The Myatheira Chronicles: Volume Three: Crown of Ice

by Melissa Collins

  “Tell me what I want to know and I will clothe myself.”

  “Do you give me your word on that?”

  “Of course.” It was a simple demand. One which established that she maintained control of the situation.

  Satisfied with her submission he kept his gaze locked on the ground, shaking his head in defeat. “The only other way would be to act on the desires and see how we felt toward one another afterward. There is no guarantee it would work. Lust can sometimes take time to fade. I’m just not willing to do it. It’s too dangerous. And in the event that we discover our feelings to be deeper than lust… it would only hurt us more. You and I cannot be together. If you have the chance to live your entire life without knowing what it is like to have your heart broken, I don’t want to be the reason you suffer.”

  She was already suffering. Did he not see? Was he really so blind? Her attempts at concealing it were fading rapidly. If he wouldn’t allow himself to have her, she had to convince him to give her something to take with her. A memory of him to remind her of the feelings she felt after she was forced away from him by Moinie and Onuric. “Kiss me,” she said suddenly, startled to hear the words come from her lips. It was a harmless request. Their lips had already touched once before. He couldn’t argue allowing it one last time. “If you grant me this, then I will leave you in peace the way you ask.”

  As Edric bent to retrieve her coat from the floor, Neomi watched his face, afraid of what he might say. After her proposition, it was possible he might deny her. Even a gesture as simple as a kiss. She hated to see him so miserable. The regal features of his face were contorted in agony, fighting an internal battle that he appeared to be losing. As she slid the sleeves of her coat onto her arms Edric took a step forward, pausing, the lines on his face deepening again. She wanted to help him. To ease the suffering he felt. Tentative, she moved toward him, closing the gap between them that he seemed unable to walk. At her approach he started to lift his hand toward her face, stopping at the sight of the glove which covered it.

  “If I am going to do this, I intend to do it right,” he whispered. Taking a deep breath he pulled the glove from his fingers, letting the tips brush lightly over the skin of Neomi’s cheek. She shivered at the touch. It was so gentle. Nothing like the rough hands of the Ovatai men.

  Before she knew it, his lips were upon hers, the pressure soft at first, growing in intensity until she found herself lost in the moment, sinking against him. She couldn’t think. The world around her spun at a dizzying speed. The only thing she could feel were his hands drawing her in closer. She didn’t want to stop. How could something that felt so right be so wrong?

  She was losing control. If she didn’t break away soon she wouldn’t be able to, even if he continued to deny her. Resting her palm against his chest she tried to pull away, stumbling backward, Edric’s body reflexively covering the distance she placed between them as if drawn to her like a magnet. She couldn’t breathe. The air in the room was suffocating, the pounding of her heart painful in its steady beat, rocking her body from the force. The next thing she knew she was in his arms again, his forehead leaned in to hers, both of them gasping for breath.

  “Do you still want me to go?” she asked quietly.

  He was quiet for a moment, thinking over his response carefully. At her back she could feel his hands slide down to her waist, pulling her closer still. “I think you should,” he breathed. He was fighting with himself. Even as he spoke the words to turn her away, his body fought to keep her there. She preferred the answer his arms gave to the question.

  Boldly she moved in, her fingers fumbling over the buttons on Edric’s doublet. The motion of their bodies stumbling across the floor made it difficult for her to unfasten his shirt, pushing him against the wall of the hut to steady him. The sensation of the icy wall against his back caused Edric to inhale, snapped back to his senses from the cold. “We can’t,” he gasped, stiffening uncomfortably against the ice. Neomi wasn’t listening. Clutching the fabric of his shirt in her hand she pulled him away from the wall, spinning them around to push him forcefully down onto the fur blankets Edric used for a bed. She refused to take no for an answer. He had been warned about her inability to accept rejection; and given the way his arms accepted her, she didn’t believe his conviction at wanting her to leave.

  Kneeling on the blankets she held herself over Edric. Her eyes moved across his face, searching for an indication that he might be telling the truth in his desire for her to go. There was nothing. The glow of his eyes brightened to see her there, his arms reaching to pull her into him. “I am not leaving,” she told him plainly. It seemed the right thing to say. To make him know that she had no intention of letting him push her away.

  In a swift motion he rolled her onto her back, staring down at her, trembling from what she could only assume was shock and confusion at their sudden predicament. Turning his eyes heavenward he whispered to himself. A prayer to one of the Vor’shai gods. “Sarid, have mercy on my soul…”

  “Your goddess can wait,” Neomi whispered, waving her hand to extinguish the light of the lamp, leaving them to the darkness. “You are mine until the sun rises. She can worry about your soul then.”

  Edric lay in the dark, his breathing shallow, not wanting to admit the mistakes he’d made. There were so many. And there was no escaping them. He only needed to look down to see Neomi’s sleeping form, her head resting upon his chest, the white of her hair creating a blanket of warmth over his skin. What have you done? He was arranging his own death by lying with her. If anyone finds out…

  He couldn’t let that happen. It was bad enough that the others would try and keep them apart. Feeling the weight of her against him, he didn’t want to let her go. For the first time he felt something real. Not like the games Lady Mirlu had played. He had no doubt the mistakes he made back then were caused by foolish lust. This had been different. It was hard to explain, even to himself, but there was something about the way he felt when he held Neomi. The sensation like sparks between them when their lips touched… it was beyond simple emotions and trivial infatuation.

  Gently he brushed a strand of hair behind Neomi’s ear, stroking the side of her face tenderly. She looked so peaceful. Lost in whatever dreams the Ovatai had. In that moment, she was his. There was little time to enjoy it with her when he knew that come morning she would be taken from him. There was no way to know if she even felt the same as he did. It frightened him to think that she would wake up and leave him without a second thought to what they had done.

  Bringing his other hand to rest on her arm he stared at the flawless white of her complexion through the darkness. She was so pale she practically glowed in the shadows, the soft layer of fur-like hair over the skin leaving her smooth to the touch, as if she was wrapped in some delicate silk to protect her from the cold. The heat from her body was the only thing which kept him from freezing. But she couldn’t stay there. She had to be gone before the sun came up or they would risk her being spotted leaving his quarters. You have to wake her. He grimaced at the thought. She was like an angel lying there at his side. He hated to consider disturbing her when he could let her sleep just a little while longer.

  He wanted to be angry with himself for what he’d done. To scold himself for being such a fool. There were so many reasons why he shouldn’t have allowed her to stay and yet he didn’t care about any of them. He would do it all again to have that one night with her. Idiot. How could he think that? It was wrong. Dangerous. The alliance between their countries could be severed instantly if anyone discovered their secret. Was it worth it? Was that one night worth risking the lives of his parents? His brother and sisters? His friends? He couldn’t answer the question. Part of him wanted to believe it was. It was madness to think his feelings for Neomi could possibly be so strong. Did he love her? Perhaps. He couldn’t rule out the idea, as crazy as it may seem. After such a short span of time he felt more for this woman than he had ever experienced with anyone else. But
why her? Why now, when they were facing death in a war they had no idea how to fight? Everyone was against them. It was a mistake to let his heart run away with him when it was only going to be shattered into millions of pieces when Neomi opened her eyes.

  He just needed a little more time. Staring at Neomi’s sleeping form he continued to stroke her hair, his heart aching painfully at the thought of letting her go. They could spare a few more minutes. If he could stay awake until morning…

  Blinking his eyes he tried to focus. Sleep was so tempting. It would be easy enough for him to lie there with her and give in to the exhaustion creeping over him, wrapped in the warmth of her body to keep him from freezing in this miserable place. She made it all worth it. If she was by his side, he believed he could learn to love the otherwise intolerable cold. He couldn’t sleep. He needed to wake her before it got much later. Moving his hand to nudge her, he felt the muscles give out, sinking into the comfort of the blankets. He couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. What would it hurt if he closed them for just a minute? They were like weights on his face, the lashes drooping heavily. Just for a minute. Then he would wake her and they could decide what they would do. For now she deserved to rest. They could worry about the repercussions of their deeds when it came time to say their goodbyes. He could only hope that she might be convinced to find him again when the smoke of the battle cleared.

  When her eyes fluttered open Neomi felt a strange moment of panic, unsure of where she was and how she got there. The room was dark, quiet, the only sound that of Edric’s deep, even breathing beside her. “What have I done?” she whispered into the shadows, slowly coming to her senses in realization of what had happened. She had expected to awaken with a sense of clarity. A definitive knowledge that her feelings for Edric were nothing more than fleeting. Instead her head was more confused, mingled with emotions that she’d never experienced before. She had to leave him. There was no avoiding the inevitable but she found herself considering possibilities which might grant them more time. Plotting ways for them to be together again before they reached Nahedu.

  No. They couldn’t. It would ruin them both. To continue pressing their luck ran the risk of being caught. Even now she couldn’t be certain no one would notice her leaving Edric’s quarters.

  What time was it? The panic began to creep over her again, stronger than before, reminding her of all the things she needed to do. She wasn’t supposed to fall asleep. Her plan had been to come there, give herself to him, and then leave without a second thought. How could she have let herself lose track of time?

  It was simple, really. In his arms she lost track of everything. He made her feel alive. Free from the burdens placed upon her by the Ovatai as the daughter of the Chief. For that night she knew what it must be like for the Vor’shai. She couldn’t blame Sahra for desiring Edric. If Ovatai men were half as passionate as he was… Her eyes closed at the thought. It was hard to believe anyone could match his ardor.

  Sliding her hand away from his chest she felt him stir, grimacing at the thought of having to face him. She couldn’t handle it. Not right now. Her mind was too uncertain. If he woke up, she couldn’t guarantee that she would be able to walk out the door.

  Her plan had backfired. Coming to Edric was supposed to make things simpler. Somehow, through the course of a single night, she’d managed to complicate things significantly worse than she knew how to handle. This wasn’t a situation she was accustomed to. She’d never felt so lost at the thought of walking away from a man. And a Vor’shai! What was she thinking? She wasn’t. That was the problem. Her thoughts had been skewed by the desire she felt toward Edric. It didn’t matter how ludicrous the idea was to come there, her mind would have found a way to make it sound rational. Now she would be forced to face the repercussions of her mistake. If only she could get out of there before he opened his eyes.

  To her dismay Edric’s hand moved to rest on her arm, holding her to him, preventing her from slipping away. Tilting her head upward she caught sight of his sapphire eyes staring fondly at her through the darkness. “Neomi,” he whispered, leaning forward to place his lips softly against her forehead. Closing her eyes she tried to steel her resolve. She couldn’t look at him. She needed to avoid his gaze and find her way to the door quickly before he had a chance to say anything else. It would be better if he believed her insensitive than for him to learn that she harbored any deeper feelings than the lust he spoke of.

  Before she could turn away she felt his lips press against hers. Why was he doing this? He was making it so much harder than it needed to be. And what was worse was that she wanted it. She didn’t want to push him away and lose the pleasant, tingling sensation that filled her at his touch. They couldn’t stay there. Surely he knew that! But she wanted to. It would be so easy to lose herself in him and forget about the others and what they would think. Edric’s mouth gradually moved away from hers, planting kisses along the side of her neck. It felt too good. Almost sinful. She understood now why he had prayed to his goddess for mercy. But if being a sinner meant that she could spend even a few more minutes in his arms, she was willing to sell her soul.

  “I must go,” she breathed, managing to catch her breath, though she wasn’t sure how long she would be able to keep it. “We were not supposed to sleep. The others will wake soon, if they are not already stirring in the village.”

  Holding himself over her, Edric stared into her eyes, saddened to hear her speak of leaving while at the same time Neomi could see the understanding in his expression. He knew she was right. The problem was getting their bodies to work with their minds. “I don’t want to let you go,” he frowned, the despondency in his eyes growing. “I’m afraid I will wake up to discover this a dream. And if you walk out that door, there will be little hope for us to ever be together again.”

  “Was that not our intention?” Neomi asked, wincing inside to speak the words. She hated to sound so callous. It pained her to see the look on Edric’s face as she spoke, stricken, as if she’d driven a knife through the center of his heart and twisted it. But she had to do it. If she admitted her feelings out loud, there would be no going back. He would try to convince her to stay and she wasn’t sure she had the will to tell him no. “You knew going into this that it was to go no further. We were to satisfy our lust and part ways when the sun rose with the understanding that we would never see one another again once we reach Nahedu.”

  “That may have been your intention. If you recall, I told you I would not do this under those conditions. Based on your fervor, I was under the impression you might possibly desire more than what you initially proposed. Please, don’t tell me I was mistaken. Not now.”

  The anguish in his eyes was too much. She couldn’t bear it. Turning her head to the side she tried to avoid his gaze, feeling his fingertips gently pressed against her chin, directing her to look at him again. “Stop this,” she exhaled, struggling with her own emotions. She didn’t want to hurt him. It was never her intention to cause him pain. This was supposed to be nothing more than a ridiculous infatuation. Why did it torment her so much? It couldn’t possibly be anything more. She didn’t believe in such emotions. “We cannot be together. You know this as well as I do. Why do you make this harder on yourself than it needs to be?”

  “Harder on me?” he gasped in exasperation. “Do you mean to tell me you feel nothing? Did it mean nothing to you?”

  “Please, just get away.” It sounded more desperate than she was comfortable with. Anxious to be free from his tortured gaze she pushed him, scrambling to her feet in a rush, searching the floor for her discarded clothes. Why did it have to be so dark in there? She didn’t want to increase the light in fear of having to see Edric’s misery in more clarity while risking him witnessing her own. Her hands were trembling when she finally found her pants, pulling them over her legs with considerable difficulty. She needed to calm down. If Moinie found her like this, she would know immediately that something wasn’t right. When she walked out that
door, she had to be a perfect image of confidence.

  Tugging her shirt over her head she smoothed it out, making sure there were no signs of disarray. Everything had to be in place. If Moinie suspected anything, she would be on the lookout for tell-tale evidence of Neomi’s indiscretion. Through the darkness she could hear Edric moving. She needed to get out of there before he could finish dressing himself. It was too cold for his delicate body. He wouldn’t be able to follow her if she made it through the door before he was covered and protected from the chill. Where were her boots? Almost frantic in her motions she searched the room for the rest of her belongings, aware of Edric’s half-dressed figure following her in her frenetic attempts to get away from him.

  “Neomi, stop,” he pleaded, reaching for her, his hand brushing across her arm, barely letting her slip through his grasp. “You say these terrible things yet you refuse to look me in the eye. Why do you do this?”

  “I told you to get away.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what is going on inside that head of yours,” Edric demanded, stepping in front of her to block her path. Distracted by her haste she stumbled into him, a wash of panic filling her to feel his arms wrap around her, holding her against him, preventing her from creating the distance she longed for between them. She writhed in his arms, struggling in vain. Deep down she knew she didn’t want to break his hold. In a way she wondered if her subconscious worked against her in her failed escape.

  He was shivering. The bare skin of his chest remained exposed to the cool air, unprotected, feeling like ice to Neomi’s touch. It was convenient, really. Mingled with his own trembling, it was less likely he would take note of hers. “You have to let me go,” she whispered, her tone easing in her despair. She couldn’t keep up the act. The more she fought him, the more it hurt. She didn’t want to leave. The thought of walking through the door made her want to sit down and cry. To weep warm tears of sorrow in a way she’d never allowed herself to do. Ovatai didn’t cry. It wasn’t in their nature.