Raising Rain

by Debbie Fuller Thomas

“Fluffy is in excellent health. There is no medical reason why she should have any problems giving birth.” Bebe smiled perfunctorily and closed the file. “But there are three other doctors at the clinic. I would be happy to refer you to one of them, if you’d like. They may be willing to accommodate you.”

  Bebe saw her out to the front desk and left the file with Georgeann. “Give her a referral if she asks,” she told Georgeann quietly.

  Later in the morning, Neil came up behind her and asked about Fluffy. Mrs. Lanham had asked to set up the procedure with a different doctor, and he had an available spot in surgery. Bebe shared her conversation about Fluffy and told him of her decision.

  He put his arm around her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

  She was feeling irritable, and slipped from beneath his arm. “Don’t make more out of it than it is.”

  At home, she was happy to find a letter from Scott. He said they would qualify in the gas chamber the following week and that now they were doing their swim qualifications. That gave her the shivers. They had to jump into the pool with full packs, right themselves in the water and float, and he was surprised at how well he’d done, since swimming wasn’t his strength. Some of the guys panicked and had to be pulled from the pool, but they had to do it over until they passed. There was no mention of Bobby or what he’d written to him. She hoped that he might just stop writing to Scott altogether.

  Bebe waited until later in the evening when she thought that Jude was probably asleep and called William on his cell phone.

  “I’m sorry to bother you so late, William, but I didn’t want to wake Jude. To tell the truth, I didn’t really want her to know I called at all.”

  “It’s no problem, Bebe. She’s so full of pain meds I don’t think a freight train could wake her up.”

  “I wanted to know what food you think we should bring for Jude on our weekend trip. I mean, if there’s something special we should have, in case she has trouble eating what we’ve planned.”

  “She hardly eats anything anymore. I think in addition to her illness, her medications lower her appetite.”

  “She didn’t eat much of her meal at Dulcinea’s. Just sort of pushed it around her plate. We’ve divided up the meals for our trip, but I’m sure there will be at least one meal she won’t be able to eat.”

  “Bland food seems to agree with her the most. A word to the wise—some days she gets a craving for salsa, but she can’t handle it. No Mexican food.”

  “Right. If you think of anything else specific, please call me. Or Rain. By the way, has Rain visited Jude lately?”

  He sounded a bit guarded when he answered. “Occasionally. She’s coming over for a few hours on Saturday while I’m out.”

  A plan began to form in Bebe’s head. Saturday was her birthday, and she’d like nothing better than to stop by the outlet mall with Rain on their way back to celebrate. “Maybe I should come with her. The luncheons don’t give us much time to talk.”

  “I think Rain should come alone, Bebe. You’ll have plenty of time to talk later on your trip.”

  “Oh, yes. Of course, Rain should spend time alone with Jude. I’ll see her soon.”

  Bebe said good-bye and hung up, smarting at the suggestion that it was best for her not to come. She knew that Rain wasn’t crazy about going to Jude’s, but she hadn’t meant to horn in. She hoped that William didn’t see it that way.

  When Rain got the call from William asking her to spend Saturday afternoon with her mother again, she considered saying she had plans, but guilt won out. She had wanted to take Bebe to lunch for her birthday, but she had to scrap that idea. There would be other birthdays, and she could always swing by with her gift on Sunday after Bebe and Neil got home from church.

  For many years while she was growing up, Rain spent weekends, including Bebe’s birthday, at their house. Before Scott and Dylan were born, it was just the three of them, and Rain loved it. Sometimes she’d thought of her mom spending those weekends alone, but Jude was never home when Rain called to say good night. Often Rain found her in a sour, combative mood when she returned on Sunday night, and as she got older, finally put two and two together and realized that on those weekends her mother had had dates that ended in disappointment. Occasionally, her mother was surprisingly optimistic, but it never lasted. As an adult, Rain watched her mother sabotage any relationship that showed promise and Rain didn’t know why—until her mother met William. Rain had first thought him to be very brave. But she finally recognized that their relationship had settled into one of codependency. To her mother, he was simply manageable and safe.

  As Rain grew older, she felt less guilty about the secrets she kept from her mother. Like the fact that she had a whole set of Barbies at Bebe’s house, which she couldn’t wait to get into and even dreamed about when she was back at home in the Bay Area. Or the bag of discarded makeup that Bebe let her play with, along with her old high heels and jewelry. There were only two pieces of jewelry that Bebe refused to let her play with—her grandmother’s pearl necklace and a small silver ring with an amethyst stone. She said it had been a gift when she was little. Bebe had almost lost it once and didn’t want to chance losing it again.

  She let Rain play hairdresser and she filled Bebe’s hair with barrettes. Sometimes Bebe swept Rain’s hair up into a bun and she’d look like a prom queen or a movie star. Once after coming home from Bebe’s when she was older, she even bought a teen magazine and hid it from her mother, but it disappeared, and the next time she asked to go to Bebe’s, Jude made up a flimsy excuse to explain why she couldn’t go, giving Rain a look that said the reason should be apparent.

  Sometimes when Rain came home from a weekend at their house, she would line up her stuffed animals and play veterinarian. But she sensed that her mother disapproved, Jude was jealous of the time she spent with Bebe, and she kept her doctor play to Bebe’s house. At Bebe’s, they took her to visit the clinic on Saturdays and she got to know the other doctors and some of the staff. They suggested that she volunteer there in the summer when she was fourteen, but her mother wouldn’t allow her to live with Bebe all summer.

  As Rain grew up, her mother was always busy working or out supporting some cause. She specialized in cases involving sexual harassment and gender discrimination, and when Rain was a teen and Jude had explained to her the definition of a hostile work environment, Rain couldn’t help but think that it would apply to William, if only he were paid for the work he did keeping house for her mother. Jude did pro bono work for a local women’s shelter and actively supported high profile pro-abortion election candidates, plastering her car with bumper stickers, until she moved to a law firm whose main clients were pharmaceutical companies. She became more conservative in her activities and ceased to put stickers on her increasingly expensive vehicles. Rain figured that the pharmaceutical companies didn’t like controversy. But it didn’t mean that they saw more of her at home. If anything, she spent longer hours at the office.

  Then Bebe got pregnant—several times—and lost the babies. Sometimes the miscarriages interfered with plans they’d made, and Rain felt like an afterthought. But eventually, when Rain was seventeen, Scott was born, and the next year they had Dylan. It marked the end of their trio, and Rain had felt a bit jealous.

  When the boys were babies, she saw a side of Bebe and Neil that she’d never seen before. They became totally preoccupied with the smallest progress the boys made and used baby talk with them as they did with their puppies. Rain thought it was a bit excessive, but she watched Neil, in particular—fascinated with his transformation—remembering how his eyes shone when he held the babies.

  When the boys were toddlers, Bebe and Neil started going to church. Rain had never been to church and had no religious training at all, but she’d gone with them a few times. She went mostly to help with the boys in the nursery. They would cling to her until they felt comfortable around the other children and adults, and their little hands felt warm in hers or around her neck when
they cuddled in her lap. Sometimes, holding them brought tears to her eyes. Then her jealousy would dissipate and she felt like she was still part of the family. Often, she pretended they were hers.

  It reminded her of the baby she’d “lost” just after she turned sixteen, the one Bebe knew nothing about, and she struggled to justify it all over again. When she first told her mother she was pregnant, Jude’s anger flared and quickly burned away as she assured Rain that it was a rite of passage for a woman to have an abortion. She could choose when to have children later, after her career was established—there was no rush. Rain knew that as far as her mother was concerned, it was her only option. Jude assured her that Bebe would agree. But Bebe was struggling to carry her own pregnancy at the time, and it seemed almost cruel for Rain to tell her that she’d gotten pregnant through carelessness with a boy she didn’t love. It was the only real secret she’d ever kept from her.

  Rain realized that she was now at the same age as Bebe when she’d had her boys. There was hope for her, yet.

  Rain was the good daughter and drove over to stay with Jude on Saturday so that William could run errands. Her mother was asleep when she arrived, so she went to Jude’s computer in the office and logged on. To her surprise, the alumni site popped up again.

  What (or who) was her mother trying to find? Was she just feeling nostalgic, or was she connecting with someone? Rain wondered whether William knew.

  Jude began to stir about an hour later, and Rain went up to say hello and to check on her. Jude said she was going to take a shower, and that she didn’t need any help.

  She slowly made her way down thirty minutes later looking totally exhausted and dropped onto the couch. Rain fixed her a glass of water, poured herself an iced tea, and sat down across from her mother.

  Sensing that her mother was too exhausted to talk, she tried to find something on television that they could watch.

  “Well, there’s football, and there’s football,” she said, flipping through the stations. “Or we have a special about jungle predators—ew. Never mind.” She kept scrolling, but nothing caught Jude’s attention until they passed a red-faced television preacher with overly styled white hair, shouting from a grossly ornamental pulpit.

  “I don’t know how Bebe ever got caught up in all of that,” Jude said, shaking her head in disgust. “She used to have a good head on her shoulders.”

  Rain clicked the guide button and continued to scroll through movie channels. “Bebe’s church isn’t like that, Mom. It’s very simple and down-to-earth. And her pastor doesn’t yell. He doesn’t even wear a suit.”

  “So, she has you going to church with her, I see. Better hold on to your wallet.”

  “Oh, mom, I only go a couple times a year, and they don’t beg me for money, either.” Rain settled on The Philadelphia Story, even though it was almost over. “You like Katharine Hepburn, don’t you?”

  “Not in this role. She’s a dizzy female who goes back to her abusive husband.”

  “But it’s Cary Grant. Who could blame her?” She glanced over at Jude who had narrowed her eyes at her. “Just kidding.”

  Jude sank back into the couch, propped her feet up on the coffee table, and rested her head back against the cushion. She closed her eyes.

  “Did William happen to mention where he was off to this time?” she asked.

  Rain looked away from a very young, very smitten Jimmy Stewart. “No, where?”

  Jude smirked, and opened her eyes long enough to say, “Groceries. Again.” She closed her eyes, draping her hand across her brow.

  “So, what is that supposed to mean? ‘Groceries again.’ You need groceries every week, don’t you?”

  Jude looked at her as though she were dense. “No. We don’t cook. He brings home takeout every night. So why does he need to go to the store?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. For deodorant. Shampoo. Jack Daniels?”

  Jude slowly tucked her legs beneath her and inclined her head toward Rain. “He’s not at the store,” she stated.

  Rain tossed the remote onto the cushion between them. “Okay, I’ll bite. Where is he?”

  “How do I know?” she said with a shrug. “But I do know that wherever he is, Valerie is with him.”

  Valerie again. Rain rubbed her temple. “She’s just a coworker, Mom. What makes you think he’s with another woman?”

  “It’s a very common occurrence when a spouse is terminally ill.”

  “You’re worrying yourself over nothing. And you’re not his spouse. If he hasn’t left you by now, he’s not going to.”

  Jude folded her arms across her chest and lifted her chin. “She’s talking William into cheating you out of your inheritance. I know it. I owned the house before we met. I’m really thinking of leaving everything to you and cutting William out of my will entirely.”

  “Don’t you dare,” Rain said, pointing her finger at her mother. “He’s been very good to you for a long time.” Rain held up her hand when Jude tried to interrupt. “You know what? I don’t want to hear anything negative you have to say about him.”

  Jude sat back and pouted. Finally, she said, “You don’t know everything.”

  “Unless he’s plotting your demise, I’d like to keep it that way.”

  After a period of silence, Jude looked at her sidelong, and asked, “Have you heard from Hayden lately?”

  “He came by for the rest of his stuff. We didn’t talk much. We haven’t discussed the house yet, either, but I imagine we’ll have to sell it.”

  “You were smart to stay and make him move out. It will be harder for him to get full possession.”

  “Who said anything about him getting full possession? We’re two reasonable people and I’m sure we can both be fair.”

  Jude lifted her eyebrow at Katharine Hepburn’s inebriated character giving a silly musical giggle. “Don’t be a fool. I’ve seen some very reasonable people take their partners for all they’re worth.”

  “Hayden’s not like that.”

  Jude shook her head. “He’s a man, Rain. He thinks he deserves it, and he thinks he can easily take it. You can bet his friends are giving him that advice.” Jude shifted and winced briefly before continuing. “I’ve seen a string of men just like that over the past thirty years. Men who promise one thing and deliver another. And in every one of those relationships, the women started out with stars in their eyes.”

  Jude had seen too many nasty divorces, and from what Rain could gather, had too much baggage from her adolescence to see men in a positive light. Simply put, she was too jaded to give any man the benefit of the doubt. But what if she was right?

  Rather than arguing with her mother, Rain considered her words. She trusted Hayden, but Jude had seen a lot of amicable divorces turn ugly. Perhaps, just as a precaution, she should go to the bank on Monday and remove his name from her account.

  She looked up to find her mother watching her.

  “I can help you with it, if you want,” Jude said.

  “With what?”

  “Taking the house, of course.”

  “Mom! Please drop it.” Rain immediately felt remorse for being harsh with her sick mother, and softened her tone. “If I need help, I’ll call you, okay?”

  Jude sighed heavily. “Better not wait too long.”

  Rain looked at her in alarm, but Jude added, clear-eyed, “You don’t want him to get a jump on you.”

  Rain grabbed the TV remote and started flipping through the channels again. “Oh, look. Project Runway.”

  “Give it back,” Jude told her. Rain passed it over and Jude began to cruise the stations, dropping the subject of Rain’s house.

  “Looking for anything in particular?” Rain asked.

  “There was a cancer special. William didn’t record it like I asked him to.”

  Rain knew that William was normally very conscientious, and probably had a good reason for neglecting to record it.

  Rain was just irritated enough with her mother that sh
e decided to test the paternal waters. “Mind if I check something on your computer?”

  “Go ahead,” Jude said, without glancing up from her search.

  Rain went into the office and logged on to the computer. The browser menu pulled down to reveal the alumni website her mother had recently visited.

  “Mom,” Rain called from the office. “What’s this alumni website? It says San Angelo State University alumni.”

  There was silence from the couch.

  “Were you looking somebody up?” Rain continued.

  The silence continued until Rain thought her mother was going to pretend she didn’t hear her, even though she was only in the next room. Finally, her mother said, “No. None of your business.”

  Rain grinned to herself and took time to check her own e-mail since she had to pretend that she had a purpose for being on the computer. She soon emerged from the office and offered to refill her mother’s glass. Jude kept her focus on the channels as she scrolled through the same shows that Rain had just perused, and said she didn’t need anything.

  Rain decided to take a direct approach, and see if she could read anything in Jude’s body language that might connect the answer to the alumni website. She sat down and curled up on the leather sofa across from her mother, hugging a small chenille throw pillow that was lying there.

  “So, Mom, there’s something I’ve wanted to ask you about for a while.”

  Jude gave her a weary look. “If you waited until now to ask, it must be messy.”

  “Maybe not. You might not even know the answer.”

  “Well, that would be too easy.” Jude settled on a news station and tossed the remote aside. She looked Rain in the eye. “Shoot.”

  Rain glanced away from her mother’s direct gaze. Did she really want to know the answer?

  “Well?”

  Rain took a deep breath, and spit it out. “My dad. I want to know about my dad.”

  Jude looked incredulous. “What dad?”

  “Exactly. Do I have one or not? Did I have one or not.”

  Jude rolled her eyes. “You didn’t have one. You didn’t need one. Toni, Mare, Bebe, and I—we were enough.”