Have Lizard, Will Travel

by Eve Langlais

  “Listen, I’ll go handle this if you promise to stay here. No moving from this spot.”

  “What if you need my help?”

  “I can handle this.” He slid out of his shoes. Then his jacket and shirt. When his hands went to his belt, she blinked.

  “Um, what are you doing?”

  “I’ll make less noise if I’m undressed.”

  Logical, and yet not. But given he eased out of the room wearing very tight briefs and his gun, she assumed—make that hoped—he knew what he was doing.

  If not, they were screwed.

  She pressed her ear to the door and listened.

  At first, she heard nothing.

  Then, a sharp scream. “Argh! He got me.”

  Pop. Pop. Pop. Gunfire and more yelling that didn’t make sense.

  “There he is. He slithered under the couch.”

  Bang. Bang.

  When someone yodeled, “Make him stop staring! No, no, make him stop biting,” was when her eyebrows almost hit the atmosphere.

  What the heck is going on?

  The slamming of a door and then quiet had her creeping downstairs. She found one bleeding body in the hall. Still breathing, but definitely out cold.

  There was another in the kitchen, parts of him gnawed on. The sight of the blood was when she decided to arm herself with a rolling pin.

  A noise near the back door had her darting her gaze nervously at it. The curtain by the kitchen sink fluttered.

  She turned to look, saw the window open wide. No screen to block it from crawling in.

  With a scream, she attacked!

  Nine

  The heavy wooden pin came smashing down again, narrowly missing his skull. Petunia huffed and yelled as she smashed. The woman was completely off her rocker.

  “Die, you freaking lizard!” she yelled and hammered the counter with the pin as he skittered across it. He had just about made it over the other side when she nailed him in a bad, totally not good way.

  Landing lightly on the floor, he turned as she rounded the island, a wild look in her eyes and the pin raised above her head, coming in for another attack. Getting tired of dodging, he did the only thing he could.

  He shifted.

  Into his man shape.

  This had the effect of causing her to pause and gape. Mouth wide open—in awe, most likely.

  “What the…?” Then she surged forward. Not to fall into his arms like he expected. Instead, she slugged him across the jaw with a credible right hook.

  “What are you?” she screeched. Then, “OhmygodIsleptwithalizard.” Followed by a mad dash for the sink. He watched in horror as she retched over it.

  That hit him low, under the belt.

  “Would you stop that?”

  “It talks.” She moaned, head still over the sink.

  “Of course, I talk. I’m still Simon.”

  “The lizard man.”

  He sniffed. “The correct term is a reptilian shifter, thank you very much.”

  “That doesn’t make it better. Oh, no. Is it contagious?” She gazed at him with horror. “I don’t think I could handle turning into an ugly gecko.”

  “Actually, I’m only one quarter gecko.” The reason why he could regrow his tail when he lost it. “I’m primarily chameleon, and considered quite handsome,” he said stiffly. A man’s ego could take a battering with the way she was going on.

  “Does the discovery channel know you’re blind, too? And you didn’t answer my question. Am I going to turn into Kermit?”

  “No.” And why was it when people thought of reptiles, they mistakenly referred to him.

  “Well, that’s a relief. Because I’d probably have a heart attack if I turned into an ugly lizard. I mean, a frog I could handle. Maybe even a snake. But a lizard with those big, beady eyes,”—she widened hers—“and those short, creepy legs,”—she flailed hers around—“that’s gotta suck.”

  He puffed out his chest, drawing her attention. But before he could defend himself, she pointed. “What is that? Because your thing was wearing it, too.”

  “These are my Xpando Underpants.” Z had designed them especially so agents were never completely naked in the field.

  “I don’t think Amazon sells those.”

  “No one does. They’re still top-secret. Only available to RI3 agents.”

  “Because you’re a spy. Guess it makes sense. You’re small enough to fit anywhere. I just always imagined someone bigger. You know…thicker and stronger.”

  His ego shrank with each word. Until he recalled that Petunia talked about his lizard, not his lizard.

  “It is not the size that matters but the skill. I am the very best.” In and out of the bedroom.

  “Have you always been a reptile?”

  “I was born this way, flower.” He leered.

  She shuddered. “Your poor parents.”

  “I’ll have you know that I am the favorite hatchling of my mother’s eye.”

  “Let me guess, she doesn’t blink either. This is crazy.” She paced back and forth. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

  “Given your reaction, I wish you’d never found out.”

  Her lips pressed into a line. “Why are you really interested in my dad?”

  “I told you, I’ve been tasked with finding him.”

  “But why? Why you? It makes no sense,” she asked, only to mutter something. “The video. That wasn’t really a prank, was it? That kid really turned into a pig.”

  “Shifted is the correct term. Although we will accept morph and transform.”

  She gave him the side-eye. “You’re not the only one of your kind.”

  “Nope.”

  “Dear God, those conspiracy theorists were right. Lizard people do exist, and they live among us.”

  “Not just reptile.”

  “You mean werewolves exist?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “And what about bears? I read a romance novel with a bear as a hero once. He was nice and hairy.” A glance at his bare chest seemed a silent rebuke that he was not.

  “Furry shifters tend to clog the drains.”

  “At least, they’re warm and cuddly.”

  “I’m cuddly.” Cold blooded, though, he couldn’t deny. Although, where Petunia was concerned, his blood ran quite hot.

  She shook her head. “No. This can’t be real. People don’t turn into things.”

  “Many do, but we don’t announce it because of human prejudice against our kind.” He couldn’t quite hide his annoyance at their lack of respect for those better than them.

  “Prejudice? You’re a lizard.”

  “And you’re shrill. Your point is?”

  “My point is you put your spit all over me.”

  “Inside you, as well.” Best remind her that his tongue had length. “But I already told you, it’s not contagious.”

  “Promise I won’t suddenly start craving bugs?”

  “The only thing I expect you’ll want more of is petting my lizard.” And, yes, he did give a thrust of his hips. “Now, if we’re done remarking upon my incredible self, let us get back to the problem at hand. The miscreants who went after your father are also after you, it appears.”

  “Which is dumb. I don’t have the cookbook.”

  “Aha. So you admit you recognize it?”

  “Yeah. Of course, I do. It’s where my mom got the recipe for my medicine.”

  “Medication for what? Violent tendencies against cute, adorable, and totally innocent chameleons?”

  Petunia gave him a flat look, leaning back against the sink.

  “Seizures. Apparently, when I was little, I’d go into these spastic fits. It’s a family thing. But I’m fine as long as I get my meds once a month.”

  “What happens if you don’t?” he asked, a frown creasing his brow.

  She shrugged. “Don’t know. I just take it. It makes my dad happy. And it doesn’t hurt. I’m pretty sure it’s just some placebo thing considering he m
akes it in his hidey hole.”

  Simon froze. “Hold on. You mean his hiding place is a room? Why didn’t we check it first?”

  “Because we kind of got distracted.” She shrugged and gestured towards the hall.

  “Bloody hell.” He sighed as she reminded him. “We need to get moving if we’re going to clear the place before the cops arrive.”

  “I doubt anyone called them. My dad’s been making strange noises for years. Once blew out all the basement windows because he didn’t measure an ingredient properly.”

  Okay, so they had a bit of wiggle room.

  “Then we should at least hide the body before doing anything.”

  Except when they hit the hall, it was gone, only a smear of blood left behind.

  Simon cursed. “Buggar it. Now we’ve got no leads at all.” He’d hoped to run the guy’s prints through the Reptile Intelligence database. Maybe get a hit.

  Petunia didn’t look as bothered. “I’m glad he’s gone. I wasn’t keen on digging a grave in the garden. Think they’ll come back?” She hugged herself and chewed her lower lip.

  “I think we’ve scared them off for now. But they’ll regroup, so we shouldn’t waste much time. Where’s this lab you were talking about?”

  “It’s just this way. Come on.” She motioned towards the back of the house. He followed her as she stepped over the junk in the hall but pulled up short as she stopped suddenly and bent over. Her lovely, rounded ass ended up against his groin, and he bit back a groan, his trouser-lizard hard and aching in a heartbeat.

  “What you got there?” he asked as she reached for something—a slip of paper, partially buried. She moved a stray shoe aside before grabbing it and holding it up.

  It was a ticket stub.

  “A plane ticket to Denver for a month ago. Huh. That’s interesting.”

  Simon was more interested in Petunia, sweeping her hair off the side of her neck so he could run his lips and nose over the delicate skin. “What of it?”

  “That’s where my great-grandmother lives.”

  “Which is important because…?”

  He wasn’t tracking, his hands sliding around her tiny, curvy waist revealed by the awesome dress he’d picked out for her. When he first met her, he’d never have guessed at the bombshell figure she’d been packing beneath that ugly sweater.

  “She owns the cookbook in that video you showed me.”

  Uh-huh. That was important, but Simon really couldn’t make himself care. All he could think about was the sexy woman in his arms, and the deep ache in his trouser-lizard, now entirely at attention.

  “You wanted to show me this…lab?” he reminded her, not prepared for her to reach out and press a section of paneling right next to them. The world spun on its axis, and in the next instant, the hall had disappeared, they were facing the other way, and there was a lab laid out in front of them.

  His lips quirked. “A super-secret lab. Very apt.”

  “Apt?” she breathed against his lips. “Perhaps I’ve been playing you all along with the intention of getting you here and making you my prisoner.”

  “Really now?” He grinned against her mouth as he played along. “Well, if you’re the evil genius with a lab, then I’ve been totally outwitted. Best I just play along and give you… exactly…what you want.”

  Her small moan as he claimed her lips told him all he needed to know. She was his, had totally fallen for his charms like all the oth—

  He cut that thought off right there, not liking to think of her in the same vein as all the other women he’d seduced in the line of duty. She wasn’t the same. Not at all.

  She whimpered as he deepened the kiss, plundering the sweetness past her lips as soon as she opened for him. She was so soft and sweet. Addictive. He broke the embrace to kiss feverishly along her jaw and down her neck. Backing her against the nearest table, he boosted her up onto it as his hands got busy exploring her curves.

  “Oh, yes…” Her nails bit into his shoulders as he swept a hand up her thigh, taking the dress with it. Stretchy fabric for the win. Nudging a hip between her legs, he settled between them and pressed up close and personal.

  She gasped, her eyes widening as she registered his trouser-lizard hard against the softness of her belly. “My, my… is that a gun in your pocket, Agent Longwatton, or are you just pleased to see me?”

  “Oh, I’m always pleased to see you…” he breathed, getting a hand between them. Her panties were no barrier to his talented fingers, and he slid beneath the lace and through the slick, sweetness of her pussy lips.

  Her eyes darkened, and he wasted no time, thrusting first one finger and then a second into her heat. She clamped down, a shiver running through her body. What was the possibility of broken fingers compared to the pleasure he saw on her face?

  “Oh…holy freaking amazing.” She whimpered, riding his hand as he stroked her.

  His balls ached, reminding him that they were still blue from the lack of action last night. He bit back his grin. No phones, and definitely no N to cock-block him this time. He’d been told to look after Petunia…and saving her from sexual frustration was part of that.

  Dashing super-spy to the rescue again!

  She whimpered and writhed as he teased her with his hand, but he didn’t let her get to the peak. No, he was too selfish for that. He wanted her to come when he was buried inside her. Wanted to feel all the pleasure as she rode his lizard.

  “You’re so…God, you’re beautiful,” he managed, his natural charm failing him as he pulled free of her and slid her panties down over her hips. She wriggled to help him, her cheeks flushed with arousal. He didn’t think he’d ever seen a woman so gorgeous.

  And his…at least for the moment. There was no need to be hasty, and there was plenty of his reptilian awesomeness to go around.

  Then he forgot all about that as she reached for him, her delicate fingers hooking into his belt.

  “How about you do as you’re told, agent?” she suggested in a sexy purr. “For queen and country and all that?”

  Fuck…yes!

  He dropped his trousers like they’d burned him, his trouser lizard standing proud and at attention. Petunia eyed him, the sultry look on her face making his lizard jerk and ache savagely. A hand hooked around the back of his neck, and she lay back.

  He didn’t need a second invitation, immediately settling himself against her. The instant he felt the kiss of her hot pussy against the head of his rather large lizard-soldier, any control he had disappeared. With a groan, he pressed forward, sliding into her in one, long, slow thrust.

  “Fuck!” he hissed, braced above her, unable to move for a moment. Being inside her was like nothing he’d ever felt before. A truly world-altering moment.

  His gaze met hers, and he saw the same shock, right down to her soul. It meant something. She felt the same way as he did.

  That he was awesome, obviously. And who wouldn’t think that? He was Simon Longwatton, agent double sixty-nine, doing what he did best. What woman wouldn’t be bowled over?

  A small quirk on his lips, he leaned forward to claim her mouth as he began to move. Slid back, only to power into her again and again.

  But at the grip of her sweet body around his lizard, his usual poise and charm left him. It wasn’t all slickly murmured sweet nothings and the dance of his body over hers as it usually was.

  No, this time, his instincts were raw, the feeling electric, and he didn’t know what to make of it. His trouser-lizard was in the driver’s seat. Demanding. Leading the charge as Simon couldn’t get enough of Petunia.

  He groaned, pleasure racing through his body as he took her, reaching for her and pulling her upright against him. Her curves that he’d originally thought too much, fit against him perfectly. As if she’d been made for him.

  With a growl, he turned them, lying back on the table so she could straddle his lap. They both moaned as she sank even deeper over his rampant lizard.

  She rode him, breasts bo
uncing, head tilted back. Her motions grew frantic, and things on shelves began to rattle as she grabbed hold and squirmed her way to Heaven.

  She came with a cry and a shudder, the muscles of her sex clamping down. Simon let out a mighty bellow, his mouth open wide, his gaze locked on hers. Feeling an intimate connection—that was suddenly interrupted by a stream of liquid pouring from the shelf above. Before he could close his lips, he’d gotten a mouthful.

  “Argh. Blerg.” He shoved at Petunia, rolling to get away as the liquid burned his throat. He tried to cough, and yet the fluid was gone. Swallowed or absorbed, he didn’t know. Both were equally bad, he imagined.

  He began to twitch, and he held tight to the table that he’d just laid on. His fingers got wet and he gazed in horror at the blue potion. The same one as in that—

  Ten

  One moment, Simon was balls-deep in Petunia, giving her the most epic sex ever. The next…he flicked a tongue and stared with his great big reptile eyes.

  “No. No. No. No.” Petunia shook her head and backed away. “This is not happening.”

  He sat on his haunches and cocked his head.

  “Change back. At once,” she ordered.

  He shook his head.

  “No, you won’t? Or no, you can’t?” It suddenly occurred to her that he might not be able to as she glanced from him to the bright blue puddle. “This is just like the video, isn’t it?”

  He bobbed his head energetically

  “And you can’t change back?” Into the delicious man who made her feel wanton and beautiful.

  A slow shake.

  “This is bad.” Petunia paced in her father’s hidden lab. “So bad.” Poor Simon was a lizard with no way of changing back! What if he was a reptile forever? There would be no riding him like a cowgirl. No more licking her until she screamed.

  Or would there? She blushed before her mind could fully form that thought.

  “What are we going to do?” Her father was still missing. Her house had burned down. Dangerous people were after her. “It’s hopeless.”