Monstrous (Blood of Cain Book 1)

by J. L. Murray

“Children of Cain. The blood isn’t a death sentence, Frankie. Not everyone who has it becomes a killer. Maybe they’ll never kill.”

  I thought of Julia’s corpse, of the body in Dekker’s car, of the others he said he killed.

  “It’s more of a curse than a gift, isn't it?” said Becky. “The knowing. Lilith looked into your eyes and cursed you.”

  “It wasn’t like that,” I said, but I was unsure.

  “Do you love him, Frankie? I think you might. Well, as much as a Mourning can love anyone. Someone should have warned you, sister, Lilith’s gifts are a double-edged sword. You’re lucky she didn’t give you any others. But you’ve never been very lucky, have you? Cain won’t let you see her again anyway. He’ll never let her out.”

  Her talking about Lilith bothered me. Did Cain send her to mock me? Was she really as fragile and sad as she appeared? I was tired of being manipulated. I was sick of being told what the right side was.

  As I thought of the raven in Moledet perched on my shoulder telling secrets, a raven lighted next to me, screaming in Rebecca’s direction. She jumped. Another raven squawked as it landed on my other side. Becky took a step back as yet another raven landed on my shoulder, its talons digging into my flesh. I didn’t care. The pain felt right. And I realized I was angry.

  “You say she won’t see me again,” I said. “Are you sure she’s not watching now? It makes sense, doesn’t it? The wraiths are afraid of the ravens. Cain was afraid of the ravens. And now I know it’s Lilith he’s got locked up.”

  “So?” she said, backing away as I stepped toward her.

  “Why are you afraid of the birds?” I said. “Why is Cain so afraid of Lilith? Does it have to do with the monster in the lake?”

  “You don’t even know what’s happening here,” said Rebecca, her voice higher, staring at the bird on my shoulder. “You don’t deserve to be the one they’re fighting over. You’re nothing but a filthy whore.”

  “Now there’s the wraith I know and love.”

  “The thing in the lake is only the beginning,” she said, trying to sound cruel, though there was fear in her eyes. “You’re going to suffer over and over again to prove yourself. You’re going to die.”

  “I’m already dead.”

  “You’re going to feel it,” Becky said. “Every time is going to be worse than the last. Abel is not kind. And even Lilith can’t save you from her children. She’s locked up tight, just like I said. You’re going to have to slay your own master’s children.”

  “Lilith isn’t my master.”

  “Neither is Abel, no matter what he thinks,” she said.

  “I don’t have a master,” I said. “Haven’t you been paying attention? Abel’s never even laid eyes on me.”

  “Don’t be so sure.”

  I pulled out my knife.

  “Do you recognize this?”

  Rebecca stopped backing away and stared at the fillet knife, narrowing her eyes.

  “No,” she said, frowning.

  “It’s Dad’s old knife,” I said. “When I was 16, the two of you picked this knife up and plunged it into his chest. Over. And over. And over. Do you remember?”

  “Of course not,” she said. “That wasn’t me. He was my daddy, too.”

  “No,” I said. “You don’t get to call him that. Those same hands that you control now? Not so long ago, someone else controlled them. And this knife is the only thing I took away with me when I finally got away. I burned you alive to save my own life, Becky. Do you think you’re the only one who suffered? You self-righteous, conceited piece of shit. I’m supposed to drop to my knees because you say you saved me. Fuck you. As far as I’m concerned, you did this. It was your face that smiled at me when my father was being murdered. When I watched him die, it was you. You blame me for killing you. That’s fine, blame away. But I’d do it again. And I’d walk away feeling just fucking fine.”

  Ravens were landing on the road all around me, at least a dozen now. Becky’s eyes were wide.

  “You're different,” she said. “What are you? Why do they all want you? Why does Lilith want you?”

  “You said it yourself,” I said. “I’m just a filthy whore.”

  “The man, he’s got Cain’s blood,” she said, almost snarling as she said it. “Doesn’t it hurt you?”

  “I kill people for a living,” I said. “Am I supposed to cry?”

  But there was a weight in my gut now. I resisted the urge to look at Dekker. I might give myself away if I looked at him. I might let my mask slip.

  I didn’t hear Beatrice approach, but the ravens parted when she walked toward us.

  “Becky?” she said. “Becky, girl, you’re alive.” She was crying, the tears drying on her wrinkled cheeks as a cold wind blew. She held her hands in front of her to grasp Becky’s face in her hands.

  “Don’t touch me,” Rebecca hissed. Bea’s face fell.

  “Go back to your new boss,” I said. “Tell him I’m doing just fine with my gift.”

  “You’re going to die, Frankie,” she said, the words no more than a pitiful whisper.

  “You mentioned that,” I said.

  She nodded at Dekker. “He’s going to be the one to kill you. You’re on opposite sides, can’t you see that? Your beloved is going to slice your throat someday soon. It’s a war we’re fighting, it’s not a game.”

  “But it is,” I said. “The oldest game. It just goes on and on, getting more and more elaborate over time. Fire and ice. How do you think they got their powers? Did they slay a dragon? Kiss the devil? I really am curious. Wouldn’t it be ironic if they really did get them from the devil? After all your fussing, Cain gave you power from the one you used to hate above all else. Is that how he opened up Hell to let the monsters out?”

  “Abel always dies. You’re on the wrong side, Frankie.”

  “I’m on my own side.”

  “No one gets their own side. There’s only the brothers and God and Lucifer. There is no room in the world for anyone else.”

  “Not even Lilith?”

  She was silent.

  “Becky, I’m going to kill Cain and Abel and end all of this. I suggest you stand clear when it happens.”

  “You think you can just kill them? They’re immortal. They’ve been here since the Garden.”

  “Did you love me once, Becky?” I said. There was no emotion behind the question, just curiosity.

  She looked taken aback and didn’t speak for a long time. “I don’t know.”

  “Why did you hate me, Becky?”

  “You had him,” she said. “Daddy. He didn’t love anyone but you. I hated you for that.”

  “I didn’t have him,” I said. “All we did was work on an old car. You had Mom. You were the same, just like Dad and I were alike.”

  “He was a sinner.”

  “Then why do you care?”

  She shook her head. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wanted him to love me. I was young. Stupid. You saw what I did before that...thing took me. You told me to get out of the lake, but I didn’t want to listen. I wanted to prove I was better than you, braver than you.”

  “Cain set it free, the monster,” I said. “He’s responsible for what happened to you, Becky.”

  “I know.”

  “And still you help him.”

  “For you.”

  “For yourself.” I felt a pounding in my chest, like before, so familiar. A scratching on the inside of my skull like claws trying to dig their way out. I was angry at my sister and I couldn’t explain why. It wasn’t her cruelty or her spite. It wasn’t that she tried to manipulate me. It was that she was letting all this happen. The world was quite possibly being destroyed and she did nothing. And it filled me with rage.

  “I begged Dad to leave,” I said. “Did you know that? I begged and cried and prayed to him to leave that house. You weren’t you, and Mom wasn’t Mom. I was so scared all the time. Once I woke up with you sitting on my chest. You covered my mouth and spent
the whole night burning me with matches. From midnight until sunrise. Burning, burning, burning. Part of my hair was gone by morning. I had burns all over my face.”

  “That wasn’t me.”

  “It wasn’t the cruelty, though,” I said. “It was the joy you took in my pain. I wore my hair short after that. Until I went to prison. Then I was safe. Under lock and key in that tiny white room, I could breathe again.”

  “Frankie. It wasn’t me.”

  “You say I’m not the same, Becky. Did you expect me to be? After the torture? After I ran away over and over until finally no one brought me back. After I made my way, learned to defend myself. After I killed you, Becky. After I killed all those shits who had it coming. After I died. After I came back to this emotional fucking graveyard.”

  “Stop it.”

  “The thing is, though,” I said, stepping toward her, the ravens swirling around me like a black cloud, the pounding inside of me like a drum. “I have changed. I had to. But you haven’t. You’re exactly the same. And it’s sad.”

  The ravens swarmed above me and my sister stumbled, but I descended on her, catching her by the back of her neck, forcing her close, making her look at me.

  “You had a message for me. I have a message for Cain: I’m coming for him,” I said. “I’m going to kill the Harishona. I’m going to kill them all. I’m going to tear his world apart, and then I’m going to take his goddamn horns and mount them on the hood of my car. And you know what, Becky? I’m not going to feel bad about it. Just like I didn’t feel bad about killing you.”

  I blinked and she was gone, the shadows shifting and breaking apart on the ground, my hand grasping air. Without a sound, without a trace, suddenly her neck was no longer in my hand, just a puff of frigid air that quickly dissipated. The ice on the ground around us was melting fast, but the darkness remained.

  “What the hell just happened?” said Dekker, joining me.

  “You just met my sister,” I said. I looked up at the sky and watched the ravens fly away. I felt weak, my knee buckling just a bit, but I caught myself.

  “Hell of a family,” he said.

  chapter twenty

  T

  he windshield was completely shattered, so Dekker and I cleared it out as best we could. Roo huddled in a shivering ball in the backseat. The wind was icy on our faces as we started out again. It shouldn’t have been cold. A July afternoon should be dry and sweltering, but it was cold and dark as midnight, and getting darker.

  “You sure about this, Roo?” I said, hollering above the cold air coursing in through the missing windshield. My eyes were watering from the force of it. “You really want to go back?”

  “Of course I want to go back,” she said. “This world is disgusting. Send me back now if you want to.”

  “That doesn’t save the girls,” said Bea.

  Roo went back to shivering, teeth chattering. Dekker was watching her, still holding the gun, but no longer pointing it at her.

  “What if we’re just walking into a trap?” he said.

  “You always think it’s a trap.”

  “It always is.”

  “What else can we do?” I said.

  “Nothing,” said Bea. “There’s nothing else we can do. If we burn it down, the girls die. If we run in with guns, the girls die. If we do anything, the girls could die. The only way is to offer Frankie as bait and catch them by surprise.”

  “We should have a plan,” I said. “In case we fail.”

  “If we fail, we'll likely all be dead,” said Dekker.

  “That’s not helpful,” I said.

  “There’s a back door,” said Bea. “The back hall leads to the bathrooms. If there are still mirrors in there, I can try again. Maybe I can save them.”

  “All of them?” I said. “We don’t even know how many there are.”

  “More than you think,” said Roo, suddenly smiling. “And they all work for Harishona.”

  “Stop calling her that,” I said. “Her name is Ruth. She’s just another reflection.”

  “What happens to the girls if she dies? This Harishona,” said Dekker.

  Roo shrugged. “The bavuah, we kill, we fuck, we hurt ourselves for the sensation. If Harishona dies, there’s no telling what will happen. We like pain, no matter who feels it. Even children.” She began to laugh, but Dekker aimed the gun at her again and she was silent.

  “Dekker, you take Bea through the back way,” I said.

  “Frankie, this is crazy. I’m not going to let you die in there.”

  “I’m not going to die,” I said.

  “How do you know?”

  I smiled brightly. “I just know. Trust me.”

  “That smile is fucking terrifying,” he said.

  “I’m scared, okay? Even if I don’t die here, I die in the lake. My sister told me as much. Maybe I won’t die permanently, though. I woke up once, maybe I can do it again. But even if I don’t, Dekker. It’s okay.”

  “It’s not.”

  “It damn well is,” I said. “If I die, let me rest. Don’t do anything weird.”

  “Weird?” he said. “Like what?”

  “Don't ever make a deal with any of these fuckers. Promise me.”

  He watched me for a long moment.

  “No.”

  “Promise me, Dekker. If you care anything for me, promise me never to make a deal.”

  He sighed. “I can’t.”

  “Dekker...”

  “I’ll drag you back from Hell personally. I know myself. And I know I’d do whatever the hell I damn well had to. If you died, and it brought you back, yes, Frankie, I’d make that goddamn deal.”

  “You have to let me die if it’s the way it happens. You have to leave me.”

  “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t be able to help myself.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why.”

  I watched the road.

  We were fast approaching the Pinecrest. I had my sharp little knife. As far as I knew, Dekker had two handguns. Bea had a shotgun and a pistol. I turned off the headlights.

  “I’m sure this is going to end well,” I said, slowing to a stop. I could see the floodlights that usually illuminated the parking lot had been shattered. The only light came from inside the bar, through darkly tinted glass, barely discernible through the utter darkness now surrounding us.

  “Look, the Caddy’s there,” said Dekker, pointing at the sleek dark shape in the back corner of the parking lot. I cut the engine.

  “Mommy’s come home,” I said.

  “Kill her, kill her,” giggled Roo.

  “You’re going to trust her enough to do this?” Dekker said, nodding to Roo.

  “I have to. It’s the only way this convoluted plan will have any chance of working.”

  “The girls are innocent,” said Bea. “We can get them out, I know we can.”

  Roo laughed giddily as Dekker holstered his gun. I opened the trunk and got the rope I’d stashed there.

  “Here,” I said. “Tie my arms.”

  Dekker tied my wrists together in front of me, watching my face. A raven landed on top of my car.

  “This is a bad idea, Frankie,” he said. “I don’t trust any of these people.”

  “Trust me,” I said. “I’m the only one you need to trust. I’ll be fine.”

  “That’s a lie and you know it.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “This is going to be...unpleasant.”

  Roo and I walked toward the bar, Roo leading me by the arm, Dekker and Bea waiting in the shadows until we were through the door. Then they would circle around the back. We were about to cross the street, but a pair of headlights were suddenly on us, swerving down the road. A truck came into view, coming to a stop in front of us. Kevin Kroger stepped down from the cab of the truck. He looked us over, his face solemn.

  “What the fuck is happening?” he said. “Where are my girls?”

  Bea and I exchanged a look and in the bright headlights of his pickup, Kev
’s face drained of color.

  “I just came to get a drink,” he said. “What the hell are you doing here? Why is she tied up?”

  “How do we know he’s who he says he is?” said Dekker.

  “Kev,” said Bea, “something bad is happening in this town.”

  “Yeah, no shit,” he said. “What the fuck is this? Where are my kids?”

  No one spoke for a long moment and I saw Kev’s panic rising.

  “They’ve been taken,” I said. “We’re going to get them back.”

  “They didn’t...they didn’t hurt anyone, did they?” he said, swallowing hard. “You can tell me. I’ve seen what’s happened to them. I know they’re not right.”

  “No,” said Bea. “Actually, I saved them.”

  “Saved them?” said Kev.

  “Kev,” I said, “have you noticed anything weird about the mirrors?”

  He stared at me for what seemed like a very long time. I thought he was going lash out and hit me, I thought he was going to cry, I thought he was going to panic. But instead he smiled.

  “Oh, thank Christ,” he said, rubbing his mouth with a hand. “Oh my God, I thought I was going fucking crazy. It’s real? What I’ve been seeing? You’re saying it’s real?”

  “What have you been seeing?” said Dekker.

  “People,” he said. “They’re everywhere. People I know. My girls. And they’re all screaming. Jesus, it’s fucking horrible.”

  “There’s something evil here,” said Bea slowly, gently. “Something that steals your soul and takes your body over. And these soulless bastards are murderous. They want death and blood and they’ll do anything to feel.”

  Roo giggled.

  “And that’s what happened to my girls?” said Kev.

  “Yes,” I said. “But Bea figured out how to get their souls back. Someone hurt her and took the girls away. To the Pinecrest, we think.”

  “Who took them?” he said, not skipping a beat.

  “You’re taking this astonishingly well,” said Dekker.

  “My mother,” I said.

  “Your mother,” said Kev. “Ruth Mourning. She’s here?”

  “You know who I am?” I said.

  “I mean, I recognized you. From the papers. Not right away, but it came to me slowly. Then I googled you.”