My Dream to Be Free

by Juergen Stollin

  The brawler wanted to know what I meant by that. And I shouted at him that he had already understood what I said and that he should piss off and that I hoped I would never see him again in Sharm. They also did not need to pay and were to see that as a compensation.

  Now my waiter came and told me that the mayor wanted to know if he should send soldiers.

  But my opponents already went towards the direction of the road, vanished into a car and were gone.

  Now I had a crowd of irritated guests!

  The Arabs were impressed by my performance.

  The Israelis restrained themselves and the Germans told me that it had not been nice of me to deal with the Israelis in such a manner.

  I told them that I could give my opinion free rein here and that I was fed up to the back teeth to be called

  Nazi pig or such similar names.

  I had to keep my mouth shut in Germany, because otherwise I would have been labeled as a racist and anti-Israel and I would have been brought before a court. But here in an Arab country, I could also share my opinion, although we in Germany supposedly had freedom of speech. Did the other person respect me? No!

  Why should I respect him then?

  Basically, I had nothing against a Jew or an Israeli. Why were they always picking on me? What had I done to them? I was also expelled from my homeland. My mother had not left voluntarily. What could I do since I was just four years old? Why was I punished for what others had done? At this point I still had a lot of open questions. Why was the rest of the world not able to stop a monster?

  May be they didn't want to?

  After such an unpleasant thought, I became very quiet.

  After all, I didn't want to create any frictions between two countries.

  It is no secret that the Germans were well-regarded in the East because he had done exactly what many Arabs would have liked to do.

  But I was not part of that and did not want to have or hear any praise from any wretched people.

  No major problem had arisen and there was also no danger to be expected.

  The danger came a little later in a very different style and manner.

  Political worries and "the exodus from Egypt"

  It was like a flash from nowhere and affected everyone.

  I was also hit very hard by this disaster.

  Thirty-six tourists from Switzerland, ten Japanese, six Englishmen, four Germans and two Colombians as well as some Egyptians were brutally slaughtered by terrorists in Upper Egypt.

  Were they Muslims?

  Some said no, the others said yes, warriors of God.

  Who was stopping this madness?

  I was of the opinion that you should counter this violence with violence, before they became unstoppable.

  Hadn't we learned nothing from the past?

  Afterwards there would be much screaming and yelling. If the harm becomes too excessive, the “good ones” will come along and want to save the world. Why only when so much harm has been caused? Oh yes, I had forgotten this little word "interests". Who had interests and in what did they have interests? I did not know - I only knew that tourism in Egypt was doomed to die. And what about me? I was far from being ready to die.

  However, my whole work in connection with tourism, threatened to come to an end. It was clear to me that it would take a considerable amount time before we could handle this blow and before it could eventually be forgotten.

  The Sinai as well as the whole of Egypt suffered very much from the extinct tourism. My business and I were not spared. Since I did not want to throw out my employees, I endured it all for a whole year. Again and again I thought that the tourism would rebound.

  After a year of futile waiting for improvement of the situation, I had to close the delicatessen shop.

  This was followed by a move from the big villa.

  The open-air restaurant in the mangroves and Dahab came next.

  I could only provisionally shut them down but not sell them. Who would buy a shop or even an equipment that was dependent on tourism in such a situation?

  Since all the equipment had not been paid for, these things were taken away, after the check could not be cashed. The clamor for the rental payments became increasingly fierce. But it did not help and even though the agreed rental period was not yet over, I gave back the key.

  I kept only the Pigeons House with the regular crew.

  A year to only pay and no security through income was a stab in the back. A year later the contract had also expired here and my five years were over.

  My landlord, the Bedouin, did not have any foresight and and demanded a rent including the percentages for a new contract. Even after tenacious negotiations, he insisted on a fixed payment of rent. I heard from insiders that he had another tenant for the Pigeons House. Let the new tenant cope with the restaurant, I thought - I gave up!

  That was the reason to return to Germany. Good old Germany, we are coming!

  You could not sell restaurant inventory at that time for a good price. So I had no choice but to take what people were willing to give. When it was also rumored that I did not want to manage the restaurant anymore but that I wanted to return to Germany, no one offered a normal price and so the successor got everything very cheap. I could not take anything with me anyway.

  And the supplier returned the inventory again. Even in that, I lost an enormous amount! Even if there were only two installments to be paid from the fourteen installments, they came and collected the refrigerator, a display cabinet or air-conditioning unit, without offering accumulation. That's life!

  If you were on the losing side, you not only lose once, but several times. And then it was also much more than this one commitment that it was all about.

  I held “war council” with Renate, regarding how we were to proceed. We had tried to save as much of our money as was possible. But it was not much. Some time ago, I had talked to my daughters about a possible return to Germany and had mentioned that I wanted to open a restaurant. I asked for advice and they also tried to support me in this endeavor. It was agreed that both of them would get involved in the business, of course against payment, if they actively took part in it.

  My plan was fixed: a dining restaurant in Germany. I saw myself in the kitchen, Renate at the counter and checkout, the two daughters alternately as waitresses in the service area.

  Renate stayed in Sinai to give me the opportunity to find a suitable place, while I moved to Krefeld to my daughter, who had married in the meantime. We found a pub very quickly through a local brewery.

  Meanwhile, I got bad news from Maruscha, my other daughter. After her husband, who had been a drug addict, had died probably due to a contaminated needle, I thought it was in our interest that she came to Krefeld and that we undertook something together. But after a long hospital stay, it was now certain that she had been infected through her deceased husband, who had died of AIDS, as it had been diagnosed. The diagnosis of Aids was probably the end for her to lead a normal stand in normal, civilian life.

  We were all shocked but things had to go on even without her.

  In the meantime, Renate came from Egypt and we stayed in a hotel, since the restaurant was being renovated. In addition, we had news from my older daughter that her husband had found a better job in Berlin and that they would move to Berlin.

  I could not go back with my plans on the restaurant since the rent and the deposit had already been paid to the brewery.

  Apart from that, concession, licensing and everything that belonged to a restaurant were paid, and the money had been spent.

  Already for a long time we had been dependent on Renate's money, which she had saved from earlier times. The day of the opening came. The restaurant ran very well even without my daughters. But soon I realized that the rent was much too high.

  In the meantime, we also lived in the apartment belonging to the restaurant. This was something I didn't want but the contract had been formulated in such a way that there was no ot
her choice. Since we needed external employees, who were officially registered, the costs increased dramatically. Also Renate and I had a private insurance, which had very high installments. My mother, who was now staying in an old-age home and was suffering from Parkinson's disease, visited us regularly. She was still the poetess in our family. Despite her illness, she wrote her poems and verses with a trembling hand. I was surprised that the staff of the restaurant could decipher the scribbled notes and had saved them in the computer. They gave me Mother's works after her death. I would not like to withhold some verses here.

  I could not do much for my daughter Maruscha; she was in a special therapy, since she was not quite "clean".

  I did not know she has still been on the needle. She got her Methadone and several different drugs as well.

  Next, Renate's doctor dropped a bombshell.

  The disease, which not only destroys your body

  Renate had brought our two small dogs from Egypt and she was playing with them.

  One day it so happened that one of them had scratched her breast a bit with his paw and she had gone to the doctor. The family doctor treated the little wound and advised her to go for a routine breast cancer examination, just to make sure that she did not have anything.

  Renate had never undergone a precautionary examination in Egypt. So the doctor sent her for mammography and other examinations.

  After two weeks, we were sure that Renate had breast cancer!

  Immediately she was taken to a clinic, but the cancer had already advanced so far that the right breast could not be saved and it had to be removed.

  I do not know how people cope with this disease!

  After each chemotherapy or radiation treatment, Renate was more dead than alive.

  She could not eat or drink. She also needed a bucket in the toilet, which she had in front of her. This really got to me even though I was not sick, when I saw her sitting on the toilet-seat, spitting only green slime into the bucket.

  Anyhow, I had to do my work in the restaurant and so I could not devote any special attention that I should have given to Renate.

  She was alone very often. Only when I brought her to the apartment, I saw her. Then, of course, when I brought her back again for her chemotherapy and radiation treatment.

  After eight sessions of chemotherapy and twenty-six radiations, I knew about what it meant to have cancer! Though I did not have to overcome this torture. But we were firmly committed to the following: Even if we could not defeat the cancer, we had to try to live with it.

  It was on a Friday that I was very busy in the restaurant and came to the apartment only late at night and Renate told me that she was feeling very ill but that she did not want to go to the hospital. On Monday it was so bad with her that I did not listen to her any more and drove her to the hospital. She went straight to the emergency room there. Since I could not do anything for her, I drove back to my pub and I visited her the next day.

  The doctor immediately took me aside and told me that she had been very lucky. A day later she could not have been saved. Since her immune system would not work, the operation would have weakened her anyway and since she had not eaten anything for almost a week, she had been pretty close to the end! Renate later told her that she had poured the food into the toilet. I should keep an eye on her and make sure that she ate.

  Not so easy with a pub and too few employees, because they were expensive.

  But the day came when I had something else. It started very slowly. I had knee pain, which I could not bear any more after two days.

  It was swollen to double the size and hurt like hell. I could not work anymore and had to close the kitchen. But a guest who had noticed this saved me from closing it. He was a cook and was on vacation, so he could substitute for me in the kitchen and in general, if I wanted. That is what he told me! This nice young man offered to assist me. Since I could barely stand or walk, I was very grateful and agreed. He did not want any salary but wanted only free food and drink.

  Since he was supposedly still in an employment relationship, I could not register him, which he too did not want.

  The boy was good, he could cook and also manage the shop otherwise. I could concentrate on my knee and went for medical treatment. The diagnosis was bursitis.

  I was tied to the bed for a full week and afterwards I was not able to work. But I could at least be with Renate and keep company with her. A waitress took care of the necessities and looked after us.

  When I was well again, Renate had also made progress such that she could be in the restaurant for some time. Only the cigarette smoke bothered her and she could not stay long. Peter, my substitute, did his job very well and I was glad that he was with me and relieved me.

  My doctor also said that I should reduce my stress and my cigarette consumption a bit. But he didn't know how I could do that.

  Peter had been with me for over a month now and since I was back on my feet, I did not need him anymore.

  But when I wanted to settle with him, he only tried to fight with me and only said I would hear of him again. He was gone. I had no idea where I could reach him, since I did not have any of his address.

  All in all, Peter had been with me for six weeks, and I had the feeling that he had been a decent fellow until this bill came.

  Since I had also transferred the banking transactions to him and had given him the money for rent, insurances, health insurance of the employees and other obligations, I was surprised to get the first reminders from the tax offices.

  In addition, I had presented him with a check for four hundred marks as a security for a car rental. He had driven to the Moselle and had brought his girlfriend. I also had given him money to bring some boxes of Moselle wine. I did not get a wine, only the promise that he would pay back the money, which he had spent. I did not see the security deposit or deposit check from the car rental either, because he kept the rent as payment, as Peter had arranged it so. He had not had any cash and so the car rental had cashed the check and cleared it.

  This was not enough; after careful inspection of the beer caps, on which Peter was to record his private consumption, but did not have to pay as per our agreement, I assessed a sum of 1250 Marks.

  Now I knew why he did not want to settle with me but preferred to disappear.

  Bottom line, his friendly support cost me some unpaid checks of 2400 Marks, 400 Marks for the car rental, 300 Marks for wine that he had not delivered and some trifles like various trips by taxi, after a night out in a discotheque. Since Inge, one of my waitresses was with him during the rides to the disco, I came to know of this from her. Peter had always told the employees that he had become a partner. So they did not think it was a bad thing that he behaved like the representative of the boss.

  Renate recovered from her illness only slowly. She was very embarrassed to come into the restaurant with a wig or even with her bald head. Besides, the cigarette smoke and the smell from the kitchen were so unpleasant that she could not stay for long in the restaurant. I could give up on her as far as the business was concerned and had to accept the fact that I needed staff.

  My day started at eight in the morning, because I had to clean the toilets. The cleaning woman had to clean the large hall, the two bowling alleys, the guest room and the kitchen. There was no time for the toilets. This was the first time I had to clean toilets. This was otherwise Renate's task or that of a cleaning woman. I had always wondered about the Renate’s complaints that the ladies' toilets were filthier than those of the men. Now I experienced it myself.

  The five women's cabins made me despair. The things I found there! Also the toilet bowls

  had not been cleaned by anyone, though there were brushes everywhere. There were also sanitary towels and dirty panties in the corner, though there were waste bins for them as well. The drains were also blocked very often.

  In the case of men on the other hand, there were no dirty toilet bowls or any dirty underwear in the corners. I would not have be
lieved if I had experienced it myself. The five cabins for men were always okay.

  But on the other hand, there were problems with the urinal. Cigarette butts, which I had to fish out, had collected there. And I guessed that the basin were not large enough.

  Or the gentlemen thought that their "good item" was longer than it was really was because most of them had peed beside it. Also I had to fight with vomit, sometimes I myself added more to it, before I could really wipe it away. After my session in the toilets, I had to drive to do shopping and make preparations for the business of lunch.

  I could not retain a cook for a long time since my guests refused to eat her food and forced me to be in the kitchen. So I started cooking again and also took care of the counter, when the rush in the kitchen was over. Not infrequently I closed the restaurant only at two in the morning, since I had a regular customer, who had become my best guest and also a friend. It didn't interest me that he was totally gay. I accepted him and he accepted me. This was wonderful.

  You only need a little tolerance.

  Thus it was a pretty tight schedule of eighteen hours. I didn’t know how long I would be able to endure it. I used up three packets of cigarettes during that time. Per day. I also drank quite a lot of liquor and and Pilsner beer. From time to time, I visited Mother, visited my daughter to speak encouraging words to her, drove Renate to North Germany to an island for rehab, then I visited her once a week and in between worked in the pub.

  My staff had already got used to me that I was only jumpy and irritable.

  The business was running very well but my tax advisor informed me that my costs were too high and that the rent was too high as well. Something was wrong.

  To crown it all, there was a notice from the labor court and I received a subpoena.

  My "rescuer" Peter had reported me, on the grounds that I had employed him for six weeks and had not registered him and had not paid him. He had named some of my (his) guests as witnesses. What was this shit all about?