Brave

by Dawson, Zoe

  “I don’t want you to be my friend, Dakota.” Hoping he could see the absolute sincerity in my eyes.

  He laughed, and it was the perfect sound for what I’d just realized was Christmas Eve.

  “Tomorrow is Christmas. I have something for you, but tonight I want the gift of you. Will you give that to me? I’ve already done a great job of unwrapping you.”

  He laughed again and I let the sound wash over me.

  “I’m not sure I can find any condoms, Alissa.”

  “Yes, you can…unless you don’t want to make love to me.”

  He rolled against me and I felt the hard length of him. “Does that feel like I don’t want to? Only it’s been a long time for me.”

  “Feels like everything is working perfectly.” I reached down and smoothed my hand over him and he arched and thrust against my palm.

  “I’m afraid…afraid of the flashback, of that ugliness in my head.”

  I brushed my thumb against his mouth, my voice just a little uneven as I spoke. “You won’t think about it, not tonight, not when it’s my gift. You belong to me tonight, not to your demons, not to Elsa, and not to those bastards who mistreated you and hurt you so badly. We both have scars on the inside and out. But you belong to me now, and I’m going to take you. I want you so much.”

  “I told you I’m no hero, Alissa. I’m just a man…just a man.”

  “I know you are a man. You are so, so…brave.”

  “Brave? Do you really think so?”

  “Yes, and you taught me how to be brave. Tomorrow I can do what I came to do.”

  “What…”

  “Shhh,” I said, pressing my mouth against his, kissing him softly. “That isn’t about tonight. Tonight is about my gift of you. Just you, Dakota.”

  I felt raw and exposed, and at the same time it felt wonderful to experience those feelings while I was in his arms, the warmth of him surrounding me. A man who knew how to be vulnerable and strong. His muscles were hard, and I caressed the heavy ones on his arms and across his wide chest. He sighed against my temple, his mouth brushing at my hairline.

  “Wait,” he said softly and slipped out of bed. I let my eyes rove over him, and when he glanced at me as he rummaged around in the night stand drawer, he swore. “You’re killing me, babe.”

  He went into the bathroom, and I sat up so I could get the full view. He was magnificent, and I was nowhere near tired of looking at him. Hell, he was my Christmas present, and I intended to fully unwrap—and unravel—him.

  When he came back out, he held up the condoms.

  “Score,” I said.

  “You’re killing me, Alissa.”

  “You make me feel gloriously alive. Come back here and I’ll show you.”

  He snapped off the light, but there was a spark and a flare as he lit a candle. With a remote he turned on the carols we’d played while decorating.

  He set his knee on the bed and cradled himself in his hand, his eyes intense, smoky, his lashes dropping to half-mast over those gray, expressive, very direct eyes. He closed his eyes and emitted a soft groan as he touched the head of his hard-on. I couldn’t stand it. I reared up and cupped him, taking over. He groaned again, deeper this time, a rumble of pure pleasure in his chest and threw back his head as I slowly rolled the condom onto him.

  I couldn’t stop touching him, my hands rubbing up and down.

  “Alissa, I’m going to…ah…come…” his voice rasped and he had to take a ragged breath, grabbing my wrist. “…if you don’t stop touching me.”

  I let go of him, and he slipped back into bed, his skin gloriously soft, cool from the chill air in the room, but the sensation was invigorating. He looked down at me in the flickering light, his hand settling on my waist. With one smooth movement, he slid it all the way up my ribcage to my full breast and aching nipple. He squeezed my breast and rubbed his thumb over the hard, engorged point. I cried out when his hot, wet mouth captured the peak and he sucked hard.

  “Oh, Dakota,” I murmured into his fragrant, soft hair, rubbing my face against him.

  A furor started in my chest, escalating as he moved to my other breast and throbbing nipple. I arched my back at the exquisite torture, my breath heaving. I had never been so sensitized, so turned on, so needy.

  The mouth I loved to watch, those lips I had ached to kiss? He sure knew what to do with them.

  I tried to catch my breath, to force air past the frenzy as he rolled to his back and pulled me across his hips. My consuming need had control, and I was helpless to deny it.

  I folded down on him, as he caught me against him in a fierce embrace, crushing us together from shoulder to thigh, his stiff, pulsating hard-on against my slick heat.

  “God, babe, you feel so good.”

  I couldn’t answer him, couldn’t even say aloud how desperately I wanted him. All I could do was hang onto him, trying to surface above the heavy throbbing that threatened to swamp me. I wanted him now, needed him now. His hands clamped to my hips, he rolled his pelvis beneath me, his hold demanding, the feel of him wrenching a deep sob from me. A shudder coursed through him as he lifted me up, his biceps thickening with the heavy flex of his muscles. With a powerful, bone-melting move, he slid me along that hard ridge I ached to have inside me.

  His voice gruff and gentle, he soothed, “Easy, beautiful. Easy.” Inhaling deeply, jaggedly, he slid me again, supporting me. I watched him and the exquisite pleasure-pain on his face as it contorted.

  “That feels…so good, Alissa. Fuck, f-u-c-k.”

  And then his control slipped past the breaking point, and I watched Dakota’s eyes glaze and darken into a gray so breathtaking I couldn’t look away.

  He entered me in one powerful stroke, his hips bucking and mine as uncontrollable as his as I rocked against him to get the maximum amount of penetration.

  He breathed through clenched teeth as he pumped hard and fast into me, and the heat and energy of my rushing blood redoubled, and I cried out from the powerful throb of it.

  “Yes, tighten…ah…around…me. Oh, God, that feels incredible.”

  As the spasms eased, he began to move slowly, pushing me toward yet another peak. I dropped my head and met his mouth, savored his ragged breathing, his warm and wet and delicious lips.

  I pushed back up, placed my palms flat against the thick wall of muscle, then ran them over his hard nipples, my breath hitching with each stroke and roll of his magnificent hips.

  “Oh, Dakota. Oh, babe,” I whispered. He took a hard, shuddering breath and I emitted a low, tormented cry as he thrust deeply, once, twice—two long controlled thrusts was all it took—and the pressure splintered, my whole body convulsing around his, my clenching release detonating his. He groaned and the vibration buzzed the skin of my palms.

  He hung on to me as tremor after tremor coursed through him, but even with my frantic urgency, he was firm but gentle.

  I was trembling so badly that I had no coordination left. Dakota rolled me beneath him, still deep inside me. Enfolding me more securely in his arms, and even though I was nearly incoherent, I knew his only awareness was of me.

  No flashback and I felt triumphant.

  It took me a long time to surface from the blinding release he had given me, before I could ease my hold on him. Finally I was able to relax my frantic embrace, my legs slackening from around his waist as my strength gave way to a disabling languor. His rib cage expanded with a shaky sigh, and then Dakota cradled my head in his hands and kissed the curve of my neck, his mouth moist and warm against my skin.

  His voice was textured with tenderness as he whispered against my ear. “Are you okay?”

  Drawing a deep, stabilizing breath, I tightened my arms around his shoulders, my voice uneven when I answered, “Merry Christmas to me. Best present, ever! Or should I say best multiple presents, ever?”

  He threw his head back and laughed out loud, and I decided that Dakota’s laugh was about the best thing I’d ever heard in my life. It rumbled t
hrough his chest, and I sighed with the joy of being in his arms.

  He hugged me hard, folding me in a tight embrace, and I tucked my face against his neck, finally aware of how hard I was trembling. He held me for several more moments, then ran his hand up my rib cage.

  “You’re a treasure, beautiful.”

  “I beg to differ. You’re worth your weight in gold, babe.”

  “Calling me that made me jack off.”

  “Jack off…damn…you’re making me really hot again.”

  “I need a breather. I can only handle one present every hour or so.”

  “Okay,” I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him close, kissing the curve of his jaw.

  He gritted his teeth and swore. His body convulsed as he started to withdraw from me, and I clutched him, my breath catching as he pulled free. He let out a ragged sigh as he said, “Give me a minute.”

  I let him go and he kissed my shoulder, then loosened his hold and slipped out of bed. I heard the water run, knew that he was taking care of the condom.

  When he came back out I was already drowsing. He slipped his arms around me. “Beautiful,” he said softly, kissing my eyelids, placing kisses all over my face and lips.

  “I know that I’ve had twenty-two Christmases, but just now, just this minute, it feels like the first one. Goodnight, Dakota,” I said. “And Merry Christmas.”

  “Goodnight,” he replied “And, yes, this was most definitely the merriest Christmas, ever.”

  Chapter Ten

  Alissa

  I woke up Christmas morning, my body heavy with lethargy. Trying to shake off the last dregs of sleep, I stared vacantly at the ceiling, aware of the warmth and hardness of a slumbering man against my back, my own breathing harmonized to the even rise and fall of his chest. By touch alone, I knew that Dakota was sprawled on his stomach, his pillow pushed aside, his face turned toward me.

  I absorbed the feel of him against me and the rhythm of his breathing for a moment; then, careful not to disturb him, I eased up on one elbow and smiled at the sight of his face, and knew then that I would need that sight for the rest of my life.

  I raked my hair back off my face, then leaned against the carved headboard and realized all of a sudden that he’d probably carved it.

  I looked down at his peaceful face. Tentatively, I reached out and touched his hair. I drew my fingers down his cheek, fascinated by the faint, prickly stubble there, the burnished skin across his cheekbones. How exotically appealing a man could be

  He was lying with the sheet shoved down to his waist, one arm sprawled above his head, the other resting along the edge of the bed. The early-morning light angled across his exposed back, defining the hard ridge of muscles across his shoulders and up his torso, casting his deeply tanned skin in a patina of bronze.

  Faint white lines crisscrossed his back and I turned over my forearm to trace my own scars, a strange kind of protectiveness unfolding in me as I gazed down.

  We both had been bathed in the fire of strife, his brutal and terrifying, mine silent and agonized. But we were both here now, together against odds that I couldn’t even begin to fathom.

  And Charlie had brought me here. He’d been the catalyst that had led me to Dakota, to this closed, isolated, beautiful man. If it hadn’t been for that catastrophe, for the snowstorm that had stranded me with him, I might never have had Dakota to anchor my life. I would have just gone ahead and released Charlie’s ashes and never known Dakota was here. I didn’t want to think what would have happened to Dakota then. He was my lifeline and I was his. I might have missed out on everything that was so important to me.

  My throat tightened, but it wasn’t time yet. Charlie had given me permission, but it just wasn’t time. I had something to do, and this day would be filled with more than just a celebration of Christmas. It would be a celebration of life.

  Careful not to disturb him, I combed my fingers through the dark thickness of Dakota’s hair, gently drawing it back from his forehead. I had spoken the truth when I had told him that he was a gift to me.

  Absently fingering the silky strands, I stared off into space for a moment. All at once the world just shifted and made room, and I savored the feel of the man I loved. Knew there was nothing, absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for him. My heart opened up like a flower, blooming in the deep, cold of winter with a warmth that couldn’t be denied. This is what life was about. This is what it was meant to be.

  Reluctantly I slipped out of bed. Moving as quietly as possible and shivering a bit, I went to the window and looked out over the pristine whiteness of the snow. It was a beautiful, cold winter’s day. I saw the wind whipping the tops of the trees. Soon, I thought. Soon, you will be holding on to that wind like holding on to the tip of a tiger’s tail. Soon.

  A snowplow rumbled by. The pass must be open now and I could go home. But, so much had changed. I guess we would have to figure out where our relationship was going to go from here.

  I picked up my clothes, but when my hand fell on Dakota’s plaid button-down, I slipped it on with a minimum of noise, not wanting to wake him, because I figured that he hadn’t been able to sleep deeply like that in quite a while. I breathed deep of his scent, letting it fill me with light.

  The sensations came barreling back with a swiftness that made my legs want to buckle. Tipping my head back, I closed my eyes, the heavy, fluttery commotion in my chest compressing my lungs, making it nearly impossible to breathe. Memories and sensations overwhelmed my senses and clouded my mind, and I remembered the out-of-control need that had consumed us, recalled the feel of his mouth hot and hungry against mine, the feel of him moving hard and fast inside me. And I remembered the thick, pulsating spasms that had racked my whole body, the convulsive strength of his arms when he climaxed. And I remembered the last soul-shattering kiss he’d given me.

  My whole body responding to the sensory memories, I turned and weakly rested my forehead against the bathroom doorjamb. I rolled my head and looked toward the bed at his sleeping form.

  Groaning softly, I knew I was going to drive myself crazy if I didn’t suppress the erotic memories that claimed me. But my body still hummed from overstimulation and an unfulfilled ache that was going to be nearly impossible to ignore. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into Dakota’s arms and stay there for the rest of the day. Last night had been like a beginning. For the first time—for the very first time—every single emotional barrier had been down, and I wanted all that passion and wildness, that feeling of connection that had been everything. Everything. I only held something back right now because this was between me and Charlie, and I knew Dakota would understand. He would help me, but he just wasn’t part of this. There was only me and my deep and abiding friendship and love for my cherished Charlie.

  Steeling myself, I pushed away from the casing.

  Ducking into the bathroom, I pulled my hair back and twisted it up on top of my head in a mess of blond tresses. I shut off the light and went back into the bedroom. Pausing by the bed, I gazed down at him, a new wave of protectiveness stirring in me. Needing to touch him, I very carefully drew the sheet over him and smoothed back his hair. If only he knew how much I would need him today. My fingers still sensitized by the feel of him, I made myself leave him, silently closing the door behind me.

  I barely limped now, but I remembered his hands on my ankle, the look of care in his eyes, the skill of his touch.

  The cabin was cool and quiet, the faint tinkle of chimes dancing in the wind across the deck, calling to me.

  Soon, it whispered.

  Entering the kitchen, it was surprising how comfortable and at home I felt, here where he had cooked for me, carved for me, stared at me like I could be his world.

  I went to the counter and filled up the coffeepot with cold water, then poured it into the reservoir on the coffeemaker. I filled the basket with fresh grounds and slid it into place and flipped the switch, my mood mellow.

  The wind tink
led the chimes again, impatiently, and I glanced up out the kitchen window and thought I saw Charlie as real as the blinding brightness of the day. He waved to me with a beautiful smile on his face. My heart tightened and I smiled back at him, but I refused to wave. I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye.

  There was a sound from the doorway as Dakota entered the kitchen, and when I blinked, Charlie was gone. Dakota’s arms slipped around my waist, his mouth settled against the side of my neck and I felt tears prick the back of my eyes as I blinked rapidly.

  “Ah, that is quite a beautiful sight in the morning, Alissa.”

  “Me?” I said.

  “No, you making coffee.”

  I elbowed him and he laughed.

  I reached my arms back and caged his head. “Good morning, handsome.”

  “Mmmmhummm,” he hummed against my skin, breathing deep.

  “I just started the coffee before taking a shower.”

  “Want some company?”

  My heart caught a little at the hesitant sound of his voice. I sighed deeply, delving fingers into his hair, leaning heavily against him as he kissed the hollow of my shoulder. “I certainly would be so obliged if you could…you know…wash my back, and I’ll wash yours.”

  He buried his face against my skin and I slipped out of his arms, unbuttoning the shirt. I walked a few paces, letting the shirt slip off my shoulders. I glanced back and saw him standing at the counter dressed only in a pair of gray sweatpants. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the man could walk around half-naked all the time? The gray of his eyes was like a million shades of light and dark, shifting in a beautiful cascade of hue, like the subtle shades of gray in life. He lowered his lashes, pressed his hands against the marble, his face contorting, his chest heaving with such strong emotion. For a moment, I thought he was going to have a flashback, and I was ready and prepared for it and for a lifetime of healing if that was what it took.

  My heart clutched, the love for him filling every pore of my body. “Come on, babe.”

  He released the counter and strode toward me, his face set. When he reached me, he gathered me up in his arms and cradled me against his chest.