Broken Love

by Ghiselle St. James

  Nurse Green stalks in and gives me a frown. I don’t think this woman likes me very much right now. “Listen, I don’t care how much money you have, or how handsome you are – dear God you’re handsome – but you will not” – she shakes a feisty finger at me – “harass my patient or I will kick you out on your very fine ass. Got me?”

  The kind woman is gone, replaced with a protective Mother Hen. I’m very happy Sullivan has someone like this to help her through her healing process. I know some nurses don’t care for patients as they should, but Nurse Raylene has shown heart for her job and I respect that.

  “I’ve got three boys, Mr. Hayes, I don’t play. Please, leave.” She is in a sassy stance – hip pushed out to the side and her fist tucked into her waist, giving me a challenging glare.

  I rise, releasing Sullivan slowly, returning Nurse Green’s slight frown. She doesn’t back down…but I do. I look down at Sullivan, but she is staring out the window, already lost.

  “I’ll be right back, baby,” I assure her, but she doesn’t acknowledge me. Her brows furrow and I can see that contemplative shield slip over her face.

  Whatever she has to tell me, must be big. Maybe I should go home, rest and clear my head. I need to be as much support to her as I can. Even if the truth warrants anger, I won’t give in to it. No matter how much she asks for it. I won’t leave her. No matter how much she begs for it. She’s stuck with me, whether she likes it or not.

  Sullivan

  He loves me.

  The words break the walls around me, but I can’t let him know they’ve affected me. I’m wrong for Ben on too many levels, but…he loves me.

  Tears make a slow trickle down my face as the words replay over and over, reverberating in my heart. I touch his face, feeling the scruff on his jawline. His lips on mine had felt like warm velvet – soft but insistent. I missed his touch so much that it felt like he scorched me when he held on to me.

  His touch awakened something in me that I thought Rick and Ryan had effectively killed: desire. His whispered, soul-touching words freed a part of me that had been hidden for years since Jared’s death. What’s worse, I believe him.

  And that’s what scares me.

  Chapter Fifteen

  At six, I stroll into the hospital shaven, showered, and in a fresh suit of clothes, feeling absolutely rejuvenated after a six hour sleep and a mountain of food. On consultation with her doctor, I brought dinner for Sullivan – baked fish fillet and mashed potatoes with a garden salad. I cooked none of it. Vivian was all too excited that she’d been found to allow me to even boil water. It was the first time I’d seen the woman cry in all the years I’d known her.

  It broke my heart to see the silver-haired woman cry, but I understood what she’d been feeling. Relief. I’ve been feeling it in waves ever since Sullivan’s rescue. She was almost gone forever.

  Stepping into the hospital’s elevator, I see a woman burst through the hospital doors in hysterics. A man is behind her and Sullivan’s lawyer follows looking like a miserable child.

  “Where is she? Take me to her, Marshall,” she demands. They must be Sullivan’s parents. Finally.

  I stop the elevator doors from sliding to a close and I motion for them to get in, which they do, even though Marshall himself hesitates.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Beal,” I say, extending my hand to Mr. Beal who looks at me confused.

  “You must have us confused with someone else, son,” Mr. Beal says.

  “Aren’t you, Sullivan’s parents?” I ask, also confused.

  “Who’s Sullivan?” Mrs. Beal looks at her husband then at me, her tear-stained face impassive.

  I look over at Sullivan’s lawyer whose distressed countenance makes me wonder what is going on.

  “Mom, dad…” Marshall takes a deep breath and releases it heavily. “Sullivan is Delilah,” he confesses without looking at me. “We had to change her name to hide her from Rick.”

  A loud slap from his mother echoes exactly what the hell I want to do to him. I feel so betrayed – by Sullivan, Rachel and her lawyer, or whoever he is. I want to stop the elevator, get off and leave.

  “How dare you keep this from us, Marshall?” the woman gasps. “We’ve been in hell for the past five years. I guess your so-called protection didn’t work, did it? He still got to her.” She turns and sobs into the chest of which I assume is her husband.

  “Mother, I couldn’t risk it.” Mother? He is Sullivan’s brother? God, now I really want to get out of this – all of a sudden stifling – elevator.

  He continues, “She was looking at serious jail time if we didn’t do something drastic and the only thing we could think of was for her to run.”

  “That is not how we raised you!” she spits at him, dashing away angry tears. The outburst startles everyone in the elevator. Marshall’s eyes widen and his face looks ashen.

  “Never back down from your problems,” she reinforces, pointing a finger at him before turning back into her husband’s chest.

  “It was the only way,” Marshall mumbles, his eyes pleading with his father.

  I fist my hands as I listen to them without saying a word. Silence ensues, stifling the atmosphere of the small car. When the elevator comes to our mutual destinations, everyone gets off except me.

  “Please don’t abandon her now,” Marshall pleads with me. “She needs you.”

  “What am I supposed to do with all this, Marshall?” I ask him honestly; because really, this shit is heavy to digest. What I thought and held on to as truth is unraveling before me like a loose thread in fabric.

  “I know, man, but…” he sighs, and I clench my fists.

  The elevator doors begin to slide closed and, like a fucking idiot, I slam my hand on one side, preventing them from closing. It’s like I want him to convince me to not do what my brain is screaming at me to do. My heart is hammering inside my chest, because as much as common sense says leave and stay far, far away, there is something beckoning me to stay; almost a soft voice. Sullivan?

  “Who is this man, son?” his father asks him.

  “This is…”

  I don’t know where it comes from, but I step out of the elevator, extend my hand to him and introduce myself, “I’m Ben Hayes, your daughter’s boyfriend.”

  Her parents look at me with stunned glances. Marshall looks relieved, mouthing thank you to me. Like I did any of this for you, I snort silently. Why did I do it?

  Now, I know all I’d just heard should warrant me high-tailing it out of there, but I can’t. I can’t leave her now. If I leave this time, it would be even clearer that I don’t deserve her.

  Sullivan’s…Delilah’s father sizes me up as he shakes my hand, firmly I might add.

  “Ben Hayes…Marshall Keyes, senior. This is my wife Willy Keyes,” he introduces.

  “Wilhemina Keyes,” Mrs. Keyes corrects, shooting daggers at the man, and taking the hand that Mr. Keyes had released.

  “Her room is this way,” I say and lead them down the hall to where Sullivan is.

  Inside the private room, Nurse Green is laughing at something Sullivan…Delilah said. I’m really going to have to get used to her real name.

  Nurse Green retreats, leaving us to our moment.

  Delilah’s face lights up when she sees me and it’s like a sucker punch to the gut. I never thought I’d see that smile again. I can’t help but mirror her bright smile, thankful that her spirits have risen. Just as soon, her countenance falls when her mother surges toward her and hugs her. Mr. Keyes follows, embracing the both of them, while Marshall stays behind, allowing them to reunite.

  I step outside and call a nurse over for some assistance. The young nurse from before sashays toward me and I ask her to get me a tray so I can serve Sullivan’s dinner. She shoots me a winning smile and a wink as she saunters out of the room and I have to bite back a gagging sound.

  Lady, you’re so not my type…anymore.

  I scarcely pay attention to the conversation Sullivan…Delila
h is having with her parents, but I can feel her staring at me. I can only imagine what she must be feeling, what she must be thinking. I bet she wants the universe to swallow her up right now, knowing that I now know the beginnings of what will be the truth she has to tell me.

  I guess she reads my mind with what she says next.

  “Mom, Dad, Marshall…could you excuse us for a moment?”

  Her parents look at her as though she is crazy.

  “Lilah, we just found you after five years, in a hospital no less! Do you think we would ever leave your side now?” her mother shrieks.

  Five years. The length of time still shocks me. I can only imagine the horror of all they’ve been through having been deceived for so long. I know I’m feeling a little piqued about being lied to as well. Why couldn’t she have told me all her secrets before now?

  I can feel my flight instincts kicking in again and a fresh fit of rage, but I dig my feet into the floor and grip the container I am holding with white-knuckled force. It’s all I can do to stop myself from storming out of the place.

  “Mom, please. I deceived him and I need to explain some things,” she explains. “Help him to understand all of this.”

  “He can wait,” she argues gruffly.

  “No time like the present to confront issues. Isn’t that what you always say in your therapy sessions?” Sull…Delilah contends.

  “That’s not fair, Delilah,” her father speaks up.

  “Daddy, please. He needs to know. Not everything, at least not right now, but he needs to know something.”

  Not everything? How much does she need to tell me? Holy fuck, I need to get out of here. I start for the door.

  “Please don’t go, Ben!” she cries out, stopping me in my tracks.

  When I turn around she’s almost off the bed, her brother restraining her. She wobbles to the floor and her mother gasps in fear that she might fall. I dash over to her and I crush her to me. All I feel are her shudders as she clings to me. When I tear her away, she’s in tears, mouthing the word “please”, her big beautiful eyes pleading with me to stay.

  Turning to her parents, I say to them, “Please, give us a few minutes. I beg you.” My eyes implore her father to give us this, to give us time, and with a soft nudge of his wife they leave the room, followed by Marshall.

  Mr. Keyes understood; another male telepathy thing – first the doctor, now him.

  I clutch Delilah – I got it right this time – for long, seemingly endless moments. Smoothing her hair, I wait for her to come down from her sobs. When she finally does, I lay her gently back on the bed. Wiping her tears, I take a closer look at her. She is still my beautiful, sweet girl. Her big brown eyes still make me weak and her plush lips are still so inviting. So much so, that I kiss her gently; a kiss that we both so desperately need.

  Her lips are soft, pliant, but eager against mine. She melts in my arms as her body answers the long awaited call of passion between us. Her whimpers are indication that she still feels some modicum of passion for me and I’m sure if I were to slip my hands underneath her hospital gown, she would be wet for me. My sweet girl is always ready for me.

  If I don’t pull away from her, things are going to happen, I tell myself; things that neither of us is ready for yet; things that this poor hospital bed can’t handle. I can just imagine losing myself inside her soft, wet heat; her sexy as sin whimpers; and the flexing of her vaginal walls on my hard cock. I can almost feel her hands on me. Wait…those are her hands! Oh, God. I’m getting hard.

  “Sull…Delilah, we have to stop,” I breathe, overwhelming desire threatening to get the better of me.

  “Yes.”

  She rests her hands on my chest and sighs heavily as she gently pushes me away. I use this opportunity away from her to adjust myself. I almost groan as my hand comes in contact with my hardness. With her, I always seem to lose control…and I love it.

  Delilah closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before expelling it. It’s big; whatever she has to tell me is massive. I know it. I just hope it doesn’t hurt us too much. What am I saying? Nothing she says will make me leave her, so she’s got another guess coming if she thinks I’m just going to give up on us both because of terrible secrets. My love for her is forever and she needs to know that. So…reveal away, Miss Delilah.

  She doesn’t look at me when she says, “My name is Delilah Aphrodite Keyes.”

  Aphrodite? My eyes brighten with amusement. Can this woman be any more made for me? I tilt her head to face me and I see her bottom lip tremble with fear. I kiss her again then nip the trembling lip, smiling.

  “Continue,” I urge her on.

  She stares at me with sad eyes, but her lip stops trembling, so I guess my little trick worked. She leans back on her pillow then continues, telling me about Rick and their volatile relationship and of her shooting him the first time. That I already knew.

  She tells me that before here, she lived in Denver and Pittsburgh, then goes on to explain why she had told me she was a gold-digger; why she had to be that woman and how many men she had been with since her time in Philly and in the other two cities. God, it’s a lot. She named a few names…persons I know, but I’m not scared off. I’ll need to have a stern word with those men, you know, just to warn them off. I know just how addictive Delilah can be.

  I sympathize with her – having run away to a new city to escape certain peril, and not having any money – but I won’t say it. I get the feeling she doesn’t want my pity. She needs my strength and my non-judgment more than anything right now. She needs my silent support.

  “My parents didn’t even know about Rick,” she nervously laughs to herself.

  “How did you keep that from them?” I ask. “How did you hide the abuse you’d suffered at his hands?”

  “Going through all I went through as a kid, you learn to keep secrets, you know? It just came as second nature to me,” she answers on a sad shrug.

  What a sad existence – keeping painful secrets away from the people who love you most and can help you. I’m trying very hard to keep my sympathies to myself, but I know I’m failing when I clutch her small hand in mine and give her a sympathetic squeeze.

  But it hits me: “you learn to keep secrets”, and I wonder what other secrets she is keeping from me; what horrors she’d had to endure in secretive silence as a child. What is obvious is that she was robbed of a normal childhood, possibly even a normal teenaged existence. To what extent, I’m not sure. Before I can enquire, she chimes in.

  “I wanted to tell you. I would have told you, Ben,” Sull…Delilah concludes. “I was afraid that if you knew, you’d walk.”

  “And I told you, if you thought that I’d seriously run then you didn’t have any faith in me,” I say, clasping her hands.

  “But you did run, Ben. At the first sign of trouble, you left me.” Tears stream down her face now and she turns her head away from me.

  I did abandon her and look what happened because of it? How is she to ever trust me again? It seemed like so many people let her down in her life, and the one person she thought she could count on – me – just followed suit.

  “I’m here now, my sweet girl. I’m not leaving,” I declare, but she refuses to look at me.

  “Look at me,” I demand in a commanding rumble, knowing that she will respond; and just like that, she turns to face me.

  “I’m. Not. Going. Anywhere. Ever. Again.” I say slowly, each word a promise.

  Delilah’s big brown eyes dance with tears and as soon as one tear falls, I lap it up. Her tears are sweet, just like she is. I begin kissing her reverently all over her face: cheeks, nose, forehead, eyes, chin, and finally on her lips.

  I am not going to leave her. I love her. And love bears all things.

  PART TWO

  Love’s Journey

  Chapter Sixteen

  Delilah

  I am healing. I am becoming whole again. The memories still plague me and my body still shows signs of my nightmare
.

  But, I am healing. I am becoming whole again.

  Ben won’t touch me. I know he’s afraid he’ll hurt me and I have to say that I’m scared, too. Every time he walks into a room, though; every time he lies next to me in bed and wraps me in his big strong arms; every time he whispers those three beautiful words…I thaw, and warmth spreads through my body, heat pooling at the epicenter of my pleasure. I want him; my desire hasn’t waned.

  I am healing. I am becoming whole again.

  Rick and Ryan did a number on me, horrors that haunt me nightly; but Ben’s presence and the support of my family (including Rachel), has been cathartic. I’ll never forget what I went through at their heinous hands, but…

  I’m healing. I’m becoming whole again.

  I have been working with a therapist, Dr. Patricia Munroe, and it’s the first one I have never wanted to fuck. Knowing Ben, a male therapist was out of the question anyway. She is beautiful with long blonde hair, big blue eyes and a rounded figure. She knows her stuff, confronting many of my neuroses that spin me into a panic, and forcing me to confront my past which is the reason for much of those neuroses.

  It was tough at first, cutting myself open like that; but it wasn’t like suicide. I wasn’t bleeding to death, I was bleeding to life. I was living again without the threat of my past looming over me, without having to hide from it all. Talking about my past wasn’t easy, for a few days it was silence, tears and anger. She was patient though and I’m glad that she was, because…

  I’m healing. I’m becoming whole again.

  Ben

  So, love only goes as far as one’s will allows it to and my will is being stretched thin. Fuck, is it running thin.

  “Shh,” I hush Delilah as I clutch her tightly to me after one of her many nightmares.