“I can’t let you do that.”
“I lied to him. And I want to say I’m sorry. I need to say I’m sorry.”
I drag a hand through my hair and sigh heavily. “There are rules, Skye. Protocol…”
“Rules? Like the ones you broke? The protocol you ignored?”
“That was different.”
“No, Gabriel, it wasn’t. We crossed a line…”
“I fell in love with you, Skye.” I’ve said it now. It’s out there, so she might as well know that I mean it. That I love her. I fucking love her.
She looks down and she shakes her head. “Please don’t say that.”
“It’s how I feel. And I’m done with the lies now.”
Her head shoots up and her eyes lock with mine. “It isn’t fair, telling me that shit, when one day – and that day’s going to be soon – you’re going to walk out of that door and you won’t be coming back. Do you have any idea what that feels like? To know I’ll never see you again? You were the only thing that got me through the shit Cole laid on me, do you know that? Yeah, I shut down, I became immune to his constant visits, but you were always there, in my head…”
“Skye…”
“You were always there, Gabriel. But I can’t have you, and it hurts, because even though I’m messed up and damaged now, the only thing I’m sure of is that I fell in love with you, too. And I don’t know when it happened, I just know that it did. But I can’t have you. So we shouldn’t even be talking about this.”
I go over and sit down on the edge of the bed, and this time she doesn’t flinch away, she doesn’t even move. But she doesn’t reach out to touch me either. And that’s something I’m not going to push.
“Cole has a video of us, Skye. Of us…”
“I know. That night, he broke into the house, just after you left…” She drops her gaze again. “That’s when he threatened me. Said if I mentioned anything to anybody about him knowing what I was, he’d expose me; expose us. He’d tell everyone I was working for you, what I was doing…”
“What did he want, Skye?”
“To bring Mack Slayer and the Soldiers down. He wanted his territory back. From what I can gather; from what he said, he’s always resented the fact Mack and his club had landed there and taken over, or at least taken some of the power away from him. He wanted it back, and he saw me as a way of making that happen.” She looks up at me again, and her eyes are cold; lifeless, almost. “He told me to carry on as normal. Say nothing to nobody, but I couldn’t do that anymore. In the end, I had to say something.”
“Did he say what he was gonna do? I mean, if you hadn’t said anything, if everything had just carried on without you telling us, do you know what he was planning to do?”
“He was setting them up. He didn’t have any intention of turning up to help spring Dominic Blane from that van; him or any of his men. And that’s what happened anyway, wasn’t it? I should’ve just kept my mouth shut…” She trails off and turns her head away from me.
I wait a few beats, just to make sure she’s OK, before I get up and make for the door.
“Gabriel?”
I turn around and face her. And this time she just looks sad. And this whole fucked up mess just breaks my heart.
“I need to see him. Theo. I need to see him.”
I breathe in deeply and let out a frustrated sigh. She shouldn’t be going anywhere near him now. But maybe seeing him will help her come to terms with everything we made her do.
I want to help her.
I want to love her.
I can only do one of those things…
Chapter Twenty
Theo
The door opens and I look up as Agent Franks walks in, followed by Skye. And the second I see her it’s all I can do to keep the look of shock off my face. She seems tired, worn down, her hair pulled back from her face in a high ponytail making her look younger than she really is. She’s wearing jeans, Converse, and an oversized shirt, and as she sits down in front of me she can barely meet my gaze. But I want her to look at me, right into my eyes. I want that.
“I’m so sorry, Theo.”
She finally raises her gaze and our eyes lock, and I see so much regret in hers that it pulls at my heart and grips my gut to the point of real, physical pain.
“For what it’s worth. Because I know it… it means nothing. It’s pointless. I lied to you, knowing what was going to happen to you…”
“You had no choice, Skye.”
“I always had a choice. I was weak, that’s all. I couldn’t – didn’t want to take the punishment I deserved.”
“What did you do? To get yourself messed up in all this crap?”
She turns her head quickly and looks at Agent Franks, who’s standing at the back of the room with his arms folded. He narrows his eyes and slowly shakes his head and she turns back to face me.
“You don’t need to know. Just know that – that you weren’t the only one who made one, stupid mistake.”
“But they offered you a way out of yours, huh?”
“She hasn’t come here to be interrogated, Theo.” Agents Franks’ tone carries more than a hint of warning. And I look at him, and then I look at Skye. Her eyes are down on the table, but I can sense something; an atmosphere. And I think I know what’s going on now. Why she was never going to reciprocate anything I’d started to feel for her. There was something going on between her and her handler. Special Agent Gabriel Franks. I can see it; the way he looks at her, it’s obvious.
“In the beginning it was OK, y’know? Because I didn’t know you. I didn’t care about you, I just cared about getting through this, and then getting out.”
She raises her gaze once more and her eyes are verging on hard now. There’s a barrier she’s pulled right up around her, and I don’t even want to think about what that asshole Rockwell did to her to make her this way.
“In the beginning it was… it was OK. But then I got to know you. I wanted to get to know you, Theo…”
“Because of who I was? Or because you needed me to open up to you so that they…” I jerk my head in the direction of Agent Franks, “could get as much information as possible?”
“I said, she isn’t here to be interrogated. She shouldn’t even be here at all, so take this as your final warning.”
Agent Franks’ voice has an edge to it now, and there’s a reason for that. He’s trying to protect her, he doesn’t want her put through any more crap, but I need to know some things. I need to know. And Skye, she says nothing for a couple of seconds, but she holds my gaze steady, and I can see something in her eyes now, that regret, it’s coming from her heart, I truly believe that.
“I didn’t want to hurt you. The times I wanted to tell you to run, to get out of there…” She drops her head and her eyes are back down on the table, and I look up, and Agent Franks’ eyes are on Skye. He wants to pull her out of here, I can tell. He didn’t want her to come and see me in the first place, he told me as much. Said he couldn’t allow it. So I can only assume that Skye asked if she could see me. And I’m grateful for that, because I needed to see her. I needed to look into her eyes and know that she really was sorry; that she really does regret what she did.
“I should’ve told you sooner, about Cole knowing who I was, what I was doing. I should’ve told you, and I should’ve made you run.”
“Skye, come on. I think that’s enough now,” Agent Franks says from the back of the room, but she ignores him.
“I should’ve done that.”
“Would it have made a difference? Would it have changed the way we were?”
She slowly looks up, and this time her expression is one of slight confusion. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I asked you to run with me, remember? I wanted us both to get out of here, start again…” I look over toward Agent Franks, and he narrows his eyes further as he meets my gaze. “Yeah. You heard me say that, right?” He doesn’t respond, and I turn my attention back to Skye. �
�If you’d told me everything; if you’d told me the truth, if you’d done that you’d have all but thrown your chance of freedom away, so, would that have made a difference? You would’ve had no choice, really, but to run. If you’d done that. If you’d told me the truth. So, would that have changed things? Would you have come with me?”
She cocks her head to one side, and despite all the crap and the mess that surrounds us now, all I want to do is cup her cheek, pull her toward me and kiss her. Kiss all the pain and the past away. But I don’t think she was ever going to let me do that. Because she’s in love with the man who should’ve been protecting her.
“I might have done,” she whispers, and it’s my turn to drop my gaze because I don’t think I really wanted to hear that. I wanted to hear her say there was never any chance that we could have been together, because hearing that there could’ve been; might’ve been – that hurts like fucking hell. “I’m sorry, Theo. I really am. If I could go back…”
She stops talking, and she turns her head and looks at Agent Franks again.
“If I could go back…”
“I’m going to prison, Skye. And it isn’t your fault, OK?”
She turns back to face me, and she looks right at me. “Isn’t it?”
I shake my head and I want to reach out and take her hand, just to feel her touch me one more time but I don’t even make an attempt to do that. I can tell from her body language that she’s extremely guarded now. I don’t think she’s the same woman I last saw, before that bastard Rockwell put his hands on her.
“It was your fault I got caught. But I did the crime, Skye. I killed that man, and I was never gonna let my brother sit in a jail cell for something he didn’t do. And I know he’s no saint, he’s been in and out of prison for most of his adult life, but he didn’t kill that man. I did. And I deserve to pay for what I did.”
“What about Mack? And Izzi?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything about anyone else…”
She turns and looks at Agent Franks, but he doesn’t acknowledge her question.
“All right. That’s it, that’s enough. Time to go, Skye.”
She faces me again.
“I know it isn’t going to change anything, Theo. But I really am sorry, I need you to know that. And you can choose to believe it or not, but, I’m telling you the truth when I say that I really did care about you. In the end.”
What can I say to that? That it went way beyond caring for me, in the end? That I fell in love with her? Would have done anything for us to be able to get away from this place and start a new life together, because we could have had that. We really could’ve had that. And just the thought of what could’ve been tears me apart.
“Yeah. I cared about you too, Skye.”
She gives me a small smile, and again I want to reach out and take her hand and just feel her skin against mine one more time. But she’s up and out of her seat before I have a chance to take another breath. And I watch as she walks to the door, and Agent Franks opens it for her, and I notice he isn’t touching her either. No hand in the small of her back to guide her out, no gentle, reassuring squeeze of the shoulder, nothing. And I’m guessing that Cole messed her up so bad that any man touching her right now is something she just isn’t ready for.
“Skye?”
She stops in the doorway and turns around, and for the final time our eyes lock.
“I’m sorry, too.”
She holds my gaze for a couple of long beats, and then she leaves the room, and the door closes behind them, leaving me alone. And I drop my head into my hands and know that I’ll never see her again.
She’s going to get a new life.
So am I.
And I’m not sure either of them are ever going to be the same again.
Skye
“How long is he going to go down for?”
Gabriel stops and looks at me, and he has an almost exasperated expression on his face. “I don’t know, Skye. And it’s not something you should really be worrying about. You need to concentrate on yourself, because soon you’re gonna be out of here and on your way to a new life and Theo Blane – there’s gonna come a time when you won’t even remember who he was.”
“You really think I can forget all of this just like that, huh?”
“I didn’t say it was gonna be instant. But you don’t have a choice, you can’t ever come back here. People are gonna be looking for you; Cole’s people, Mack’s friends, Sam’s acquaintances, because taking those men out of play also means we could’ve halted all manner of deals that might have been going down; pissed off people they had business ties with…”
“A huge knock-on effect, right?”
“Right. There’s a lot of work to be done to pull this all together, but we’ve got the people we wanted, for now. Who’s to say there aren’t others we’ll eventually drag down with them?”
He smiles at me, but I don’t smile back. I don’t feel much like smiling.
“So you can’t ever come back here, Skye.”
“I know.” I fold my arms and walk back toward my room. “Do you know when I’ll be getting out of here?”
“As soon as they have everything in order. And as soon as they think you’re OK to leave.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’ve been through a tough time, Skye. And I don’t want to send you out there if you don’t think you can…”
“Handle it? Is that what you were gonna say? He kept me prisoner in a room for a couple of days, assaulted me a few times, threatened me every time he brought food or water… it was a couple of days, Gabriel. I’ll get over it.”
I walk into the room and he follows me, although I’m wishing he’d leave me alone now.
“You really think that, huh?”
I turn to face him, narrowing my eyes as he kicks the door shut behind him. “Think what?”
“That you’ll get over it. You think you’re over it now?”
“I’m getting there.”
He comes over to me, and he reaches out to touch my arm and I yank it back like I’ve just been given a massive electric shock. “Yeah. You’re getting there, just like you said.”
I don’t miss the sarcasm in his voice.
“You won’t – you can’t let anyone touch you, Skye. Not even people you trust.”
“I’m gonna be fine, Gabriel. I just need to get out of here. I need to be some place where I can start again and put all of this behind me.”
“Does ‘all of this’, as you put it, include me?”
I back up against the wall, my arms still folded and I know it’s a defensive stance. It’s meant to be. “Why should that matter? We can’t ever be together so, yeah. I suppose it does include you.”
“You can’t go through the rest of your life letting what he did to you affect everything.”
“I don’t intend to.”
I’m putting up that barrier again, but I need to do that. I need to become hard, to be able to deal with what lies ahead now.
“But do you ever think that the real reason I don’t want you to touch me, Gabriel, isn’t because of what Cole did to me. It’s because… it’s because you touching me…” I turn away, I can’t look at him, it’s too much now. The reality is really starting to kick in, and all I can hear is the clock ticking, time counting down. “If you touch me, I don’t know if I can do this. But I know I have to.” My eyes meet his, and he moves a little closer to me, which I don’t want him to do, but at the same time I don’t stop him. “I have to.”
He’s right in front of me now, so close I can feel his breath on my face and I look up into his eyes and I know what he wants me to do. He isn’t going to touch me. He’s not going to do that. But I can touch him. If I want to. And he’s giving me that option; that choice. I just don’t know if I can, if I want to. If I should.
I lift a hand and I slowly bring it to his face, and I feel my breath catch in my throat, my chest tighten as I run my fingers lightly ove
r his beard, resting them against his mouth, and still he makes no move to touch me. He’s giving me the power, the control. He’s leaving this in my hands. Could I really have walked away from him without saying goodbye?
“I love you, Skye,” he whispers, his gaze steady, and I feel like someone just punched me so hard it knocked all the breath right out of me.
“Don’t, Gabriel, please…”
“I love you.”
“That isn’t fair…”
“And I’m so sorry for everything we put you through. I said I’d keep you safe. I promised nothing would hurt you, and I broke that promise…”
“Gabriel…”
“But you’re gonna be OK, Skye. And that’s a promise I’m not gonna break.”
I stand up on tiptoes and I close my eyes and I kiss him. Just a small, brief brush of the lips but it’s enough to make me realize how much it’s going to kill me when I have to leave him behind. But I need to say goodbye. If I don’t, I’m going to regret it. So I lean into him and I kiss him again, and this time he responds, because he knows I want him to. He slides a hand around my waist and he pulls me in closer until his body touches mine, and I bury my fingers in his hair and I press myself against him and I let him start to wipe away all the things Cole Rockwell did to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to completely erase them, not yet, but he’s helping me make a start.
It’s a deep, soulful kiss. A beautiful, slow kiss, but it’s also a final kiss. A goodbye kiss. And as he pulls away from me I feel a strange kind of grief wash over me. Everything I ever knew, my entire past, that’s got to go. And Gabriel has to go with it.
I have to start again.
And even though he seems to think I can do this, I’m not sure that I can.
But we’ve come full circle now. And just like before, I have no choice…
Gabriel
“Hey, Gabriel, hold up.”
I pull the door of Skye’s room shut behind me and Phil falls into step beside me as I head toward my office.
Bound (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 3) Page 21