Let Me Go

by Michelle Lynn

  Her face beams when I snatch her glass and link our beer bottles through my fingers. “You are entirely too hot not to be on the dance floor.” I escort her to the small dance floor in front of the stage. The DJ has come on now that we’ve finished our set. Everything inside of me screams this is a very bad thought, but I push it aside, because I want her too much in this moment.

  Call it What you Want by Foster the People begins to play and Paige swings her hips immediately, dancing over to me. She grabs her beer from my hands and takes a long swig while she seductively peeks up at me through her thick lashes. My own hips move as I take a long and slow swig from my beer. She’s tempting as hell and I’m not even sure Chrissy wedged between us would get me to stop from taking her tonight.

  Before I can even try to resist her, she’s straddling my leg and my free arm is wrapped tight around her waist as she grinds herself against me. Fuck. Her hand rests on my neck and she leans back, still swaying to the beat. All I have to do is bend down and her tit would be in my mouth. Well, over clothes, but who the hell cares. If I didn’t have this beer in my hand, I’d splay my hand down the crevice of her tits. Instead I down another sip, trying to keep my big boy downstairs calm, but thoughts of chords in the song isn’t working. He’s coming really close to full salute.

  She steps away and instead of being happy with the reprieve, I only break the distance back toward her, flipping her around and grinding my now substantial bulge into her ass. She leans back, her hands cupping my ass as she grinds me into her more. My face nuzzles her neck; damn she feels so good in my hands. My hand lands on her chest and I swear her heart is beating so fast it’s going to pop out of her chest. As the song dwindles down, and she inches away, I yank her back. “Paige,” I sigh and she stays planted in my hands.

  My lips land on the back of her neck and her shoulders scrunch, signaling I just gave her goose bumps. Fucking addicting. She doesn’t speak a word, or move. Our bodies are molded together and as much as I don’t want to let her go, I do. She flips around and immediate hurt reflects back to me. That beaming face is now laced with confusion. When her hand reaches out for me, I step back. I can’t idly stand around, waiting for her to crush my heart.

  Fleeing to the back hallway, I’m about two seconds from the back door when a hand grabs my wrist. “Rob?” I turn around and she doesn’t let go of my arm.

  My hands land on her cheeks and I press her against the wall. “Fuck!” I scream and the couple making out in the corner scurries off.

  Her own hands cover mine and we stare into each other’s eyes. So many true and honest feelings laying out in the open between us. I can’t . . . I can’t refrain any longer.

  “Kiss me,” she pleads and my lips crash down to hers. I pin her to the wall and her hands wrap around my waist.

  My tongue dives into her mouth, not asking permission. She quickly joins me and I thrust into her, digging as deep as I can. Unable to quench my thirst for her, I continue to devour her mouth. My whole body begs to finish this at our place, but my brain overrides, and I tear away.

  Stepping back, I brush my thumb along her swollen and quivering lips. “You’re beautiful,” I whisper and a small smile crosses her lips. Heat smolders out of her eyes and there’s no doubt I could have her right here and now if I chose.

  She remains quiet as I step back until she realizes what I’m doing. The flicker of awareness hits her eyes and she inches forward, her hand grasping for me. “I can’t. I’m sorry.” I turn and flee out the back door.

  “Rob,” she calls out, but I never turn around.

  I climb into the van and roar it to life. Just as I’m about to shift it into gear, Paige swings open the passenger door and plops down next to me.

  “What are you doing?” My hands fall in my lap and I peer over to her. She needs to let me be, I’m not ready to show her how raw I am inside.

  The wanton side of her has left, leaving me with, from what I can tell of her rigid form, anger. “You’re not going to do this.” She pins me with her eyes.

  “Do what exactly?” I’m not sure why I’m even entertaining this argument. She should be happy I didn’t do to her what I did to Jessa and make-out with another girl in front of her.

  She snaps my way, her whole body facing me now. Her eyes are blazing and not in a good way. “Do you think I want to have feelings for a guy who probably fucked every girl in there?” She throws her hand in the direction of the bar. “Do you think it’s easy for me to fall for a guy who’s pleasured three-fourths of Western?” She inches forward toward me and I back up to the window. “But I do.” She pokes her chest hard. “Rob, you are the last fucking person I should want, but it doesn’t change the fact that you make my body a trembling mess every time you get close.”

  I scowl at her long and steady. “Get out, Paige.” She straightens her back, grabs the seatbelt and fastens it.

  “Nope.” She pops the ‘p’ like she always does when she’s trying to display her stubbornness and presses the lock button. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Suit yourself.” I throw the van in drive and spin the tires out of the alley. The tires screech when we hit a red light and we both fall forward. “Just because you like me, doesn’t mean the feelings are mutual.” I live up to my lying tactics. She’ll only push me harder if she finds out how it’s not only my body that yearns for her, but my heart too.

  She turns her head in my direction and shakes it, narrowing her eyes. “Screw off, Rob. You know you do.”

  “Would I like to fuck you, hell yeah, but because of Chrissy I’m keeping my distance. But hey, if you want to fuck, I won’t be opposed.” My bastard side arises in pure glory.

  “Oh my God!” Her screams hit a high octave. “Why do I even try with you?” Her hands fly up in the air and her fists clench.

  “Don’t confuse lust with love.” I turn into our driveway, parking the van on the side of the detached garage so I can escape in my Mustang and leave her here.

  When I park the van, I throw her the keys and hop out. “See ya.”

  Once I circle around the van, she’s already there, widened stance with her hands on her hips. “You can’t live like this forever. Constantly stashing your feelings away.” I continue to dodge her boxer-style body weaving in front of me on the way to my car. I never guessed she’d be one to fight for me. Jessa maybe, but she didn’t, because in the end she knew I wasn’t worth it.

  “I’m not pushing shit.” I remove her hand from my arm as she keeps trying to get me to turn around.

  A breath of relief flows out of me once I’m at my car door. My hand grips the metal handle, but she rushes past me and slams the door shut. “Paige.” I warn her, my eyes boring into hers.

  “No. Tell me. What haunts you, Rob?” She keeps pressing and I need her to stop before I lose my shit. Turning around, I tug at my hair and bend down on my knees.

  “Please, I’m begging you, Paige. Let it go.” I speak to the concrete floor because I’ll cave if I look in her concerned eyes that show her soft spot for me.

  She places her hand on my shoulder and bends down to my level. “Who is Carly?” she whispers and the image of the accident replays in my head. The one point twenty-seven seconds of hell. I shake my head trying to forget the memory. The body lying on the stretcher, her screams and sobs echoing in the night. Dead silence filling the air before the screeching sirens blared down the deserted road. The heart-wrenching ambulance ride, holding her limp hand in mine while the paramedics tried their best. The confusion of understanding what they were all talking about. The loneliness in the hallway while the body got wheeled away into a life support helicopter. My body collapsing in the waiting room chair, the grief that racked inside of me. Reliving the moment in my head only angers me.

  I pick up my head, water welling up in my eyes. “Is this what you want Paige? You want to see how weak I am?” I rest my head in my hands again and she drops to the ground, reaching for my hand, but I move it away.

 
“You can trust me, Rob.” Her voice flips to a sweet caress.

  Unable to allow her to see me as a wimp who can’t hold his shit together, I keep my eyes fixed to the concrete, but the selfish side of me allows her hand to remain on my forearm. It feels too damn good. Confirming what a selfish prick I am.

  “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay.” She scoots a little closer to me and silently sits there.

  Buckling up from the outburst, I force back my tears and rest my head on the wall of the garage. She’s quiet; her hand slowly grazes back and forth on my arm. Right over my tattoo of Jessa’s lips. Seriously, what a bonehead move that was.

  This is insane, allowing Paige to witness my unfolding. I need to grab my emotions and chuck them in the damn Cuyahoga River. In Rob fashion, I divert.

  “You want to go get a tattoo?” I ask her, jumping up and brushing my ass off.

  “What?” She cocks her head, confused by my complete change. “I’m sure you aren’t going to get in.”

  “I know the guy. He’ll squeeze me in.” I swipe my keys off the garage floor and turn her way. “So?” I ask and she stares at me wearily while rising to her feet.

  “Um.”

  “Are you coming?” I pull my phone out to text Jed over at Zen’s.

  Her eyes dart everywhere in the garage. “Sure.”

  I swing the keys around my pointer finger and head nod to my car for her to climb in.

  Once she’s securely next to me, my phone beeps back from Jed. I smile over to her, waving it in my hand. “See, connections, baby. It’s all about connections.” She remains quiet, staring at me and my body as it falls into the seat, almost embarrassed by my see-through veil of arrogance. “I give him a lot of business,” I relent, the real reason Jed is available whenever I am.

  Her eyes scan over my arms covered with tattoos and her lips curl at the corners. “I can tell.”

  ROB’S COCKY MASK exhausts me. I’m not even sure why I’m sitting beside him while he drives over to the tattoo shop. Maybe I’ll walk home, or hitch a ride from someone. Sitting there while the fake persona he’s mastered so well brings laughter to other people, I’ll know I’m right. That my assumption there’s something hidden, he shares with no one lingers so far down, I’m not sure he can retrieve it.

  I felt his desire for me all over my body at Ace’s. It was there, he wanted me as much as I wanted him. The fact that when I asked him to kiss me, his lips smashed down so hard on mine, my head almost smacked against the wall. Then Rob showed that he’s not all about himself. His hands cupped my cheeks, making sure my head stayed in place. Which is probably a reason I’m in the car with him. That, and my body refuses to leave the close proximity of his.

  He’s so relaxed in his seat as he leans back with his hand resting on the gear shift, moving it back and forth while his foot presses the clutch. There’s something oddly sexy about a man who drives a stick shift. Rob drives it with such finesse, my core tingles with every movement. Only making me question how good he would maneuver me in bed. There’s another reason I’m here.

  As my mind races with the million unimportant tidbits that float around my brain every day, we park along the curb. Everyone knows Zen’s in Western. The first tattoo place along a row of a few newer shops. They’re the go to place and if you can’t get in, you try down the street. Smart move on the second best parlor’s part on joining Zen’s location.

  “It’s busy,” I say, noticing the chairs that line the window packed as well as some people hanging around outside.

  “Don’t worry.” He climbs out of the car, moving around to my side. I open my door before he gets a chance and I notice his shoulders slump that I didn’t allow him to do a gentlemanly act. Happiness spurs inside of me that he wanted to.

  He recovers quickly, by shutting the door. I barely hear the beep of his lock before we’re in the parlor and I’m following him to the back of the building. Huffs and moans release from the other half-drunk patrons waiting.

  “That’s Rob Winters,” a girl says to another and my head whips around. Is he really that well-known around here? Then I notice it’s more than some fan girl; she works here and is explaining it to someone else. “He has a standing appointment,” she continues and the other girl shakes her head.

  “Of course he does,” the young girl crosses her arms and plops down in the chair.

  “Paige!”

  I flip back around and find Rob yelling from the back. When I notice him, he waves me over and I zigzag through the stations trying not to accidentally bump anyone, or anything. Just the embarrassment if I messed up something permanent on someone’s skin heats my face.

  When I reach Rob, I notice a few private stations lined along one side of the hallway. Is this where the no one knows tattoos get done, or the discrete piercings happen?

  “I lost you.” Rob’s arm weaves across my waist and I’m alarmed by the intimate squeeze.

  “Oh.” I feel every one of my limbs stiffen. Not because I don’t like his intimacy but the fact he shifts moods faster than his car on that drag strip.

  He removes himself and guilt racks me because I can’t stop wanting to make his face look like a boy on Christmas morning. So, when his eyes turn down, I inch forward fast and snatch his hand up. He glances back, a smirk across his face. “Jed’s waiting.”

  He tugs me down the hallway as black curtains forbid me to see what the buzzing devices are marking on skin. Once we’re fourth down, Rob steps back to allow me to enter first. A long black vinyl bed sits along a wall with only a doctor-type stool and a small rolling tray next it. There’s no extra chair, and I bite the inside of my cheek wondering if I should have stayed out front.

  Before I have any time to second guess my decision, a big burly guy plods through the curtained-off room. He’s probably six-three, broad shoulders, goatee and piercings popping out in numerous places. If I was in a dark alley, I’d most likely turn and bolt. Then a wide grin splashes across his face and that intimidating, scary as hell figure, turns teddy bear with only the shining of his teeth.

  “Jed!” Rob welcomes him into the room with a boisterous chuckle.

  “What’s up, asshole?” Jed shakes his head, making his way over to the station. “You decide now to cover up your dumb ass idea?” Although his words aren’t friendly, his demeanor is. “Don’t be shy, buttercup; take a seat next to asshole.” He points to the spot next to Rob and I step over. Once I’m seated down, he rolls over on the doctor chair. “I’m Jed.” He holds his hand out to me and I see something tattooed on each knuckle, but I can’t catch it all before he pulls away.

  “Paige,” I meekly say, sounding way too mousy between these two guys with larger than life personalities.

  “Pleasure.” He winks his brown eye and scratches his goatee before rolling back over to the cart, assembling his station. “What the hell are you going to cover it with?” He turns, crossing his leg over his ankle, resting back against the wall.

  I turn toward Rob and his eyes flicker to mine before back to Jed’s. “I have no fucking clue. I just think it’s time that it’s gone.” My eyes scan Rob’s arms and I spot the lips next to the guitar.

  “Drunken night of stupidity?” I ask, easing back against the wall.

  Jed starts laughing and points to Rob. “Not this one. He was sober. Fucking idiot.” He turns to me. “Are you virgin?

  “Excuse me?” I know guys like him can be forward, but this is a whole new level for me.

  The crinkles around his eyes lift. “Shit, sorry. I mean your skin.”

  “Are you asking me if I have a tattoo?” I clarify and Rob chuckles next to me.

  Jed nods. “Yep.”

  “Maybe I’ll entice you after tonight.”

  Rob swings his arm around my shoulders, urging me into him. “You hitting on my girl, here?”

  “Is she yours?” Jed’s eyebrow cocks up and Rob turns his eyes my way.

  “Yeah,” he says and my heart hammers against my chest.


  “Shit, then. Sorry.”

  “That’s alright. Any suggestions on the cover up?” Rob releases me and I cross my legs on the bed, trying to dissect why I didn’t argue his claim.

  Jed and Rob talk logistics of designs while my mind races with Rob’s meaning. It will be the first question once we get out of here, that’s for sure. To correct him in front of Jed felt wrong. Maybe because I like the idea of being his girl? Or my lack of interest in Jed. I mean, he’s not bad looking, just more bulky than what I prefer. I glance over at Rob and my teeth automatically bite down on my lip from how attractive he is. Those glass eyes, lean muscles mixed with the unruly black hair. From the moment I stepped out of my car and Rob’s eyes pinned me with lust, I was addicted. Completely, obsessed with the flutter in my stomach from his smoldering eyes on my body. During the past weeks, I’ve dressed for him, pranced in front of him, all on purpose. All to bring those eyes that entice the feelings of a sexual want inside of me. Why? When I have no chance of winning his heart—only his cock.

  Before I have a chance to focus on what’s happening, Jed’s gone and it’s only Rob and I in the small room. Not about to lose my chance to confront him, I shift my body to face him. “Why did you tell him I was your girl?”

  His shoulders shrug as he tucks his phone back in his pocket. “I didn’t want him to hit on you.”

  “Oh.” I face the curtain, hoping for Jed to re-enter and free the tension.

  “You aren’t going to ask me why?”

  “Why?” I still don’t turn to face him. There’s something I can’t see in this moment on his face that I can hear in his voice.

  “Look at me.” My head slowly twists and his eyelids are hooded with anxiety. “I’m not going to deny I like you, Paige. I do.” My heart soars out of my chest that he’s actually admitting the feelings we’ve both been denying. “But . . .”

  “But?”

  His lips turn down at the corners.

  “Yeah . . . but I’m not the one for you. I have a past that I haven’t made peace with and it’s not fair to put you in the middle of it.” His back straightens and he shifts his jaw back and forth. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have led you on.”