looking for me and discovered someone else sleeping with her daddy. After her discovery last night, I was afraid of how I was going to handle it if she wanted nothing to do with Rachel.
I decided I was going to have to bribe my daughter, not with material things, but something she couldn’t refuse enjoying. I crept in my mother’s old room, finding my daughter sound asleep, still tucked into the bed. I tickled her nose while sitting on the edge. Her little eyes fluttered open and she flashed me a bright smile. “Hi, Daddy.”
“Hey, pumpkin. I was wondering if you were going to ever wake up.”
“Why were you with that lady last night?”
Like I’d been kicked, I took in a deep breath and decided lying to her wasn’t an option. “About that. Harper things are complicated.”
“Is she a special friend like Shelly is to Mommy?”
“What? You know about Shelly?” To say I was shocked would have been an understatement.
“I saw her kiss Mommy before.” She looked like she was uncomfortable talking about it.
“Sweetie,” I reached for her hand, holding it tight as I spoke. “I think you’re a big enough girl to know what’s going on.”
“Are you getting divorced? My friend Shelby has two dads. She lives with her mom, though. She said her Daddy didn’t love her anymore.”
“Well, that’s never going to happen to us. I’d never leave you.”
“Is Mommy leaving us? Is that why she went home?” She looked down and began to sniffle. “I miss my mommy.”
“I know you do. Your mom and I are trying to be happy, but sometimes it’s better when we aren’t together. I know it’s hard to understand, but we’ll still be friends. She didn’t leave you. She left me.”
“Will she come back?”
“I don’t know, Harper.”
“Will I have a new Mommy?”
At that exact second I saw Rachel trying to sneak out of the house. She was creeping by the bedroom, only to have a floorboard give her away. Her eyes caught mine, and I knew we’d been discovered by Harper.
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