Let Me Go

by Michelle Lynn

  I straighten back up in my seat. “Thank you.” Did Rob ask me out on a date? I wrongly assumed this was just a friend thing. My heart skips a beat and butterflies fill my stomach that this was his step. He crossed over and allowed himself to have faith in me.

  Shock must fill my face because he chuckles. “I’m not always an asshole.”

  “Oh, no . . .” I try to somehow convey to him he isn’t an asshole. I imagine my eyes glossed over with stars bursting out of them from how happy I am that there is something more to us than just attraction.

  Thankfully, before I embarrass myself further, he has to pull up to the small red shed with a drive-thru window.

  “Hey Wild Card, what’s going on tonight?” A man in his fifties greets Rob while taking the money from Rob’s hand. He leans down to check through the window when he counts the money. “Oh, you got a lady friend with you tonight?”

  Rob looks my way and we share a look of amusement. “Yeah, I do.” He faces the guy again.

  “I’m hoping to be off to see you race at least once. Last week was just . . . fucking spectacular.” The guy continues priding on Rob. He nods, trying to appear cool and nonchalant, but the small sneak of a smile curling at the edges of his lips signals different. He’s clearly proud of his accomplishments here and he’s made a name for himself. Another side of Rob I’m guessing not a lot of people see.

  “Thanks, Jim. See you out there.” Rob shifts his car back into first gear and he’s ready to pull away when Jim places his hand in the car.

  “Hold up. FYI, Xavier’s here tonight.” Rob stops the car and tilts his head up to Jim.

  “When?” Whoever Xavier is, it’s clear this is not good news to Rob from the scowl across his lips.

  “About a half hour ago. The whole group of them.” A loud gruff escapes and his fist slams into the steering wheel. “Hey now. Talk to Dan, he’ll keep you guys separated until you race.” Jim brings out a walkie-talkie and presses the little button. “Dan, Wild Card just arrived.”

  A crinkling of static flows through the line and I can’t help but detect the tension encompassing the car now. A deep gruffly voice speaks over the talkie. “Tell him to go around back. Garage four. Tell him eyes forward and don’t start any shit until I get there.”

  Jim holds up the walkie-talkie, shrugging his shoulders. Obviously, Dan is the boss from the way he has both men willing to do what he instructs. “Got it. Thanks for the heads up, Jim.”

  Rob’s car zooms out of the gate and he roughly slams the brakes. As we wait in traffic to drive wherever Garage four is, he’s touchy on the break and gas, practically giving me whiplash. “Who’s Xavier?” I ask, because I have no filter and I’m a curious being.

  “Nobody.” He shakes his head. “Just someone that I don’t get along with. I know, shocker.” His head never spins my way and I stare out the window thinking I shouldn’t have come tonight. “When we get to the garage, I have to talk to Dan, but I’ll be right back. You can wait outside or if you want to, go to the bar and get something to drink.”

  I nod. “Okay.” I’m a little uncomfortable about the whole situation.

  He reaches over and grabs a hold of my hand. “After that though, I won’t leave you unless I’m racing. I just have to take care of this with Dan first.”

  “Oh, I can’t ride with you?” In my mind I was thinking I’d get to experience the thrill he does by just being a passenger.

  He shakes his head. “No.” It’s a short word with a lot of punch.

  We drive past the lit up strip of pavement with a huge crowd corralled with a gate and a girl excitedly climbs into one of the racing cars, obviously being a passenger. Thinking it might not be the right time for me to argue his rules; I remain quiet, searching the garage doors until number four appears.

  The garage door is open and Rob drives right in. A big burly man is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, staring us down as the headlights beam on his body. After he turns off the ignition, he faces my direction. I’m leaning down to grab my purse. “I’m sorry, Paige. If I’d known he was going to be here, I wouldn’t have brought you. I promise this won’t take long.” I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him so sincere. The guilt of him having to desert me is clear in his eyes.

  “It’s okay, really. I’m a big girl.” I plaster a smile on my face and he nods.

  “So, where will you be?”

  “Um . . . the bar?” I shrug my shoulders. I’m not going to stand outside like a moron with the groups of guys and friends all through the area.

  “Great. I’ll come and get you.” We each climb out of the car. He never introduces me to Dan, but instead they remain silent until I exit the building.

  The door shuts right after I pass under and I gulp, taking in the scene around me. The guy to girl ratio must be ten to one. Sporadic groups of people are huddled around cars as their engines roar to life. As I weave my way through the crowd over to the bar, I see a few guys check out my ass, one even hollering over to me, but I set my eyes on the light-up sign that says Bar. Upon walking in, it’s clear they took a garage and converted it into a bar. Distracting myself while I wait in line, I pull out my phone, noticing I don’t have much of a signal.

  Sitting at the bar with a beer in my hands, I take in my surroundings. Guys razz each other about whose car is faster and foreign terms that I assume are car parts are talked about. Competition is at max capacity around here, but there’s a friendly comradery at the same time. Then I spot Rob’s picture on the wall. There’s a corkboard with a variety of snapshots pinned to it. It must have been last weekend when Rob won. He has a trophy in his hands, but not much of a smile. More of a cocky grin, but his face lacks any enthusiasm for winning. Especially with how much he invests into this.

  “Xavier!” A girl screams and my eyes follow her direction.

  A red-haired guy looks up at her from the table in the back and shakes his head. “Fucking go, Mindy.” He reaches over to grab another beer the waitress just set down.

  “Just thought you’d want to know, Wild Card’s here.” Chairs slide out and people begin fleeing the small bar. I watch a creepy smile form on Xavier’s face while he stands up, leaving his beer in place.

  “About fucking time. Let’s get this show on the road. Show him the piece of shit he is.” He saunters out, swinging his arm around Mindy’s shoulders.

  Knowing I’ll get no information from Rob, I stop a blonde following the masses. “Who’s this Wild Card everyone wants?” This is my time to get answers from the questions I’ve accumulated during my short time here.

  She stops, scrunching her eyebrows at me. “He’s the best. The one to beat.”

  She begins to bolt but I lightly tug on her elbow. “Who’s the Xavier guy?” I ask and her lips crinkle in annoyance from my questions.

  Looking back and forth between the people leaving and me, she stays grounded. “Xavier and Wild Card have history. They don’t like each other. Wild Card disappeared from the scene for years until last year.” She leans in closer, her eyes flitting around. “I heard Xavier just found out Wild Card won last week. He made the trip up here just to beat him and hopefully make him disappear again.” She backs away and I don’t understand all the animosity, but I’m fairly sure this girl doesn’t either. “The feud has been going on for five years or something.” She shrugs and walks out of the bar.

  I assume part of this is gossip, but from the reaction at the pay gate to Rob meeting some Dan guy, to now this, there’s a lot more to this story than what the gossip rings know.

  Quickly my feet move to catch up to the crowd, but my phone dings. When I stop walking to check it out, it’s from Rob.

  Rob: I’m about to race. Watch me from the stands. I’ll be the one in the lead. ;)

  More confused than ever, I follow his directions and as soon as I hike my way over to the drag strip, Rob’s engine roars and he’s positioned at the start line. What the hell is going on? Who is Xavier? What’s the beef between the
m? I came here tonight to figure out answers on Rob when in fact all I have, are more questions.

  FUCKING PUNK-ASS XAVIER. If this is what he wants, I’ll give it to him. Hand him five of his guys looking at my taillights until he’s man enough to climb behind the wheel and beat me himself.

  First, I’ll make my presence known and race this guy who thinks he’s cool just for having the opportunity to go against me. He’s a punk just like I was years ago. I glance over to him, and his cockiness is admiring. In the deepest part of his heart he believes he can beat me. Which would make him a Goddamn hero around here. Hate to burst his bubble, but he doesn’t stand a chance. He’s way too jumpy on the throttle, but I admit, Daddy bought him a nice car.

  “You ready?” Dan peeks into my window and I nod. “You do know your plan might mean you don’t have a car to ride home in.” I gently massage my dash, showing faith in my Stang even if Dan thinks she might not make it through all the races I just stacked.

  “I have faith in her, she’ll get me home.”

  He taps his palm on the open window frame and walks over to start the race himself. The first race and win will be a telling sign to Xavier and his thugs, stay the fuck away, I’ll ruin you. Xavier never learns and even when I beat him to the finish line tonight, he’ll spout some crap. Lies about that night, and that’s exactly the reason I need to grab Paige and get the fuck out right after I cross the finish line. She can’t hear the shit he’s going to spew. The lies with minuscule truth will have her looking at me differently.

  The guy next to me roars his engine, and we inch up to the start line. Dan stands in between us in the cage, glancing both ways. I nod; my feet and hands in position to nail this guy from the start. Dan shoots his hands back and my wheels slide to the right before they grip the pavement. Once they do, I’m out and well into the lead. Since it’s a Nitrous free night, I don’t have to worry about him pressing a button and jetting ahead of me. By the time we pass the line and I ease up on the gas, I’d say the race was too easy.

  Circling around, I head down the return road and spot Paige by the fence. She’s smiling and clapping with all the others. This warm sensation encompasses my stomach watching her cheer for me. Swallowing it down, I face forward and screech to a stop. Xavier stands in my way. I swear his red freckles are merging into one. His legs spread apart as he stares me down through the windshield.

  I throw the car into park and open the door. Dan and two security guys hike through the grass to reach us, frightened we’re about to start a brawl. I’m not that stupid, it’d be me against five, not to mention Nora would probably pounce on my back too. Nora comes alongside Xavier, and the torment in her eyes isn’t hard to miss. God, seeing her is like a knife in the damn stomach. Especially here, right after I raced. I ignore Xavier and concentrate on her long red hair, just like Carly’s.

  “Rob.” Nora goes to step forward, but Xavier stops her, placing his arm across her stomach.

  “Asshole. Why the hell are you back in our business?” At this point the crowd’s interest piques and a perimeter begins to form around us.

  “Your business?” I cock my head. “Is this your track?” I glance over to Dan who’s holding out to see how this unfolds and goes down before getting heavily involved. “Did he invest in the drag track, Dan?” I sarcastically ask and Dan laughs along with a few others in the crowd.

  “You know what the hell I meant. This isn’t your scene anymore, remember?” Does he really believe his wide receiver shoulders are really going to scare me?

  “No.” I stay firm. The guilt of what I did to them still lingers inside of me, but Xavier isn’t going to bully me from racing.

  “Let’s race for it then,” He plays right in to my hands.

  “Perfect.”

  “If I beat you, you don’t race again around here.” I contemplate what scene he actually means, but I go with it, asking no questions. Xavier and I were constantly competitive with one another. Attending rivaling schools, the hatred was bred in us from a young age. Add in both of our cocky personalities and neither of us had a chance of overcoming it.

  “Fine.” I widen my legs and cross my arms over my chest just like him. “Let’s go.” I back step to my car, laughing inside because he’s so predictable by doing exactly what I knew he would.

  “I’ll see you in five minutes.” He walks over to me and I don’t allow the smirk to run off my face. Intimidation is key.

  “Don’t do anything illegal to that car of yours, X. You’ve never been good at hiding things.” I drop a dig to him, reminding him of the time in high school when he thought he was being sly and then got his ass kicked for illegal oxide in his car. He should recall how I saved his ass that day when three huge guys were on top of him.

  “Fuck off.” He shows how easy it is to get a rise out of him. Never has taken much.

  “Let’s just go.” We stare each other down. The same green eyes as Carly is disturbing, but he doesn’t need to know that.

  Dan comes up to us and we both give him our attention. “You have a half hour before race time.” He turns to me. “Go back to your garage and you,” He points to Xavier. “Go wherever the fuck you want, but don’t think about starting one damn thing, got it?”

  Xavier nods because Dan is intimidating as hell. He’s only about five eleven with a gut and a beard. He just has that exterior, mess with me and your ass will get kicked one way or the other. Since I’ve been coming here the past year, and it’s outside of Xavier’s normal tracks, he’s the outsider this time. Maybe not to the racing community, but to this track he’s the foreigner.

  Just as I’m about to climb back into my car, Paige comes alongside of me. I sense her nearness before she appears in my vision. Maybe it’s the hushed crowd of X’s friends. Maybe it was Xavier’s furious eyes, or Nora’s broken ones. It could have been her fruity smell that stirred in the wind. She’s here now and I’m not sure how I explain who Paige is without guaranteeing I’ll get a fist in the face from Xavier.

  The small entourage Xavier brought with him from our small town stares over at her and I keep my cool. “Who’s this?” Xavier’s voice practically shakes from the amount of anger I’m sure is boiling through his veins. From the corner of my eye, I spot Nora stepping forward and her eyes are fixed on Paige.

  Paige sways into me a little and her hand finds mine, making Nora’s eyes follow and she releases a small gasp. “Robbie?” Nora asks and all I hear is Carly’s voice. My throat constricts and that persona I’ve perfected, begins to crumble. When I don’t reciprocate Paige’s hand holding, she draws it back and crosses her arms over her chest. Fuck. My past and my present are way too close in this moment. “Robbie?” Nora asks her unanswered question again, and my eyes fly up to hers. It’s not resentment or anger; it’s curiosity. Damn, she sounds just like Carly and that thread keeping me together frays more.

  “This is Paige.” I finally release the lump in my throat.

  I watch Xavier appraise her up and down. As though comparing her to Carly, which she’s Carly’s polar opposite, with the dark curly hair, tall figure with olive skin. He and Nora examine her as Paige’s breathing picks up to a rapid pace. She’s not an idiot, her mind is probably wheeling to figure out the clusterfuck I dragged her to tonight. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have brought her. There’s a reason I never mix my past with my current life.

  Reaching over, I link my hand with Paige’s because I can’t stand feeling her anxiety next to me. It was my faulty decision bringing her here. She doesn’t deserve to feel more alone than I’ve already made her feel tonight. “She’s my friend.” I answer the question truthfully.

  Leaving out that although your sister haunts me, this girl standing next to me is taking up space in the same heart I gave your sister. To tell Xavier and Nora that I’m scared beyond control that she’s going to make it her own just like their sister did.

  Neither speaks a word and I squeeze Paige’s hand to comfort her in this awkward situation. Xavier mov
es to wrap his arm around Nora’s shoulders. Isn’t this the way it all went down? They found comfort in each other and I was the lone wolf standing in the shadows.

  “Let’s go guys. We’re causing a backup. If you want to get to the track, you have to move.” Dan claps his hands and the action wakes everyone back up from the despair I just brought on.

  Nora’s eyes flicker alert and she spins around, walking steadily into darkness. Xavier gives Paige and I one more glare and then jogs to catch up to her.

  After they’re out of my sight, Dan and his guys descend down the grass and I turn toward Paige. “I have to get my car going. You are welcome to join me in the garage.”

  “Rob.” The plea in her voice doesn’t surprise me, but I can’t lose my shit right now. Which is exactly what will happen if I tell her who Xavier and Nora are. That they’re the brother and sister of someone who I have a very twisted past with. Carly and I both hurt each other five years ago and there will be a time when I’ll have no choice but to tell Paige, but tonight isn’t it.

  “Please. Not now.” I blink and glare up to her, my own eyes begging her to let this go. If I were her, I’d tell me to fuck off and never speak to me again.

  Her hand withdraws from mine and she clenches them at her sides. “Um,” her timid voice crushes me. I brought her here for a night of fun and that’s dredged up my haunted past. “Why don’t I grab us some food and I’ll meet you there?” She tries to smile and act reassured, but her mind is working overtime.

  “Great. They have awesome burgers.” I dig in my pocket for my wallet, but she shakes her head.

  “I got this one.” Her lips curl just barely.

  Not wanting to piss her off, I don’t argue her paying, knowing I can take care of it before she gets to the bar. “Thanks.” There’s a lull and silence between us. For the first time, her presence makes me uncomfortable. She’s finding out too much about me, and I’m thinking I need to shut the gate before I lay it all out for her. “Don’t forget, garage four. If you need me, call, okay?”