Tell Me No Lies

by Nikki- Michelle

  She walked over to the mahogany bar that occupied the whole left side of the room. I watched her in silence as she poured herself three shots of liquor back to back. I’d left my son to come be her shoulder in her time of need, her time of bereavement. Now I stood there, having second thoughts.

  “Look, Stephanie, I’m only trying to help. I know how close you were to your father and how much you loved him. I think now is the time for you to accept that he was just as close to Gabe as he was to you and that Gabe loved him just as much as you did.”

  Her bloodshot eyes took inventory of me before she spoke up. “Whatever. I don’t want to talk about him or his mother, not in my damn house.”

  I was beginning to think that nothing would change Stephanie. She was just an evil woman, just like her mother. It was like they each had a piece of hell in them.

  “I can’t even leave the fucking house to go and sit with my mom,” she continued to rant. She picked up her glass and walked around to lean against the front of the bar.

  “Why not?” I asked her.

  She kicked her leg out and raised her pajama leg to show me. “Fucking ankle monitor won’t let me.”

  I’d forgotten about the device that kept her prisoner in her own home.

  “Is she coming over here?”

  She shook her head and took another swallow of the maple-colored liquor. “No, she’s too distraught to drive tonight. I called my attorney, and he called one of my father’s judge friends. He’s getting an order that would allow me to leave the house.”

  When she said that last part, my thoughts immediately went to Chyanne and my son. I didn’t care that in the moment we were being cordial. My guard was still up and would never again go down around her. That was one of the reasons I hadn’t taken a seat in her home yet.

  “Stephanie, if you get that removed and are allowed to leave the house, you better not even breathe in the direction of Chyanne or my son,” I warned her.

  “Oh God,” she said with a disgusted frown as she slammed her glass down on the bar behind her. “I see she still has you wrapped around her fingers. Here, my father is dead, and all you can think about is your mistress, even though she’s happily fucking another man.”

  That was my cue to leave.

  “I’m leaving, Stephanie. But I’m not playing with you.”

  “Screw you, Aric. Nobody is thinking about—”

  I didn’t even give her time to finish. I fished my car keys from my pocket and made my way to the front door. I didn’t even look back when I heard her break down in tears again. I left her house, not even sure why I’d gone there in the first place. Stephanie was never going to change, no matter what.

  After I hopped on the expressway, I tapped the Bluetooth retrofitted to my car and told it to call Gabe. I couldn’t say I knew the depth of his pain. I didn’t think I would know what to do if I had suddenly lost my father. Sometimes it felt as if he was the only parent I had. Yeah, my mom was around, but she and I hadn’t really spoken decent words to one another since I was seventeen. She’d pulled a gun on me after she slapped me and I shoved her into the wall. I’d told her it was her last time she’d put her hands on me. I had never forgiven her for that.

  Although Mr. Williams and I hadn’t been on speaking terms, he was still a good man. He’d also been a good father figure to me in the past. When my father wasn’t around, it was Mr. Williams who would take me to games with him and Gabe when he would come to New York. He even came to my college graduation. I was going to miss the old man.

  Gabe’s phone rang about four times before he finally picked up. His voice was gruff, and he had to clear his throat a few times before he got it together.

  “What’s up, Aric?”

  “Was calling to check on you and Ms. Dixie. You need me to stop by and sit with you for a while?”

  He was silent. “My mama isn’t doing too well, man. I’m trying to keep strong for her, but every time she breaks down like this on me, I die a little more inside.”

  “Damn, Gabe. I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Yeah, me too. I still don’t want to believe this shit, Aric. I don’t want to believe he’s gone, man.”

  “That’s the same thing Stephanie was saying.”

  “Oh, you talked to her?”

  “Went by to see her.”

  “I tried to call her, but she wouldn’t answer.”

  “Yeah, besides being upset about your father, she’s still the same Stephanie.”

  “Tell me about it,” he said, then grunted. “Look, Aric, I’m going to go back in here and see about Mom. I’ll hit you up later, when I go home.”

  I encouraged him to keep his head up and told him to call if he needed anything. We ended the phone call, and I looked at the clock on my dashboard. It was damn near five o’clock in the morning. At first my mind said, Go home and go to sleep. Gotta go to work in a few hours, but then I remembered I no longer had a job. As the rain started to come down harder again, I dialed Chyanne just to see if she was awake. Normally, she would be up, getting ready for her morning jog or work, but I got no answer. For the first time I realized that I was a man with nothing to do. I found myself driving toward Chyanne’s old neighborhood. There was one person who I knew would be awake.

  Chyanne

  Gabe had responded to only one of my texts. He said he would call me once he got home. That had been at six in the morning. I looked at the clock as I walked out of the doctor’s office. It was four in the afternoon. I had to do a walk-in to see the doctor that day since the appointment was last minute. The doctor had only confirmed what the home pregnancy tests had determined. I was pregnant, two months in. As usual my cycle hadn’t been an indicator for me. They had to do a sonogram to find out how far along I was. So as I worried about Gabe, because of his father passing, I also worried about what Jamie would say when I finally confirmed my pregnancy to him.

  My feelings had been so hurt after I told Jamie about me being pregnant. It was like he hadn’t even cared. Actually, the look on his face seemed to say that he didn’t even want me to be pregnant. I thought back to when I had told Aric I was pregnant with AJ. Even his reaction hadn’t been so glum. Yes, he was skeptical about the paternity, but I could see the hidden happiness ready to be released. Jamie just stood there, wouldn’t even look at me. I shivered and pulled my coat tighter as I walked to my car. The air was frigid and was threatening to freeze me solid. The ground was still wet from the rain the night before. Trees were billowing in the wind. And it was so cold that people were running to get into their vehicles.

  Once I got in my car, I turned my heater on, then let the car warm up before I drove off. I started to think about all the things that had been going on between Jamie and me. It was kind of disheartening and was threatening to bring me to tears. What in hell had been going on with us? Why did it seem that we were all of a sudden off course? I swear I was starting to wish that his grandmother had never called. Before that call everything between Jamie and me had been picture-perfect. I wanted that back. I couldn’t lie and say that the kiss from Aric didn’t have anything to do with my being off course with Jamie, but truth be told, Jamie knew what he was doing when he told me to answer the phone that morning Aric had called and heard us having sex. I had no idea what kind of satisfaction he’d gotten from it.

  My phone started to ring just as I was about to turn the music up. One of my favorite songs at the moment was playing. I was happy to see it was Gabe.

  “Hey,” I answered solemnly, not wanting to sound too cheery. “How are you?”

  I knew it was a stupid question to ask. I’d always hated when people would ask me how I was doing after my mother killed her father.

  His voice came through deep and saddened. “I’d be okay if I knew that my mother would be too.”

  “I can’t imagine what she must be going through, Gabe. To lose a man you love has to be hard,” I said to him.

  I looked out my windshield at a man wheeling a woman down
the road in a wheelchair. That woman had to be freezing, since she had on only a light jacket. I had a mind to offer her mine, until the man walked up to a big red van and opened the door to put her in.

  “Yeah, she’s been crying all day and night. I can’t get her to sleep or eat,” he told me. His voice conveyed his grief. It was a low and sullen monotone.

  “I feel so bad, Gabe. I wish there was more I could do.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  His voice cracked and croaked a bit. I had to wonder if he was crying. Covers rustled in the background. It sounded as if he was turning over in bed. He cleared his throat and coughed before falling silent again.

  “Do you want me to come by?”

  “No, I’m not at home.”

  “When will you be home?”

  “I don’t know, Chy. Maybe later. Waiting on my father’s attorney to get here. Cecilia’s already trying to shut me out of laying him to rest.”

  I shook my head. “That’s not right.”

  “No, it isn’t, but she’s his wife. She has the legal standing to do what she wants.”

  “But you’re his son.”

  “Not in her eyes.”

  I was about to say something else when my phone beeped. I pulled it from my ear and saw that it was Jamie calling.

  “I’m sorry, Gabe. Maybe she will have a change of heart,” I told him just as Jamie’s call beeped again.

  “I doubt it,” he assured me. “Look I’ll hit you back later, okay?”

  “Okay, but for real this time, Gabe. Just send me a text to let me know you’re okay if you can’t call me.”

  “I will. I promise.”

  The deep, penetrating timbre of his voice made me smile and gave me chills. I put my car into reverse and finally pulled out of the parking lot. Traffic wasn’t a bother as I made a right onto Roy Huie, then a left onto Upper Riverdale. I hoped traffic on 75 would be as good to me. I had a mind to stop at the grocery store, but I decided against it when Kay called to tell me she was stopping by to check on me. After fighting traffic for thirty minutes, I finally made it home. I hopped out of the car and rushed into the house. Even the garage was cold, and all I wanted to do was go where it was warm.

  Not to mention I had to pee. I had been holding it for a while. Once I was done and had washed my hands, I returned Jamie’s phone call.

  He answered after the first ring. “Hey, baby. What’d they say?” he asked.

  “I’m pregnant, two months pregnant,” I told him.

  I grabbed my purse from the kitchen counter and headed upstairs. I didn’t know what his reaction would be, but judging by the silence on the other end of the line, I assumed he was feeling no different than he had when I first told him. After I kicked off my heels and sat on the bed, the fact that he was still silent started to annoy me.

  “Say something, Jamie. Tell me something. I don’t know how to feel. . . .”

  “We’ll talk when I get home. It’s just something I think we should discuss face-to-face, okay?”

  “So I take it you don’t want me to be pregnant?”

  “That’s not what I said, Chyanne.”

  “Sometimes we have to listen to what’s not being said, Jamie,” I told him, repeating the words that Gabe had once said to me. “If you didn’t want me to get pregnant, then we should have been doing something to prevent it.”

  I’d snapped at him. I knew my voice had shown my change in attitude. I snatched my jacket off and forcefully tossed it behind me on the bed.

  “Chyanne, calm the hell down. I didn’t say anything about not wanting the baby.”

  “That’s the problem, Jamie. You haven’t said anything.”

  He was quiet a moment before responding. “Look, Chyanne, I don’t want to fight with you or argue today, all right? Trust me on this, and let’s just talk when I get home, please.”

  I shook my head as I walked into the bathroom so I could prepare for a relaxing shower.

  “Okay, I guess,” I answered.

  “Thank you. I’ll be home within the hour. AJ and I are at Toys“R”Us, hanging out for a bit. He wanted a new car set.”

  “Okay, but Jamie he already has more cars than he knows what to do with.”

  “I love you,” he told me, completely ignoring what I’d said.

  “I love you too, Jamie.”

  After we hung up, I showered. I stayed in for a little while just so the powerful jets could relax me. After I got out, moisturized my skin, and dressed, I headed downstairs to make dinner. Maybe Jamie and I could talk tonight, like he’d suggested. Lord knew we needed to. It had been a while since we’d talked like we used to do. Maybe I could plan a weekend getaway for us, I thought while pulling down ground turkey from the freezer.

  By the time Kay arrived, my dinner was almost done, so we sat at my kitchen table and just talked for a while. She’d told me she couldn’t stay long, because she was tired. It was evident by the bags underneath her brown eyes.

  Her eyes widened when I told her I was two months pregnant, and she squeezed my hand. “I mean . . . I would say ‘Congratulations,’ but you don’t look too thrilled yourself.”

  I ran a hand across my watering eyes, then looked at her. “I swear I’m happy that Jamie and I have created life, but I just don’t know how he feels about it, Kay.”

  “He hasn’t said a word?”

  “Not really. All he said today was that we could talk when he got home.” I shook my head and found myself feeling embarrassed when I saw the perplexed look on her face. “I mean, Aric was an asshole about me getting a DNA test, but at least he showed some emotion after finding out I was pregnant.”

  “Chy, I think Jamie may be dealing with something internally when it comes to him having children. You have to keep in mind what happened to him,” she said as she moved around the table to sit in the chair next to me. “And think about this. He wouldn’t even have a son now had his son’s mother not done some sneaky mess.”

  “Yeah, I understand that, Kay, but we weren’t even taking measures for me not to get pregnant. To be honest, we hadn’t even explored the what-ifs.”

  “Still, you have to keep in mind that Jamie has . . . He’s battling a lot of emotions,” she explained. “This is a man who’s had to deal with trauma.”

  I nodded. “And we’ve been fighting and arguing about the smallest of things. Last time we had sex, Kay . . .” I stopped and looked at her. “I didn’t even . . . I mean, it felt like . . . so unlike Jamie. I woke up the other night, and he wasn’t in bed, so I walked out of the room to go find him. He was in one of the guest rooms. The door was cracked open, and I could see that he was watching porn and touching himself. I’ve never known this Jamie, Kay, and it’s scaring the mess out of me. I can’t help but think that at least I knew Aric was a dick from beginning to end. It’s like I’m seeing a new Jamie every day now.”

  “Stop,” Kay said abruptly.

  I looked into her concerned but stern face. “Stop what?” I asked.

  “Stop comparing Jamie to Aric. That’s mistake number one you’re making right now, Chyanne. Mistake number two is that you’re judging Jamie.”

  My head jerked back and tilted to the side. “Judging him?” I asked, then pointed at myself. “I’m not judging him, and I’m not comparing him to Aric.”

  She nodded. “Yes, you are, even if it is unintentional. Leave Aric out of this. Don’t ever mention him again when you’re discussing Jamie in this situation. Trust me on this. It will only open doors that will lead to other things that you don’t want, Chyanne. What you need to focus on is educating yourself more on what the man you love is going through. He needs you, Chyanne. Jamie is a good man. I know you know this. He is suffering a major manic episode right now.”

  “I have been doing all of that, Kay. I’ve been online, reading and researching. I suggested he go back to see his therapist and all. He refuses and says he doesn’t need to.”

  She gave a nod, as if she understood. “Chy, when dea
ling with things like this with him, it’s important not to make him feel like you’re trying to pressure him into anything he doesn’t want to do. Right now focus on being there for him as much as you can, and you need to seek help yourself.”

  “Me? For what?”

  “You found out just a few week ago what happened to Jamie. Now you’re dealing with the aftereffects of what happened to Jamie on top of the hormonal changes with you being pregnant. Not to mention, and I hate to go here, but statistics show that sometimes the victim can become the victimizer. I don’t know the depth of Jamie’s sexual abuse, but if he was abused over a period of time, then you may need to watch him around AJ.”

  My eyes widened, and my heart fell out of my chest. There was just no way in hell Jamie would ever do anything like that to AJ. I told Kay as much.

  “Listen to me, Chy. I know you don’t want to believe it, but it’s possible. All I’m saying is, talk to AJ about good touch and bad touch. I know you love Jamie and you want to believe in him, but you have to think of AJ too. Even Jamie’s mood swings can affect AJ.”

  “Kay, this is crazy,” I finally said to her as I walked back in the dining room from the kitchen. “Everything was all good just a month ago, and it’s like now my whole life is being turned upside down.”

  “Yeah, but that’s no reason to panic, Chy. These things happen. The key here is not to let it get you to a point of no return. I think if you and Jamie just get together and talk about both of you seeing a therapist collectively and individually, you guys can work this thing out.”

  When a door slammed behind us, both Kay and I almost leaped from our seats. I quickly stood, then slowly walked into the kitchen. I was so shocked when I saw Jamie standing there that had AJ not run to jump into my arms, I might have screamed. Three big Toys“R”Us bags sat near the door, and AJ was busy trying to show me his new car. I was trying to pay attention to him, but my eyes were on Jamie. It was apparent by the look on his face that he’d heard some, if not all, of the conversation between Kay and me. I wasn’t sure, but judging by the look on his face, he’d heard enough.